Ostara and the Ovid Moon of Metamorphoses
Thursday gratefuls: Kate. Swedish. Infectious Disease docs. Dr. Nguyen. Jewish Family Services. Diagnostic tests. Nurses. The Mountains. Kep and Rigel. Friends and family reaching out. Sunny days.
Sparks of joy: Kate, even in her struggle. Second vaccine for me today.
Kate’s situation could take a turn, perhaps toward death, perhaps toward a somewhat better tomorrow. This infection, MSSA, could push her in either direction. If she goes to a rehab facility for the long duration IV antibiotics she requires, that might finish with her gaining some weight and having enough PT to walk on her own again. If instead she returns home with in-home health care in addition to me, I think she’s moving toward hospice care.
MSSA, in her weakened condition, and with her immune system hammered by both drugs and Sjogren’s, may prove too much for her. She is strong of will, though, and has pulled through worse in her post-bleed recovery in 2018.
Rigel, our big girl, defeated MSSA, and has gone on to a full recovery. She was much stronger than Kate is now, however. Weird that we have it twice within the same year. Rigel’s illness was in August of last year.
How am I, you might ask? I told Marilyn Saltzman yesterday that I’m sad and joyful. I learned you can experience more than one emotion at a time, even contradictory ones. A deep and persisting sadness set in over two and a half years ago when I saw Kate begin losing weight, fighting against Sjogren’s disease. It got more profound after her bleed.
I’ve gone up and down with her health over that time, sadness a constant companion. A signal that I took her situation seriously.
Joy? Oh, yes. Often. When Rigel prances in from outside. When I write this blog. When Kate’s feeling better and we can talk, play cribbage. Each time my PSA is undetectable. When friends and family communicate. When the sun rises. When it snows. When I got my vaccine, when Kate got hers. When Trump lost the election.
Today. Sad. Waiting for news. At 6:10 pm I’ll be joyful as the second Pfizer vaccine hits my bloodstream.
