Beltane New (Closing) Moon
Got to feeling like I was a victim, not of any person, but of the insults to/from my body. I hunkered down, quit working out, quit Latin, quit writing. Almost a month now. Tired of feeling like a victim and I know the only way around the feeling is to stop acting like one.
So, back on the treadmill. Back to Latin and Superior Wolf, let the health matters develop as they need to.
Beltane New (Closing) Moon
Did I mention it was snowing this morning?
Beltane Closing Moon
Thanks, Kate.
Beltane Beltane Moon
N.B. This is a debbie downer post but I wanted to include it for completeness. Skip it unless you want to hear a modest tale of not so much, but nonetheless real, woe.
I’ve left out some struggle over the last few days. The Colorado Native Plant class went up a steep incline, not in learning curve, but in altitude. It found me breathing hard. Which flummoxed me a bit since I live at 8,800 feet and this was 5,800. The effort required left me exhausted after the 4-hour class.
But I wanted hiking boots, so I drove into the Denver REI and began another chapter in buying footwear with a male size 7 foot. It’s hard to be body positive about your feet when nobody carries your size. Two hours of boot trying later a pair of Vasque 8’s seemed almost right. Even tireder then, I bought them. We’ll see if they work. I imagine with some custom orthotics they will.
By the time I got home late that afternoon, I had no reserve left. Granted, this is the day after the biopsy. Perhaps not the best time for a physical marathon. Still, the class was one of only three and it was the first day of the annual sale at REI, everything 20% off. 7s are hard to find under the best conditions and a picked over store would not be the best.
I made my focus for yesterday rest and recreation. Which meant TV. I watched a Woody Allen comedy and caught up with a series or two on Hulu. Still exhausted at the end of the day.
Got up this morning. Still tired. Went back to bed and slept until 9:30. Feeling better now, around 11:00.
Beltane Beltane Moon
The end of the beginning. When June 1st slips into its calendar slot, many things we set in motion a year ago will have come to a conclusion. On May 26th the Andover house closes. Last October 31st we closed on Black Mountain Drive. We packed. We moved. We’ve unpacked. A lot, but not all: art and the garage remain. A way of being grandpop and grandma in Colorado has emerged, not solid, but solidifying. The dogs and our creative lives have been shifted to new spaces, happily.
We live in the mountains, no longer on the plains and flatlands of the glaciated Midwest. The West and its arid lands, the Rocky Mountains are our home.
The above speaks only to transition, not to the settling in process I call becoming native to this place. A year ago when we decided to move I thought the move would take two years. It has taken one.
Becoming native to this place will take years, if not the rest of our lives. Miles of road must be driven; hours with family must pass; visits to parts now unknown must take place; plants must grow. Mountain paths hiked. History learned. A new way absorbed and incorporated. I mean that last literally, become corporeal, our bodies must become of this place.
Beltane Beltane Moon
Under the Beltane Moon many things have happened for us. Vega got bit and is on the road to recovery. The Andover house sold and will close at the end of the month. Kate’s gotten regular on her exercise. We had two big snows. I had my physical, got the prostate news and had my biopsy. I took two Native Plant master classes. We saw Gabe in concert at Sweigert Elementary. I attended my 28th Woolly Mammoth retreat. Got all-season tires on the Rav4.
Beltane marks the beginning of the growing season, or summer as one half of the year. The other half is winter or the fallow time, which begins October 31st on Samhain, Summer’s End. Beltane is a season of transition, like April, from the cold to the heat.
This Beltane moon saw many transitions for us. Two big ones. The selling of the Andover house means that my circus tent metaphor can come to an end. The last poles are being struck in Minnesota and the canvas is being rolled up. Now it just needs to get loaded on the train and the train to start moving. May 26. 20 years of work handed off to new stewards.
And the prostate. No matter what the biopsy shows, the transition from innocence toward my own death (even though often acknowledged) to acceptance of it as a fact has happened. Not an easy process, painful in some ways, but important. And, I don’t believe I’ll have to through that process again.
Beltane Beltane Moon
Dave Scott fixed the inspection addendum items on our Andover house yesterday. The closing is on May 26th. Kate will attend. I will sign the documents here in front of a notary.
We only had one offer, but it was a good one and from people who want to garden, tend the orchard and raise bees. Makes my heart glad.
Beltane Beltane Moon
Day after. Feel pretty good. Some discomfort yesterday, not much this morning.
Another native plant class today, one tomorrow in Sterling, about 2.5 hours east on Hwy 76.
After, I’m headed into the Denver REI, the flagship store, for a pair of hiking boots. Gonna check out women’s. Yes, my feet are so small that sometimes I can only find what I want in women’s shoes. No high heels, or stupid shoes as Kate calls them. Just flats with goretex and high tops. Hat, my western hat, soon, too.
O2 saturation up. Looking reasonable at 93% up here. 96% in Lonetree yesterday. Guess that trazadone was the culprit. Whew.
The water torture of closing details continues. This needs to be signed. This needs to get fixed. Yes, you can sign far away. We’ll mail you the documents. Rented Kate’s car on Thursday. We only have one car so we rent cars for trips like this. Saves putting miles on the truck.
Beltane Beltane Moon
Well, as they say in the movies, “That happened.” Results in a week. Mild discomfort. Eigner (urologist) said a portion of the left medial looked “suspicious.” We’ll find out. Glad we’re on the way to a diagnosis and next steps.
Unpleasant, and that’s about it.
Beltane Beltane Moon
It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood. For a biopsy. Slept well. Think I sussed out on my own the culprit in my lower oxygen readings. Trazodone. I stopped taking it a couple of days ago and I slept well (ironic, since it’s a sleep aid.) plus my breathing has returned to normal.
I have no fear, not even of the procedure itself, nor its possible information. Doesn’t feel like denial. (But, would I know if it was?) The details of the procedure and its possible results are clear to me. Though death does seem to hang around these intersections like a prostitute looking for a trick, I’m in no way tempted. Life, as long it runs, is good.
Whatever transpires, this whole month (it was april 14 when i saw lisa for my physical) has been an intrapsychic marathon, 26 miles of self-examination, staying with the feelings, considering worst outcomes. It has also been a month in which friends (especially the Woollies) and family have helped me stay strong and clear.
It could have been otherwise. One of the things that worried me when we moved out here was the loss of my friends. But I’ve found that those relationships, docents and Woolly Mammoths alike, transcend distance. The warmth and support I’ve felt from all of you is no less, perhaps even a bit more, for traveling 900 miles.
So, thanks to you all. I’ll get back to you with the results.