Category Archives: Travel

Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Judaism, Politics, Travel, World History

Cancel Culture

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Fall and the Samain Moon

Saturday gratefuls: My colon. Meds. My son, Seoah, Murdoch. Songtan. Evergreen. Conifer. Pine. Bailey. Us Mountain folk. Those down the Hill. Stars in the night Sky. Great Sol. Israel. Hamas. The rules of war. War. The USAF. Diane. Tom. The Ancient Brothers. This computer, now so old yet still at work. Palestinians. Israelis. Lebanese. Iranians. All human. Difference. So potent. The Fox yesterday at Upper Maxwell Falls. Aspen’s lighting the way toward heaven. Toward the light in the inner sky. Fall in the Rockies.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: 21 degrees right now

One brief shining: My neighbors and I have only one evacuation route, left or right, toward Conifer or Evergreen, and if wildfire comes we’ll pile up on it in haste like the Gazans now trying to leave the north of an already small territory, the wildfire has come for them in the form of the IDF, a human wildfire stoked by rage and vengeance, what we here in the Lodgepole forest would call a crown fire.

 

First thing now I look at Haaretz, then Yediot, then the Jerusalem Times. Later I scan the NYT and the WP. Not sure what I’m looking for, trying to find a way through this thicket of information. One that doesn’t end in news I don’t want to see or hear. No luck with that so far.

I feel like I can have a good grasp of what’s going on at least at a macro level, but at the point of individuals and families, suffering. No. I think of my son and his family first value. Must be the same with Israelis and Palestinians. Right? What does, can that mean in the current context?

Speaking of context. I found this opinion piece by Haaretz columnist, Anshel Pfeffer, very astute on the larger and historical context anti-semitism places on the Israeli/Hamas struggle: The Inconvenient Context: Palestinians Massacred Jews for Being Jews

As of this writing, I’m 98% sure I’m not going. Diane rolls her eyes here. Why not 100%? Well. You know. Until we all discuss it together I won’t decide for sure.

Several couples have already canceled their flights and Keshet, our tour operator, will send out a letter on Monday or Tuesday outlining our options with them. I hope postponing is the favorite option. I’m willing to let them hold onto my money if that will help them survive this crisis. Not keep it. But hold onto it until another tour can get scheduled.

 

Meanwhile American Republicans rise to this escalating military and humanitarian crisis by failing to choose a speaker for the House. By supporting their felonious candidate who dodges debates and acts like a spoiled child angry at his parents. By trying to force the government into a shutdown. Again.

We, the world hegemon, cannot act within our own system of governance. How can we expect to be guarantors for any one else?

Read an interesting analysis that suggested the Ukrainian and Hamas/Israeli situations might be linked to our waning power as hegemon. Regional actors may feel emboldened to just go for it in situations where the threat of U.S. intervention would have given them pause in the past.

This is called multi-polarity, a world in which no one power dominates. Hope this is wrong.

 

Asia, Fourth Phase, Friends, Judaism, Politics, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Travel, World History

Israel. A bit more

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Thursday gratefuls: Israel. Blinken. Biden. Hamas. Hezbollah. Iran. Mark in Saudi. Diane. Tom. Rain, cold Rain. News. Korea. North Korea. South Korea. Seoah and her family. My boy. Mary in K.L. Songtan. Osan. Shadow Mountain. Starlink. Creative Audio. Newspapers. Justice. A many splintered thing. Spinal stenosis. P.T. Mary. Murdoch. Kepler and Rigel. Gertie and Vega. Kate, always Kate. Jon. Ruth. Gabe.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: P.T.

One brief shining: When an American Secretary of State says I come here as Jew and as a Jew who lost family in the Holocaust, when he says Israel will never stand alone, when the President of the United States declares the acts of Hamas evil and sends an aircraft carrier support group, when Jews lie dead in their home victims of ideologically sanctioned murder, then we know the enemy, the ones who hate Jews, hate Israel, and will not allow their own humanity to impede their actions.

 

Got a note from Expedia today. Your travel to Israel may be affected. Go to your airlines website. I did. Yep. Can cancel with no charge for travel between Oct. 7th and December 4th. Also. No flights until December 5th at the earliest. Well, that about does it for the trip. I’ll wait until Sunday to cancel my flight, see what others plan to do, but if we can’t fly there we can’t go. What that means for the Keshet trip? Uncertain. Probably postpone. Maybe cancel instead and rebook.

Having the trip planned. Hamas’ invasion. Reading Jewish newspapers. Learning about Golda Meir and other Israeli leaders during times of military peril. Studying Israel and Zionism for my next session with Rabbi Jamie on the 19th. Dancing with the Torah on Friday night as Hamas readied its fighters. Meeting yesterday morning with Geoff and others who also planned on this trip. An immersion in Jewish life. In the dark and lonely side of what it means to be a Jew. A heightened and deepened inner knowledge of the dream of Israel and its physicality, its critical importance for Jewish life in the diaspora.

Oh.

Like many, perhaps most of Beth Evergreen fearing too for the Palestinians in Gaza. For the also dream of a Palestinian state. For a permanent and viable solution to this awful, unjust life for them, for Israel, for Jews everywhere. For justice.

No to murder of civilians and the taking of civilian hostages. No to anti-semitism. No to terror. No to Hamas and Hezbollah and Iran in their hatred of Jews. No. No. No.

How to hold both of these feelings at such a time? How? Both necessary, both just, both compassionate. The world has its contradictions, its pain, its seemingly unresolvable conflicts. Look for a moment at our own country. Red and blue. MAGA and the rest of us. Ireland. China and the Uighurs. Afghanistan. Armenia. India. Sri Lanka. I suppose in each of these situations there are those torn by loyalties that seem irreconcilable.

Some must live with their hearts opened, their eyes clear, their minds knowing. Mustn’t they?

 

Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Judaism, Travel

Decisions

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Rain changing to Snow. Cool nights. Israel. Hamas. Hezbollah. Iran. The Middle East. Shirley Septic. Home. CBE. Reasons to go to Israel. Reasons to not go. Mike. Sandy. Jamie. Bill. Steve. The Kaufmans. Islam. Judaism. Christianity. Taoism. Buddhism. Hinduism. Zoroastrianism. Santeria. Voodoo. Animism. Paganism. The search for meaning, purpose. Rabbi Jamie, a wise man. Geoff of Keshet. Shiva. Showing up for those who mourn. The Bernsteins. Rebecca. Leslie. Kate, always Kate of blessed memory.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Lev, the heart/mind

One brief shining: A cardboard box of coffee, a tray with lox, capers, onions, tomatoes, bagels and schmear, blueberry muffins on the table, a zoom linked television screen above it, possible travelers to Israel around it, talking of fear of wanting joy of grandchildren who didn’t want them to go of money of changed purpose of options.

 

Geoff the Keshet rep who lives in Israel attended our 8 am meeting. Originally scheduled for last minute details, passing out luggage tags, gathering the excitement into a group moment. All changed by Hamas and its invasion of Israel during Simchat Torah. Geoff had a serious face, not the usual smiling travel host persona. He told of his three children in the reserves now called up. Two in safer places, one stationed near the Gaza strip. His voice broke. Stopped. He talked of his sixteen year old and his eleven year old at home. Torn between business and difficult family and political reality.

I felt sad for him. The conversation passed that feeling by though in favor of: My wife and I have talked. This is not the trip we want. We wanted to celebrate Israel, find joy. Also, Delta airlines has stopped flying to Ben Gurion. And. I have personal reasons, health challenges. My kids and my grandkids don’t want me to go and I can’t leave them with that worry. And. This doesn’t feel like the right time to be a tourist. Even my friends in Israel are saying don’t come. And. Our tradition is clear. We show up for those who mourn. Shiva. Showing up whether you know the mourner or not.

Some shift. Well, if we could help. If the trip could have a different purpose. And. I will not let fear make my decision. Terrorism is about instilling fear and I won’t let the terrorists have that win. (echoes of G.W.)

At some point during this subdued but intense conversation I asked to speak. Geoff, I know the business side of this is important, but I wanted you to know that I felt sad when you began the meeting. Wanted you to know that. Others followed. The conversation shifted again. Reasons to go, reasons still not to go.

I’m for showing up, I said. A few nodded. Others remained ready to cancel or postpone. Let’s set a date for making a decision. We did. This coming Sunday at 3 pm before an all congregational gathering to discuss the Israel/Hamas war.

Afterward I went to Mike who had mentioned prostate cancer as his health challenge. I have it, too. We talked a bit. Discovered that we’re both recently off all the drugs, now in the waiting period to see what affect all the treatments have had. Both of us to have blood work after the Israel trip. Life, and cancer, goes on.

 

Commentary on Religion, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Judaism, Poetry, Politics, Travel

Caverns Measureless to Man

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: CBE. Israel Trip meeting this morning. Mary, my physical therapist. Exercises. Exercising. Jet lag. A day per time zone. 15 time zones on MST. Oh. Israel. Hamas. Hezbollah. Iran. Palestinians. Two-state solution. The Pacific. The Atlantic. They Yellow Sea. The Sea of Japan. The Korean Peninsula. The Islands of Japan. The Rocky Mountains. Shadow Mountain. Black Mountain. Conifer Mountain. The Night Sky. Darkness. The season of darkness. Samain. The Winter Solstice.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Night

One brief shining: Nash from the Schneider’s will include bagels, cream cheese, onion, tomatoes, and capers for us while we try to digest the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in Ashkelon and Gaza and Tel Aviv, and civilians both Palestinian and Israeli dying in their homes as we assess whether our trip to Jerusalem is as over as we all imagine it is.

 

So. The news continues to shock, dismay. Photographs of bodies, burned out cars, wrecked apartment buildings, fences, military vehicles. I continue to have double vision. With sorrow and grief for Israel, its promise and its failure, its dead. With sorrow and grief for Gaza and Palestine, people herded into narrow spaces, walled off, virtually imprisoned. No winners here. Only the eye of history scanning back and forth for that moment when things begin to change. Will this be it? I certainly hope so. For the dream that is a Jewish homeland. For the necessity that is a Palestinian state. For both to be true and friendly.

The enmeshed politics of the U.S., Iran, Russia, even Ukraine now threaded more deeply into the bloodied tapestry of the current Middle East. We support Israel. We support Hamas and the Palestinians. We support our Sunni brothers and sisters. We support our Shia brothers and sisters. We support. But support really means we are willing to kill those we don’t. Or, provide aid and comfort while our proxies do it for us. This part of the world is a nightmare for all who call it home and for all who have interests there. Yet for those who call it home it is just that. Home. I feel linked in sadness with all those who care for these troubled lands. All.

It is strange to have a personal stake in these events. But I do. A couple of weeks in Israel beginning on October 25th. Doubt it now. Meeting at CBE this morning with a representative of Keshet, the Israeli travel agency organizing the group part of the trip. Probably will start to unwind. I didn’t buy travel insurance so I’m not sure what the financial impact of a cancellation will be for me. Whether the airline will let me have a refund or a credit. Also strange to consider personal finances while people are dying. I need to, but it’s still strange.

Have to go get ready for the 8 am meeting at CBE. Our Keshet rep lives in Jerusalem so this will be first hand about what’s happening there. Keshet sent an e-mail to all of us yesterday outlining the financial commitments they’ve made to relief work as an organization. The needs are great and if you feel like donating there are many opportunities.

 

Health, Holidays, Judaism, Korea, Politics, Travel, World History

War

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Israel. Hammas. War. Destruction. Shiva. Kali. People in crisis. Wild Neighbors who live with death and violence everyday. Palestinians. The One that includes all of these. A swirling chaos of intermingling realities. A Fall day. Cool night. A liminal time between growing season and fallow season. The season of harvest. Sukkot. All harvests everywhere. Sustaining our human family. Mabon. Samain. The final harvest festival and the Celtic New Year. Simchat Torah. Endings and Beginnings. We come to the end and find in it our beginning. (yes, Eliot)

Sparks of Joy and Awe: One World

One brief shining: Jimmy brought me my coffee in a shiny white ceramic cup tall and slender, set it on the polished pine table top along with a small pewter pitcher filled with cream while I gazed out the window at Bear Creek tumbling and splashing over the rocks in its bed as it flowed on its way to the South Platte carrying water from Maxwell Creek, Cub Creek, Blue Creek, and Kate’s Creek.

 

Learned in some reading yesterday that among jet lag’s symptoms is gastrointestinal upset. Oh. Well, not a Korean bug, then. A gutty reminder of the intricate dance between the second brain in our digestive system and the rest of the body. This jet lag was brutal. Lasted over a week upsetting my sleep, my mental acuity, and my tummy. Gonna seek out a different way of getting to and from Korea. Probably two steps. One to the West Coast. Rest. Then fly to Incheon. Reverse. Maybe even try the phased sleep plan which seemed too complicated before I left. And now feels a bit more approachable.

In my third day of p.t. guided exercises. Back to my workouts with no restrictions except: if it hurts, don’t do it. Kate gave this sort of advice often. I have a long road back from the detraining I visited upon myself and the pain occasioned by my spinal stenosis. On it though.

Mary, my physical therapist, wanted me to take note of my hip/back pain as I was out and about over the days after my first visit. Treadmill: 25 minutes at 2.5 mph (slow walk) at 2% incline-no pain. Dancing with the Torah-about 20 minutes of jumping and twisting and moving-no pain. 20 minutes walking into a mall (remember malls?) to buy sunglasses, walk back out-no pain.

The only thing new since that first visit is the exercise regime Mary gave me.

 

3 months ago I took out a subscription to Haaretz, an Israeli English language newspaper. Dad always said, read the local news. And, I do. Right now Haaretz is an invaluable resource for the conflict happening in Israel. Its opinion pieces, photographs, and on site reporting have given me a good, and I believe sound, overview both of the events of the last two days and the future implications of this surprise invasion.

The trip which I had planned may not occur. At least not now. My plane for Jerusalem leaves Denver on October 25th, two weeks and three days from today. Unlikely this will be resolved by then. See attached below a CBE response by Rabbi Jamie sent out today.*

 

*Dear Friends of Beth Evergreen,

Friday night at Beth Evergreen (CBE), we gathered in our beautiful sanctuary to celebrate the culmination of the High Holiday Season, dancing with the Torah and one another in honor of Shabbat and Simchat Torah.  Yesterday morning, with the news coming out of Israel, our holiday joy was shaken and our Sabbath peace shattered, all the more so for family and friends in Israel who have been embroiled in internal struggles for the future of Israel’s democracy.  This brazen and unprecedented attack on Israel was deliberately timed to coincide with the 50th anniversary of the Yom Kippur War.  Today, we were reminded that the war continues.  And the reverberations reach far and deep.

As many of you are aware, in just a few weeks, a group of us from CBE have been planning a trip to Israel – a 9-day tour through this ancestral homeland, and a bike ride to support environmental and peace efforts of the Arava Institute.  Exactly how this  brazen and unprecedented attack will impact those plans is too soon to say, but impact them it surely will.

 In the coming days and weeks, as we watch the situation closely, we will be working with our friends in Israel and partner organizations here in Colorado to discern how to best support Israel and one another through this difficult time.  In the meantime, please consider joining me at Beth Evergreen next week, on Sunday, October 15 from 4 – 5:30 PM for a special gathering of informative dialogue, mutual support, and prayerful action to ensure the safety and security of Israel and promote peace and justice in the region.  And for something you can do right now, you might also consider making a financial donation to support life saving and peace promoting organizations in Israel/Palestine, such as Magen David Adom at https://www.mdais.org/en/donation (Israeli version of the Red Cross).

Lastly, we at CBE echo the statement issued by Reconstructing Judaism and the Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association made earlier today.  We are indeed:

 “…horrified by today’s massive attack on Israel by Hamas. We condemn the attacks unequivocally and join in solidarity with the people of Israel on this harrowing and difficult day. The scope and magnitude of these attacks, intentionally conducted in the early hours of Shabbat and Simchat Torah, is on a scale not seen in many years. Over 250 Israelis have been killed, over 1400 wounded, and dozens of Israelis have reportedly been kidnapped and taken hostage by Hamas. We pray for the safety of all those taken hostage and call for their immediate release.

We hold the leaders of Hamas and other militant groups responsible for this senseless loss of life, and we demand international accountability for these outrageous war crimes. Today, thousands of families across Israel are terrified. We are scared for them. We are also scared for Palestinian families in the West Bank and Gaza. We know this violence will lead to more violence. Israel has already launched strikes in Gaza, and hundreds of Palestinians have been killed. This is a day of profound anguish and horror.

We support Israel’s right to defend itself in line with international law in the face of such violent and indiscriminate attacks. We pray for a swift end to this violence, and we hope that a slide into even further conflagration and suffering for Israelis and Palestinians can be prevented. When it is over, we recommit ourselves to working for a just and long-term solution.

With our fervent prayers for safety, security, a return of hostages, and peace for one and all.

Rabbi Jamie Arnold

 

 

Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Shadow Mountain, Travel

More on the Well of Sorrows

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: Retinal nerve stable. Pressures stable. Good glaucoma news. Dr. Repine. Driving Deer Creek Canyon Road on the way home. Flaming Aspen torches lighting the way. The way the Mountain Fall varies by altitude and terrain. Brooks Tavern. Not good, but familiar and at home. First workout. Training the body. Seeing Sue Bradshaw today for back consultation, a plan to stay healthy enough to travel. Well, healthy enough. The Measure of Our Age. An excellent book on aging in America. That colon. Still on duty after all these years.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow Mountain beneath me. The Sky above me.

One brief shining: Deer Creek Canyon Road winds up from the high Plains into the Foot Hills following Deer Creek and the steep Canyon walls it has cut over millions of years of spring Snow Melt, Monsoon Rains, and steady, steady work; along the banks of the Creek the Willows and the Dogwood reflect back the golden light of the Aspens during this one short season when the Canyon road is its own torch light parade.

 

Back to my workouts. At last. Boy am I detrained. Weak and lacking stamina. Felt good to get back at it. Early days and slow, modest gains but that’s how comebacks work. I’ve done them before. This was an unusually long stretch of dormancy occasioned in part by travel, by allowing it to be that way, by my back issues, then the cold, then coming home. To live healthfully I know I need to keep up cardio, resistance with a focus on my core, balance, and flexibility. Over the years I’ve done well at the first three, not so much on the flexibility and that caught up with me. Workouts are mood lifters, too, and not working out can allow dark moods to deepen. Not trivial at all. The best and cheapest medicine. Then, good food.

Going to see a nurse practitioner today to get some referrals for an orthopedist, p.t. Given my spinal stenosis I need a care plan. One I can use from here on out to keep my back quiet and allow good walking, traveling. Have mostly done this sort of work with personal trainers or on my own. Need some professional help this time.

 

Still in a subdued, though not dark place. Not yet recovered. Not wanting to pin my current state on the Korea trip. Am I too old for this sort of travel? No. But if not how can I make the whole process more manageable. The hip and back pain and the cold might be one offs, too. Find a workout and flexibility regimen that calms down the back and I’ll be ready to go again. Good thing since I leave for Israel on the 25th.

Allowing the well of sorrows to have its say without succumbing to the invitation. There is a strength in saying yes to feelings that are not warm and fuzzy. That help us reorient, motivate ourselves. Owning, for example, my role in my weakened state lets me find my role in reversing it. Or, feeling fragile, even frail motivates me to work on diet, exercise, contact with friends.

 

 

 

Asia, Commentary on Religion, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Korea, Mountains, Politics, Shadow Mountain, Travel, Weather +Climate, Wild Neighbors

This and that

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Monday gratefuls: A pink Cumulus Cloud over Black Mountain. The start of a new Day. A new life resurrected from the 1/60th death of sleep. Each Day a full book in the library of life. The vast wing dedicated to each life. Yours. Mine. The Mule Deer and the Butterfly. Rain. Fall weather this week. My son and his sweet note. Gabe. The Rockie’s game that wasn’t. Twins playing last year’s winner of the World Series in the playoffs. House cleaning today.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Life, the wonder and the miracle

One brief shining: Small drops of Water hit my deck this morning, taking the Mouse trap outside to make  an offering to the Ravens, the dead mouse would not come out.

 

Yes. When I got back it was late September and the Mice had made a new incursion. When I went to get my electric Mouse trap out, I noticed a blinking red light. The sign of a killed Mouse. ? Sure enough, in the worst decision of its short life, this particular Mouse had chosen the Mouse trap as its home.

I don’t like killing mice. It makes me sad, feel guilty, puts me in a category of human behavior I never aspire to. Yet my team that came to help me clean a couple of years ago made me get over it. Too much of a health risk. And, I know. I know. Hamburgers. Bacon. Chicken wings. Who ever said contradiction was not a part of life? Even so.

 

Slept well the last two nights. Colon less vigilant. Yay. Jet lag waning, as it will. Perhaps today, maybe tomorrow I’ll shake free of Korea’s Sun and return to the one under which I now live. These transitions go unremembered after a journey is over. Their price part of the experience like airfare and taxis.

 

Fall in the Rockies. A distinctive time here, one I’m glad I didn’t miss. The bugling of the Elk Bull’s searching for mates. Hyperphagic Bears tipping over garbage cans, raiding cars, going into houses after a portion of the 20,000 calories a day they need before their long nap. The Aspen’s gold, muted this year, against the evergreen of the Lodgepoles. Signs for snowplowing, ads. The Mountain Lions hunting for the straggling Mule Deer, the startled Rabbit. Skies as blue and as pure as new born Fawns, reflected in Mountain Streams and Lakes. The weather becoming more unstable, veering between heat and cold, changing. Nights that go into the electric blanket zone. Days that feel warm in the sun, cold in the shade. All of us, humans and wild neighbors, making sure we’re ready for the cold season that follows.

 

If you read the NYT, you will find in this morning’s edition an article about Bishop Joseph Strickland: A Texas Bishop Takes on the Pope. It’s rare that I have a personal connection to any stories featuring Catholicism coming of good Protestant stock and about to become a Jew. In this case though. Paul Strickland, Joseph’s older brother, is and has been a close friend of mine for over thirty years. He’s one of the Ancient Brothers who meet by zoom each Sunday morning.

Paul and all of us Ancient Brothers have a very different take on the world than Joseph. Yet. Not a surprise that Joseph is articulate, strong, and determined. Like Paul. Not a surprise that Joseph has catalyzed others. Like Paul and the 10,000 Friends of the Maine Coast which prevented a huge LPG terminal from taking over the tiny Maine town in which he lives. Even folks in the news have families.

 

 

Asia, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Korea, Shadow Mountain, Travel

Not all the way back yet

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Jet lag. That Korean stomach bug. Surviving still. High winds today. Bright blue Colorado Sky. Great Sol out and shining. My son, Seoah, Murdoch. Their big apartment. Songtan. The family practice doc. The orthopedist. Bongeunsa. Seoul. Jeoju. K-dramas. Gabe. The Rockies. The Ancient Brothers on savoring. Korea. Repine. Bradshaw. Derm. Recollecting Korea. Distances made real by the body’s unwillingness to leave one place for another. Breakfast at home this morning.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Moments. This one.

One brief shining: I could tell you my fingers curve, strike the keys from long muscle memory, my feet crossed on the small foot rest, my back slumping in the Henry Miller, now upright again, as the folded, bathed neuronic miracle between my ears sends messages and has them spelled out here in pixels by the keyboard’s link to the computer screen, no prior knowledge of what I’m about to say necessary, write this word, then that one, they come down from the boss organ.

 

The unexplored regions of our own body. Have you seen your brain? Probably not. Yet, it works, anticipates, sees to fuel and motion and elimination and rest. All on behalf of… What?

That was weird. Two blackouts. A third. High winds can screw up the power lines. Even cause fires. After the fourth pulse off the generator kicked on. Going now just below where I sit. Its reassuring purr makes me feel taken care of. Glad I had Bear out in May to do the maintenance on it.

Before the blackouts, I planned to do a short disquisition on how the brain/mind sends messages without a conscious decision. That would be pretty slow, wouldn’t it? Let’s. OK. What’s next? See. That’s good. Where was I? We’d never get anything said or written if we had to will the words to come out. No, we talk. We write. And our brain/mind sees to the flow. And, oddly, the content.

 

Had to send Gabe the tickets to the game, hoping he can find someone to take him and a friend to the Rockie’s last game. This jet lagged, stomach bugged elder was not up to it. Hate doing that, but self-care comes first. Nothing serious. Disoriented and tired of my colon saving me from myself. Real tired. Will pass. Sooner rather than later, I hope.

 

I know. Sorry. A life full of the occasional woes these last few weeks. I try to document them and not over report, leave a trail so that if I want to know what happened right after Korea I’ll have enough recall it. Still, they’re not uplifting even though each one a part of this human experience.

That said, I’m not into uplifting anyhow come to think of it. Thoughtful. Sensitive. Emotional. Descriptive. Questioning. A bit of diatribing. Analysis. Fun. Yes. But uplifting for uplifting’s sake? God, no.

Gonna go slow today. Rest. Eat. Read. I will return to my former brightness when it happens and not before anyhow.

 

 

 

Asia, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Shadow Mountain, Travel

Looking toward Korea

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Saturday gratefuls: The Harvest Moon. Mabon. Lake Superior on Michaelmas. Tom and Roxann. At Lutsen Lodge for dinner-with Goose chowder. Northern Minnesota. Missed. My son, Seoah, and Murdoch home from Chuseok in Okgwa. Alan and Joan. Jackie and Ronda. Life in the embrace of the Mountains. Jetlag. Jet planes. Time and movement. So much to do, so little energy to do it. A sign I saw. Ha. Nailed it. The drive to Evergreen. The Bread Lounge. Back in the Mountains, driving on Black Mountain and Brook Forest Drive. The world of an out of joint mind.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Waters of the Great Lake Superior

One brief shining: The curve of Black Mountain from south to west, a tight curve heading away from home toward Upper Maxwell Falls, early Fall Leaf peepers already up and at the trailhead, pushing past Brook Forest Inn and its beaten down Livery Barn, a left at the fish ladder for a jaunt past Lower Maxwell Falls, two cars only, on to the inevitable and perennial Road Work ahead, this time  work on our gas pipelines, orange safety jackets complementing the golden Aspen Leaves, after the sweeping curve comes Kate’s Creek, and finally Hwy 73 which rolls on into Evergreen.

 

Jet lag, which I pronounced almost gone yesterday afternoon, slipped back in over night. If it were a game of finally fitting the full face mask on straight, I’d have about a quarter turn to go. Looking to the side back towards Korea while wanting to see clearly now. But not quite able.

One of the debilitating effects of jet lag comes in its tugging at your mind, saying, Hey, Dude! Something’s not right. Must be you. Let’s see what we can dig up from the well of sorrows. This way lies madness. No, I’m not ready for assisted living. That fall? A reminder to be mindful on the stairs. Stop it. I can handle my own affairs. Damn it.

Of course, the well of sorrows has/is a reservoir of issues, concerns, doubts, infringements on agency. And, they’re not all bogus. That’s the trick of course. Oh, well. I may not be ready for assisted living now, and I’m not, but could it be out there in my future? Sure. Made a note to contact Jewish Family Services and get an elderly housing specialist up here for a consult.

Made an appointment with my doc to continue work on my back issues. Probably a referral to an orthopedist and a physical therapist. Also going to check out simple yoga and get back to a workout routine that got me to 76 without these problems. Act now or forever hold your peas. Something like that. Another appointment for my glaucoma check. Will hit Derm when I go to the family practice clinic. Have to get stuff in before I leave for Israel. See. I’m handling things. He said still looking off toward Korea.

 

 

 

Asia, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Korea, Shadow Mountain, Travel

Agency

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Fall and the Harvest Moon

Thursday gratefuls: My own bed. Stop now the journey has ended. 21 hours from Incheon to Shadow Mountain. Reasonably smooth. No real hiccups. Korea. The USA. The Rocky Mountains. The Mountains of Korea. Just realized I have no immediate family in the U.S. Gabe and Ruth, yes. Grandchildren. That woman who helped me open my snack on the plane to Denver. Incheon. Dallas. Denver. The Parking Spot. Home by Rav4. Up Shadow Mountain Drive for the first time in over a month. Getting mail today. Breakfast at Aspen Perks.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: 8,800 feet

One brief shining: Lost my light LL Bean coat somewhere in the Dallas Airport, left only with the t-shirt on my back, having packed everything else in the blue plastic bin for storage in Songtan, refused to buy a Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt even though I wouldn’t get back until after 9 pm, found a zipup sweatshirt at a store in the Denver Airport, liked it, and wanted the warmth so I bought it only to realize that the color I liked and the fact that it zipped up on the left meant it was a woman’s sweat shirt.

 

On returning home. Realized I returned to Shadow Mountain agency when I left Joe and Seoah behind at the airport in Incheon. I love them to pieces and get the same back, yet to them I’m also an old man with a bad back, a lingering cold, a certain frailty that needs to be accommodated, accounted for. I am an old man. I do have a bad back and that damned cold wouldn’t go away. All true. I’ll even cop to a certain amount of frailty, at least from their mid-forties perspective. Yet I experienced this time with them a slow and quiet unintentional leaning into their love, their care. I liked it, appreciated being looked after, considered. Seductive and in the end, at least for now, not the side of our relationship I want to nurture.

It was an unusual trip. The episode with my back put me in a need to rest, to consider how much I could handle mode. And just as the orthopedist and Mr. Lee got me back to regular exercise and much, much reduced back pain we all got that cold. They both had it and recovered. I had it and it lingered, then became a sinus infection. Meant I spent more time than I wanted dealing with acute health care issues, then reckoning for the chronic nature of my back issues.

The net result of all this was that I presented as a needy old man for significant chunks of time. And, I was. However, in the Shadow Mountain context I would have handled all this with my own health care team. Made the appointments, followed up. But in Korea, I couldn’t due to the language barrier. That meant Seoah had to take charge of much of the detail oriented side. And I’m glad she did.

Not sure what I’m trying to say here. I loved being with my two favorite people and their dog. I loved being loved by them in practical ways. Yet I’m also my own guy, leading his own life on Shadow Mountain. Guess I want both at the same time. Seem incompatible. The future though?