All posts by Charles

Aging, Far Right, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Politics

An Overly Medicalized Life

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Mabon and the Harvest Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Close friends Tom, Paul, Mark, Bill, Alan, Tara, Marilyn and Irv, Rich, Ginny and Janice, Luke. Shadow. Artemis. Rain, Rain, come again. Monsoons. Yes. Cool nights. Days of Awe. Mark with the Camels, Goats, and Sheep. In Hafar. The Burger King at the U.N. “…it was foreign affairs journalist Ishaan Tharoor who captured the larger story of Trump’s speech. “A senior foreign diplomat posted at the U.N. texts me,” Tharoor wrote, “‘This man is stark, raving mad. Do Americans not see how embarrassing this is?’” quoted by Heather Cox Richardson

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Long, cool Rains

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Yirah. Awe and Wonder

Tarot: Five of Pentacles, (Druid Craft)

  • Endurance of personal hardship: The card focuses on the endurance of the solitary journey through a desolate landscape. The message is to face and acknowledge the difficulty of the situation rather than ignore it. 

One brief shining: The five of pentacles recommends facing and acknowledging the difficulty of my situation rather than ignoring it; sound advice, I’d say, yet when the situation requires constant acknowledgment, persistent recognition a resilience fatigue can-and at times-does manifest, a weakening of resolve, of the head down, keep pushing attitude I try to maintain.

 

The Burger King and the U.N.: Hangs head in shame. In case you haven’t seen this, I’m appending a youtube collection* of clips from his remarks at the U.N. Thanks, Mark.

“I hate my opponents. I do not wish the best for them.” DJT at Charlie Kirk’s memorial service. “Out of control migration is ruing your countries. Your countries are going to fail.” Speaking to representatives of the world’s nations at the U.N. “I’m really good at this,” he said.

Dear leader needs to get on a heavily armored train, build a bridge across the Bering Sea, and go visit his buddy Kim Jong Un whom he praised to South Korea’s President during a recent visit. Then we can blow up the bridge and leave him in the Hermit Kingdom.

 

Feelings: A long gauntlet of medical matters. Next week the lidocaine injections that will guide the nerve ablations two weeks later. Four appointments in all. On October 8th a P.E.T. scan to see what might have caused my PSA to move up a titch. Follow up appointments with my pain doc and my medical oncologist.

When these matters have been handled for now, I plan to move on to the neck brace for my wobbly head. Also, Maddie has follow-up calls with Panorama Orthopedics about my torn labrum.

At times, like last night, I push myself into a dark corner. I compare myself with others my age, what they’re doing with their lives. Tom and ESI. Bill and his present moment approach to life. Paul with his hospice work, political organizing, and Maine Humanities Council. Mark visiting his friends, working on his art. I’m not doing anything comparable.

That sends me into a tailspin. Not self-berating, rather a wistfulness for the time when I had the energy to get out there. Sadness about the truncated, overly medicalized life I’m living. That’s why the message from the Five of Pentacles lands with a thud.

 

 

Aging, Family, Far Right, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Holidays, Judaism, Politics

Teshuva

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Mabon and the Harvest Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: Shadow’s regression. Her sweetness. Cool, Rainy, Dark morning. Rosh Hashanah. L’shana Tova. The beauty of Shadow. Rain. Sweet Tomatoes. Great workout yesterday. Working out. Prolia. Bone health. Tramadol and acetaminophen. Yum. Beavers, nature’s engineers. Lodgepoles. Aspen gold. A Mountain Fall well underway.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Fourth Wing

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Yirah. Awe and Wonder

Tarot: #17, The Star

  • Connection to intuition: The imagery encourages listening to your inner guidance. In the Druid Craft deck, this is an act of “coming home to yourself” and being true to your core essence.
  • Renewed purpose: This card can signal a deep spiritual awakening or a renewed sense of purpose. It reminds you that you are connected to the greater cosmic and natural world. 

One brief shining: Rain has pelted down overnight, the Air cool and moist, temperature in Artemis down to 55, outside the comfort range for Tomato ripening, the Rain though, the Monsoons, have given us surcease from Fire, made the Mountain Meadows and Lodgepole covered slopes green, and given the Aspens reason to respond to its Midas touch.

 

Tarot and Rosh Hashanah: Teshuva, often translated as repentance, is the main point of the Jewish new year. We greet the new year with a soul refreshed and cleansed. I prefer the word return as its translation.

In that sense of teshuva the major arcana of the Star correlates well: “an act of “coming home to yourself” and being true to your core essence.” When we perform teshuva, we return, as one sage put it, to the landscape of our soul. To do that we have to clear away the schmutz, accretions to our self that block our nefesh soul from shining through.

Nefesh, buddha nature, true self. Who you are as an extension of the sacred. Your core essence. I love that the Star showed up for me on the 1st day of Rosh Hashanah.

I’m coming to believe that my life as I live it now is my core essence. Time with family and friends. Intentional conversations each week with those I love. Seeing the ancient friends on Sunday morning. Reading. Studying. Playing with Shadow. Co-creating with Great Sol, the soil, and Artemis. Living in the Mountains. Living a Jewish life through mussar, the men’s group, Talmud Torah, saying the Shema, touching the mezuzahs, celebrating holidays. Also through my many friendships at CBE. Writing Ancientrails. My ancientrail.

In other words my teshuva snaps me back to this Shadow Mountain life. One lived with kavannah, intention, connected to the past, alive to the present, accepting of the future. A good feeling and one on target for this 5786th Rosh Hashanah.

 

Just a moment: We need to call out red tie guy’s lies. At every opportunity. No tip toeing around this Burger King tyrant. Kick him in the shins each he says crime is out of control. Each time he says stealing money from the poor to give to the rich will make America great. Each time he demeans transgender folks. Each he claims the insurrection was a peaceful protest.

No Kings. October 18th.

The left Reverend Dr. Israel Herme Harari

Far Right, Garden, Great Wheel, Politics

Free Speech. Unless.

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Mabon and the Harvest Moon

Monday gratefuls: Mini-splits. SnowPack Pizzeria. Aspen Perks. Conifer Cafe. Spice Ranch Fusion. Primo’s. Oyama. Three Victorias and Three Garcias. Brooks Tavern. Golden Styx. Thai 202. Safeway. King Sooper. Stinker’s. Ace Hardware. Wicked Whisk. Ripple. Big R. The Borgata. Natural Foods. Liks. Subway. Colorado Furniture.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Mabon/ Erev Roshanah

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah:  Yirah. Awe and Wonder.

Tarot: Nine of Wands, (Druid Craft)    “The landscape: In contrast to the figure’s fatigue, the landscape behind her is green and fertile, often with a river or body of water. This represents a sense of hope and the promise of new life, suggesting that the struggle is nearing its end and the rewards are still protected.” Gemini

One brief shining:  The darkness remains long and longer, Mabon marks the day when we have darkness and daylight in balance, a halfway point to the longest night, the Winter Solstice, and a Wiccan holiday marking the main harvest that told the fate of the village in the fallow time beginning at Summer’s End.

 

Mabon: The Fall Equinox. A moment of equal light and dark. The growing season at an end. Combines in the Wheat fields of Nebraska and Kansas. Corn Pickers in Iowa and Indiana. Combines, too, in the Soybean fields. This is the Big Ag that has taken us out of balance with the practices needed for healthy soil and adequate water.

Artemis, sown late this year, in July, has already yielded Cherry Tomatoes, Roma Tomatoes, Kale, Spinach, and Cucumbers. Her Carrots have sprouted well, too. I harvested enough Tomatoes, Spinach, and Cucumber for a first Salad. It takes some discipline not to eat the Cherry Tomatoes. So sweet.

Mabon can help us remember the need for organic gardening and farming, for regenerative farming, for perennial grains and other food crops. No till farming. We can only continue to harvest from Mother Earth if we treat her well. May it be so.

 

Just a moment: Free speech. Unless. It criticizes Charlie Kirk. Or, the Burger King. Or, his manipulation of the military into roles for which it is not intended. Or, his elimination of the food insecurity report done annually at the Dept. of Agriculture. Or, his firing of the head of the Bureau of Labor Statistics for numbers he didn’t like. Or, you’re a court jester on a late night TV show who dares make people laugh at his expense.

This, my friends, is real and true tyranny. The suppression of speech. Not to mention the Burger King’s weaponizing of the Justice Department to go after his enemies. His enemies, yes, but servants of the truth when seen from another perspective. Dictators punish their enemies, tailor information to make themselves look good, and govern by whim. Red tie guy ticks all these.

How has he gone so far, so fast? First, shamelessness. No act too mean, no decision too cruel, no choice too dangerous. Second, a movement conservative agenda printed in advance in Project 2025. Third, minions who preen and praise no longer offering analysis critical of our dear leader.

No Kings on October 18th. Remember.

 

 

Ancient Brothers, Colorado, Friends, Holidays, Judaism, Mountains, Park County, Photography, The West, Wild Neighbors
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Erev Mabon and the Harvest Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Shadow, my sweet girl. Kate, always Kate. Ruth and Gabe. The gathering darkness. The Siddur for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the Machzor. Nylabone. Kongs. Artemis, ripening Tomatoes. First salad soon. Talmud Torah. Red tie guy. Burger King. His paper crown. Ruby. The boiler. The mini-splits. The Fireplace. All ready for fall. And, winter.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Aspen gold on Black Mountain

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah:  Yirah. Awe and Reverence

Tarot: King of Pentacles, reversed (Druid Craft)  It indicates a need to loosen up and take responsible risks to grow.  Gemini

One brief shining: Plucking ripe Cherry Tomatoes, taking in the Plant’s earthy, acidic perfume, popping them into my mouth, tasting the sweetness no store bought Tomato can deliver makes the expense and fuss of Artemis more than worthwhile, it makes it an ordinary miracle.

 

Judaism: The Siddur, order of service for the High Holidays- Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur-weighs in at 1200 plus pages of prayers, psalms, poetry, Torah, blessings, and much more. The first written service siddurs came into existence in the 9th century, but it took the invention of the printing press to accelerate their use in most synagogues.

We studied a parsha from Deuteronomy used on Yom Kippur and a major prayer, the Amidah, yesterday morning at the bagel table. Rabbi Jamie, Ginny, Luke, and me.

As I’ve written here before, I’m more of a Sukkot, Simcha Torah, Passover, Shavuot,  sorta Jew. More focused on the strong linkage between earth-focused holidays that celebrate the harvest, Sukkot, or spring planting, like Passover, and the long tradition of their celebration within Jewish communities over thousands of years.

Yet. Modern day Judaism focuses a bright light on the Days of Awe. This year I plan to attend outside services for Rosh Hashanah, possibly Yom Kippur. See what the contemporary focus means. I say possibly for Yom Kippur because its two days coincide with the lidocaine injections for my ablation procedure.

 

A few photographs from the Beaver Dam trip:

 

Ancient Brothers, Cinema and Television, Friends, Mountains, Park County, The West, Wild Neighbors

Finding the Beaver Dam

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Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Shabbat gratefuls: Tom. Three Victorias. Their deluxe burrito and their sopa de albondigas, or meatball soup. Beavers. The MIT mascot. Their Pond up Park County Rd. #60. Burning Bear Creek Trail.  North Fork of the South Platte River. Golden Aspen. Small Beaver dams. A really big Beaver dam. Colorado back country on the way to Kenosha Pass and South Park.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Beavers

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Yirah. Awe and reverence. The days of Awe, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

Tarot: Seven of Wands, reversed (Druid Craft) “It may be time to seek support from others or connect with your community instead of going it alone.”   Gemini

One brief shining: Tom’s rental, a fire engine red Buick SUV, signaled each dip and ridge in Park Country Road #60 as he drove us through Hall Valley alongside the fast running North Fork of the South Platte River while I looked for the Beaver felled Aspen stumps that would show me when to look for the Beaver pond turnoff. Saw them.

 

Tom’s visit: Psst, buddy! Wanna see a really big Beaver dam? Tom and I had finished our breakfast at Primo’s, trying to decide what we might do next. He liked the idea of seeing the Beaver dam, about forty minutes further along Hwy 285 on the way to Fairplay.

We drove through Bailey commenting on the Sasquatch Center we had visited the last time we ate at the nearby Cutthroat Cafe. I mentioned again the faux pas I made there. I’d asked the guy at the counter if anyone believed this stuff. An hour and several blurry jpeg’s later I had my answer.

The Platter River Canyon, carved out by the North Fork of the South Platte, has broad meadows and tourist cabins, an Orvis Approved Dude Ranch, and the Santa Maria YMCA camp. Near Grant is the Shaggy Sheep restaurant where I’ve often eaten. Beyond Grant a few miles is Park County #60.

A while back I wanted to hike the Burning Bear Creek Trail, as much for its name as the trail description. I missed the trail head but kept driving because Hall Valley had beautiful stands of Aspen and Lodgepoles, the North Fork of the South Platte, and a view of a Mountain Range in the distance.

A good ways in I began to notice the stumps of Aspens with the slanted, tufted sign of Beavers at work. At a nearby parking lot I turned in and saw the largest Beaver dam I’d ever seen. Guess it had to be big because the North Fork runs strong.

Tom and I stopped there, too. Finding smaller dams along the way, Beaver water roads, and stands of dead Lodgepole drowned by the expansion of the Pond.

 

Just a moment: If you haven’t seen Comedy Central’s Daily Show in a while I highly recommend season 30’s episode 102, aired on September 18, 2025. In it Jon Stewart and cast skewer the cancel culture promoted by red tie guy, aka The Burger King. I paid $.77 to watch it. Best entertainment spend in a while.

Ancient Brothers, Health, Politics, Seed Keepers, US History

A Paper Crown Burger King

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Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Friday gratefuls: Tom. His visits. Our friendship. Indivisible. Scott in Minnesota. Paul in Maine. Standing up to the tyrant and his Zombie Mean Guys. Jimmy Kimmel. Comedy. Comedians. Concentration camps. Alligator Alcatraz. Shadow, her patience last night and this morning. Artemis. Her Kale. The Cucumbers. The Tomatoes. The Carrots, Spinach, and Beets. Salads. Well, maybe two salads.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Old, deep friendships

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Derech Eretz. The way of the land

Tarot: King of Swords, (Druid Craft)  “The King of Swords upright signifies intellectual power, authority, and clear-headed judgment, rooted in strong ethics and a connection to nature.” Gemini

One brief shining: The No Kings mobilization on October 18 gathers Seed-Keepers across the country-Ginny and Janice at the Genesee Overpass, Scott in Minneapolis, Paul and Sarah in Maine-millions over against the rise of the zombie mean guys and their tyrant don who’s really just a Burger King with a paper hat from a fast food restaurant.

 

Just a moment: I’m feeling the power begin to percolate upward, the No Kings’ map available on their website has those early days of the anti-Vietnam protests vibe.

Checked out where it began. Oddly, it looks like Boulder and a guy named Carlos Álvarez-Aranyos who founded a group there called American Opposition. If you look at the partners page on the No Kings website, you’ll see it’s grown way, way past that initial effort. Other notable groups involved are Indivisible, Moveon, and 50501.

October 18th, the next mass gathering across the country, will be, I imagine, massive. As these will need to be, so the longer term work of rooting out the rotten core of movement conservatives now engaged in shredding our derech eretz, the way of our land, and attempting to replace it with medieval authoritarian governance that brooks no difference and no opposition, can flourish.

The 18th is two days after my last ablation. I hope I feel good enough to head over to the Genesee Overpass for our local event straddling I-70. Ginny and Janice went the last time. If you can join the event in your area, you would add one more body to what must become a pyroclastic cleansing of the Donald’s illusion that this is his country. Nope. It’s ours, too.

 

Tom’s visit: Breakfast. Conversation. Nap. Dinner. Conversation. Sleep. Old guys, old friends. Together. Again. Still.

Health:  Some thoughts on cancer. Cancer does not change the journey. That is, the journey from birth through life to death. It only illuminates a possible game ender if, as Kristie said, the disease runs its course. Could be something else. A car accident. A fall. Heart attack. Stroke. In that significant sense cancer has no more valence in anyone’s life, including mine, than any of the numerous ways we can, as my father use to say, shuffle off this mortal coil. Not sure he knew he was quoting Hamlet. Probably did.

This goes along with another observation that nothing can be finally determined as either bad or good. The ripples, the tendrils snaking out from any one particular event require seeing it not only as it seems in the moment, but how it impacts contiguous and/or future events.

Sure, the second election of Donald Trump was a disaster, a catastrophe for our republic and a focused blow to our democracy. However, his reign as a paper crown Burger King will clarify for his opposition what America means. What’s worth fighting for. It will cause other nations to form new alliances, become stronger than they were when the U.S. was world hegemon. It may even disclose ways in which we need to restructure, rethink our government.

He may be a disruptor and a weasel, but he. does. not. control. us.

 

Far Right, Health, Politics, White Supremacy

Rise of the Zombie Mean Guys

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Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Thursday gratefuls: Tom. Here. (I think.) Ruth and her chemistry test. Gabe and Gabe knowledge. Maddie. Palliative care. Shadow and her toys. Aggressive chewers. Artemis and her children, headed for a coming frost. The attempt to ignore the first amendment. A world changing so, so fast. Labrum tears and steroid injections. Back pain relief coming in October. Golden Leaves among the green. A Mountain Fall.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow’s head on my pillow

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Derech Eretz. The way of the land.    “A natural, moral order that exists independent of formal Torah law. This is reflected in the saying, “Derech Eretz preceded the Torah,” and speaks to the innate decency that human beings should possess.”

Tarot: #4, The Lord, reversed. (Druid Craft)

Abuse of authority
This card can signal that someone is abusing their power, whether that’s you or another person. The positive, protective authority of the upright Lord has become a negative, domineering, or overly critical force. This person may be a tyrant rather than a strong leader.
 
 

One brief shining: The reversed Lord read the newspaper this morning, the suppression of free speech by censoring Jimmy Kimmel, the cancellation of Stephen Colbert’s show, the promises to “take down” liberal organizations like the Ford Foundation and the George Soros Open Societies Foundation; he’s signaling the Rubicon of tyranny crossed with deliberate, feral intent. 

Health: Maddie, my palliative care nurse, drove up from Westminster yesterday. I like that at least every other visit with her is in person in my home. Like Dr. Josy, the in home vet. Ha.
 
She’s a sweet person. A Hoosier from da region, that cluster of hard blue collar cities and steel mills tucked up in the extreme northwest corner of the state. When I recounted sister Mary’s line: “Living in Indiana is like living in the Deep South without the benefit of a warmer climate,” she laughed and said, “Oh, that’s so true!”
 

Maddie believes I’ll get good relief from my nerve ablations and the Butrans patch. May it be so.

 

Just a moment: A chill. No, a near absolute zero blast went down my spine when I read about Jimmy Kimmel pulled off the air indefinitely. Talk about unamerican. Roger Cohen and Joseph McCarthy and Father Coughlin have risen from their graves. Ain’t no grave that can keep their vile opinions down.

 

Rise of the Zombie mean guys. Only this time, this second coming of nativist, white supremacist vitriol has the power of a “unitary” President, a self-castrated Congress, and a toadying  Supreme Court. How will we ever climb out of this well of despond?

 

A serious question. First, by not forgetting who we are and who we can still be. Seed-keepers who hold the promise of a welcoming, caring nation. Second, by taking those actions that we can to stand up, right now. To make as clear as possible that this is our country, too. That we will not capitulate, will not bow down in anticipatory obeisance.
Far Right, Politics, Sport, White Supremacy

After the last immigrant has left the country

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Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Tom. Rascal. Paul. Findlay. Morning darkness. Cold morning. 36. Hail protection on Artemis. Shadow and her new puzzle. Her morning kisses. Maddie, coming today. Carol yesterday. The Sloan-Kettering trial. The killed comforter. Lashon hara. Words matter. Nerve ablation next month. P.E.T. scan. The never ending thrills.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Maddie

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Derech Eretz. The way of the land, the essential human decency that came before Torah.

Tarot: Five of cups, reversed. (Druid Craft)

  • Finding opportunity in setbacks: You are starting to see the value in what you have learned from a painful experience.
  • Open to help: You may now be more willing to accept help from others.

One brief shining: Learning the lesson of accepting help, hard for this head-down, push forward in spite of guy, leaning on the kindness of friends for rides to procedures, appointments does not come without cost and does not come without reward, a cost in changed self-image, the reward understanding it needed to change.

 

Sport: Ohani. A baseball player for the ages. Our Babe Ruth. This Japanese pitcher, yes, that’s right pitcher, just hit 50 home runs in consecutive seasons. He hit number 50 last night against the Philadelphia Phillies. Whadda guy.

Though I’ve never taken to baseball the way my nerdy, statistics oriented son did, I’ll admit in this year, this particular year, a sport in which violence does not feature, in which all team members contribute, one where fans sing songs during the seventh inning stretch, and a sport, like basketball, home grown and oh so American appeals to my need for something of this country that makes me smile.

Just a moment: The Wrath of the already Wrathful. I fear we’ve entered a new, even darker phase of this already far too long presidency. Retribution. Vengeance. Punishment. We may as well have a dominatrix as our leader, one who sees the rest of us as masochists who delight in pain, grin at affliction.

As my friend Paul observed, protesting may carry a new risk. A president and Justice Department and an FBI without a moral compass. No longer constrained by such delicacies as the Bill of Rights, such niceties as habeas corpus. No longer held in check by the courts. Buttressed at times by the National Guard and the U.S. military.

Concentration camps: “Based on internal agency documents, overall detention capacity is projected to increase significantly. One document from July 2025 reported plans to add 10,312 beds through no-bid contracts alone. This was part of an effort to increase overall capacity to at least 100,000 beds” Gemini on beds for immigrant detainees to be added by building new facilities, opening shuttered prisons, and adding capacity like the tents for up 5,000 at Ft. Bliss (get the irony here?)

Here’s my question. Once the last immigrant has been detained and the last flight for South Sudan or Venezuela or Ghana has left the ground who will fill up those freshly empty beds?

Given the state of play after Charlie Kirk’s assassination? Any who deviate. From the good, the true, and the proper. As defined by angry, bitter people who see mercy and justice as weakness. Lordy, lordy.

Far Right, Memories, Politics, US History

For a Trump Sick Soul

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Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: Shadow, her downward dog.  Diane in Indiana. Seeing Judy, Marilyn and Irv’s friend. My son. His work. Seoah. Murdoch. Dog treats. Liberals. Under siege. The Ford Foundation. George Soros. Hungary. Italy. France. Germany. The Netherlands. Great Britain. Denmark. Norway. Sweden. Finland. Spain. Austria.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Friends

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Derech Eretz. The way of the Land.

Tarot: Seven of Pentacles, (Druid Craft)

One brief shining: Body creaky, aching at the joints, meds of little help, so very tired of this, not being able to bend over, finish tasks; yet, I watched a movie yesterday afternoon: Deaf President Now-Apple TV-and the power, the real and always power of folks shunted aside was so beautiful, so moving, I cried remembering my days of awe at the confidence and bravery of ordinary people.

 

Days of Yesteryear: Denim jacket on, hair beginning to get long, my ever present Pall Mall in my hand, jeans and workboots, green book bag slung over my shoulder. The microphone. Hell, no, we won’t go. Fists in the air. Electricity on campus. Hundreds, then thousands. Against the war. Against in loco parentis. For student power. As those Gallaudet students found when confronted with the choice of yet another hearing president.

Those were the days my friend. I thought they’d never end. But, they did. With the ominous prescience of National Guard Troops firing live bullets into an anti-war protest. With the Moral Majority and the immoral president, Richard Nixon. The rise of Movement Conservatives. A gradual gathering of grievance and indifference to derech heretz, the basic decency expected of all people.

As the conservatives gradually slowly, thanks Lee Atwater, Karl Rove, Newt Gingrich, the New Apostolic Reformation, National Conservatism, became a tide, a tsunami of hate and bitter feeling. As this once powerful nation began to insist on pulling back from the world, declaring National narcissism as our raison d’etrê. As a nation began to split itself apart, dragging the poor, the immigrant, the disabled, the unhealthy, persons of color and LGBTQ+ persuasions across a sharp bed of nails- oligarchic indifference.

That world. Then. Gone. A distant memory of hope and justice. Subducted under a tectonic plate of fear and repressed anger with guns and Gadsen flags flying.

So often. Can we last four years of this? Among Jews. Is it time to go? But, where? Sadness and confusion among those I love. Glad in that strange way Mary and Mark, my son and Seoah live faraway. It is a sad time to be an American.

 

Friends: Breakfast with Marilyn and Irv. Their friend from Massachusetts. The joy. The here and now healing of laughter. Shared exasperation. Shared dreams and acknowledged fears. Over a Salmon blt, two drag it through the garden omelets, and a flatbread with cheese and pepperoni.  At Primo’s in Kings Valley.

When I left, I felt buoyed up by conversation. By seeing and being seen. By hearing and being heard. The balm of Gilead for a Trump sick soul.

Aging, Feelings, Fourth Phase

My life. Now.

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Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Monday gratefuls: Mark in Hafar again. Writing with his students. Shadow, bone lover. Rabbi Jamie. CBE. Evergreen High School. Marilyn and Irv. Artemis. Her children. Hello darkness, my old friend. Mystery. Awe. Sacred. Divine. Everyday life. The Shadow Docket. The Fed. Red Tie Guy. Our poor benighted nation.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Cooling temperatures

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Derech Eretz. The way of the land

Tarot: Seven of Pentacles, (Druid Craft)

  • Patience and perseverance: While you may not see the final results yet, the card affirms that your consistent effort will pay off. 
  • Harvest and reward: The card signals that a significant, long-term reward is coming. 

One brief shining: A Druid in a green cloak takes his golden sickle to harvest mistletoe from a standing oak, embracing the mistletoe, green even in winter, as evidence of eternal life, dropping it on a white cloth below the tree before offering it up in rituals for healing, fertility, and protection.

 

Life review: Constant, chronic pain and carrying my own personal assassin push life review into bleak moments. When bending over or playing too hard with Shadow or standing too long cooking, or when an intense hot flash brings nausea with it, pain or the side effect from medications make me pause. Is this the day, the moment, when life goes into full decline?

What follows. A quick look back. If this is an inflection point, what have I done? What could (sometimes should) I do with the time I have left?

These are common questions for those of us in our late seventies and eighties. I’m telling you what brings them up for me. Of late I’ve wondered if I’m doing enough (of what?) right now. Is there work that could/should fill those empty afternoon hours?

Mornings start around 4:30 to 5:00 for Shadow and me. We do some training. She goes outside. I write Ancientrails which takes around two hours with illustrations and revisions. Sometimes I finish before I feed Shadow at 6:30, sometimes not.

Because dogs (and me) like routine, I stop at 6:30, scoop three half cups of Natural Balance Lamb and Brown Rice into her bowl, then sit down and feed it to her by hand, a practice recommended by Natalie. After that, my pre-workout routine, then a half an hour to forty-five minutes of cardio and resistance.

Around 8 am four days a week I have zoom conversations. After those, I may have a doctor’s appointment, lunch with a friend. On Friday mornings, most times, Alan or Alan and Joanne. Breakfast.

Some weeks Tara comes with Eleanor, or Ginny and Janice with Annie and Luna. Thursday at one is mussar, either zoom or in person. Shabbat mornings, often Bagel Table to study Torah or the Morning Service.

I spend some time each day with Artemis, checking on Kale, Spinach, Beets, Carrots, Nasturtiums, and Tomatoes. At least twice a day I go outside and play with Shadow.

The rest? The news. NYT. Washington Post. Substacks. Heather Cox Richardson. The Atlantic. Reading, both serious and not. Some TV. Perhaps a movie. Food preparation, too.

As I wrote this, realizing I have full mornings, other times during the week with friends, with study both in groups and in private, with the routines of self care, my life feels full.

My looks back tend to be brief. First, I know I can’t change the past. Second, I long ago decided my life has had plenty of oomph. I was able to work always within my principles and values. I had concrete accomplishments. Raised a son. Loved three women enough to marry them. A couple of others, too. Worked on my damaged psyche well enough to point myself forward.

So. Enough. Enough. Daiyenu.