• Category Archives Dogs

  • Kep

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Spring and Kep’s Moon

    Saturday gratefuls: Kep with his girlfriend, Rigel. And Kate. Gertie. Vega. Jon. The Colorado move. Ruth, Gabe, Mia.

     

    An after the fact note. Ruth and Mia took Kate’s role. Gabe and I sat in the car. I cried. They let me go. No shame. No judgment. I needed that. And it helped.

    Ruth came up the first night Kate died. She was here with Gertie and in Aurora with her Dad. Now with Kep. My angel.

    I first met Kepler in Warner-Robbins, Georgia at Joe’s house. He was a year old and had gotten into a scrap with a previous owner’s dog over the water bowl. There was a dog bed beside the couch in Joe’s living room and Kep stayed on it. Happy to be into himself, but close to Joe.

    This was a time period of many deployments for Joe and he asked if Kate and I could keep him during a longer one. We said sure. We’ll add him to the pack. Not sure how many dogs we had then but certainly Vega, Rigel, and Gertie. Kep fit in. Which, given later developments, surprises me.

    He fit in so well and since Joe had more deployments coming we asked Joe if we could keep him. Akita’s do not like to be left behind. Reluctantly, and probably a bit grudgingly he said, if you think that’s best for Kep. I still carry a little guilt about that. Leaving Joe without a dog. But he agreed.

    Kep and Rigel bonded. He would clean her ears. They would sleep together. Play outside, hunt. When it came time for the move to Colorado, Tom and I loaded Kep, Vega, and Rigel into the Rav4 for the long trip to Shadow Mountain. Tom drove the whole way.

    When we got here, they ran out into the new backyard, turned around, ran back in the garage, and jumped in the car. Ready to go home. That they were home didn’t dawn on them for a while.

    It was not always easy. After the move, Kep took to correcting Gertie and Vega. With teeth. We finally calmed that down, then Murdoch came. O.M.G. Murdoch left for Loveland and Brenton White’s home.

    Kep and Rigel and Vega ran the fence line with neighbor Jude’s black and white dogs, Zeus and Boo. Up and down, up and down. Yapping all the while. A ritual around the time Jude came home from his welding jobs. After Vega and Rigel died, Kep kept up the tradition and they were an oreo blur.

    Kep became my loft dog, going upstairs when I did, coming down at the same time. When his legs became too wonky for that, I no longer went upstairs to work on my computer, but wrote, paid bills down in the house. Still went up for workouts, but that was it.

    He and I were together most of the day and all of the night. Even after he could no longer sleep on the bed, I took a dogbed in the bedroom and he slept on that. When he woke up, and I hadn’t, he would come along the side of the bed and poke his nose under the blankets. Time to get up, Dad.

    As his legs got even worse, he could not come upstairs in the house. We spent our time together on the lower level. Finally, and after a lot of good work by Dr. Doverspike on his pain, his back legs could not sustain him standing for any length of time. Yesterday he couldn’t get up at all.

    When a dog loses mobility, their life is over. Kep hadn’t passed the tail wag test for a couple of weeks, too. That is, he stopped wagging his tailing when I came in the room. It was time. I hate euthanasia as many of you know, but there are times when it’s the right thing to do. Yesterday was one of those times.

    I feared being in an empty house. No dog(s). I feel ok. Surprised me. A sense of relief is part of it. Kep’s no longer struggling each day. Somewhat similar feeling after Kate’s death. She was no longer struggling to get through the day.

    Gabe said yesterday. Let’s not have any more deaths for a long time. I agree.


    Dogs Family Feelings Fourth Phase

  • Kep’s Last Day

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Spring and the Kepler Moon

    Friday gratefuls: Ruth’s birthday dinner at Sushi Win. Kep. His last day, I think. So sad. Gabe looking fabulous after a makeover by Mia and Ruth. Weary of all this heavy emotion.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Kep

     

    Deciding to put Kep down today. So damned hard. But he can’t get up. He has a tumor on his left knee. I’m weak. And tired. So is he. The first time without Kate. She always went in with our dogs. While I stayed in the car and cried.

    Euthanasia. Choosing your own death. Good. Painful. Judy Sherman. Kate. Strong women choosing their exit. For dogs not their choice but ours. What makes it hard for me. Taking away their life without their consent. After having spent their whole life doing what they needed to stay alive. Seems like a contradiction in my heart. Which cleaves in two.

    With Kep and Dr. Doverspike’s help though, I can see this as the humane kindness for Kep. He got the dwindles, as Kate would have said. We did what we could. Held down his pain. Eliminated it. Made him comfortable. Loved him to the end. Nothing more to be done.

    As Kate knew when she asked me that terrible question, would you rather have me disabled or dead? She knew my answer but wanted affirmation of her decision. It was shortly after that she chose to be taken off everything but oxygen. Again. What do you think of my decision? I hate it because I’m going to lose you, but I think it’s the best one for you. Same with Kep.

    I’m feeling sad. Hammered. Relieved. Glad. Sorry. Anguished. Certain. Tired. Again. Teary. Empty. Whole. Engaged. In my life. OK. Oh.

    Kep’s lying down watching me type. As he’s done over the last months in the mornings since I moved stuff down here so he wouldn’t have to climb the loft stairs. He seems to get comfort from it. A routine. I do, too.

    The end of the move from Minnesota minus only me. First Vega. Then Gertie. Kate. Rigel. Jon. Now Kep. Going to wait six months before I decide on another dog or not. In some ways I’d like to adapt to being by myself. More flexible for travel. But after 17 dogs and thirty plus years of having at least one around to love me and to love back. Plus, an empty house.

    I needed Kep and Rigel after Kate died. They saw me through my mourning and through the waning of my grief. It would have been an unbearable time without them. Dogs have been, are so dear to me and to my life with Kate.

    Gardens. Bees. Dogs. Flowers. Mountain tops. Our life together. Wonderful. Blessed. Holy. Sacred. With life, abundant life. And with abundant life, so many deaths. The tragedy and the joy of life itself. We can share it. Until we can’t.

    This day. This awful day. This awful day.

     

     


    Dogs Family Feelings Hermitage

  • A Strong Week

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Spring and the Garden Path Moon

    Thursday gratefuls: Ruth, creating three oil paintings: Dear Dad. Mia, an artist, too. Tiny. Gabe. Loud and full of bad jokes. Here yesterday through tomorrow. Doug. Finished Garden Pathing the main level. For the most part. A small bathroom and that weird wall in the new dining room remain. Kep, better this morning. A bit. Doverspike. Driving into Denver. Into Spring. Leafy Deciduous Trees. Daffodils. Feelings. Still Winter on Shadow Mountain.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Teenagers

     

    We’re treating Kep empirically. With antibiotics. Hoping that whatever took him downwards is an infection and not cancer. The first couple of days of amoxicillin will tell us what we need to know. He’s comfortable, lying down. Not coughing. No labored breathing. I had to dry pill the meds this morning and found my grip strength inadequate. Messy and difficult. Gotta get back on that resistance work. This is unacceptable and unnecessary.

    Ruth and Mia brought Kep up the stairs last night so he could be with us while we ate Beau Jo’s pizza. That was sweet. We had the living room still in dishabille from Doug’s work. Couch across from the Fire place. My chair at a right angle to it. Ruth sat on the ottoman, Gabe and Mia on the couch. Kep took his night time meds in pizza crust. Didn’t work so well this morning.

    Ruth and Gabe are comfortable up here. It’s a second home in the Mountains for them. I’m glad they feel that way. Makes me feel like a good grandpa. Both of them bring friends up. Another clue about how they feel about Shadow Mountain.

    It’s nice to have people noises in the house. Footsteps. Refrigerator door opening. Food disappearing.

     

    Doug got almost finished with the main level. That wall and the small bathroom. He’s going to finish the downstairs next week. Gotta message Vince for an art hanging and small fix-up day. Some mild furniture rearranging. Later one more day with Robin and Michele. I know the remaining closets and storage areas. Probably one morning’s worth. Be good to have all of those things accomplished.

     

    Another good workout today. 240 minutes for the week. Enough. May go with the kids on their hike today. May not. Depends on how I’m feeling.

    A strong week. Luke on Sunday. With Doug. Doverspike. The kids. Exercise. Breakfast with Alan tomorrow. Maybe take the kids, too. Dreams. First dream session with Irene at 11:00. Life up here on Shadow Mountain. Real life.

     

    Still reading Undertow. Maybe a quarter done. Sharlet’s a good writer. And he’s empathetic even when he’s with folks like he discusses in the “manosphere.” This is the online world of incels, sluthaters, fans of the guy who shot up a college in California because it hadn’t given him the “beautiful girlfriend he deserved.” He reports on them as they are, not as they should be, not as he feels about them, but as they are.

    He did the same thing with Rick Wilkerson, Jr. The third generation clergy in a mega church dynasty. Miami. A guy who thinks the gospel is about getting yours and being pretty. Sharlet builds a portrait of an America most of us (readers of this blog, for example) have no idea exists. Or, if we do, we know little about the real people inside it and how they live their lives. Remember the subtitle: a slow motion civil war. I can see what he means already.

    The manosphere and the Wilkersonsphere are Archimedian levers that pry open cracks in the body politic. As are the Christian Nationalists heading for northern Idaho and those wealthy coastals exercising their right to exit, heading West.

    I can see them all from up here on Shadow Mountain.

     


    Dogs Family Feelings Fourth Phase Health Hermitage Politics Shadow Mountain US History

  • Kep

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Spring and the Garden Path Moon

    Wednesday gratefuls: Shirley Septic. Kep, better in the afternoon. Still not eating. Except some canned salmon. Joe and the offers on the house. Pick one and get the money in the bank. Jon, a memory. Kate, always Kate. The Parkside. Evergreen Medical Practice. Labs. Walgreens. Prilosec. Work on the walkway around Lake Evergreen. Alan. The Wildflower. Doverspike. Coming tonight. Ruth, Gabe, and Mia. Here for three days. Today.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Grandkids that want to spend time with me

     

    Kep’s coughing subsided after he got up and moved around. He didn’t eat his kibble, however, just some canned salmon. Doverspike will come today after he finishes work at Mountain Park Vet.

    Kep just got up today. Coughing, like yesterday. We’ll see what Doverspike thinks this evening. Glad Ruth and Gabe will be up here. They love the Kep, too.

    Dogs. So intimate a part of our lives. Friends. Companions. Unconditional love. So many memories with them over the years. Kep and Rigel. Boyfriend and girlfriend. They wandered the back yard together, hunting for critters. Kep cleaned her ears. Slept next to her. He loved her and was sad when she died.

    Is there a heart that cannot see the power of these wonderful animals? I suppose. But only because like Pharaoh their hearts have been hardened. Against kindness and love. These last days. So hard, yet also special. The final care that we can offer to them. Returning the love they share so easily with us.

    It reminds me in ways too close to tell of Kate’s last days. When the love shone bright, but the body became too weak to carry the soul. Near the end a dog turns to the ones who loved them. Imagining, I think, that we can take care of this as we have all the other ills and ailments. But death has no cure. It comes to those of us who live. All of us.

    Kep drank some water, but passed up even the salmon this time. Oh.

    Not sure I can go further with this today. This heart. These tears. Enough for now.


    Dogs Feelings Fourth Phase

  • Shades

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Spring and the Garden Path Moon

    Tuesday gratefuls: Doug. Making real progress. Ruth and Gabe and Mia coming up tomorrow. While Doug’s painting. Labs. The phlebotomist. Radiation. Still pending. Kep sleeping in this morning. Still Cold. 8 degrees. Good sleeping. Psilocybin. Hallucinogens. 11 offers on Jon’s house. Taxes. Jon’s, too. A low Snow March winding down. Spring down the hill. Flowers.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: A fresh look for Shadow Mountain

     

    Gettin’ into a groove. A solid Monday workout. Rest day. Solid Wednesday workout. Then I pick up what other minutes I can on the other days. Always over 150, most recent weeks over 250. Still, however, no resistance. Gotta get back to that.

    Also. Reading in the mornings now. Feels right. Finished Swerve, the story of the reintroduction of Lucretius’ On the Nature of Things into Western culture. A big influence on the Renaissance and on today. Got another book in my wtf is going on with the USA reading program. Undertow, by Jeff Sharlet. Subtitle: Scenes from a Slow Civil War. That’s next.

    Only three books to go in the CJ Box Joe Pickett series. A partial window into how Wyoming fits into the far right splintering going on right now. Includes the tensions outlined in Billionaire Wilderness which focuses on Jackson Hole and other areas where wealthy folks have begun to buy up ranches and turn them into second homes.

    Add this new routine into the lunches and breakfasts with friends old and new, zoom with others. Shadow Mountain Home.

     

    Kep’s pain. Managed. A concerning cough showing up though. He’s sleeping more. His life is winding down. Right now he’s sitting in the doorway to the bedroom, a little confused, coughing. Sad to see.

    Talked to my son and his wife last night. Told them. Kep was Joe’s dog who ended up staying with us. He just passed up his food. Which is not a good sign. He went outside. Still mobile. Oh. My. My heart. This could be his last days.

    So. Much. Death. Here on Shadow Mountain.

    Natural. Yes. Hard, so hard. Yes.

     

    About an hour and a half later than the above. Went to Evergreen to get blood drawn for lab tests. Thryoid and lipids. The phlebotomist said I was one of her favorites. I liked that of course. Yet who wants to be well known to their phlebotomist?

    Had breakfast by myself at the Parkside. Started reading Undertow.  Sounds like it’s going to be good. A series of interviews with folks of the far right. A road trip. I like to take myself out to breakfast once in a while. Feels special. Calming.

    On the way back I stopped at Walgreen’s to pick up some Prilosec for Kep. Doverspike thinks we can at least slow down whatever’s going on. Glad.

     

    Reflecting on Kep on the drive home, a new meaning for Shadow Mountain came to me. Mountain of the Shade(s). Vega. Gertie. Rigel. Kate. Jon. These are deaths close to the bone. I hope Kep won’t join them soon though I suspect he might.

     


    Dogs Health Shadow Mountain

  • Talking Story

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Spring and the Garden Path Moon

    Monday gratefuls: Kep. Not sure how he’s doing. The Ancient Brothers. Luke. My son. Cold nights. Good for sleeping. Snow showers. The Swerve. An education about the Renaissance. Trump. In a rut. And, possibly a jail cell. The far right. Undertow by Jeff Sharlet. Hamnet, recommended by Kate. Painting continues today? Mia and Ruth, best friends coming up on Wednesday. Gabe, too. Teenagers in the house. For three days.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: LBMs

     

    The Ancient Brothers told a story. Mark suggested it. He started, spoke for a bit, then passed the story to me. I passed to Tom, Tom to Paul, and Paul to Bill. The story telling brought out another facet of each of us, one not previously visible. The improv persona. Each of us had a different style and it was obvious. One more cerebral. Another more interior monologue. Another on advancing the plot. Bet we’d be better at it if we did it more. Fun.

    Mark’s in a veteran’s writer’s group that focuses on story telling. Where he got the idea. Reminded me of the even more difficult drinking game played in Wales where one person starts a poem and the next person adds a stanza, then the next.

    Tom had an interesting thought. What if, instead of artificial intelligence, we sought artificial consciousness? What would we be after then? What would it look like? Sound like? The idea has taken up residence. Not sure where to go with it, but the notion intrigues me.

     

    Luke came over at 2. I’d taken a nap and got up at 2. Woops. He didn’t leave though. I found him.

    I started a fire. We talked for a couple of hours. He’s started a new job with Judaism Your Way. Learning a new software program for handling contacts for this innovative model. No fees. No dues. No building. Three rabbis and a large staff. They’re holding a Passover Seder at the Denver Botanical Gardens. Last year they had 8,650 folks present or online. An interesting place to work.

    Intentionally very inclusive. Luke and and the Executive Director, who is not Jewish, are gay. Judaism Your Way was the first Jewish organization in Denver to have a presence at the Pride Parade.

    Luke’s still having a tough time after having resigned from CBE. His job at Judaism Your Way is only part time so he has financial tensions. He’s a super bright, artistic, sensitive soul. Glad he sees me as a friend.

     

    I imagine Doug will be back today to continue the Garden Pathing of my walls. Excited. Getting the inside, especially the main level, painted and the art hung will make Shadow Mountain home a more welcoming and inviting place. For guests and for me.

    After lunch with Mike and Kate Saturday I went to Pangaea Carpets at the Evergreen Design Center. Picked out a Nepalese carpet, 5×7, for my upstairs home office. It needed warming up and its own feel. This one has Cypress Trees and is in greens that compliment the new main level look.

    Not sure whether Doug will have time right now to do the downstairs level. I hope so.


    Denver Dogs Fourth Phase Friends Judaism Shadow Mountain Writing

  • Dogs and Cooking and Reading

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Imbolc and the Waiting to Cross Moon

    Saturday gratefuls: F1 Jeddah. Qualifying. Dr. Doverspike. Kep, pain managed. Walking taller. Cold night. Good sleeping. The light of a new day. A light yellow between the white flocked Lodgepoles. A robin egg’s blue sky above. 5 degrees. Another Shadow Mountain morning. Each day is a new life. A resurrection. A rebirth. Jon’s house on the market next weekend. My son the golfer. His wife, too. Furman. Farleigh Dickinson. No more Arizona. No more Purdue.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: A Mountain morning

     

    So. No radiation this week. Got a call from Dr. Simpson yesterday. Radiation oncologist. Am I experiencing any difficulty in tasks of daily living as a result of my cancer? No. That’s what they wanted to know. They being the just say no team at United Health Care. Might know next week. I feel good about participating in holding health care costs down. Don’t I?

     

    Dr. Doverspike came yesterday. We agreed Kep has made steady, but slower than expected progress. Probably because of the long low dose steroids. Stopped those. Now he needs to get outside, wander around. Climb stairs. Rebuild muscles. He’s still 13 of course so he’s not going back to bounding around. He’s calmer. Sleeps through the night. Eats well. A good life.

     

    Cooked Salmon last night. Still finding the right temps using the induction cooktop. Found it for Fish last night. No more burning. Setting 7 out of 10. Made cacio e pepe in the morning. Cheese and black pepper spaghetti. Put a couple of Eggs on top of a modest serving. Fancy breakfast. Adding the leftover chorizo from the soup I made last week. Tasted good. Had Salmon, cacio e pepe, and mixed vegetables for supper. I enjoy cooking when I feel up for it. I always make breakfast. Usually, these days, overnight oats. Plus something else. Blueberries. Eggs. Yogurt. If I eat a big lunch, I’ll probably skip cooking an evening meal.

     

    I’ve only got a few more books to go in the Joe Pickett series by CJ Box. Then I’m going to shift my fiction reading to the Arabian Nights. A return journey. Still working my way through Vibrant Matter. It’s a short, but dense book. Nearing the end of How to Change Your Mind. Got James Pogue’s book, Chosen Country, on the Malheur Occupation. Still following that far right thread. The newspapers and magazines help me, too. The Proud Boys and their lawyers antics during their sedition trials. An Atlantic article on political violence talking about Portland as a battleground between far leftists, anarchists, and the far right. The abortion pill debacle. Trump and DeSantis. This is gonna get worse.

    If Rich is right, it may never get better. Who knows. I may own property in the sovereign nation of Colorado if I lived on another hundred years. What fun.

     

    Gotta get some breakfast. Watch qualifying in Jeddah. Read the articles about Purdue and Farleigh Dickinson.

    Oh. And the day has fully dawned with bright clear light falling on the Snow covered Lodgepoles. Till tomorrow.

     


    Cooking Dogs Feelings Fourth Phase Health Letters Literature Politics Sport

  • Snow Days

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Imbolc and the Waiting to Cross Moon

    Thursday gratefuls: Kep. Snow. Cold. Books. James Pogue. Jane Benett. Wes Jackson. Cetaphil. Great workout. United Health Care. Health Insurance. The American Medical System. CBE. Ruby and her faithfulness. ChatbotGPT, an interlocutor. This Dell laptop. My desktop. The home office, getting closer. Probate. Kate, always Kate. Her memory in foam. LL Bean. Chewy. Amazon. USPS. UPS. Lifelines in the Mountains.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Dr. Doverspike

     

    I’m three quarters through How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollan. A good read. Learned a lot about psychedelics. Or, ethnognens. Makes me more eager to try some again. A trip to the Plant Magic Cafe and I should be able to find a guide. Learned of guides in the book. Very un-60’s, but it sounds useful to have a psychologist available on my first trip back to the interior homeland.

    I recommend the book. A lot of good history of psychedelic research, of how the 60’s blew up decades that’s right decades of research with psychedelics. A cast of characters that include Timothy Leary, Al Hubbard, Ram Dass, Henry Osmond, and many other key figures in the years since Albert Hoffman accidentally discovered LSD for Sandoz, the pharmaceutical giant, on November 16th, 1938.

    Pollan recounts the history in magazine article style (thanks, Diane). He also tells of his own trips after overcoming a long hesitation about experimenting with hallucinogens. The research he covers should provide comfort to anyone who would like to use these drugs but fears them because of the propaganda from the 60’s and 70’s.

    Another great workout yesterday. 266 minutes for the week already. 9 hours of sleep. I feel good. Like I knew I would.

     

    Friday. Well. Left this. Sitting here on my browser. And watched the Snowfall, had a Fire in the fireplace, read. Watched some TV. I took a Snow day. It was fun. Was gonna mail my taxes, run some errands, but the day was too beautiful. Still Snowing this morning. One Snow day. Two Snow days. A reason I live in the Mountains.

    Although. Supposed to have my second round of radiation yesterday. Nope. United Profit Care still dithering on whether to approve it. Anova Cancer Care and United’s just say no team are in communication.

    I understand the hesitation on United’s part. My PSAs are undetectable. The two mets only show mild uptake of the tracer. Could be that the androgen deprivation therapy has not yet finished working on these two and will knock them back, too. Yet. We can kill these two sites and eliminate them from my future.

    Whatever transpires, I’m at peace with it. Because, how does it help me not to be? I’ll consider an appeal, sure, but is the sturm and drang worth it? Not really confident it is.

     

    On Monday I had my glaucoma check and had dinner with Ruth and Gabe. I haven’t left the house since. Stuff kept canceling. Radiation on Tuesday, then on Thursday. Alan this morning. Doverspike’s coming by at 2 pm to give Kep some acupuncture and check on his progress. Still Snowing today so I think I’ll skip the trip down the hill until tomorrow. Buy a new pair of Keens and visit the Plant Magic Cafe.

    I’ve enjoyed these in the house days. I can write, read. Could work on my Korean and my calculus but I didn’t. Kep and me. The fireplace. Got in my cardio minutes. Watched some movies. Cooked. I love time alone. Wouldn’t want it to be all I have, but these last three days on a Mountain top with Snow drifting down. Food in the refrigerator. A Fireplace with Wood stacked nearby. A nice vacation.


    Cooking Dogs Family Fourth Phase Friends Health Hermitage Mountains Shadow Mountain Weather +Climate

  • The Great Circle Route

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Imbolc and the Waiting to Cross Moon

    Tuesday gratefuls: Dr. Repine. Space Invaders, or Visual field exam for glaucoma. That sweet tech whose name came out muffled through her mask. My Phonak, something with the battery or the charger. My “insurance” company. American medicine. The labyrinth. Little India. With Ruth and Gabe. Ruth driving. More assured. Gabe with some facial hair. Driving the great circle route around Denver.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Night Sky on Shadow Mountain

     

    Busy day. Feed the Kep. Write Ancientrails. Breakfast. 100 minutes of workout. Shower. Drive to Littleton. Eye doc. From Littleton to Northfield to pick up Gabe and Ruth. Over to Little India. Back to Northfield. Drive home. A complete circle around the Denver metro. 120 plus miles.

     

    While eating with Ruth and Gabe at Little India, where Ruth knows the wait staff, a call came in from Anova Cancer Care. No approval yet for my radiation. Could be a week. Oh. They took me off the schedule.

    Frustrated. But not surprised. If I had another option, I’d have taken it. Pre-existing condition has made me permanently joined to the Minnesota medical insurance behemoth, United Health Care. Their second guessing of my oncologists has been a dynamic theme since they denied my first axumin scan.

    Constantly caught within a triad of big insurance, big pharma, and the folks trying to deliver my health care. There is no scenario in which you build a health care system like the one we have. It creeks. It leaks. And it makes having cancer or any other chronic illness a constant challenge.

     

    Every six month glaucoma check. Stable. Dr. Repine is thorough, but quick. She explained my heterochromia to me. I have a blue rim around my brown eyes. Arcus senilis. Fatty lipids create a white haze around the outer iris which refracts the brown beneath as blue. Common, apparently. Odd.

     

    I should explain my workout numbers. They’re generated by my fitbit. It gives double minutes for time in the cardio and peak heart rate zones. That way I can workout for 50 or 60 minutes but end up with 100 minutes of workout time according to the NIH standards. The minutes not in the cardio or peak zone are still in the zone of moderate exercise. The NIH recommended 150 minutes represents moderate exercise. Or, they say, 75 minutes of vigorous exercise. The cardio and above fits into that level of exercise. Thus, the double minutes on the fitbit.

     

    Gabe thinks I’m going to live to be 95. Or, a hundred. When, he noted, he would be 38. Doubtful. But it’s sweet he thinks that. He’s got some peach fuzz. Conflicted about it. Maturing is hard. Though he seems on that path.

    Ruth says school’s going well. She’s still struggling. Depression. OCD. But she’s got a therapist she really likes and sees regularly. Working at it. She’s not alone. The number of teenagers with serious mental health issues has grown alarmingly. Especially since Covid.

    Being a teenager has never been easy, but the changes over the last decade or so have created so much frisson for them. Gender. Climate Change. LGBTQ+. Two working parents. Political division. The woes of higher education roiling their attempts to sort what comes after high school.

    What can grandparents do? Love them.

     


    Dogs Feelings Fourth Phase Friends Health Hermitage

  • Sweetness

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Imbolc and the Waiting To Cross Moon

    Sunday gratefuls: For each of the Ancient Brothers and their uniqueness. Zoom. Kep drinking Water. That ancient Water. Recycled through time, now in an aluminum bowl near me. And, in Kep. Becoming Kep. Dr. Doverspike skiing the Powder. Organizing and cleaning out my freezer. Done. Cooking my own food. Chicken. Pork. Fish. Sustainable all. Frozen Vegetables and Fruit. Eggs. Seeing Gabe on Monday night. Ruth thrifting in Boulder.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Seeing what we’re looking at

     

    Sweetness. My son and his wife. Dressed for golf. He’s shooting for a 20 handicap. He’s got the bug big time. So does she. They play every weekend. Often 36 holes or more. Murdoch has become less independent. More of a lap dog. Odd. Might be sensing the upcoming move.

    Sweetness. Seeing those old men on my zoom screen opening their hearts. Letters from great-grandchildren. Imagination. Looking up at the stars and out to the tides. And into each other. Special and irreplaceable. Church.

    Gettin’ things done. Home office getting closer. Needs a great rug. Some more art. Working my way through the needs attention inbox. Finished it. Nothing left. Feels good. Money piling up in my accounts. Changed draw from the rollover, but no money going out for drugs. Orgovyx free now until the end of the year. Erleada still no word. I’ll lower the draw when I find out about it. Not till then though. Potentially $2,200 a month.

    The freezer. Threw out old meat. Made three compartments: Fruits and Potatoes. Vegetables. Meats. Much better. Food of my own making. Yes.

     

    Reading my way into the changes in our world. The times they are achangin’ agin’. Becoming Native to This Place. Vibrant Matter. Christian Nationalism. Seeing Like a State. Perilous Bounty. Lots of magazine and newspaper articles. Other reading I’ve done over the years. Localism. Anti-corporatism. A reverence for nature. Threads I held and hold dear. Now running through a crowd of folks who hate government, love the Founders and the Extremes, guns, staying in your tribal lane. Who are willing to regulate women’s bodies. Who want to exit the current culture and live in the West.

    There is a post-Enlightenment movement that has handholds for all these folks, for me. Post modernism. Regenerative agriculture. Rebuilding rural communities. Rebuilding inner city neighborhoods. Enforcing monopoly laws. Reinstating the estate tax. A wariness of Big Pharma, Big Grain, Big Ag, Big Business.

    Getting clearer. Details and conflicts. Roots. Possible impacts on current politics.

     

    A bit of good news. La Nina is gone! An El Nino will startup sometime this  year. Water will follow for the dry West. And this Forest in which I live. May it be enough to create a moderate Fire season as opposed to a high or extreme one. Something to ease the mind. Help the Snowpack and the Colorado River Basin.

    How bout that time change, eh? So. Much. Fun. Kep’s making moves for food. Early, he thinks. Really, a bit late. I slept in. Right past the change. Now Kep and I are living it together. Oh boy.

     

     


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