Category Archives: Family

Me and My Gal

Samhain                                                     Thanksgiving Moon

May the Thanksgiving Moon shine over me and my gal.  She’s set out on Federal Highways, Interstatials to Denver, the back of the truck packed like Santa’s sleigh, only in this case it would be Tevya’s wagon with dreidels decorating its wooden sides.  As always, I travel with her as she stays home with me, our lives entwined, sometimes entangled.  This sounds bad in a psychobabble way, I know, but it shows merely and oh so much the degree to which we have become partners, not dependent on each other, no, but relying  on each other.  Love.  What it is.

As she drives south in Minnesota, then into Iowa, heading right at Des Moines and left at the moon, across the bridge across the wide Missouri and the often shallow Platte outside of Omaha, past the home of the Cornhuskers in Lincoln and under the silly arch for the pioneers somewhere near Kearney, she carries us along.  We are now the older generation, the ones closest to the final passage.  We are Grandma and Grandpop, bearing responsibility for our family as we both wish our families had done for us.

I’m thankful for classical music and seasonal subscriptions.  If the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra had been locked out, we never would have met.  Strange.  How many couples will go undiscovered with the pitiful display the Minnesota Orchestra has put on these last few months?

So much in our lives happens by chance.  No intentionality behind it.  Life shows up and we either greet it or miss it, that’s the way it is.  Opening ourselves to the fates, who weave our lives on some misty mountaintop somewhere, makes this the adventure of a lifetime.

 

Holiseason Rising

Samhain                                                      Thanksgiving Moon

Can you feel the holiseason spirit rising?  I can.  Presents for Hanukkah lie on the bed ready to go in the truck for their ride to Denver.  Joseph’s coming to Minnesota.  The Byerly’s order will come today.  I’m headed out to Festival for the last of the list.

(Lyon)

Kate’s packed, audio books ready.  Cooler to fill.  Then Grandma will head over the plains and through Nebraska.

Meanwhile I’m closing in on Missing 5.0.  The holiday week should see that put to bed.  Celebration all round.

Back in the S.A.

Samhain                                                        Thanksgiving Moon

Brother Mark is settling into Muyhail, Saudi Arabia.  He said it has a back of beyond sort of feel and its location makes that no surprise.  I posted this map a while ago, but here it is again.

Muyhail is in Asir province and shares a border with Yemen.  It’s also not far from the Red Sea though a long ways from the Suez Canal.  What it’s very close to is the Rub Al Kahli, the famed empty quarter that is the desert of Arabian Nights’ fantasies. And mine, too, for that matter.

He’s teaching in a Basque owned company providing technical college students an opportunity to learn English.  Tip of the hat to brother Mark for finding a new position in the land of oil and sand.

The Journey and the Moon

Samhain                                            Thanksgiving Moon

The last two nights the Thanksgiving Moon has hung like a pale lantern behind the clouds. The moon draws out of me such tender feelings, yearnings.  Maybe it’s the corollary of the old lover’s cliche, we’re seeing the same moon tonight.

What crosses my mind are all those long ago relatives, bearers of my genetic markers, on the trip out of Africa.  They may have moved on nights like these when the moon was full. Or, would they have huddled around the campfire, wary of predators who saw better in the gloom?

In either case they would have looked at the same moon unchanged from the time they began to move on that most ancient human trail.  Unchanged, that is, until July 20, 1969, a hot night in Muncie, Indiana when my flickering black and white pulled in the live–live–signals of Neil Armstrong setting a space-suit (space-suit!) boot on the lunar surface.

What a journey, if you think about it, from that trek across northern Africa, up into what we now know as the Middle East, to that boot touching down on the eons long undisturbed (by other than passing meteoroids) moon.  Even now when we look at the moon it appears the same as it did then.  Really, it’s only our knowledge that has changed, not the way it looks at night.

It pleases me to think of those, my people, in this season of the year, somewhere perhaps in a temperate latitude after thousands of years of journey, feeling a November wind chill in their face and what would become my Thanksgiving moon overhead.

Over the Plains and Through the River

Samhain                                                               Thanksgiving Moon

Beginning to get that over the river and through the woods feeling.  This coming Sunday we head out for Denver.  Kate discovered, in a drive to Denver that she made this spring, that if she drives, her back doesn’t give her fits.  So, she’ll drive and I’ll watch.  Lot of good book thinking between here and the Rockies.

Holiseason has begun to assert itself more and more.  I’ve heard the occasional Christmas song, seen the articles about Hanukkah and Thanksgiving, been asked what we’re doing for them.  Now the feelings, those old, yet always new feelings, Holiseason feelings have begun to bubble up.  They’re positive for me, though I know they aren’t for a lot of folks.

As a pagan these days, I focus on the lights, the many festivals of light, the Christmas tree, the Yule log, the Thanksgiving medieval banquet, the turn of yet another new year, but reserve my real longing for the Winter Solstice.  It has become my favorite and most significant holiday of the sacred year.  I’ll be writing more about it as it approaches.

Now it’s Thanksgiving.  When growing up in Indiana, we went to my Aunt Marjorie’s for Thanksgiving.  She was the acknowledged queen of the kitchen in the Keaton family universe, consistently turning out great meals.  The kids got the card tables in the family room while the adults had the dining room table.  After the meal, the men would retire to watch football and smoke cigars.

I would read comic books, generally try to huddle in a corner somewhere, usually overwhelmed by the mass of people.  Too many and too little chance to escape.  Even so Thanksgiving was a strong part of the glue that held the Keatons together, me and my 21 first cousins.  It’s now a shared memory, several blocks in the quilt that covers our generation.

Later on Kate and I cooked many Thanksgiving dinners here in Andover, for many different configurations, but those days have waned with the movement of the kids to lands far from here.  So now we pick up and go to Jon and Jen’s who cook in their renovated kitchen.

We’ve done a couple of family Thanksgivings at Lutsen and I hope we can again.

And I don’t even like turkey.  Go figure.

Collaborative, Getting Along

Samhain                                                               Thanksgiving Moon

Kate’s in Clear Lake, up Highway 10 toward St. Cloud, for a sewing day.  She goes once a month or so and sews with two, sometimes three other women.  This is a tradition as old as needle and thread I would guess.  These sessions offer a time for getting work done, for learning from others and being with each other, visible.

Women have made more opportunities in their lives like this than men have.  Child rearing, cooking, sewing and the keeping/making of a home have provided chances to share the load of what could be lonely work.  Men usually left the home for work, for hunting and left the woman home with the children.  Now that’s changed a lot, a whole lot, and in my lifetime, but the traditions of mutual support and aid still work.

Of these women, for example, Kate was a doctor, Carol a dentist.  Contemporary young women have joined in groups Stitch and Bitch and child care co-ops.  Women’s culture has tended more toward collaboration and this is a valuable trait women now bring to the work place.

Men have tended more towards competitive approaches, seeing other men as challenges rather than potential collaborators.  Who will bag the deer?  Catch the fish.  Bring home the money. Advance to the next position.  Win the game.

Yes, of course, there are men who collaborate and women who are competitive, and sometimes these are even the same person, perhaps competitive in one sphere of life and collaborative in another.

I don’t know what a macro look at these trends would reveal now.  As many women have entered the work place and left the full-time stay-at-home role, they are in cultures that emphasize competition and getting ahead rather than collaboration and getting along.

And, yes, there are work place gurus who try to coach folks into more collaboration and less mutual throat cutting, but this aspect of our overall culture will, I suspect, die hard.

Still, I’m hopeful that the collaborators and the getter alongers will eventually make in roads, creating more humane work places and homes.  That is, if global warming doesn’t make all so irritable than we can’t sustain attention long enough to change.

 

Good-Bye Garden. See You On the Flipside.

Samhain                                                          Thanksgiving Moon

The transition from growing season to fallow season creates a sudden release from one IMAG0604domain of chores.  No more spraying, harvesting, weeding, checking the health of the plants.  No more colony inspections.

Many baby boomers, the paper says, have migrated to downtown apartments citing outdoor work and home maintenance as primary motivation.  While that once might have made sense to me, now I wonder.  The outdoor work, as long as I’m able, keeps me active, close to the rhythms of the natural world.  It gives more than it takes.  Cut off from it in an apartment doesn’t sound appealing.  If you don’t like it, if it takes more than it gives, then, yes.

I know that feeling. Home maintenance would take far more than it gives if I felt IMAG0944 Kate and me1000croppedresponsible for doing it myself.  So I can understand wanting to move away from that.  In an apartment the building takes over the plumbing, the furnace, the windows, the doors. Even there, however, being responsible for seeing that the maintenance gets done, though it does feel burdensome, maintains our agency.  And I like that.

More than any of these matters, though, is the single word home.  This is home.  Though we could, I don’t want to create another one.  At least not now.

The Samhain Bonfire, a bit more.

Samhain                                                             Samhain Moon

Frank said as he left, “Casual gatherings.  Low key.  That’s what I like best.”  It was low key, but in its own surprising way, profound.

The bonfire stayed interesting for 3 hours plus, the last hour or so the result of the five four foot lengths of ironwood cut in the morning.  There will be a number more of those logs cut over the next few weeks as we prepare for the Winter Solstice bonfire on December 21st.

The calling of the ancestors to the circle worked.  When we finished, they stayed with us, entering our conversations, adding layers to the people gathered around the fire.  Our group of 7 grew by generations of Fairbanks and Charles’s and Wolfe’s and Perlich’s and Zike’s and Spitler’s.  Some of us called in our tribal ancestors from those days long ago before settlement of Europe and all of us gave a nod and a toast to the Tanzanian man whose y chromosome all the men share.  Mitochondrial Eve, too.  (Though I understand that picture has gotten more complicated.  But the idea is sound.  That woman and that man, far enough back to have entered all our DNA.)

Warren and Sheryl threw their names into the fire wrapped around logs from long ago cached wood for a barbecue.  When they did, sparks from the fire flew up toward the night sky.  Reminded me of Beowulf’s bier, where “heaven swallowed the smoke.”

More memories gather around this place.  It becomes richer with each event, especially with the crowd of ancients who filled it last night.  Some of their spirit will linger on, remembering us and being remembered.

 

 

Samhain, 2013

Samhain                                                                    Samhain Moon

Tonight is Samhain, also known as All Hallow’s Eve, and Halloween.  An abbreviated thick description (see post below for thick description) for this Samhain, in this place, 3122 153rd Ave N.W., Andover, Minnesota could begin with any aspect gathered in to this day and its night, but we’ll begin with the firepit.

Kate and I hired Javier Celis to finish a firepit begun several years before by me, worked on by brother Mark two years, but needing some finishing work.  Javier and his crew made the granite paving stones, from a cobbled street in Minneapolis, into a neat circle, lined the firepit with ground stone and put crushed marble around the outside of it.  They also laid down landscape cloth and thick mulch over the entire area, a former compost pile.

Kate’s family had a firepit in their home in Nevada, Iowa and we both enjoyed them at other’s homes.  The firepit hearkens back to campfires of native americans and pioneers here in the U.S., warming, lighting and provided heat for cooking.

The fire itself pushes back further to a fundamental separation between hominids and their close primate relatives, the domestication of fire.  Who knows how it happened? Embers from a lightning struck tree conserved overnight by accident?  A fire on the veldt which left grasses aflame and led to their use as early kindling?  This basic transition, an elemental moment, as essential to our future as a container for water, lives on in our fascination with fireplaces and bonfires.

Bonfires, especially, may be linked, probably are linked, to the fear of night stalking predators, meat eaters for whom human meant food.  So we feel safe around a bonfire, huddled around it, just a bit of the thrill left over when that thrill came from the very real possibility of death by fang or claw.

In the Celtic tradition, which we celebrate tonight, the bonfire had sympathetic magic at its core.  In the spring, on Beltane, the fire transferred its vital energy to the soil where it could quicken the seed and ensure a successful planting.  The opposite end of the year, Summer’s End, or Samhain, finds the bonfire a way of ensuring our warmth and protection from the cold and hungry months ahead.

My Celtic roots run through Ireland, the Correls, and through north Wales, the Ellises, and, perhaps, through County Kent, the Keatons.  The Correls came as potato famine immigrants in the late 19th century and we have no information about the Keaton immigration though it might have been in the same era.  The Ellises we know came here first in 1707 when Richard Ellis was put ashore by a greedy sea captain, sold as an indentured servant to pay his fare.  His mother had paid his fare in Dublin, Ireland where her husband, a captain in William and Mary’s occupying army, had recently died.

Searching in my own and the more general Celtic past led me to the Great Wheel of the Year.  It has gradually become a center point for reimagining my faith, helping me find the rhythms of the year and of human life as key sacred moments.  Thus it is, at least in part, that we go to our firepit this year, to build a bonfire and say the names of our ancestors, standing there around the universal symbol of human protection, warming our hands and waiting as the Great Wheel turns from the bounty of the growing season to the Great Rest of the fallow time.