Samhain                                                        Moon of the Winter Solstice

Like many folks I’ve walked my annual physical slowly toward December 31st.  Only paid for once a year and it has to fall on or after the last one.  Don’t recall how long it took, but I’m now up to December 17th.

The result.  I get my physical and my lab tests back just before the New Year.  So.  I read them.  They’re like an empirical astrological chart.  In their patterns lie the future.  Of my body.  I can see the faint outlines now of the hammer that will probably deliver the fate of the gods.  And it’s not what I imagined.

Each time I get the feedback from my physical I have to give up, at least for an hour or a day or a week, that magical sense we all have that, despite substantial evidence to the contrary, we will be the one, the first one, yes, but the one, that will just skate on out of here alive.

The data from my physical proves that I am flesh and blood, heir to all the flaws and weaknesses of the body.  And more.  That I am not someone else, not some free floating life form, skimming just above the small hooks and lines the world throws out to hold us down. No. I have a high glucose reading.  My cretanine is up.  But the cholesterol numbers?  Wow.  Blood pressure?  Fine.  There are other little ticks and creaks in the fabric of my vehicle.

You know that right?  Each Hindu god or goddess has a vehicle.  Their feet never touch the earth.  They do skim above the hooks and lines carried by Nandi or Garuda.  I suppose, back to the incarnation post of a week or so ago, that we might each be gods, carried above the surface of samsara by this fleshly vehicle. [I should say that this is the exact opposite reading of samsara from Hinduism and Buddhism.  In these belief systems the bodies senses are the hooks and tethers that keep us chained to this world.] Riding on it like Vishnu on Garuda.  In this case, maybe I will float on, wash away from here and into the Brahma or into the heavens or perhaps crawl back on the wheel for one more ride in one more vehicle.

I suppose it could be.

But I can tell now that this one has fatal flaws.  Turns out it’s just like everybody else’s.

Final thought.  When my physical finally gets scheduled for December 31st, is my time up?

Samhain                                                            Moon of the Winter Solstice

Physical this morning.  Annual for many years.  In one sense it’s like a test you take and take and take until you fail.  Then, it’s not important anymore.

Samhain                                                             Thanksgiving Moon

Let myself get tired and hungry yesterday.  No lunch before the drive in for the Sunday afternoon tour, then working through the time period for my nap.  When I went through treatment for alcoholism, now over 35 years ago, the trainers taught us H.A.L.T.  Hungry. Angry. Late. Tired.  In recovery slips can happen and they would tend to happen, we were told, if any or more than one of these were present.  They can come in clusters.  Once hungry and tired, anger pops to the surface.  Or, being late can create short temper. Anger can lead to lack of sleep.  Being late can lead to skipped meals.

(When I found this graphic, I learned that I’d modified one word:  the L stands for lonely.  Loneliness doesn’t bother me and doesn’t happen to me too often, so I think I’ll let late stand.  For me.  I also was reminded that one other use of the acronym is to remind you what to do:  HALT.  Don’t do anything rash.  Just slow down and figure things out.)

The effect on me yesterday?  I gave myself a drubbing on the way home because my tour group didn’t clap.  How silly in retrospect.  These folks stayed with me, asked questions, showed interest to the end.  The very definition, in my opinion, of a good tour.  Still, by the time I got home, I’d done poorly, might just drop the whole thing.  I was glad this morning, rested, calm, a good breakfast and up with plenty of time to get the day going, the very oppose of H.A.L.T.  I could see yesterday’s slump for what it was, a symptom, not a diagnosis.

Today’s got good stuff in it.  Again.

Samhain                                                                 Fallowturn Moon

Oh boy.  New aerobics.  Used my felling axe, now that the weight restrictions from hernia surgery are over.  First tree just cut down.  The small scrub ash that the %@#%# squirrels used as an intermediary road when highjacking our Honeycrisp crop.  The pirates.

This is going to be good aerobic and upper body resistance work.  Got my heart rate up pretty fast.  I imagine I’ll get more efficient, but even so this went smoothly.  Another lesson relearned, even small trees are heavy.  I had to shove this one off a path.

Next stop, unwanted trees to be cast out of the garden.  I will send them east of eden and guard the entrance with a flaming sword.