Category Archives: Memories

You Must Have One

Samhain                                                               Moon of the Winter Solstice

You must have one of these incidents in your past.  The chestnut from my past was the time I picked up a tube of Brylcreem and proceeded to brush my teeth.  My teeth stood up nice and straight.  And no, I don’t know why I had the Brylcreem.

So now I have another one.  I use soy milk on cereal.  When soy milk sits for a while, it becomes thick, but doesn’t taste bad.  This morning–I should stipulate that I’m not at my most conscious early in the morning–I got up, put cereal in the bowl, blueberries on top, grabbed the soy milk and poured it over them.  It was a little thick, but I thought, oh, hell with it.  I’ll try it.

I ate it.  About half.  It was terrible.  I had to throw out the remaining cereal and blueberries.  When I went in the refrigerator to throw out the curdled soy milk, I discovered I had put eggnog on my cereal.

Yep. It’s my new one.  The morning I put eggnog on my cereal.

Their Grey Eminence

Fall                                                                 Harvest Moon

The Vikings looked good today; good, not great, but hey that’s a hell of lot better than last year.

The look and feel of mid-November outside.  The Norwegian maple across the tree has dropped its skirt, flared down around its ankles and now stands almost naked to the elements.  Trees undress before the coldest weather.  The opposite tact taken by Minnesota humans.

James Whitcomb Riley

Our woods take up the west horizon so we don’t see the sunset, but when I walked down to the mailbox this afternoon, there, across Round Lake, the late setting sun added its burnt orange to the maples and oaks.  Cirrus clouds gathered in waves sat watching it all, grey eminences, quiet and unmoving.

This time of year always pushes me back toward Indiana, a Hoosier boyhood.  In the post above this I’m including a poem Indiana’s Poet Laureate, James Whitcomb Riley.  My mother read him to me when I was a small boy and, in fact, he has some relationship to our family, thought just what it is I don’t recall.  I do know that my Uncle Riley and my cousin Richard’s son, Uncle Riley’s grandson, also bears the name.

The Past Is Not Past

Fall                                                                   Harvest Moon

The internet is forever.  At least for now.  I learn this every so often and right now I’m learning it again in regard to a post of mine from two years ago that has become my most commented upon.  It talks of a difficult time in my life, when my then wife, Judy, and I bought a farm near Nevis, Minnesota, a back to the land moment.

Johnny and Judy, could be a mack the knife sort of tune, left me standing by myself one weekend in September of 1974, standing alone on 80 acres of scrubby land with a house and some outbuildings.  They took off for the Caribbean to spend the winter working boats sailing those waters.  Judy and I were married.

I took a quit claim deed to the farm signed by Judy and an uncontested divorce to the Hubbard County courthouse and legally resolved that episode of my life.  Legal action, of course, is not emotional nor does it shed history, rather it records emotional and historic changes.

As I say in that short piece, written after a day of using the chainsaw on our land here in Andover, I don’t blame Judy.  I don’t.  Three years after this time I acknowledged my alcoholism and started on the long road to recovery.  My behavior toward her in the months and years preceding 1974 would have made me want to run away to the Caribbean.  A bad time in my life that reached its nadir right about then.

Our life, our whole life, remains within us and within the memories of others.  It is not something we can set aside, push out of the way, deny.  We can, with time, place events in our life in context, in the trajectory of a whole life, yet they remain what they were.

I am no longer that young man, just as Judy is no longer that young woman.  We have both aged, gone different ways and had our own futures.  Those were exciting, revolutionary times and much of the revolution happened at the personal level.  Judy, Johnny and I played a part in that change, a small part, yet large in that moment of our lives.

 

The Terrible Silence

Fall                                                                     Harvest Moon

“I can not image being in Bill’s shoes tonight – trying to accept the finality of her (Regina’s) death and the terrible silence that must be filling the space with the passing of his lover.”    Stefan Helgeson by e-mail

Stefan is a poet and a good one.  His phrase, terrible silence, stuck with me, rattled around. Death causes our friends and lovers to go mute.  They can no longer respond to us.  No more tenderness exchanged at bed time.  No more joint decision making.  No more grocery lists.  Just.  Terrible silence.

This is true and it lasts.  My mother has been deaf to my questions and care for now over 48 years, longer than she was alive.  Death is final and final in a brutal way.  It brooks no second chances, no wait a minutes.  It finishes what life has wrought.

Then we are left with memory.  It is no wonder the ancient Greeks, those of Homer’s era, believed true immortality came only through the poet.  The poet could provide aid to memory, verses hammered out in a form for easy recall.  The poet chose the words and the perspective through which an individual, from Achilles to Paris, would be remembered for all time.  This alone bestowed immortality.

We have more tools.  Cameras.  Voice recordings.  Easily available pen, ink, paper.  Computers and digital storage.  But, I don’t know that we have better tools.  Though a picture may be worth a thousand words, it doesn’t mean as much as a thousand well-chosen words.

So, for all of you who read this and knew Regina, write.  Write about her.  She wrote.  Now take up the pen and write.  In this way Regina can live for a thousand years.

 

 

50 Objects

Fall                                                                         Harvest Moon

Right now, I’m not going to order them, just trying to think of objects that might show who I’ve been, what I’m becoming.  This is the first pass.  May need more, more specificity. Some of these may come off and others added.  But, it’s a start.

When I do this fully, like the British Museum did, I’ll provide label copy for each object.

Daisy:  a green Velveteen Rabbited toy of Dagwood and Blondie’s dog.  With eyes resewed and body stitched.

The Red Celica

The doorknob above the third shelf of our first apartment on Lincon Street in Alexandria

The coal augur in the same apartment building

The cave friends and I dug in the backyard of 311 Monroe Street

A stack of comic books

A plastic lunch tray from elementary school

A mat at Miss May’s kindergarten

Mortar boards with tassels moved

A draft card

The Greenwich Hotel in NYC

Angkor Wat

St. Winifred’s Holy Well

Castle Conwy

A dismantled alarm clock

Sodium in water

A beer bottle

A pack of Pall Malls

A deck of cards

A book, let’s say a specific book, The Glass Bead Game

Goya’s Dr. Arrieta

The Henry Moore sculpture honoring Enrique Fermi at the University of Chicago

A bible, the RSV

A contract for deed

3122 153rd ave. NW

A table at D’amico’s Cucina

An auditorium in Toronto

A study carrel in the corner on the third floor at United Theological Seminary

A wicker basket

A blue uniform

A pair of skis

An iron lung

A 1950 Chevy Panel Truck

A Dayton-Hudson Corporation Foundation board room late at night

A bassinet in an office

Stamps from the Vatican Post Office

A jar of Artemis Honey

A bill for an act: M.E.E.D.

An apartment building on the West Bank

A dog collar

A loaded trailer

A cemetery

A cut off pony tail

A desk

A computer

Make-up

An All-Saint’s day processional in Colombia, outside Bogota

(Lynch’s Theatrical Makeup)

 

 

Down to Here, Down to There…

Fall                                                                       Harvest Moon

Kate went, oooh!  What?  She came into the workshop bearing a foot long hank of hair, still gathered in a small rubber band.  Mine.  From the day I decided to stop wearing my hair long.  The thing is.  This is beautiful, auburn hair.  It still has sheen and highlights.  Boy, that must have been a while ago.

Now.  Would have been fit for the gray pony tail radio hour.  Nothing but Jefferson Airplane, early Stones and Led Zepplin.  And my hair.

So ends the play, Hair! in its local run.

Got out the sledge hammer, carried snow fence stakes to the orchard, dug a small pit, pounded one stake into the ground and put a plastic covered wire round the leaning tree of Zestra, pulled and secured.  Pretty good, but it took a two by four wedged in the earth coming from the other direction to secure the tree upright.  Another stake and more plastic coated wire around another leaning apple tree.

Inside I coarsely chopped onions, potatoes, leeks, carrots and simmered them in homemade vegetable broth with a stick of butter and lots of pepper.  25 minutes later I added 6 pealed tomatoes, quartered, a half pound of mushrooms and simmered 10 minutes more.  Winter vegetable soup.

Kate gathered herbs and the last of the tomatoes.  We’ll have to cover the peppers.  Freeze warning tonight:  25-32 degrees.  She also picked raspberries and the leeks I needed for the winter vegetable soup.

(Minnesota freeze map, Sept. 22, 2012)

She also cleaned and stored our Zestra crop.  60 or 70 apples.  The bagged apples were in much better shape than the non-bagged ones.  That was on purpose to see if bagging really helped.  It’s such a pain I wanted to know for sure.

Labor Day

Lugnasa                                                                 Garlic Planting Moon

The current awareness of the 1% and the 99% is due to the Occupy movement last year.  It is a useful division to recall on Labor Day.  Why?  Labor Day is a holiday that reaches out to the 99% of us that do not have inherited wealth, do not have elevators in our garages or fixed wing sail boats at our (non-existent) waterside property.

It puts a day on the calendar when we remember the value of labor unions, those democratically controlled voices of the 99% in organized industries and businesses.  Why are labor unions important?  In a contest of power between the 1% and the 99% who normally wins?  Yes.  If you don’t have money, you have to have people to have power.

(“Every cook should learn to govern – Lenin”)

Now, power is not necessary as long as you want other people to set your wage structures, to decide if you deserve health care insurance, to have the opportunity to fire you based on their whim.  If, however, you want a voice on these matters that directly effect you and your family then you need an organization that answers to you, not to the bosses.

Back in the 1950’s and 1960’s my hometown supplied workers to General Motors factories in nearby Anderson, Indiana.  Thanks to the UAW families headed by persons who did not graduate from high school had incomes sufficient to own homes, boats and take vacations.  They had health insurance adequate to remove health care from their list of worries.  They had grievance committees and union representatives who would stand with you in case of a dispute with a foreman.

Those days are gone, have been gone for a long while, but I remember them well because I grew up in those times.  The Mcjobs that many of the same people have to settle for provide minimal wages, few benefits and no protections.  We have seen the hollowing out of the middle class and especially the working class jobs, jobs where college was not a requirement.  Where hard work and honesty could result in a decent life.  Those jobs have become vanishingly few.

Who, General Motors, will buy your cars?  Who, Best Buy, will shop in your stores?  Who, Kitchen Aid, will buy your appliances?  Who will buy homes?  It is a sad and ironic truth that as capitalism pushes harder and harder for more productivity per worker, gains achieved often through robots and computer aided manufacturing processes, it loses the customers who drive America’s consumer economy.

If you’re an anti-union person, and many are, ask yourself whether you want a voice at work or not.  If you don’t, maintain your position.

Good Enough

Lugnasa                                                                    Hiroshima Moon

When Kate and I visited our money in July, our financial planner, R.J. Devick, made an interesting observation.  Responding to the deluge of financial information–there are so many sources newsletters, private websites, newspapers, books, information services for financial professionals–he decided to have just four sources on which he relied, to the exclusion of the others.  I don’t recall the specific four, but they were high quality one private, one newspaper, one financial analysis group and something else.

He said he realized he could spend all his time reading and come away more confused.  Probably so.  There is, of course, a need, and I’m sure he does this, to check the continuing reliability of your sources, but overall this was an early information management strategy. Pare down your resources, make sure they’re high quality, then rely on them.

This struck me when Kate told me about seeing the quilt display at the MIA.  One of the artists dyed their own wool in slight gradations of hue in the same color, then used those variations as the design element in her quilts.  I asked Kate if she had any interest in learning to dye and she said no, quilting and piecing were what interested her.

Kate’s made a decision not unlike R.J.’s, an intentional choice to limit her range of interest in the service of getting higher and higher quality out of her work.  It’s a strategy some of the most creative folks apply, going back to the same well over and over again, though with infinite variation in treatment.

It may see obvious to you, probably does, but to me this is anathema.  And probably to my detriment.  I’ve written before about the valedictory life, the kind of life lived by valedictorians.  Once in awhile I check up on research about this topic because I was a valedictorian in the long ago faraway.  Mostly valedictorians don’t become famous experts, great writers or over achieving corporate climbers.

Why?  Because to be a valedictorian, you have to pay similar attention to all the classes that you take.  Or, at the least, in those classes that don’t come easiest, you still have exert enough effort to get an A or 4.0.  Apparently that style continues throughout life for most valedictorians.  That means we don’t achieve the kind of focus that designs the first computer, tracks down the most efficient way to manage information, builds the deep knowledge to become an artisan in cloth or paint.

Nope, we’re happily reading Scientific American, being a docent at a museum, writing a novel, translating Latin, putting in a vegetable and flower garden, doing all of these things at a reasonably high level but not high enough to stand out.  This is a hard life to accept, in one way, when achievement has been important, but it tends to not be the type of world beater achievement others expected.  On the other hand it meshes pretty well with the good enough life.  Good enough.

Home Again, Home Again

Summer                                                               Hiroshima Moon

Back home. Aurora far away, Ruth and Gabe faraway, the mountains, far away.  Here the garden is close, the bees, Kate, the dogs, the city.  Home.

Each time I go to Denver a piece of me wants to stay.  The mountains, the grandkids, a hip urban scene.  And yet all of me wants to come home.  To come here where my friends are, where our home and land is.  Where I’ve lived for the last 42 years.  Where my adult memories are.

This American dislocation creates problems for families.  My sister in Singapore.  Brother in Saudi Arabia.  Son in Denver.  Son in Georgia.  Everybody knows long distance relationships are tough.  When they’re this spread out, as many are, it makes holding the family together a bigger, and more important, challenge.

The humidity.  Home.  The mosquitoes.  Home.  The lakes. Home.  The north. Home.  Home takes all these things geography, climate, weather, friends, family, memories, politics, art and wraps them up in a complex package of which we are an integral part.  That’s how we know where home is.

It may seem pedestrian in a global age to prefer the particular and the local, but I do.  And have.  A Midwesterner raised and now an Upper Midwesterner, I’m happy here.

 

A Small Town

Summer                                                          Under the Lily Moon

Independence Day eve.

Memories.  American memories.  A small town, like any small town.  You might call it Small   Town, U.S.A.  Kids played outside until 9:00 pm, hide and seek and kick the can, using neighbor’s yards as hiding places.  Lightning bugs blinked off and on.  Bats swooped down after July mosquitoes.

The labor unions fought for wages, benefits and a whole town, this Small Town, went out on strike.  And won.  Workers had houses, boats, vacations.  Their kids went to college.  Health insurance came with the job.

This small town had a daily newspaper.  Each afternoon at 3:30 pm after school let out paper boys gathered in a small wooden shack attached to the back of the press room, green paper bags in hand.  The circulation manager would count copies and hand them out.  Some paper boys would stay a bit, folding the papers into tiny, compact squares with a folded down corner.  They flew 20, 30 feet with astonishing accuracy, curve ball accuracy.

One newspaper boy bought a transistor radio, clipped it to his belt, stuck the ear piece in and listened to baseball games as he walked down Monroe Street, flipping the small squares onto porches from the sidewalk.

This was a time, maybe about the year, that the Spunik satellite went up, pinging its bright metallic way across the sky.  Before that there were no human objects in space.

Kids collected pop bottles from trash cans, pulling Red Flyer wagons, loading them up.  At Cox’s grocery store a nickel a bottle, ten cents for some.  A lot of money.  Buy some marbles.  Firecrackers.  Ice cream.  Essentials for hot summer days.

Pot bellied veterans would carry the colors in this small town’s parades, their pink flesh peeking through the no longer form fitting white uniforms.  Tanks from the local armory left tracks in the hot asphalt.  An Independence Day parade.  Marching bands, baton twirlers.  A queen of something doing the wave.

Folks lined up along the street, the folks whose husbands had gone on strike.  Who received the copies of the newspaper.  Folks whose kids played outside until therr was no time left and mothers called from their doorsteps.  They stood there in the heat and watched the parade.  A big event for a small town.

Far over ahead, a ping.