Sounds Pathological, But Feels Blessed

Lughnasa                                                                              College Moon

Understanding of more than the motives of the moment seem more and more elusive as the third phase of life wraps itself around me. The deep reasons for liking, say, the classics and dogs and reading are lost in the fog of memory darkened by time into near opacity. There was a time when understanding felt more accessible, more relevant, perhaps as a lever with which to change personality, to affect a less tangled future.

Now though the past, my own past, not that long a time by historical reckoning and none at all in the sweep of geological time, not only seems to recede faster than the clock’s ticking, but happily so. It’s as if the meaning of the past, my intimate past that is, has begun to detach itself from my present, floating off like Sandra Bullock in Gravity, untethered and weightless.

This sounds pathological, but it feels blessed. This man that I am now is just who he is, not explainable by his past nor excused by it, but who he is either in spite of it or to the side of the past. Perhaps it is always like this: that the person we are now seems only distantly related to the person we were ten years ago, forty years ago, even an hour ago. That untethered feeling comes with a sense of liberation, of not being bound to the threads, the strings, the ropes, the cable of yesterday; not being bound and free to go where today goes, not captive to yesterday.

Oh, this is not to say that the past does not still have its effects. Of course it does. Just that they are no longer determinative, destiny creating. They are, after all, in the past.

Dogs

Lughnasa                                                                          College Moon

Dogs. Vega clunks around, unable to navigate easily with the wide plastic e-collar (Elizabethan collar) attached to her neck. The e-collar keeps her from opening up the surgical repair of her cut, now stapled closed. It does not prevent, however, one of the other three from doing it for her, so we engage now in considered logistics as we move dogs from one room to another, always keeping Vega separate.

This is not a new situation for us, or for Vega.

Animals, be they cats or dogs, birds or fish, have special places in the homes of many people. It’s easy for an outsider, a non-pet lover, to wonder why. Pets, especially dogs, are expensive, time-consuming (we spent five hours with Vega yesterday), often messy and can make other life activities more difficult (think traveling, in particular).

What do they offer, these animals lodged somewhere between the wild and the domestic? Do they take the place of children? No. Do they take the place of friends? No. Are they vanity accessories? In some instances perhaps.

They are always life companions. No, they’re not children and mostly not even child substitutes. No, they are companions in their own animal way. Not a human friend, but, a canine or feline friend, under the particular terms of that sort of arrangement.

Each one comes with their own temperament, their idiosyncrasies, some breed determined, but most that same combination of genetics and experience that shape differences in humans. Rigel, Vega’s sister, on the first day at our house got her head stuck in the gate leading off from the deck. She wanted to see what was on its other side. I had to dismantle the gate. Her first day. Since then she and Vega have escaped numerous times, dug into the vegetable garden and the orchard and dug many deep holes.

On her own, though, Vega would do neither, escape or dig. Vega is a sweet follower outside. Inside she rules, outside she’s Rigel’s kid sister. Vega, on the other hand, finds thunder a non-event while Rigel goes back to her safe place by the garage door until the storm passes.

Celt, our first Irish Wolfhound, took a regal quality into his interactions with other humans. I.W.’s attract admirers. Their size and non-threatening demeanor encourage people to greet them. Celt took all this attention as merely acknowledging his special role n life. He would lie down, head up, paws crossed and allow people to pet him. When he was done, he got up.

Early on we thought Celt might like lure coursing, a racing event where sight hounds chase a lure around a course. When on the starting line, yellow vest with his number around his huge chest, Celt watched as the other dogs released yelping after the lure, turned and walked over to a donut stand. Much more interesting to him.

Each one Scot and Morgana, Tira and Tully, Sortia and Iris, Buck and Emma, Bridget and Kona, Hilo and Vega, Rigel and Gertie, Kepler and Simon brought their own unique personality to our home. It’s the ongoing relationship, the companionship that counts.

Dogs are pack animals, so we always try to have enough dogs to achieve some sort of pack. I imagine our true benefit from them is that we get to become part of the pack, too.

Back At It

Lughnasa                                                                      College Moon

Another week begins. And, yes, after 22 years of working on my own time, Monday is still the first day of the work week. The weekend slows hit me even now. This habituation to weekends and work week begins not when we first draw a paycheck, but that first day of first grade, maybe even kindergarten. That’s when we begin learn the distinction between the work-a-day world of Monday to Friday and the different, more relaxed Saturday and Sunday. No wonder that rhythm doesn’t disappear, even when its usual props of work place or class room have long ago receded.

Today is auto maintenance and finish the firepit repairs. Plus more De Bello Gallico. Realized the other night that I want to read Vergil’s Georgics, too. This is a four book poem on agriculture. I’m beginning to feel that writing in some way about agriculture and horticulture, apiculture would be fun and important for me.

The exterior maintenance is wrapping up over the next couple of days, then the seal coater comes on Friday. I’ll finish packing the books, tomorrow probably. We also need to finish cleaning out the sheds and do a soil test for the garden. That’s the work week so far. As to the weekend? Nothing definitive right now.