Imbolc and the waning crescent of the 3/4 Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Jon, struggling, trying. Making prints and entering them. Ruth, happier, easier. Gabe, a sweetheart. Rigel. Kep, using the doggie bed he’s ignored for months! Ciabatta rolls from Bread Lounge. Sourdough from same. Reading. And, more reading.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Remembering the old dream

Tarot: Nine of Stones, Tradition

An interesting Tarot pull this morning considering my first topic this morning. Theory. By the end of college I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do. Theoretical Anthropology. That fit together well with my double major Philosophy and Anthropology. Theory folks look at a discipline from a meta level, considering how assumptions and conceptions in the field match up with the field actually does. They can also propose next steps for field work, or suggest whole new fields of inquiry. Say, bio-linguistics, or one that was just emerging as I graduated, Cognitive Anthropology.

I would have been the first Ph.D. in Anthro from Ball State and the Department was behind me. The religious affairs advisor sponsored me for a Danforth fellowship for graduate study.

Three problems. I never finished the Danforth fellowship application. Both Brandeis and Rice accepted me but could offer no fellowships. Fellowships for theoretical anthropology didn’t exist, at least at the time, in those programs. The third was the real stopper though: I decided that university education was a tool of the establishment (it is) and inculcated capitalist/militarist values in its often unwitting students. It does.

I decided to take a principled stand and not try anymore to get into graduate school. In hindsight? Dumb. Of course education was a tool of the establishment, but I didn’t have to be. Especially with the tenure system. Of course, it inculcated capitalist/militarist values. Those are establishment values. But I didn’t have to inculcate them. I could have worked against them.

Also, something I can admit now, but could not then. I was afraid I would fail. Ashamed of that as I look back. But, the combination of all these factors ensured I would end up in the winter of 1969, cutting rags in the Fox River Paper Mill, owning a house in Appleton, Wisconsin, and trying to live up to the promised I’d made to be in an open marriage.

Again in hindsight I wonder I didn’t go into treatment for alcoholism even earlier than I did. I was a living embodiment of the adage: If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.

Those were painful years. Each morning excruciating as I tried to combine living as if I was Christian with anxiety about my future, my marriage, my drinking. Those years and that anxiety continued through seminary, ameliorated a bit by the heady intellectual work in seminary. Which I had not expected, but loved.

Judy and I divorced

Imbolc and the 3/4 Moon

Saturday gratefuls: Vince. What a good guy. Kristine Gonzalez. What a good and thorough doc. Maren, for getting me past the electronic gates of the patient portal. Finally, a good medical practice. And, local. Cheryl, too, at Quest in the practice. A good phlebotomist. A local team for medical and Snowplowing/handyman needs. Jodi and Bowe. A good team for the kitchen. Ruth, Jon, Gabe. Coming up at 3 pm. Safeway pickup. Alan and the Bread Lounge this morning.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Irreducible Mind, Edward Kelly, et al

Tarot: Nine of Vessels, Generosity

Digging into the books written by Ed Kelly and his collaborators. Many flashes across the dark desert, a storm coming that will bring rain to the arid behaviorism of the Watson-Skinner crowd.

These books, there are three: Irreducible Mind, Beyond Physicalism: Toward Reconciliation of Science and Spirituality, and Consciousness Unbounded: Liberating Mind from the Tyranny of Materialism, fat ones, heavy on my sturdy Stickley chair, reflect the work and interaction of a multidisciplinary team. Ed says in the preface to Irreducible Mind (IM) that the purpose of these volumes is to get to advanced undergraduates and early graduate students in disciplines like philosophy, neuroscience, and psychology before they experience, and I love this phrase: hardening of the categories.

Guilty. I am guilty of a hardening of the categories on just these issues. Skepticism has its place, oh yes, but when it turns, it turns bad. It creates walls that can’t be breached even by new data, creating the very situation that it purports to avoid. Ed offers several antidotes to this rotten form of skepticism.

Francis Bacon, 1620: “The world is not to be narrowed till it will go into the understanding…but the understanding to be expanded and opened till it can take in the image of the world as it is in fact.” p. xxii, intro to IM

Also, and you’ll like this Bill, by Philosopher F.C.H. Schiller: “For the facts to be ‘discovered’ there is needed the eye to see them.” ibid.

Gotta lot more good quotes. Ed is a funny and acerbic guy. Here’s my favorite: “chess-playing computer programs represent real progress toward real intelligence in roughly the same sense that climbing a tree represents progress toward the moon.” xxv, intro.

This feels like a spot I could have inhabited a long time ago if I had not allowed my flat earth empiricism (a variety of rotten skepticism) to keep me on a conventional and conservative line of thought about these matters.

Combining this work with kabbalah, tarot, and astrology should be enough to keep me busy for the next quarter of a century if the docs can keep me kicking that long.

This kind of stuff excites me, makes me eager. I’m getting this house set up for good eating, good exercise, good study, good thought. Now I have subject matter that actually conforms to my old reimagining faith project. Wow.

A strong and unextinguishable part of me is an academic, episodically trained in esoteric fields like philosophy, theology, kabbalah, and now the war between physicalism and idealism. I like that part of me and want to feed him over the next few years. Feed him better, more consistently. The Hermitage. A good spot for all of this. And, for conversation about it.

Thanks to Ode for putting me on this path.

Yule and the Moon of the New Year

Follow this link to see the Webb in a 3d solar system.

Friday gratefuls: Brian finished. Bowe comes on Monday and should finish then. Fire Danger low. Snow fresh and white. Mussar class on tzedakah, justice, went well. Jon’s print in a gallery show. Spark Gallery. Oncologist today. The Mountains in Winter. All the wild Critters living rough. A warm house. A wonderful library.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Spark Gallery

Tarot:

Finally will see Kristie today. Oncologist PA. Scheduled first for January 3rd. Then for January 25th. Now, scheduled for today, Friday, January 28th. I’m pretty level about this but when my old Doctor’s group wouldn’t give me a referral for the 3rd I get angry. The 25th cancellation was because I didn’t yet have approval for Prolia, a once every six-months shot for bone health.

Glad of that one because the Snow came down hard all day. Unlike Minnesota, if you wait a day here, conditions often improve almost back to a dry normal. Weird from a Gopher State perspective, but true.

I have a touch of anxiety. I find out the results for genetic markers related to prostate cancer today. This shot, Prolia, protects me from tipping over into osteoporosis. Wonder how much it costs? In a note after the first cancellation Kristie indicated I may get another new drug today. And what does the PSA not all the way down mean? So, reasonable concerns, I think. But, too, part of the process of living with cancer.

Brian, the slow cabinet maker, has now come twice in the last two days. All the way from Fairplay. An hour’s drive in good weather to the West. He’s done, Jodi says, except for backordered hinges on one cabinet door. We both took a chance on Brian to get an earlier finish date. December 25th. Jodi checked him out, even went to Fairplay.

Brian’s basic excuse is that he can’t hire help. Which I believe. But. He also over promises and under performs rather than the much more customer sensitive and business savvy, under promise and over perform. He’s old enough to have learned this already. Nope. His work is good. Not great. But good. And good enough.

Still happy with the overall results. Will be happier still when it’s finished and I can start reorganizing the cabinets. Even better, cooking with all my tools and dishes available without a walk across the living room floor.

Finished Klara and the Sun. It is science fiction, but it’s also literary, more like Franzen than Asimov. The story involves Klara, an AF, artificial friend, and her charge, Josie. The Sun plays a prominent, even decisive role. Will reread it. Something I don’t do often. It’s deceptively simple.

Gonna start a new book by an author new to me, Becky Chambers. The Long Way to a Small and Angry Planet. She’s gotten a lot of press in the sci fi world. I’ll find out soon.

Spent yesterday morning studying Sefer Yetzirah. This is dense material. Sanders uses material from many different texts, short sections, maybe a page or a page and a half. Some comes from the Middle Ages, some from more recent scholarship. All of it reads like philosophy or theology. Which, I guess, in a sense, it all is. Historically philosophy and theology have been brother and sister disciplines. They share a convoluted writing style and ideas that often don’t make immediate sense.

One I’m wrestling with right now is the idea that language is the conduit between the sacred and the profane. Of course, that’s an obvious yes if you’re a literalist Christian or a Muslim who believe God spoke or inspired all the words the Bible or the Koran. Not obvious to me because I’m not sure what constitutes the sacred. Even after all these years, it still eludes me.

Time for breakfast and a shower. Get ready to drive down the hill. Till next time.

Yule and the New Year Moon

Where’s the Webb? From home? 641000 miles. To L2 257000 miles. 71% of journey complete. Slower yet at .2639 mps. Mission day 13. Yesterday the aft instrument radiator got deployed. Today the primary mirror begins to unfold from its launch position. This begins the last deployment,  the mirror segments. Complete by mission day 15. Then it’s cruise on, slow, slow, slow. Puff, puff, puff and L2 insertion.

Friday gratefuls: Mussar. Rabbi Jamie. Jodi, Bowe, and Brian. Coming today. Finish early next week, I imagine. Choice. Daily. Too much choice. Habit. Routine. Bed sheets. The family crate. Safeway. Grocery pickup. Covid. Kate, always and still, Kate.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Max in his parka, a snow angel.

Tarot-January spread: Money-The Wanderer, 0 in the major arcana

The whole team gathers here at 9:15. Me. Bowe and Brian. Jodi. We’ll discuss last steps to complete the work. I have a punch list but so far it’s pretty small. Bowe anticipates my concerns and fixes them. Wish I could hire him for everything carpentry I need to get done. Maybe I can?

If I had gone with the Karman cabinets, I would have had a three month wait for delivery. End of January. Even with delays I’m ahead of the curve. Bowe had bookings into March so it could have been much later. Even with Brian’s pokiness this is faster.

I heard one complaint he had: can’t hire good help these days. I’m sure the pool of folks looking for work in Fairplay is not big to begin with and the Great Resignation has upended the entry level job market.

His work is not quite as good as I’d anticipated, but it’s good. Good enough. I like it. I imagined custom cabinetry like in a fancy built home. Not that level. But maybe the next level down. Better than mass produced for sure.

Brian reminds me a bit of Gollum. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Oh, you’ll like these, sir. Attention to detail. Oh, yes. An obsequiousness that hides deep resentment. Not to me, we don’t know each other well enough to have that sort of bad blood, but to customers. To the folks who put demands on his time. To the world which has not seen his genius. Makes me sad.

Read an article on Languishing that ancient brother Paul recommended. Here’s the article’s definition: “Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.” The author describes languishing as the middle ground between depression and flourishing.

I recognize the symptoms in myself. Covid has gone on too long. Add grief. Hard to get the motor runnin’, get out on the highway. I’ve gotten stuff done, mostly d3 stuff, domestic duty day things. The remodel, Herme pushed back against this tendency to slow down, way down around 4 pm.

Finding a center point for my life, finding a way to make my schedule creativity friendly, that’s the big on the table right now issue for me as a person. I feel like this is a good time to go for it.

My grief has had the tincture of time. Part of me now, reminding me always of the beauty and power of my love for Kate, hers for me. I carry it as a gift today, not a burden.

Covid. Well, not gone. For sure. But. I am in a better place, not where I need to be, but better. In spite of omicron. As long as I stay at home, or meet with friends, it barely affects me. I’m tired of masks, yes. I’m tired of thinking about vaccines, about being high risk, yes. I can, however, see an endpoint, a time when covid becomes a flu equivalent. Maybe a booster at a certain time. Masks in some situations. Not an everyday, what’s the death count kinda thing anymore. This year. The truth is out there.

Yule and the 2% crescent of the Winter Solstice Moon

Where is the Webb? Interesting. It’s just over 50% of the way to L2 this morning. 52%. 474000 miles from Earth, 424000 to Lagrange 2. On mission day 7 it’s coasting, slowing. Now at .4082 mps. 1470 mph. Still gradually unfolding as it goes.

Saturday (and 2022 so far) gratefuls: 2021 is in the books. 2022 arrived with six inches of snow. First time out of high Fire danger since July. Jon, Ruth, and Gabe up for New Years. Medical Guardian. New Moon coming. Glad for clean calendar, no memories in it. Leaning toward the future, honoring the past. Celebrating in the present.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The New Year

Tarot past-present-future spread: Ace of Stones, The Foundation of Life; Six of Bows, Abundance; Queen of Stones, Bear

Auspicious. Always love that word. Has a Chinese ring to it to me. 2022 already and in an important way. On New Year’s eve and continuing through this morning we’ve received over six inches of fluffy new Snow. As I noted in the gratefuls, this is the first day since early July when we are not in high fire danger.

Ironic and sad that it came a day after the Boulder County fire. Now we can switch anxiety to slick Mountain roads and Ice dams. Just kidding. Feels so good to have Fire off the table for a while. Hopefully until late May, June.

Up at 8 am though I only stayed up until 9:35 pm. I told Gabe that was midnight in Grandpa world. When I got up to what Gabe now calls my lair, it was 2 degrees outside, 2% humidity, and 2 degree windchill. The winds subsided yesterday. Glad.

Finished Wild Seed by Octavia Butler a couple of days ago. Paul Strickland recommended. A good, strange book. Butler died in 2006. She wrote Afrofuturist science fiction. Wouldn’t know how to describe this book. A mythology of sorts. Doro and Anyanwu’s back story. It was the last published in her Patternist series, but the earliest in terms of the series chronology.

Butler was the first science fiction writer to win a MacArthur genius grant. I can see why. Her work, this is the first one I’ve read, is not like anything else I’ve read, science fiction or otherwise.

Gonna leave this for now and go see the kids and Jon downstairs. I’ll do a proper New Year’s post later today.

Samain and the Winter Solstice Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Gabe and his beef stew. Gabe, Ruth, Jon. Jon and the zoom today. Family circling the wagons. The kitchen. The pause. Holiseason. Winter Solstice and the beginning of Yule on Tuesday. Christmas Eve present: Launch of the James Webb Telescope. That guy under the porch eating my neighbor’s chickens. (see pic) Seven lean years. Seven fat years? Kate. That sweety.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Mountain Lions, our neighbors, too.

Tarot: Ten of Vessels, Happiness. wildwood

Took Jon, Ruth, and Gabe to Benihana. Not because I like it, I don’t, but because Gabe loves it. You can’t not have a good time here, he said. What a joint. All tepanaki tables. Could use a refresh. The latest reservation they had yesterday was 3:15 pm. Yet, the place had full tables. A perfect spot to contract Omicron. Not my brightest idea this year. A Hanukkah gift from me to Gabe.

And, it’s expensive! The food was ok. There was the usual clanging spatulas and forks. Food cooked in safflower oil right there. That’s what Gabe likes about it. Our cook spent most of his time talking with the nubile young lasses, three of them. A lot of smiling, joking, hair caressing. Even Ruth had that, oh my gosh he’s cute smile on her face.

In the morning I studied the Tree of Life Tarot spread. Luke Coaciello and I will have lunch on Monday. My first ever experience as a Tarot card reader will follow. I’ll have to use my notes because the Tree of Life spread has many, many permutations. It’s a spread that lays out the cards in the same structure as the Tree of Life. The cards’ meanings get changed, heightened, intensified by the sephirot on which they fall. 72 different Tarot cards and 10 sephirot.

I’m mildly excited to put my growing knowledge of Tarot to use. Have no idea if I’ll ever do another reading after this one.

Zoom call today with the sisters and Jon. Talk about how to help Jon through this crisis.

Gabe has begun to blossom. He cooks on his own, asks if he can help when he’s up here, thinks of others. Not sure what prompted this change, but it’s refreshing and encouraging. He thinks he might want to work at Benihana. Here he is the Benihana hat. A boy in his happy place.

Ruth has become a go to babysitter, making cash. Gives her a bit of freedom. She claims she’s going to help pay the insurance on Ivory, the Rav4 Kate and I gave to Jon for her to drive when she gets her license.

Sad that Sarah and Paul will not make it out here for Christmas. Looked forward to seeing them.

I sent out a letter yesterday about my idea for linking faith communities to the needs of the New Builders. I’ll close with a copy of it.

Rabbi Jamie, Luke,

Here’s the link that set me thinking. The New Builders. Levine is with Foundry Group, based in Boulder. At the time I didn’t realize the woman with him was the CEO of Sistahbiz A Denver based business accelerator for Black women. In my initial thoughts I imagined creating something like Sistahbiz. Not necessary.

Another key player here is EforAll, the Colorado extension of a Massachusetts business accelerator. Levine connected with EforAll through the story of a woman New Builder in Lawrence, Mass. Now they’re here, too.

This feels like a big opportunity to me. It’s the sort of thing I used to do in Minnesota. Get an idea, get some folks together, make something happen.

Rabbi Jamie mentioned getting Levine to come give a talk. Great idea. Putting New Builders into the CBE book club. Ditto.

Here are some baby ideas that I have. Others will occur to you two, to others.

First, I worked for two years on building a Minnesota equivalent to the fundacion grupo social in Bogota, Colombia. Here is their mission statement: Contribute to overcoming the structural causes of poverty to build a just, supportive, productive and peaceful society.

Google translate will help you if you don’t have Spanish like me.

This work included staff from Northwest Bank, the Roman Catholic Church, community organizations, and many Christian denominations. We failed because of the recession of 1988. Could still happen. The fundacion provides banking and business services to the poorest of the poor. And, was a while ago anyhow the 10^th largest corporation in Colombia.

Second. A sit down with Levine, Sistahbiz, EforAll. Talk about how the faith community might help. Then, a sitdown with interested people from the faith community. Idea: create a way for churches and synagogues to contribute both capital and expertise for Black New Builders. I don’t know what it would look like. Might by a fundacion style banking institution. Might be something like S.C.O.R.E. Might be direct loans and/or investments.

Third. Minimalist. A public relations campaign to Denver Metro synagogues and churches about the possibilities.

Fourth. At some point the Denver Economic Development Office, the State’s too, should be brought into the conversation. Both will be flush after passage of Build Back Better.

There are lots of possibilities here. The aim, imho? Create a permanent, institutional presence that supports the small business dreams of Black men and women. That understands the structural dilemmas facing Black New Builders. That works at the roots of these problems.

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Samain and the Winter Solstice (no kitchen) Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Shirley Waste Pickup. Bowe. And, the kitchen demolition. Seeing the walls of my kitchen. Jon’s colonoscopy/endoscopy. Being with him on the way out and back. No microwave. No sink. No cabinets. Rigel and Kep, not sure what’s going on here. Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli in Lone Tree. That salami and provolone sandwich.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Agency

Tarot: Six of Arrows, transition.  wildwood

Coffee perking up here in the loft. I can smell it, see it. Yes, it’s kitchen remodel time! Busy day Monday. Full day with Jon yesterday, driving to Aurora to pick him up, then down to Lone Tree for his imaging, back to Aurora, then drive home in the early rush hour. Exhausted when I got back to an empty kitchen. Well, almost empty. The dishwasher, new induction stove, and the refrigerator are still there.

By keeping the appliances, including the microwave, and not putting in a new floor (the current one has radiant heat), I saved additional expense. But. It does mean we have to match the tile in some fashion. That’s imposed some limits on aesthetics.

Not going to be quite as busy today. Until later. Funeral at 2 pm for Rabbi Jamie’s mother-in-law. Going on zoom. Tom’s coming to take advantage of Colorado’s green free zone. And to spend some time with me. After the funeral we’ll connect.

The last two days have hammered me. Too much driving. Which I find exhausting these days. I forgot to take Herme out of the car yesterday so he visited Aurora and Lone Tree. Going on the downstairs table for now.

Took a beat on the way in to pick up Jon and went up Colorado Blvd to the Modern Bungalow. This place has Amish furniture but most of it made in the arts and crafts style. Their inventory fits well with the Stickley furniture Kate and I bought a long time ago.

A rocking chair. A chandelier. And, a floor lamp. From them. Not right now, but I wanted to see the stuff in person. Like it. The rocker I saw was perfect. Also looking for a low table, but something unique. Not in the arts and crafts style. At least most likely not. Something organic, think stone or wood with live edges.

A cool spot with lots of nice things. I gotta get out here before I spend a lot of money. Owner: No. Stay!

Jon’s trying to figure out why he’s lost 40 pounds and has neuromuscular problems in his leg. Big problems but no explanations. At least right now. His ability to do daily work has taken a substantial hit. Makes it hard for him to stay employed.

Hope he gets some diagnostic news. Without a problem definition, there’s no solution.

Remember I said there might be an issue that could slip past my old guy in the mountain top Hermitage defenses? Well. Might have found one. A small business support, start-up help effort. A local Jewish venture capitalist, Seth Levine, Boulder, has a special take on “entrepreneurship.” His book, just out, using the term New Builders because of the stereotypical view of business startups as coastal, white male, and tech.

According to his data the vast bulk of new start-ups are by women and black women in particular. In the middle of the country. I love his idea. He’s in Boulder. He’s Jewish. Rabbi Jamie has a close connection with a Black congregation in Denver. I love synergy in these situations and I can see it coming into existence here. Around what? I don’t know, but something connected to women-owned, black-owned startups, small business support. Possibly linking Denver Jewish congregations into the mix. Using as leverage the more progressive congregation way out here in the Foothills. Could happen. Might be fun.