Bananas!

Imbolc                                                                           Valentine Moon

Going to sleep. Staying asleep. The first is easier than the second for me. Kate, a survivor of medical school residency, has some ideas that she’s shared with me. Paying attention to my breathing was one. This meshes, of course, with meditation and a gestalt psychology approach, experiencing all the sensations of your body. I’d never applied it trying to sleep and it does help.

The monkey mind is strong though. After a while my mind grabs onto the words I’m using to pay attention to my breathing, begins to run somewhere with them. Look. A banana! Even so, breathing helps even if not all the time.

A second idea involves counting. You know, sheep. Backwards from a thousand. That sort of thing. My own take on this is to repeat 1,2,3,4 and 5,6,7,8 over and over. Now, by the time I get to 4, I get a yawn. But the monkey is still active, still hunting for the banana that sneaks around this dulling.

So, the third idea. Go to your happy place. Oddly, this was harder than I imagined it would be. Where was my happy place? As I’ve written before, happiness is not my goal, rather flourishing (eudaimonia). So that idyllic spot where trees and sunlight and grass come together to create a place of rest and contentment? Doesn’t work for me.

Took a while but eventually I hit on the Minneapolis Institute of Art (not Mia). At the MIA there was a sweet spot of intellectual and emotional and social stimulation. I felt good there. Stimulated and stimulating. Giving and receiving. So during my counting I now go on regular journeys to the MIA. I was there so long as a volunteer, 12 years, that I remember the building and its contents, as they were four years ago anyhow, very well.

It’s taken me a while to get the monkey to let go of art history-lots of bananas!-and allow me to just be in the presence of the art qua art. That’s not to say that art history doesn’t inform me even in this attempt to go to sleep; it does, but I don’t follow those thoughts anymore, at least not while trying to sleep. Next post: a tour from these trips.

 

 

Sabbath

Imbolc                                                                          Valentine Moon

Sunday’s occupy a different reality. Time slows down. Ambition flees. A good thing. In spite of my now long absence from the Christian faith the notion of a Sabbath, lifted from Judaism, has always appealed to me.  A seventh day when God rests. And us, too.

The notion of a divine creator soothing the chaos before speaking the world into being has faded from my belief system. The idea, however, of a time for setting aside work, domestic and otherwise for a reflective day every week still makes sense to me.

The sabbath can be seen as a form of radical hospitality for the self, a day when shaping our lives to the demands of others gives way. On a sabbath we could read, view art, listen to music, cook, play games, visit family.  The third phase of life, after we have set aside work and at home parenting, can be a sabbath phase, much like the last of the four Hindu life stages.

Something to consider.

 

 

Today

Imbolc                                                                                        Valentine Moon

Tai chi finished up today. Just in time, I think I got it. Still plan to use the form I’ve learned as a mid-morning break from work. Gotta get it into my routine though. Not yet.

Vega continues to get better, move around more. She’s not drugged up and that helps a lot, but she’s also determined to get things back to normal. Her spirits are wonderful, tail thumping, her signature move.

Kate and I have sleep deprivation from the last week plus. Long nap this afternoon, more sleep tomorrow, too, I imagine.

Beginning to get an Asia focus, thinking about Korea, Singapore. Mary has found a place for us to stay at the Raffle’s Town Club. This is an offshoot of the larger, historic Raffles Hotel in downtown. The Town Club is close to her home.

 

Urban Art

Imbolc                                                                              Valentine Moon

Cities. In 2008 a global threshold found over 50% of the population in cities, a percentage calculated to be 70% by 2050. Cities have many charms, their bulging populations are testimony to that. I found an artful charm in Denver last night.

The Rocky Mountain Land Library had a pop-up evening at the Denver Architectural Collaborative on Santa Fe. The Collaborative is in in the middle of the Santa Fe Drive Arts District which holds, on the first Friday of every month, a gallery crawl. Last night was the first Friday.

So, while discovering what the Library planned for its Hartsel location in South Park, I also had the opportunity to experience the first Friday event. While the Library’s exhibits, books and people were interesting, the galleries and people and food trucks were exciting. As often happens, the temperature in Denver was higher than ours at home, 57 degrees to 35, so the night was warm, filled with people wandering from gallery to gallery.

 

The district runs for five blocks or so. There are museums like the Museo de Las Americas and Denver University’s Center for the Visual Arts, many galleries with a wide range of art, artist’s studios, funky restaurants and best of all food trucks with a wide variety of fare. Last night there were gyros, wild game burgers and steaks, barbecue, Mexican among many others. The crowd was mostly young, the fabled millennials of Denver out on the prowl.

This place made me feel alive, at home.  These are my people and there are a lot of them.

A Secular Saint

Imbolc                                                                         Valentine Moon

Kepler, Gertie, Vega
Kepler, Gertie, Vega

Miss Vega has gotten friskier, happier. She’s receiving home injections of the antibiotic necessary to combat the rogue e-coli infection. We may be on the upward slope of recovery now.

Kepler went over to Bailey yesterday. Award Winning Pet Grooming defurs him. The owner, who has Ayn Rand quotes posted on the counter, said they’d had lots of dogs in with blown coats. We’ve had cold weather then unseasonably warm weather. Twice. Good for dog groomers.

Amanda, the groomer who cares for our dogs, and I got into a conversation about Vega and her amputation. She said dogs were amazing; they go on unfazed, living their life. We both remarked that dogs make us better humans. She then said, casually, something that revealed her to be a secular saint, at least in my non-dogmatic (haha, dogmatic!) canonization process.

After remarking about how they go on unfazed, Amanda said that she used to go to the local shelters and adopt old dogs so they wouldn’t have to die alone. The last one she adopted, a pit bull, had three legs. Not sure why she stopped, but that she did it at all, that she thought of it even, impressed me, made me think of the legions of kind persons out there.

Amanda will be in my gratefuls tonight.

Horror Non-Fiction

Imbolc                                                                        Valentine Moon

 

So here it is: A billionaire who guarantees, guarantees, there is “no problem there.” A man whom his senatorial colleagues despise and describe as unlikeable. Or, a senator with the number one absentee record in his day job. These are the Republican front runners, the best of those challenged by the rigors of the “invisible primary” that selects candidates worthy of large donations. They are the best of those sorted out by the early voters in primaries in 15 states. 15. This contest is actually happening in the richest, most powerful nation the world has ever known. A beacon for democracy.

Gosh. Honestly. I mean…

 

Vega, Trump, Knee

Imbolc                                                                          Valentine Moon

Vega’s culture for the source of an infection in her wound has given her what we hope is the last hurdle in her recovery from the amputation, an antibiotic resistant form of e-coli. It’s only sensitive to two rarely used antibiotics, one $400 for a tiny vial, the other one $40. Guess which one we chose.

She’s feeling much better and once this infection gets resolved and her wound closed, today for the wound, her path goes back to the original one with four weeks or so to stitches out.

The Donald is similar to this e-coli. He’s an establishment Republican resistant organism and the micro-biologists of the GOP strategists have not yet found the antibiotic that will work against him. Like such organisms in medicine he represents a genuine, serious threat to the well-being of the party. Super Tuesday seemed a good breeding ground for the infection as the lab reports came in from states in the south. At some point overwhelming sepsis may result and the host organism may succumb. More to come.

And, in personal organ recital news, my doc yesterday told me I had osteoarthritis in my left knee and “will probably require a new knee at some point.” I’m channeling my buddy Mark Odegard’s path. First prostate cancer, then a bum knee. Sigh. Anyhow a cortisone injection is in my immediate future since my kidney disease means no nsaids. I hope it works because I want to be mobile for the Asia trip next month. Full disclosure: the thought of a needle probing my knee scares me a bit.

A Long, Tough, Happy Weekend

Imbolc                                                                              Valentine Moon

RRKate300A long weekend has ended. Our version of doggy ICU took the medical officer and her vet tech to see Vega through two bandage changes, lots of drugs, trips outdoors, changes of bedding, food hand delivered. This morning we handed her off to Sano Vet Hospital again, where Kate and the vet discussed human/animal differences.

It was a delight to me to see the Kate that emerged from the weekend. In spite of three long nights and a lot of intensive care, she looked youthful, energized, happy. Or, I should say, because of three long nights and a lot of intensive care, she looked youthful, energized, happy. She’s not been down, so this was an uptick from an already good place. Made me feel good.

Hopefully we’ve got the worst part of Vega’s recovery behind us. She’s looking and acting more and more like her old self.

A Microcosm

Imbolc                                                                               Valentine Moon

Kona
Kona

As you might imagine, dogs have been on my mind a lot this last week. Because we’ve had multiple dogs all of our marriage, and many of those were of the short-lived Irish Wolfhound breed, we’ve experienced the puppy hood and adult lives of 17 dogs. Each dog was unique, an individual in every sense. Each one of them, too, enriched our lives as companions, as fellow travelers on the ancientrail of life. At the same time, as I wrote a few weeks back, they also had (and have) their own lives, lived in the woods, wandering our property and following whatever doggy instincts and choices drive them.

Thinking about this, about the absolute value of each dog, a value not reducible to species, breed, position in our pack, or by our affections for them, I realized that their lives, though shorter than ours, had much in common with us. When our dogs die, that absolute value which existed during their lifetime lives on in our memories and perhaps the memories of friends and family. But, when we die and those who knew them die, their presence, their existence will die out, too.

Hilo
Hilo

This is the same notion as the second death which occurs for each of us when the last person who remembers us or has memory of us dies. The highest percentage of human beings, no matter their level of accomplishment or the meanness of their daily life, wink in and out of existence in the same way as our dogs. A percentage so small as to be negligible remains behind in history books, in their art, in noble works, in architecture or political achievement.

So, the dogs we have loved and with whom we have lived, are a microcosm of the human experience. Their existence matters and mattered, not because of something they did or did not do, but because they were and were in relationship with us and other members of the pack of their time. In my opinion this is a very positive view of both canine and human life. It is the living, the being alive and in relationship that matters most, not the degree or the wealth or the works.

Vega. More.

Imbolc                                                                          Valentine Moon

feed me2Yesterday Kate and I went into the operational area of the vets to watch Vega’s wound get bandaged. Kate will have to replace the bandage three times over the weekend.  The surgical wound had an opening next to it about 3 inches in diameter, revealing muscle underneath.

Kate asked to help and was directed to the drawer with the gloves. She put one on and held the bandage in place with one experienced finger while the vet put in anchoring stitches that would hold tie downs for the bandage. She looked so complete there, familiar with the operating room as she is from years as an operating nurse and nurse anesthetist. It was a pleasure to see.

She and the vet talked medicine while he sewed, putting in six anchoring stitches around the wound. He explained that dogs metabolize anesthetics differently than humans. They have, he said, sticky blood, so the dosage of, say, dilaudid, used in a dog would do serious injury to a comparably sized human. When giving Kate some injectable dilaudid, he also explained there was no need to swab the injection site with alcohol. No way to sterilize fur.

Vega500Vega meanwhile was under a blue paper cover, a hole cut in it approximating the area around the site where the vet worked, and on a metal table about chest height. As the vet put in the 5th of the 6 stitches, her tail began to wag. She had begun to come to.

She’s been through a lot since the amputation. Visits to the vet. Probing and debriding of the wound and it’s recent opening. I can tell she’s tired of it and wants a return to normal life. Unfortunately, not for a while.