Category Archives: Faith and Spirituality

After this life

Summer                            Waning Summer Moon

Life keeps coming at us until this one stops.  Gyatsho has been on my mind since his death.  As I indicated the day I discussed his death here, the Tibetan belief is that he is now in a possibly 49 day process of finding a home for his reincarnation.  As I’ve worked outside, I’ve looked up from time to time, imagined Gyatsho’s consciousness, his very subtle mind, making a transit through the invisible world, hunting for a new home, working toward enlightenment.

As I’ve considered this, it comforts me.  The notion of a next life, especially a next life focused on learning left over lessons from this one, makes sense to me in a way.

What has not made sense to me since early high school is the binary logic of Christianity:  heaven or hell.  One lifetime, then out to eternal punishment or eternal bliss.  Even when I worked as a minister, my theological system did not include such a cramped afterlife.   God is love.   If so, then love will rule a soul’s disposition in the afterlife and love forgives all things.  No need for hell.  This seems to collapse the present into amorality, but only so for persons devoid of gratitude or unaware of grace.

My belief now runs more toward composting, but I’m open to the notion of survival.  If we do survive in some way, I like the Buddhist idea.  Even though I like it, I find it hard to believe because the evidence we have from returnees is nil.

The metaphor that works best for me is the chrysalis.  This body I have now is a chrysalis, death triggers the next transformation, mutation.  Perhaps we pass into one of the multiverses and never even know it happened.  The next great mystery.

Innocence and joy

Summer                                     Full Summer Moon

Ruth (grand-daughter, 3) has a voice that is innocence.  Her pitch, her earnestess and her imaginative conversation all draw me to a time when life proceeded with leaving home in the early morning, going down the street to pick up my pals, deciding whether to go to the field, play baseball, ride bikes or hunt for pop bottles to turn in for spare change.  Her voice carries the sweetness of cotton candy sold under bright lights at a county fair, pink dresses with lots of frill.  When I hear her, I remember the garden before the fall when we walked with the sacred unclothed and wide-eyed.

Gabe has a smile that lights up the room and makes everyone glad.  Innocence and joy are great gifts children offer to adults, reminders of what the world has on offer if we can shed the mantle of maturity, even if only for a little while.

Today I’m going to put the finishing touches on my pre-Raphaelite tour.  I’ve changed my focus a bit with more attention to Hunt’s evolution as an artist and as a spiritual seeker than an examination of pre-Raphaelitism per se.  In that regard I will start with his Light of the World, started when he was only 23 and finished a year later.  This painting made him famous and rich, but, more important, it ignited a life-long spiritual journey that took shape in his art.  This is a trial run for this tour, so we’ll see how it goes.

Under the Full Summer Moon

Summer                               Full Summer Moon

The extended family got in the car and drove to the Osaka this evening.  Ruth, three  years old, downs sushi without aid of soy sauce and extra wasabi.  Gabe distributes food put before him in an arc around his high chair, smiling and gracious the whole time.  Jon, Jen and I share a common liking for raw fish prepared by Japanese chefs.  Ruthie may be part of that, too, but I wonder what she’ll say when she discovers its raw fish.

The big puppies are inside tonight.  Another test of their domestication.

Tuesday night the trash goes out here and I took the large plastic container down to the end of the driveway.  As I did a whitetail deer, a doe, perked her ears up and looked right at me, about 150 feet away.  We both stood motionless, with the exception of her ears, for five or six minutes.  I looked at her, she looked at me.  It was a sweet, natural moment between two species that have thrived in the suburban environment.  She will, no doubt, try to gain nutrition from our vegetable and flower gardens, but, then, so do we.

The domesticity of the setting does not change that she is a wild animal.  She comes and goes with no permission needed or given.  Her visibility has its limits, usually we see deer around dusk, as tonight, but they are always somewhere nearby, tucked into a grassy bed or browsing in a hidden meadow.  The same is true of the groundhog, the Great Horned Owl, the gray squirrel, red fox, rabbits, mice, snakes, salamanders and frogs. Without the wild animal we would have no other against which to measure the degrees of our taming.  We, too, were once wild.  Now we live our lives inside right angles, with imitation suns and recorded music.

There are, though, those moments, like tonight, when the domestic and the wild come close, brush each other in passing.  We can stand for a bit, gazing into one another’s realm, but the moments are fleeting, tendrils of time like the high cirrus clouds.   We return to the house or the brush, relieved we had a place to go, a safe place, a familiar place.

Some of the same occurs each night when we look at the moon or the distant stars.  They represent places that, until 1969, no human had ever reached, even now the numbers are tiny.  12 men have walked on the moon, all between 1969 and 1972.  The moon is a wilderness, as is the deep space that surrounds it.  Wilderness will tolerate a human presence, but only if we agree to limit ourselves.  If we do not, we can destroy the wildness and once gone it is difficult to retrieve.

Except, there are times when we stand and look wilderness in the eye until it twitches its white tail and gracefully exits.

The True Generational Transition

Summer                   Waxing Summer Moon

Jon and Jen moved around the house this morning, packing and stowing, wiping Ruth’s tears–the wrong cap on her bubble bottle–and feeding a smiling Gabe.  It was the deliberate preparation of seasoned parents, checking this and that, getting ready.  As I watched, I realized this was the true generational transition.  The birth of grandchildren seems to represent the moment when the grandparent’s generation gets legs in time.  It’s not.  It comes when those children integrate into their family.  It comes when their parents take responsibility for them in a functioning, dynamic family.  It comes when tears are soothed, food comes to the table, when boundaries are set, when imagination is nurtured.  It comes when love creates a new family.   I saw all this over the last two days.

Jon put together Ruth’s playhouse.  We bought it a year and a half ago on sale at Costco.  It’s actually a utility shed, but a very cute one with windows and peaked roof.  We’re going to put white lights over the whole area and dress up the inside so other grandchildren can use it too.   Permaculture focuses not only on the plant life in an area, but on the human use of the land as well.  The playhouse adds generational nurturance to the built environment here.

Meanwhile the attacks on our new drip irrigation continue.  Vega seems to have taken a particular interest in where the netaphim should be.   She is not content with things as they are; rather, she sees things as she would like them to be and acts.  She apparently sees the netaphim with multiple holes, disconnected from its sources of water and distributed not where the plants are, but where she sees a better design.

Life has vibrancy here.  A good thing.

Still sinking.

Beltane                    Full Dyan Moon

Kate can tell when I begin to submerge, move below the surface of day to day contact.  I become short, irritable.  She gets the feeling of walking on egg shells.  By the time this happens I’m not in touch with my effect on the outside world.  Distraction and self-absorption reign.

She brings it up.  We talk.  Today I said, “I’ve moved into melancholy.”  The distance between closed.  We both know this journey and its dark side.  I ate my chirashi and she her teryaki bento box.

“What precipitated it?”

“I have no idea.  Chemicals, I think.”

“No. Wait.  It began, I think on Hilton Head.  Maybe it was the weather.  I now that sounds absurd, but then, I know it happens, too.  Gloomy outside, gloomy inside.”

“I love you.”  Said with the grasp of both the condition and the afflicted.  Therapy in their own right.

Otherwise, the day had bees and money.

Mark Nordeen came over and we popped the top on the second hive.  Lotsa bees.  Took a long while to get the smoker going.  The smoke calms them down.  They stop flying, go back into the hive.

The top hive had brood on several frames and the number of bees has tripled at least.  There were three queen cups and I got to see exactly what they looked like.

“If you ever see a queen cup that has a queen in it, don’t knock it off.  That means they’re about to swarm and you’ll need the second queen for those who stay behind.”

We moved the bottom hive on top because there had not been as much work done down there and we wanted to encourage more frames filled with brood.

Later in the morning we saw our cash-flow adviser.  We’ve done very well and continue to  do so, but as we move to retirement she says there is a big trick to moving from paid employment to retirement income.  In the case of Kate we’ve been lucky to have her producing large quarterly bonuses which have enabled us to do many different things:  dogs, permaculture, long trips.  After retirement, those kinds of bumps in income will disappear and we have to decide how to deal with that.  Turns out cash is the primary tool, having lots of it in liquid investments like CD’s, bonds or money market.

The moral here is that no matter how you feel, life goes on.  Decisions have to be made.  Bees need care.  The garden goes through its season.  There is something reassuring to the constancy and permanence of natural change.

Hi and Lo

Beltane      Waning Flower Moon

Hilton Head Island, S.C.

Cloudy again today.  Yesterday afternoon, for a couple of hours, the sun shone.  I just looked at the forecasts for Panama City.  Thunderstorms followed by thunderstorms.

It finally came to me yesterday why this weather looked so familiar.  It looks like the pre-hurricane footage from the weather channel.  And for good reason.  There is a tropical depression slowly twirling off the east coast of Florida.  Its northeast quadrant, around Jacksonville and the panhandle, has already dumped a lot of rain.  2 ft. in one location over two days!  Remember Florida barely has a grip on the surface;  a lot it will go early when the oceans rise.

As I worked out today on hard sand just above the surf racing ashore, I felt another of nature’s cycles, the tides.  They pull in and out four times a day, hi and lo.  These cycles remind us of the cycles in our own bodies and in our lives.

Last night at the Jazz Corner the crowd’s age showed in the gray heads dominating the room.  We are the outgoing tide for this generation of living humans.  We washed ashore in one of the biggest birth events in US history and we will go out as one of the biggest death events.  Cycles,spirals. Change.

Bee-ing

Beltane                      Waning Flower Moon

Tomorrow morning Mark Nordeen and I will zip up our white bee suits, put on Wellies and gloves, secure the veiled bonnet that makes us look like prim Victorian ladies headed for a stroll in Hyde Park circa 1880 and do the third check on the bee hive.

When I checked it a week ago, I saw capped cells and a lot of activity.  As I’ve watched scouts come and go over the last week, I’ve noticed that between 1/4 and 1/3 of them return with pollen on their hind legs.  This is a key transition, meaning they will be able to make their own food, wax and propolis.

As each new piece has become a part of our overall property, the gestalt increases.  It grows in size, has grown in size, from the first decisions about boulder walls and perennial flowers, through bulb planting, hosta and ferns, the multiplication and division of iris, day lilies, true lilies, hosta, bug bane, ligularia, dicentra.  When Kate began to grow vegetables, the gestalt pushed out some more.

Hiring Ecological Gardens and putting in the orchard last fall has pushed the boundaries of the whole further out, while integrating it more.  The bees have added an animal component, a lively and complex bee-ing.

Growing vegetable plants from seed under lights, then planting them outside adds another layer.  The work that Ecological Gardens plans for May 26 and May 27 will enrich it yet again.

The feeling is hard to express, but wonderful.  Mabye the bee hive is a good analogy.  It feels to me like the whole property has become an interdependent whole, with the land working for us and us working for the land.  I’m not talking about just food production.  The beauty of the flowers, the grace of the ferns, the broad green presence of the hosta are part of it, too.  Each part feeds into and amplifies the other.  The bees enhance the fruit trees, the vegetables and the flowers; in turn they provide pollen to the hive.  We care for the whole and harvest food, aesthetic pleasure and a sense of connectedness.

The Moon of Full Flower

Beltane                     Full Flower Moon

The full flower moon rises tonight on beds full of daffodils, tulips, snowdrops and small blue flowers whose name I don’tdaffodils675 recall.  The furled hosta leaves that come up in a tightly packed spiral have begun to uncurl.  Dicentra have full leaves now, though no flowers yet.   A few iris have pushed blossoms up, a purple variety I particularly like opens early.  Even though they will not bear flowers until July the true lilies have already grown well past six inches, some with gentle leaves and others with leaves that look like a packed icanthus, an Egyptian temple column rising out of this northern soil.

My hydroponically started plants will stay outside today for four hours, working up to seven until they graduate to full time outdoor spots.  All of the three hundred plants began as heirloom seeds and have had no chemicals other than nutrient solution.   Unless we paid Seed Savers to ship us transplants, there is no other way to get heirloom plants that need growing time before the date of the last frost.  Too, the selection of vegetables and their varieties is of our choosing, not the nurseries.  I don’t have anything against nurseries; I just like to grow what I want, not what’s available.

The big daylilly move underway will make way for a full sun bed of sprawlers like squash, watermelon and cucumbers.  The perennial plants like the lilies, iris, daffodils, hosta, ferns, and hemerocallis have their complexity but I’ve majored in them for the last 14 years.  Now I understand their needs, their quirks, the rhythm of their lives and their care.  Vegetables, on the other hand, only this last two growing seasons have received any concentrated attention.  Their complexities are multiple because there are so many varieties and species with so many varying needs related to soil temperature, ph, nutrients, length and temperature of the growing season.

The learning curve has been steep for me so far, though the experience gained from the perennial plants has kept me from being overwhelmed.  In another couple of years I should have a good feel for what does well here and what does not.  After that, the vegetable garden will become more productive while at the same becoming easier to manage.

By that time, too, I hope to have had two successful bee-keeping years under my belt and have grown my colony to three hives or more, enough to justify purchasing an extractor.  At that point this should be an integrated and functioning micro-farm.  If it works well, I hope it will serve as a model for what can be done on 2.5 acres.  We’ll see.

Our Life And This Land Are One

Beltane                      Waxing Flower Moon

The garden beckons, so a short one this morning.  I’m set for having the garden planted before I leave next Friday, atulips674 week from tomorrow.  Everything I need to get in the ground before I get back will have a spot:  various tomato plants and potato eyes, broccoli, cauliflower, egg plant, onions, leek, chard, greens and cucumbers.

There is a sense of wholeness now as the orchard begins to blossom, the vegetable garden for this year starts to grow and the perennial flowers, hosta, ferns and bugbane blossom and emerge.   With the ecological garden’s work later this month we will have a yet more integrated homestead, with food and flowers, bees and a home of their own for the grandkids.

This must be a similar feeling to a farmer’s, a feeling that our life and this land are one.  That means, too, that as the garden comes to life, a certain part of my Self also comes to life, when it grows, so do I.  As the harvest comes in so do I harvest fruits within my Self.

When the garden begins to go fallow in late August through October, another aspect of my Self blossoms.  In this light I can see September 29th, the Feast of  St. Michael the Archangel, as the springtime of the  soul.  This begins a period more reflective and contemplative, a period, too, when my creativity flowers.  As outside, so inside.

Blessed be.

This May Night Has A Sacred Presence

Beltane                Waxing  Flower Moon

When I walk outside at night, on the back deck, the flower moon shines, almost full.  A May rain has dampened all the earth in the back, where the vegetables seeds wait for the right combination of moisture and heat to spring to life, begin their season.  The earth on this May night gives off a scent, a strong scent,  the odor of fertility.

It was said that the odor of sanctity, a scent associated with saints, was the smell of roses.  I’ll go with the smell of roses and leave the sanctity to the theologians, but this May night has a sacred presence, the presence of life and the inanimate in an intimate union.

Moon light on a growing garden, an orchard beginning to leaf out, tulips and daffodils folded up for the night, are the early signs of a northern summer.

A northern summer has a marked difference from the southern US or Southeast Asia, which my brother refers as the land of endless summer.  We come to summer after a long, cold, sometimes difficult winter.  The greens, the yellows, the reds and blues of summer gladden the heart, create a sense of openness and possibility, so welcome.  In lands where the seasons are only dry or wet, but always hot there is no caesura, a fallow time, for contrast.

Right now, to step outside in the dark, with a fine bright moon, is to walk into the Otherworld straight out of the Land of Winter.  Magical.