A Lot of Growing Around Here

52  bar rises 29.78 0mph W dewpoint 34  Beltane

A very beautiful Waxing Crescent of the Hare Moon

More garden work tomorrow.  It feels so good to be back out there.  Kate planted Ireland Creek Annie and Cherokee Trail of Tears and Dragon Tounge beans today.  Also some mixed gourds. 

A cool evening, a warm day.  Perfect.

Tomorrow I’ll dig in three tomato plants.  These are plants I’ve grown from seed.  They’re now about a foot high.  It will be nice to see my babies go into the soil.  I’m keeping one back for my kitchen garden which will have tomatoes, lettuce, basil, cilantro, peppers and egg plant.  The latter three I’ll start from seed sometime soon.  Kate’s gonna pick up some seeds at the Green Barn tomorrow.

Got a nice note from Jon saying they’ve turned Gabe’s lights off and taken him upstairs to his room.  I passed on the e-mails and comment from Tristan’s mom, too.  We’ll gradually weave a web of support around them and the little guy so he can grow up to move on and do what he needs to do in this life.

A lot of growing be done around here right now.

Captain Picard Would Approve

64  bar steady 29.74 10mph NNE dewpoint 31  Beltane

              Waxing Crescent Hare Moon

The internet continues to amaze me.  A woman from Alabama finds this website and writes to tell of her journey with her son, Tristan, 2 years old and also diagnosed with hemophilia.  In the world BWWW, before the World Wide Web, the probability of our connecting would have been infinitesimal, now it happens within hours of my post about Gabe coming home.  This is a world changing aspect of the cyber-universe, creating links with people, real connections, that were not possible in a less connected world.   It’s the upside of the samed connectedness, of course, that brings our friends the          %$#@ hackers into our lives, but, like most of life, blessing and curse travel together, often on the same road and often arrive through the same door.

The guys from NOW fitness installed the new Landice. Whoa.  I hadn’t seen it, since their only remaining one of this model was in a box.  Geez, this thing is big.  It has a control panel Captain Picard would love, though it still won’t do the exercising for you.  The only problem is that the TV will have to go up about 2 feet or so in the air because the dashboard of this thing is big enough to serve as a small desk.  I went from the treadmill stoneage to the bleeding edge in one day. 

I’m glad it’s here.  Not having the aerobics aspect of my workout leaves me feeling guilty and my day unfinished.  Now, I can get back to it.  In fact, I’m going to do that right now.

A Pessimist

54  bar steep rise 29.73 7mph NW dewpoint 39 Beltane

              Waxing Crescent of the Hare Moon

“Scoundrels are always sociable.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

Schopenhauer insisted that reason alone would not explain the human reality.  He added passion and instinct to the neatly circumscribed world of the Enlightenment.  As he did so, he became profoundly pessimistic about the overall human condition.  He did, however, add a bit of solace to the world of us introverts in the quote.

Cool today so I’m headed outside to continue transplanting daylilies.  I’m also going to plant vegetables since the near term forecast doesn’t have anything remotely approaching 32 at night.  Generally, if we can make it past May 15th, we’re in good shape for the growing season.

Too nice to stay in and write.  Out I go.

SuperMemo

62  bar falls 29.71 0mph SW dewpoint 57 Beltane

                  New Moon (Hare)

It rained and the temperature dropped 13 degrees.  Mother nature at work.  In the cool moist air after the rain I planted onions, beets, lettuce and carrots.  I also transplanted 3 daylily clumps out of the flower bed I’m converting to vegetables.  Cool cloudy, preferable moist days are perfect transplanting weather.

The earth smells rich, a loamy scent that arises only after a rain.  My Dad’s Aunt Rella, an early cancer patient, took an atomic cocktail and said it tasted like “the air after a June rain.”  An image that has remained with me all these years.

I just started using a new program called SuperMemo.  It showed up in an interesting article in Wired.  This Polish memory researcher has developed this program that times repetitions of material you want to learn.  This fits some neurological model of the brain.  He guarantees 95% retention if  you use the program faithfully.

I plan to use it learn art history, Chinese characters, horticultural information, folk tale and world history.  And probably, over time, other stuff, too.  This kind of thing excites me.

Eat a Peach, Live Forever

75  bar falls 29.75 1mph WSW dewpoint 41  Beltane

                      New Moon (Hare Moon)

I chose the English medieval name for the moon this month because of a wonderful incense burner in the Weber Collection.  It is a bronze bunny, eyes lifted toward the moon, ears erect.  There are holes where the ears meet the head and at the mouth.  The label copy says this rabbit watches the moon to see her sister, a white rabbit, who, according to Taoist thought, lives on the moon.  There she brews up an elixir of immortality. 

This focus on immortality is typical of religious Taoism, not philosophical.  My interest is in the latter.  Religious Taoism grew from the intersection I mentioned a few posts ago between Buddhism and Taoism.  Going in the Buddhist direction one outcome of this convergence created Chan Buddhism (Zen in Japan).  Going in the Taoist direction Taoists began to create anthropomorphic gods in emulation of the Mahayana form of Buddhism that came into China.  Mahayana picked up deities and demons and guardians from the Hindu and Bon (Tibetan native religion) religious pantheons.   

The focus on immortality occurred at some point along the way, though I’m not sure when since I have not studied religious Taoism.  Another way to gain immortality involved a peach tree that bloomed once every 3,000 years.  If you were around when it bloomed and ate a peach, presto Immortalito!  I’ve hunted for places to by a 2,999 year old tree, but so far no joy.

Our generator is online and ready to rock.  Jim, the service guy who explained it all to us, said, “Now you’ll never have another outage.”  Sounds about right.  But, at least we’re ready if it  happens.

Life Proceeds in Its Ordinary Way

58  bar steady 29.81 1mpn SW dewpoint 20 Beltane

                    New Moon (Hare Moon)

Waiting on the service guy from Allied Generator to fill us in on how our generator works and what we need to do with it.  We went ahead and bought it, now it remains to learn how to use it.

Another work outside day.  Cleaning up continues, though I imagine today I’ll expand the clean up to the garden bed.  Kate may get started on the pruning.  9 days or so until the average date of the last frost, May 15th, so planting annuals is still not a good idea.  Transplanting though can proceed apace and I plan to remove day lilies from one bed completely and move them to other sites along the edge of our woods.  The peonies, large now, will get divided and move to the front.

It is the most distressing or reassuring reality, the fact that life proceeds in its ordinary way no matter what the drama in your own life.  I find it reassuring for the most part, though at times it seems cruel, unspeakably cruel.  Sometimes it seems that the pain my life should cause the whole world to stop spinning, to pause for a moment while I adjust, solve or resolve the dilemma, then someone can push play.

A Burning Tree

 65  bar falls 29.94 0mph S dewpoint 30 Beltane

              New Moon (Hare Moon) 

The forest is a peculiar organism of unlimited kindness and benevolence that makes no demands for its sustenance and extends generously the products of its life and activity; it affords protection to all beings. (Buddhist  Sutra)

Though this comes from a Buddhist sutra (thread) it resonates with Taoist thought.  These two ancient traditions crossed paths over and over again in China.  At least one of those occasions created Chan Buddhism, which, in Japan became Zen Buddhism.  

The Buddhist element I see here is the notion of unlimited kindness and benevolence, an attribution to the forest that I do not believe my brother Taoists would make.  They would agree that the forest is a peculiar organism (among many) and would further concur that it makes no demands for sustenance (on humans) and does extend its product of life and activity (generously–well, maybe to a Buddha, but probably not to a tree) and would also acknowledge its protection to all beings (except those plants killed by competitive toxins and the small prey animals killed by predators).   

Taoism is a fascinating (to me) blend of reason and organismic thinking which produces a vibrant metaphysic understandable at the tinest particle of matter and at stages of complex organization from thence upwards to the Heavens themselves, the 10,000 things.

Mostly clean up outside today.  Getting ready for the more ambitious projects that will soon occupy my time.

From the deck last evening I looked at our Magnolia.  It stood against the seven oaks like the flame atop a Thai Buddha.  Its white glinted, mirrored back by white daffodils.  This evening, for this moment, the Magnolia had a nimbus, a sacred aura, as if it had transcended its treeness and become another living entity all together a vegetative, blooming fire.  A burning tree.

There Are Days, Ordinary Days

58  bar rises 29.80 2mph W dewpoint 30 Beltane

New Moon (Hare Moon)

There are days, ordinary days, days you can recall, when your life took a sharp angle turn, or created a swooping curve, perhaps dipped underground or soared up, up into the sky.

It seems I remember, though how could I really, the day I got polio.  I don’t know how this memory got shaped or if it got shaped in the way all  memory does, by our selective recollection of snippets of moments, but here it is.

My mother and I were at the Madison County Fair, held every August on the grounds of Beulah Park.  Mom had wrapped me in a pink blanket and we wandered through the Midway.  There were bright lights strung in parabolic curves and the smell of cotton candy and hot dogs.  I looked out from the blanket, safe on my mother’s shoulder, held in her arms.  And I felt a chill run through me.

Years later I was with my Dad, early in the morning.  We sat in those plastic cuplike chairs in a pale green room.  My mother came up in an elevator on her way to emergency surgery.  Surgeons would try to relieve pressure on her brain from the hemorrhage she had suffered a week before during a church supper.  I got in the elevator and rode up with her.  Her eyes looked away from me, but saw me anyway.  “Soaohn.” she said.  It was the last time she spoke to me.  I was 17.

The evening of my first marriage I wandered down a path in Mounds Park where the ceremony had taken place.  I wore a blue ruffled shirt, music of the Rolling Stones carried through the moist July air.  Butterflies landed on my shoulder.

The night the midnight plane arrived from Calcutta carrying a 4 pound, 4 ounce boy.

The third week of our honeymoon, a northern journey begun in Rome, found us at our northernmost destination Inverness, Scotland.  We had rooms at the Station Hotel, right next to railroad terminal.  It was a cool foggy night and we took a long walk, following for much it the River Ness, which flows into Loch Ness.  We held hands and looked at this old Scots village, the capital of the Highlands.  A mist rose over a church graveyard on our right.

And today.  Planting beets and carrots.  Kate taking a phone call.  The news from the lab about Gabe. Now, after this sunny spring day, life will go on, but its trajectory has changed, changed in a profound way, in a way none of us can yet know.

A Sisyphean Task

68  bar steady 29.78 0mpn SSW dewpoint 22  Beltane

                        New Moon (Hare Moon)

The day has passed as we both tried to get our arms around this notion of Gabe as hemophiliac.  As a dedicated user of the internet, I have looked up and printed out several different articles, brochures, information handouts.  Canada Health Services had some good stuff; so did the CDC; and, the World Hemophiliac Federation.  The amount of data, good data, available quickly astounds me every time I reach out for it.  I have not had a disappointing search, ever.

The emotional problem is this:  lifelong.  This tiny guy, still in the hospital from birth at 35 weeks, now has a mountain to climb every day, every hour for the rest of his life.  This is a Sisyphean task because every time he rolls the ball up the mountain, it will come right back down.  There is no cure.  There is only amelioration.  After looking at the various treatments, I became even more convinced Gabe has the right Dad.  It will require fortitude to climb this mountain,  go to sleep, get up and climb it again.

So, life will proceed.  We will all come to some terms with this and develop ways we can support Jon and Jen, Ruth and Gabe.  We all need to learn a lot more right now.

Daffodils have begun to pop open everywhere, so yellow and white is a dominant accent to green here now.  Tulips should come into bloom any day now and the magnolia is out in all its snowy fineness.  Working in the garden, even for a bit, literally grounds me, draws anxiety out and replaces it with the strength of life’s eternal cycle.

Gabe

63 bar steady 29.86 1mph SSW dewpoint 32  Beltane

                            New Moon (Hare Moon, English medieval)

Outside this morning planting Chiroggia, Golden and some other kind of beets–this morning they were plants, already started indoors.  Nantes Carrots, too.  Same thing.  All four are heirloom seeds, species of long ago, kept alive and healthy by the folks at Seed Savers Exchange.  This also means we can collect seed from any plant we let go to see and expect them to reproduce their parent plant, an expectation only realized among hybrids by cloning or vegetative reproduction.

Kate made a call, after we consulted about where to plant the beets and carrots.  “This bed,” she said, “was not too stressed.  It hasn’t had tomatoes for a couple of years.”

The call was to Jon, checking up on little Gabe, still in the hospital.  As she talked, I only heard one end of the conversation.  “You’re kidding.”  She looked toward the ground, eyes hooded, “You’re kidding.”  You’re kidding is Kate talk for OH MY GD.  Gabe is a factor 8 hemophiliac.  This is the same kind as the Czar’s family, a particularly intractable kind.  Treatable, but tough to deal with over a lifetime.  A chronic disease.

Gabe has the right Dad.  Jon is a model diabetic, controlling his insulin levels and remaining lean, athletic.  He’s suffered from diabetes, fought his own demons with it.  Once he had it fairly well controlled, he developed Addison’s, another immune mediated disease.  He had already added a poorly functioning thyroid gland.  In each instance he has learned about the disease, managed it and gone on with his life, allowing himself no secondary gain or restrictions other than those absolutely necessary for handling his conditions.  Then, on top of that, he began to have aches.  Rheumatoid arthritis.

Jon understands both poles of handling a chronic disease:  the physical and the psychological.  They are equal in importance since a stubborn resistance to manage a chronic condition only makes it worse.  On the other hand, good management creates a sense of psychological well-being impossible otherwise.  Good psychological health makes handling the various regimes more doable.

I’ve never been sure of the old, God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but in this case I can say that if any one can handle Gabe’s life in a psychologically and physically optimal way, it’s Jon.