Category Archives: Family

A Library

June 5, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

Jon came out yesterday with Ruth and Gabe. The kids immediately go to their room, the one with the painted mural, the legos, the reading nook, the small dvd player. There they play. Gabe puts together lego constructions. Ruth, yesterday, made a duct tape messenger bag and watched a video.

Jon’s primary purpose for coming out was to get started on the built in bookcases for the loft. He measured and we looked at bookcases we can purchase through IKEA. He’ll use the bookcases we buy, then put a molding around them so they look like built-in’s. The pedestal cabinets will get a wood top from Paxton lumber and the lower built-ins will have a surface from them, too.

I’m excited about getting my books off the floor and into final places. Mary said all libraries need “bibliographic control” or they’re useless. The built-ins will allow me to achieve bibliographic control again. In addition to her Ph.D. Mary also has a masters in library science.

There will be, too, metal cabinets for my banker’s boxes that contain manuscripts and novel notes, other research. Jon will also adapt the large wooden crates we had built to ship our two largest paintings into dividers to mark off spaces in the loft: workout area, large project area (tables for spreading things out), reading area and writing area.

Jon’s an amazing guy with lots of different gifts, just like his Mom and his kids. I’m lucky to have married into this clan.

Colorado, Family, Jefferson County, The West

Visiting

June 4, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

Mary always brings gifts, this time beautiful cloth for Kate from Indonesia and items of anthropological interest for me, including a small book of odd superstitions common in Singapore. In another post I’ll share some of them with you.

Visiting family and friends requires real commitment on her part since it’s about 9100 miles from Singapore to Denver. That’s roughly ten times the Minneapolis/Denver distance. How she endures all that international flying, I don’t know. I find it exhausting and maddening, one in direct relation to the other.

Last night we all three went to the Fort, the restaurant I wrote about before that was built to imitate Bent’s Fort, an 1830’s trading company’s place of business in what is now southern Colorado. They serve what would have been available on the menu at Bent’s Fort: bison, elk, quail, lamb, beef though I notice Shrimp Veracruz and Quinoa, which Mary had last night, have been added.

The Fort is all adobe construction with thick tree trunks as support beams and pillars. It overlooks, from high among the red rocks of the Fountain Formation in Morrison, the twinkling lights of Denver about 20 miles in the distance. The staff dresses somewhat like voyageur’s, appropriate since Bent’s Fort did business with French trappers and traders who worked closely with native peoples here as they did in the far north.

Anoka County, Family, Feelings, Jefferson County, Shadow Mountain, The Move

Closing Moon

June 3, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

The closing moon has presided over the sale of 3122 153rd Ave. Northwest, Andover, Minnesota, 55304. We only needed one buyer and, in fact, had only one offer. But, it was a good one, from a couple that will continue our work with the land and with bees. That they want the raised beds, the orchards, the hydroponics, the bee woodenware and will use them all feels like a legacy. And a profound one.

Feels so good to have this behind us. A settled feeling, residing somewhere below the heart, has begun to permeate me. There is no longer that agitated sense that we do not quite belong on Shadow Mountain, that a tie from yesterday makes us not fully present in our new home.

Over the weekend I entertained, briefly, what would happen if the deal with the Vorhee’s fell through. The house would have to go back on the market. We’d continue with two mortgages and utilities. The uncertainty would continue, perhaps through the summer. And, we would have to drop the price again. That felt dismal, like sinking in the great swamp of that name.

Now I can concentrate on dealing with prostate cancer with a single focus, not one divided by financial concerns. I’m confident that the prostate cancer journey will have a good outcome, too, but the path forward still has some unknowns, mostly what sort of treatment we’ll choose. That unknown should disappear on June 11th, after then only the execution and recovery.

Colorado, Family, Minnesota, Mountains, Shadow Mountain, The West, Third Phase

I’m An Old CowHand From the Rio Grand

June 2, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

Three things of significance today. Picked up Mary for her first visit to Black Mountain Drive. I’m wired up with leads and a belt holster, ekgs available at the push of a button. This is for thirty days or until I have 3 episodes or events.

And. The Andover house closed, almost all of the money is in our bank account. We are no longer cash poor and paying two mortgages. Yippee, Yi, Ya as we say out here in the West. It hasn’t quite sunk in yet, but we’ve looked up our bank balance and it’s pretty damned healthy. Great to have that uncertainty behind us.

Now the entire circus tent has been struck, all three rings, loaded on the train and the train’s left town, heading west. Our last physical and fiscal ties to Minnesota ended today around 3pm. The friendships, the cultural and political ties, those will remain.

But today we are wholly here from a business perspective. Black Mountain Drive already feels like home, as does the Front Range. How long it takes for our souls to take root in the mountains is an unknown, but a pleasant one, a process of taking the mid out of the midwesterner. It’s already begun. Gotta go now and hitch my hoss to a post.

Anoka County, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Feelings, Health, Minnesota, Third Phase

Chunks of our life

June 2, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

Word on Real Estate Street is that our closing may, if the gods of the under(writer)world are appeased, happen today at 2 pm. May it be so.

Holter monitor gets strapped on at 11:45 this morning and then it’s out to DIA (Denver International) to pick up Mary. She’s flying here from Minneapolis where she goes to see her financial advisor. Mary gets around. She’s been in Greece, Indonesia and I don’t know where else already this year. Her home is still in Singapore.

Which brings up Mark. Brother Mark. Who reports that Riyadh is hot. He also sends me news of bombings and shootings in Saudi Arabia, many of them claimed by the Islamic State. He says he feels safe, especially since he lives near the King’s palace.

Steadier internal seas, less distraction. Even cancer can recede when it becomes ordinary, a part of the inner furniture. That’s not to say it’s out of mind, just relegated to the we’re doing something about this and have to wait pile. This will, I’m sure, go through changes, but right now, a good place.

(How I will feel after the closing actually happens.)

Family, Health, Weather +Climate

This and That

May 31, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

Neighbor Jude, after describing in detail his woes with his $400 Ford Bronco, “I’m now $6,000 to $8,000 into it.” said, “Here in Colorado we have 330 sunny days a year. And we just used up 28 of the not sunny days in May.” Which is true since 28 of May’s days had precipitation and clouds. A very unusual May. (as to our sunshiny days, see this: Colorado sunshine more myth than reality.)

Kate’s home. Over dinner last night at Chandeliers, the fine dining room at Brook Forest Inn, just a couple of miles down Black Mountain Drive, we both agreed that life was better when we’re together. I got distinctly out of balance over the last week, gradually worn down by the tests and the still unknown.

My O2 saturation dilemma just got some good news. When Kate did hers yesterday, it was 87. And this morning 88. That seems to mean there’s some reacclimatization process after visiting sea level. I had come back the week before from Minnesota when I started measuring mine. I’d like to take this whole question out of consideration.

Forgot to mention that the results of my echocardiogram came back in 1 day, rather than the 7-10 Noah said they would take. My heart is structurally normal. That’s good news. In fact it’s better than good news because it means I have resolved, over the intervening years, a diagnosis of left ventricular hypertrophy, presumably through exercise. I still have to get the holter monitor on though. That’s Tuesday, the same day sister Mary is coming.

Family, Health, Minnesota, Our Land and Home

To Our Future

May 23, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Closing Moon

We celebrated last night at the Prague in Evergreen, wiener schnitzel, reminiscent of our honeymoon’s late night dinner on the Ringstrasse in Vienna. We’ve traveled a long distance since that red checkered cloth table across from the Hotel Astoria and we’ve traveled it together.

The house in Andover will close next week, the funds from the sale wired into our bank account. This means we can replenish our emergency fund. The emergency fund served us well during the move, providing our our 20% down payment to avoid mortgage insurance, paying the movers and the many miscellaneous expenses of an inter-state change of homes. We did drain it though, almost to the bottom, with all of our non-IRA cash then effectively tied up in the Andover property.

With two mortgages and two sets of utility bills we’ve had a tight budget in Colorado for our first five months and little reserve. So, yippee!

We’ve also confronted, unexpectedly, a serious challenge to our life together. A cancer diagnosis may not seem like a reason to celebrate, but it was for both of us. As a couple, we work much better with facts, data. We can then make decisions, choose ways to move forward. From April 14th, the date of my physical, until May 21st, the day I got my biopsy results, we were in a zone of ambiguity. That was tough on both of us.

With not only a diagnosis, but actual data about the cancer, we can work together, suss out the most intelligent line of treatment. That removes the anxiety of the unknown and helps us see a way beyond vague fears. It helps a lot, of course, that this particular cancer is usually caught early and has good clinical results for treatment, in many cases a cure.

Kate started our dinner with a toast, “To our future.” That was why we were celebrating.

Faith and Spirituality, Family, Feelings, Friends, Health, Third Phase, Woolly Mammoths

Get set, get ready

May 14, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Beltane Moon

It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood. For a biopsy. Slept well. Think I sussed out on my own the culprit in my lower oxygen readings. Trazodone. I stopped taking it a couple of days ago and I slept well (ironic, since it’s a sleep aid.) plus my breathing has returned to normal.

I have no fear, not even of the procedure itself, nor its possible information. Doesn’t feel like denial. (But, would I know if it was?) The details of the procedure and its possible results are clear to me. Though death does seem to hang around these intersections like a prostitute looking for a trick, I’m in no way tempted. Life, as long it runs, is good.

Whatever transpires, this whole month (it was april 14 when i saw lisa for my physical) has been an intrapsychic marathon, 26 miles of self-examination, staying with the feelings, considering worst outcomes. It has also been a month in which friends (especially the Woollies) and family have helped me stay strong and clear.

It could have been otherwise. One of the things that worried me when we moved out here was the loss of my friends. But I’ve found that those relationships, docents and Woolly Mammoths alike, transcend distance. The warmth and support I’ve felt from all of you is no less, perhaps even a bit more, for traveling 900 miles.

So, thanks to you all. I’ll get back to you with the results.

Colorado, Family

Loving Colorado

May 12, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Beltane Moon

Kate and I love our new home on Shadow Mountain. We both find Colorado, at least for now, like being on permanent vacation. I suppose at some point that will pass, but there are so many place to explore quite close to Conifer, like Park County and South Park. Then, after them there are New Mexico, Utah and Wyoming. Each of these states I’ve seen a bit, but not in any real depth.

That family feeling, of being a real and needed part of a small human community, makes me feel good. Kate and I may offer Ruth 3 day to two week summer camps. In those we can give Jon and Jen a break from day to day parenting. It will also give us a chance to spend time with Ruth, teaching her what we each know. Kate will probably focus on sewing, cooking, other hand crafts, physics and chemistry. I’ll probably focus on native plant identification, hiking, exploring nearby spots of Western, Indian, geological or historical significance. I can also throw in literature, Latin and writing.

Gabe’s visits, due to his hemophilia, will have to be shorter. We have one idea right now, a visit to MacNation, a restaurant that serves only macaroni (his favorite food), followed a trip to the Foothills Animal Shelter. He loves animals.

Colorado’s music and theater scene has also surprised us in a positive way. The quality of the smaller theaters here is high and jazz, if not classical music, is strong.

We both love Minnesota, too, but Colorado is now our home.

Aging, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Health, Original Relation, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant.

death cannot defeat life, only end it

May 11, 2015 Charles Leave a comment

Beltane Beltane Moon

The hits just keep on comin’. Now, in addition to the biopsy this Thursday I have lowering oxygen saturation. This is not good. It can and does destroy brain cells and my brain is my favorite organ. So, I have an appointment with Lisa Gidday sometime in the next three weeks. Geez. This all converges with long standing, but well-managed issues (right now) like high blood pressure, cholesterol levels too high or too low, stage 3 kidney disease and others like left ventricular hypertrophy.

Now, I choose to see this all in a positive light. I have some chronic conditions that are common to many people and the dietary and pharmaceutical solutions to them have been successful so far. The kidney disease and left ventricular hypertrophy (LVH) are not good, but they both seem stable.

Unless. The LVH ends up reinforcing the lowering oxygen saturation. That’s for the follow-up to my appointment with Lisa.

My sense of myself, in spite of all this, is that I’m healthy and strong. Doesn’t feel like denial. I know about each item here and its implications. My choice is to take positive and aggressive action where I can and to accept the limitations or ultimate consequences in those instance where no action can be taken.

Two different streams of thought have lead me to a calm place. The first, experienced immediately after the beginning of the prostate journey, involved facing my actual mortality. We maintain throughout most of our life a subtle innocence about the probability and even the possibility of our own death. In my opinion this attitude is the reverse of unrealistic. In fact it is protective of our need to get on with living in the face of an inevitability about which we can do nothing.

The prostate findings lifted that protective innocence from me. There was death peeking over my shoulder, the agency of its coming perhaps revealed. This shook me. Hard. Finding my way into it, not running away, took the better part of a week and a half. Then, I realized that, if not this, something. If not now, sometime. With that frame and the palliative effect of taking the actions I could take, I became peaceful again.

The second thought involves living until I die. This has always been intention, not to run away from life or problems but to embrace them. Make choices. Take action. If I see a problem that affects me deeply, my tendency is to move toward it, see if I can do something. The realization here is that no disease, no condition can stop me from living until I die. I will, in other words, continue doing those things that matter to me. As I have done. Death cannot defeat my life, just end it.

So far these two thoughts: something, sometime will kill me and death cannot defeat my life, have helped me see that I am in no different situation now that at any other time in my life. Nor will I ever be.