Summer Healing Moon
Spent part of yesterday morning moving books, unloading the old IKEA shelves so that Jon can install my new birch shelves. The loft finally feels poised to move from stacks of books, boxes of art, rows of bankers boxes to a finished space. It won’t happen this week, probably, but very soon.
Having my library in boxes or in stacks on the floor has made me feel claustrophobic. I can’t stretch out, find the books I need, the knowledge I need. It’s difficult to express, but I’ve developed a working environment that fits my peculiar needs; and, it’s been unavailable as a whole since we decided to move late April of 2014. That’s a long time.
There’s a building excitement for me as I can see it together again. Sure, family is critical. Friendships are essential. Travel, the arts, going out is fun, even necessary. But also core is work. Not work in the get ahead, I want to be successful and rich sense, but work as an expression and fulfillment of your unique Self. In work that ability to draw, to do math, to invent new machines, to sing, to dance, to heal, to create quilts, to write, to learn flows out into the world as a new creation, a gift the universe needs, a giving back to the source of our life.
I need to work, now as much as ever, and I’ve felt blocked for months with the move, selling the Andover house, settling in and the emergence of medical problems that have to be dealt with. In this last instance the tomorrow wall has blocked me, too.
I’ll say again that the tomorrow wall, which stops my imagination at around July 8th, has forced me to stay in the here and now of doctor visits, decisions, settling in matters. A good thing. But, it will need to come down. It has become a Berlin wall between me and my work. With the changes underway in the loft I can feel it begin to crumble.