Category Archives: US History

Dogs, Family, Travel, US History, World History

I mean, really?

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Yule and the Moon of New Beginnings

Shabbat gratefuls: Shadow of the morning. Snow at last! Cold. 10 degrees. Winter. Vince. Joe coming this week.  Ruth and her wrist. Dean’s list again. Gabe. Starting his last semester of high school. Ginny and Janice. Luke and Leo. Minnesota. Colorado. Blue state resisters. My homes.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Minnesota

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Year Kavannah: Creativity.   Yetziratiut.   “Inspiration exists, butten-bows-wildwood-tarot it has to find you working.” ― Pablo Picasso

Week Kavannah:  Wholeness. Shleimut.                                                “The concept of shleimut extends beyond the individual, applying to relationships (finding a life partner with whom one feels complete) and the community (mending societal cracks to achieve collective creativity and flourishing).”

Tarot: Ten of Bows, responsibility.

  • The central meaning of the card is shouldering a significant weight of duties, obligations, or stress, either for yourself or others. Although the burden is heavy, the card also suggests that you are close to the finish line of a major project or life cycle. The end goal is in sight, and persistence is needed to reach it.

One brief shining: Shleimut and the ten of bows resonate with each other since another meaning of shleimut involves tikkun olam, or repair of the world; the joining of these two ideas in these, the years of devastation and degradation of a once great nation, remind us that though the path winds ever upward and our burden can seem unbearable, our journey toward wholeness, restoration demands much of us, perhaps all of us.

 

Dog journal: Shadow now trots inside as if the threshold, what threshold, dad?, were no longer a vampire-like barrier which she had not been invited to cross. Oh, happy day! Well, most of the time. Sometimes she needs a bit of encouragement. But only very occasionally. Thank you, Natalie, Dr. Josy, prozac, and those pheromones. Oh, and Nathan, too.

Her life and mine. Again, together.

 

Family: Set up a zoom call with my sister, Mary, in Melbourne, and my brother, Mark, in Hafar, Saudi Arabia. Not many time slots when we’re all awake. To make it work, I agreed to start the call at 9 pm, MST. Well past my bedtime. 3 pm for Mary and 7 am for Mark.

If you draw a triangle using Shadow Mountain, Melbourne, and Hafar as its points, it would almost be an equilateral with 8,000 miles on each side. That’s sibling dispersion. Little bits of Alexandria, Indiana spread apart from Alexandria and each other.

After looking up those distances, I decided to look for Shadow Mountain’s antipode. According to this website, antipodes map, tunneling straight through Mother Earth from here would land me under the waters of the Pacific, somewhere east of the main island of New Zealand. So, I won’t do that cause I’d drown.

 

Just a moment: So the only limits on red tie guy’s foreign policy is, in his own words during an NYT interview, “My own morality.” Oh, my.

Yeah. This from the guy who’s said he would “accept” the Nobel Peace Prize if Venezuela’s winner of this year’s prize, María Corina Machado, offers it to him. Managing to combine ignorance (of who gives the prize) with narcissism, greed, envy, and lust. I mean, really?

 

Memories, Minnesota, Politics, US History

Renee the Good. Is dead.

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Yule and the Moon of New Beginnings

Friday gratefuls:  Shadow, the awake. Cold night. Snow. Morning darkness. Light-headedness. Mussar. Altitude. Distracted. A bit dizzy. Working my scheduled review of newspapers, websites, podcasts. Doing further research on Pan. On the luparii. Reimagining Superior Wolf. Minnesota. Proud to have lived there forty years. Colorado. Proud to have lived here eleven years.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Minnesota

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Year Kavannah: Creativity.   Yetziratiut.   “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” ― Pablo Picasso

Week Kavannah:  Patience.  Savlanut.  “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tarot: Back at it soon

One brief shining: Rene the Good died at the hands of an ICE firearms trainer after another ICE agent had threatened her by trying to open the door of her Honda Pilot and shouting in her rolled down window, “Get the fuck out of the car.” As she turned her vehicle away to leave, she received a bullet to the head.

 

Don’t cry for me, Minnesota. The truth is I never left you. How I felt when I saw the familiar setting in Powderhorn Park. That maroon SUV parked diagonally on Portland. The so-out-of-place government provocateurs with masks-masks!-hiding their identities. ICE. A Trump militia spreading fear and chaos in American cities.

In Minneapolis. Wrong place to kill an unarmed woman. Minnesotans. Will. Not. Stand. For. This. The Federal government, Kash Patel’s oh so trustworthy FBI, took over the investigation. Minnesota’s criminal justice system would have arrested and charged the ICE agent with first degree murder. No wonder the FBI stepped in.

I would rather have local authorities investigating. Especially the state attorney general’s office. Though. Based on video and eye-witness testimony I don’t see any wiggle room. While Renee had disregarded an order, she turned her SUV away from the agents to drive from the scene. That’s clear from the video examinations done by the New York Times. There was nothing in her movements that warranted gun fire.

My heart leapt back into Minnesota on seeing this news. Became one again with the street level politics I knew so well there. Powderhorn Park has an active political community, many leftists, anarchists, co-op folks.

The glaring, searing contrast between masked agents of fear and the community oriented spirit of Powderhorn Park struck me forcefully, enough to make me gasp.

I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling. Minnesota and its politics of the common good has been my North Star. Flawed, sure. Full of humans. But there I found the arc of the moral universe bent a little further toward justice than most places I knew. Minnesota shaped me into the man I am now and I like who I am now.

This brutal, senseless killing shows the moral sinkhole that hate and bigotry have created in our national spirit. This is not how Americans are. Is it?

A shining city on the hill. A beacon to other nations. No longer. We will, if we have not already, become a pariah state, only engaged in actions in our perceived self-interest. Not my America.

Politics, Seed Keepers, US History, World History

Seed-Keepers

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Yule and the Moon of New Beginnings

Wednesday gratefuls: Tara and Eleanor. Vince and Arjean. The snowblower finds a new home. Dangerous Fire weather. The Dog run. Shadow, the snuggle bunny. Ruth learning a new job. Gabe finished his jigsaw puzzle. My boy comes on the 14th. MVP.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shrimp and White Bean Soup

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Year Kavannah: Creativity.   Yetziratiut.   “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” ― Pablo Picasso

Week Kavannah:  Patience.  Savlanut.  “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tarot: Back at it soon

One brief shining: In the first week of January-January!-we have no Snow, down the hill Denver temperatures have been in the seventies, as the onrush of a changing climate washes over us even in the mid-continent and high up in the Mountains while sea level cities and nations watch salt Water fill municipal Water systems, subways flood, and the center will not hold.

Hard to sort out the emotions. Despair as the World burns, Carbon emissions continue to hit record highs. Anger and deep sadness at the politicians spinning the clock backwards, disorienting even the most optimistic. Frustration and rage at matters like economic injustice, bigotry, infrastructure side lined while science and medicine lose momentum due to budget cuts. Melancholy over a life’s work shunted into a back alley of history. No need for doom scrolling when reading the front page of any newspaper accomplishes the same task.

Yet. Shadow returned home a more snuggly, biddable Dog. Our relationship strengthened. I made a White Bean and Shrimp soup yesterday. My son has a short visit planned this month. Paul and Tom have a visit planned for my birthday. Pain is gone from left hip, lower back, and leg. Shadow Mountain home is warm and book filled.

Yet. My sister Mary has a chance to return to her first love, library science, in a special project for the University of Melbourne. She’s settling into a diverse neighborhood along Sydney Road. My brother Mark has worked his first full calendar year in the sands of Araby.

Yet. The Lodgepoles grow. The Aspens clone. Mule Deer and Elk Cows carry the next generation of their species. Maxwell Creek rests, frozen for now, waiting for Spring. The Mountains hold us all in their valleys, slopes, and peaks.

Yet. Democratic socialists have won Mayoral races in Boston, NYC, Seattle. The No King’s movement has grown. Approval ratings for Red Tie Guy’s command of the economy, his gunboat diplomacy, even his immigration policy have tanked. His own Presidential ratings as well.

While those of us who embrace economic fairness, ethnic and  gender and religious pluralism, globalism, a sustainable human presence on Mother Earth have neither given up nor backed away from the hard work of readying ourselves for the next era.

If you’re one of us, a Seed-Keeper, I hope you can live your best life right now. And. That part of it be sustaining the vision of a world ruled by love, justice, and compassion rather than greed, lust, and the will to power.

Far Right, Politics, US History, World History

Shriveled

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Yule and the Moon of New Beginnings

Tuesday gratefuls: Shadow, crosser of thresholds. Ginny and Janice, Annie and Luna. Colder. Red Flag Day. The rise of neocolonialism. Gunboat diplomacy. The ravaging of our nation. Never waste a crisis. A dusting of Snow. Notebooklm. The Great Work. Thomas Berry. The Nature rights movement. Crooked media. The Bulwark.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Furious Minds by Laura K. Field

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Year Kavannah: Creativity.   Yetziratiut.   “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” ― Pablo Picasso

Week Kavannah:  Patience.  Savlanut.  “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tarot: Back at it soon

One brief shining: More snuggle and cuddles, this less reactive Shadow wants more hugs, more together time; she also takes the threshold as a much less absolute barrier, sometimes prancing in, most often coming with a bit of cajoling, less often I have to go out and she follows me in, Natalie having done the difficult work at her home and the Dog run limiting Shadow’s options. All good.

“We live in a world, in the real world, Jake, that is governed by strength, that is governed by force, that is governed by power,” he said. “These are the iron laws of the world since the beginning of time.” Stephen Miller to reporter Jake Tapper of CNN, NYT, 1/6/2025

Oh, Stevie. Go back home and embrace those guys who bullied you. Don’t imitate them. Not very evolved. This naked claim about history, from everybody’s favorite xenophobe, lays bare, like a copper wire exposed under a far too thin insulation  of civilization, the motive force for Trump’s reign. Power begets might. Might begets right.

Want Greenland? We’ll just take it Miller said in the same article, who’s gonna stop us. Here is the rationale for changing the name of the Defense Department to the War Department. For changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. For scooping up human beings striving for a better life and depositing them in countries, any country, that will take them. For ignoring Federal Judges, how many divisions does the Pope have. For ignoring norms, allies, decency.

Let Trump be Trump. Let Miller be Miller. Let RFK by RFK. Let Vought be Vought. No guiding mission or vision necessary. The only question, can we make it happen? If we can, that makes it the right choice.

It is not lost on me, or on you, I imagine, that this brazen claim by a Jew who ignores the reality of the holocaust, gets front page placement on this, the fifth anniversary of January 6th’s insurrection. Remember that word? And, treason? And, the convictions, in our courts, following legal investigations and trials with juries and judges? The pardons proof Miller’s claim. The big guy understands.

I’m sorry Miller and his kin missed out  on love, justice, and compassion as guiding forces in their lives. How shriveled and withered they must be inside.

Dogs, Politics, US History

Shadow at Home

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Yule and the Moon of New Beginnings

Sunday gratefuls: Shadow at home. The Dog run. Shadow crossing the threshold. Shadow on a leash. Shadow. Cooler weather ahead. Ruth skiing A-basin. Joy at seeing Shadow play. Dr. Josy. A certain liveliness in Shadow Mountain Home. Natalie and her holistic pet training.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow crossing the threshold

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Year Kavannah: Creativity.   Yetziratiut.   “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” ― Pablo Picasso

Week Kavannah:  Patience.  Savlanut.  “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tarot: Back at it soon

One brief shining:  Natalie led Shadow toward the front door on a yellow leash, handed it to me, and Shadow froze, sat down, unwilling to follow me inside, c’mon baby girl, she got up and trotted inside like that was her intent all along; once downstairs in her home, Shadow gently rose up, put two paws on my leg, I leaned down and she nuzzled her head against my cheek, kissed me, nuzzled again. She was, finally, home.

Dog journal: February 4th. Up Berthold Pass, through Winter Park and into Granby Ginny, Janice, Annie, Luna, and I headed to the Granby Shelter to meet Nugget, an Australian Cattle Dog puppy rescued from a house fire in faraway Trinidad, Colorado. On the way up I decided to go with the stream of events. Perhaps I’d come home with a puppy. Maybe not. Depends.

I sat in a metal folding chair when Heather, Ginny’s niece, brought Shadow out from the shelter kennel and left us alone. We did not, as these stories often go, bond immediately. She was shy. Reluctant to be touched. Yet. My heart said, this is my dog.

Later, when she wouldn’t come out from under my bed. When she refused to come in from outside. When she resisted the leash by running away as if it contained poison. When it was 12 degrees outside and she would not come in even for her evening meal something in me broke. My heart. I couldn’t keep her safe so the loving thing to do was to give her away.

After 10 months of affection. Of her play with the rubber tires and the Kong lobster and the treat puzzles. Of downward Dog, her smiles, her gentle hugs. Of having her curl up next to my pillow, sleeping through the night. Of her chasing Butterflies and running circles with the yearling Mule Deer. Love is a terrible bond when things go bad.

Yet. The Mountain folk would not let me go through with it. Dr. Josy enlisted Natalie. I agreed for Shadow to be with Natalie for four weeks of training. In the interim I would have a Dog run added to the house. Nathan did it. It’s functional but not beautiful.

Now that respite is over and Shadow sleeps beside my chair while I write. She has come in, albeit reluctantly, each time I have called her from outside. She let me put the leash on her and we will go for short walks.

Shadow is home.

 

Just a moment: We will run Venezuela? Neocolonialism. How far back do the hands on this clock go? Will we restore the days of cavaliers in the deep South? Impress foreign sailors to serve in our navy? Perhaps we could conquer all of Latin America. Steal Greenland. Recover not just the canal, but Panama, too?

The mind, sorry for the cliche but it seems so apt, boggles.

 

 

Politics, US History

The Red Tie guy. Yet again.

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Yule and the Moon of New Beginnings

Shabbat gratefuls: The Dog run. Nathan. The igloo Dog house in place. Shadow’s coming home today. Her Dog food still in the Chewy box. The heated pad for her Dog house arrives tomorrow. Natalie. Tenderloin filet. Broccolini. Seasoned Potatoes. Tony’s Honey Lime fruit dipping sauce.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Year Kavannah: Creativity.   Yetziratiut.   “Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.” ― Pablo Picasso

Week Kavannah:  Patience.  Savlanut.  “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tarot: Doing a Celtic Cross spread for the New Year

One brief shining: The patient Aspen waits through the cold and the lowlight of Winter as the Black Bears sleep in their den, the moon waits through its orbit for its face to be toward Great Sol, then it becomes full, the full Moon of New Beginnings rises tonight; Shadow and I will have to relearn our life together, granting each other space for new behaviors. Savlanut.

 

Just a moment: US CAPTURES MADURO, TRUMP SAYS. Headline, NYT, 1/3/2026  When I first saw this bold face headline, my mind took me on a memory trip. Instantly. William Randolph Hearst. Remember the Maine! And this,   “Destruction of the War Ship Maine Was the Work of an Enemy!” (New York Journal, Feb 17, 1898) A sort of dèjâ vu occasioned by history as personal memory. The era of gunboat diplomacy justified by the Monroe Doctrine which warns all comers that the U.S. considers the Western Hemisphere its sphere of influence.

Naked imperialism. Stephen Miller (yes, him again) said:  “American sweat, ingenuity and toil created the oil industry in Venezuela,” Miller, who serves as White House deputy chief of staff, wrote in a social media post.

“Its tyrannical expropriation was the largest recorded theft of American wealth and property. These pillaged assets were then used to fund terrorism and flood our streets with killers, mercenaries and drugs.” quoted in Al Jazeera, Dec. 17, 2025.

“Trump says Venezuela stole U.S. oil, land and assets. Here’s the history.” W.P. Dec. 20, 2025. An AI summary of this article:

“Venezuela’s nationalization of its oil industry under Presidents Pérez and Chávez led to U.S. sanctions and a blockade by President Trump, who claimed Venezuela stole U.S. assets. Economist Francisco Rodríguez refuted Trump’s claims, noting U.S. companies never owned oil or land there.”

This event, the bombing of Caraccas, the kidnapping of Maduro and his wife, an attempt to reclaim “stolen” assets had no Congressional approval. It’s pure histrionic adventurism driven by a bully who listens to the most extreme voices who have his ear.

And, there’s this: Trump said we are “locked and loaded,” ready to intervene in Iran if the government begins killing protesters. I wish China, or Canada, or Mexico had made the same declaration when ICE began its extrajudicial rampage against protesters in L.A. and Chicago.

Killing protesters in Iran. NO! Killing and maiming protesters and legal citizens during deportation raids. Well, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet.

Sigh.

Cancer, Dogs, Far Right, Fourth Phase, Health, Politics, US History, White Supremacy, World History

Link Arms Against This Sea of Troubles

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Samain and the Shadow Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Rising PSA. Shadow, seen. Natalie and Dr. Josy. Winter is coming. (next week) Hanukah. Ruth and Gabe. Joe. Seoah. Murdoch. What I want. Death. Other life punctuation points. Hawai’i. Nathan and the Dog run. Venezuela. Latin America. Central America. North America. The Gulf of Mexico.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Joe

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Week Kavannah:   Netzach   “Endurance and Tenacity: Netzach represents the inner strength and fortitude required to pursue a goal or a passion over a long period, especially when faced with obstacles.”

Being a metaPhysician

One brief shining: Shadow cast her presence toward me, casually, too absorbed in other nearby dogs and her trazadone pall to greet her Dad when others of her kind, so many of them, were nearby, crossing behind Natalie’s FJ Cruiser with its DOGS4LIFE license plate, in the Flying J parking lot human companions holding leashes, some pulling toward Shadow to say hi, I’m here, too.

 

Dog journal: First I’d seen Shadow since a week ago Friday. She greeted me, but with little enthusiasm. A little bit of my heart broke. My hope for an enthusiastic smile, a jump, kisses set aside. I noticed, in a bit, that she moved a little slowly, that spark in her personality tamped down.

I’d forgotten the trazadone/gabapentin she was on while the prozac reaches therapeutic levels. Didn’t like it, but I understood the rationale. Reduce her reactivity and help her learn new behaviors. Like letting a leash on. Like easily crossing thresholds. Temporary. Similar to chemical constraints for humans in an agitated state. Shadow exists in an agitated state most of the time.

Natalie said Shadow acted the same at her place as she does at mine, vis a vis thresholds. Made me feel good. Not me. Some psychic gremlin gripping Ms. Shadow when faced with crossing from the outside to the inside.

Natalie, an empathetic and kind person, said she’d come pick up Shadow if I had appointments, keep her for the day and return her. How blessed am I. So many loving folks in my orbit.

We parted after about twenty minutes, Shadow with Natalie.

Good-bye.

 

Health: Yes. My labs showed my PSA jumped, in spite of the radiation, from 0.3 to 2.7. At first I saw the 2.7 and thought, yes! Only later wondering, opening the lab report again. Oh. Not 0.27.

Probably means new drugs. New side effects. Still many options between me and ordinary chemotherapy. Erleada is technically chemotherapy, says so on the pill container, but its side effects have been slight.

There again, blessed. A cancer with many treatments, slow progression. And, for me so far, no symptoms. Happy Holiseason to me!

 

Just a moment: Make Western civilization white again. A sad dream, a dream of the desperate, of the frightened and deluded.

Even the Asian civilizations with which I have some familiarity exhibit strong evidence of liberal ideals. Look at the young women of Korea on a virtual Lysistratan sex strike, wanting their autonomy. Or, young women and men in China. Many of the women rejecting traditional Chinese female roles, many men disillusioned by them and the job market, pushing back against their heritage of centralized control. Taiwan, too.

And here’s the paradox, the irony. Those of us strong with the force of liberal/enlightenment/renaissance ideas of no kings, individualism, small d democracy, individual freedoms and rights as human beings are the ones that recognize most the need to link arms against this tide of civilizational troubles and by opposing end them.

Yes, the liberal journey is not toward a fractious libertarianism, but toward a democratic socialism where the commonweal balances as best as possible with liberty and freedom for all. Not an easy project as our imperfect America has shown since its birth, but an inevitable one pushed forward by the creative tension between individuals and the collective. That’s what I see, what I have lived for.

 

Dogs, Politics, US History

Baron Samedi and Shadow

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Samain and the Radiation Moon

Thursday gratefuls: Loving Shadow. May it mean I need to let her go? Struggling. Anxious. Stressed. 14″ Snow. 9 degrees and she won’t come in. And, yes, I’m grateful to be alive, to struggle. The Jewish way. Part of this world. Radiation. Yes. Same. Sparkling fresh whiteness. Eleanor, who helped. Tara. Her scratch at the door. Hegseth, showing us the problem with unserious men.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Snow

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Week Kavannah:  SERENITY   Menucha     Serene, literally “at rest/comfortable”                         “In Jewish tradition, ‘menucha’ (מְנוּחָה) signifies a profound state of spiritual and physical rest, tranquility, peace, and fulfillment, going far beyond merely ceasing work. It is a core concept tied to the Sabbath (Shabbat) and the ultimate spiritual destiny of the soul.” Gemini

Being a metaPhysician

One brief shining: As the 9 degree cold slumps across the threshold that may separate Shadow from a life here, my fingers feel it as I type this, hoping hoping that she will lift her reluctance long enough to just let me close the door, no longer for me, I am warm, but for her so I can once again nurse the delusion that this is working. She does not.

 

Dog journal: Sometimes love is not enough. I’m seriously considering calling Dr. Josy, who took an instant liking to this mostly sweet girl. See if she would take her, for good. For her good. For Shadow’s good. For my sorrow at not being what she needed.

Not what I want, but may be what she needs. A new home with an older dog to teach her. Because this old dog can’t seem to do it.

Oh. I hate this. So deep in my heart.

 

Just a moment: Beginning to wonder if what has happened in the Caribbean may represent a toxic combination of Hegseth/Trump little boys playing war with the more serious culture of men tasked with doing the nation’s dirty work. Whatever it takes. By any means necessary. Only doing it always far from the public eye. Naive to the ways of valueless men, men without honor, men only interested in some middle-school fantasy of us against them. Feels like somebody needs to declare recess over.

Could this be the rallying cry that brings Congress alive, resuscitated from the zombie dust blown in their faces?  Baron Samedi sits in the White House, his skeletal face hidden by corpulence, corruption, greed, and a lust for power. His usual disguise.

Perhaps the Democrats need a seance with the spirit of Marie Levaeux. Use her knowledge for the 2026 campaign. This time calls for fighting the oligarchs on ground they understand but do not own, what evil lurks in the hearts of men and how best it might be combatted. Don’t think her advice could be any worse than the Dems are getting right now.

I, for one, would sit at that table, recognizing the power of other traditions, other ways of understanding how to engage the important battles of this age.

Cancer, Health, Politics, US History

Riders in the Storm

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Samain and the Radiation Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Ruth. Sugar cream pie. Driving me to radiation today. Luke and Leo. Anne. Waxing crescent Moon. Christmas lights. Jackie and Rhonda. Shadow the mystery. Dog Poems. Billy Collins. Cold night. Darkness growing. Alise and Jenna. Skiing at A-Basin. Jon and my son. Brothers. Gabe, accepted to Montana. Black Bears. Mountain Lions. Wolves. Canada Lynx. Bobcats. Fox.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Linear accelerators

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Week Kavannah:  Gevurah      “While Chesed is associated with flow, Gevurah provides the structure that allows this flow, acting like river banks to channel energy. It is seen as essential for establishing healthy boundaries, creating space for important work, and preserving what is most valuable.”

Tarot: Being a metaPhysician

One brief shining: With Hannukah presents, Christmas presents, a kitchen stool, a ceiling fan, sheets for my bed all delivered, most still in their boxes, my living room looks like a receiving dock, a few opened, those Silence Please mugs for Gabe and Ruth, the Tuskegee Airmen hoodie and baseball cap plus the crystal ball with the planets suspended in it for my son, jigsaw puzzles, a color chart for the wall for Ruth, the kitchen stool, the ceiling fan, the sheets, mechanical puzzles of the most difficult category still taped and sealed shut. Holiseason

 

Alise and Jenna pull me a bit this way and that, put the plastic mesh on, and get me a warm blanket to cover my bare chest. Then they leave the room, closing the foot and a half thick lead and concrete door, and I am alone, offering my cancer as a sacrifice to the gods of radiation with my hands gripping metal rods behind me, keeping my arms out of the way.

A flashing red light signals danger, stay out, yet I remain. The Clinac iX whirs and buzzes, its looming bulkiness hidden from me, rotating, bringing the beam to bear on just. the. right. spot.

And. Over. Alise of the cold hands helps me get up while Jenna strips off the sheet, wipes down the hand rests and the neck rest, readying the sliding bed for another sacrifice already in waiting.

From reading yesterday I learned that a Clinac costs $1.5 million dollars and requires between three and five hundred thousand dollars in maintenance per year. The clinic or hospital also builds a concrete room with thick walls and doors to house it.

 

Just a moment: Comey and James cases dismissed. Presidential fatigue an issue. Red tie guy wants a bigger ballroom. Nobody seems to know whose page they’re reading from in Ukraine peace negotiations. Whatever happened to Gaza?

This clown car administration honks its horns, spins in circles, confuses themselves while the rest of us gasp open mouthed at matters never associated with the Presidency. Like his press secretary assuring us that the President does NOT want to execute members of Congress. Relieved to hear it. Like wanting to build a yet bigger gilded ballroom, one out of proportion with the White House.

Riders in the storm. Into his world we’re thrown.

 

 

Cooking, Dogs, Politics, US History

Never Waste a Crisis

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Samain and the Radiation Moon (#1)

Monday gratefuls: Meds. Orgovyx and Erleada. Radiation. Dr. Carter. Our current mess. Shadow, the regressor. Never waste a crisis. Cold weather. A Mountain morning. Sheet pan cooking. The Ancient Brothers. My electric blanket. Ukraine. Gaza. All the people. Imagine. Peace. Cold war. My son. His neighborhood: South Korea, North Korea, Japan, Taiwan, China, the Philippines.

Sparks of Joy and Awe:  Learning, again, from Shadow

Life Kavannah: Wu Wei    Shadow, my Wu Wei mistress

Week Kavannah:  Gevurah      “While Chesed is associated with flow, Gevurah provides the structure that allows this flow, acting like river banks to channel energy. It is seen as essential for establishing healthy boundaries, creating space for important work, and preserving what is most valuable.”

Tarot: Being a metaPhysician

One brief shining: The Chinese cleaver, now my favorite knife, sliced through the peeled Red Onion, halving it, and then cut 1/2 inch wedges, after the Onion, halving each Cherry Tomato as easily as the Onion, finally cutting the salami into 1/2 inch strips and placing all of them in the big mixing bowl with the Pepperoncini, the vinagrette, the Chickpeas, the quartered Radicchio, mix with the wooden spoon till coated, then spread out evenly on a sheet pan and roast at 450 for twenty minutes. Four meals. Slick.

 

Dog journal: Diane noted the other day that I’d stopped writing about Shadow as our relationship had begun to normalize. Well… Right now we are, once again, at Shadow outside, her breakfast ready an hour and a half ago;  her outside Water frozen, and yet she. will. not. come inside. Why? I have no idea.

Unless. Was it my erratic, drug addled behavior on Friday afternoon and part of Saturday. She’s used to me behaving one way and I slept the day away, fed her an hour late in the evening. Whatever it was, she has returned to her skittish, threshold shy persona of months ago and bolts, flees instead of coming in to eat and drink. Primal needs. A puzzle.

 

Just a moment: Though I can see his decompensation, though his erratic behavior, both in foreign affairs and domestic matters long ago became self-evident, though he has no moral compass and plummeting poll numbers, yet his wrecking ball of an administration continues to level much more than the east wing of the Whitehouse.

USAID. Gone. Department of Education. Almost Gone. Trust in the CDC. Weakened, maybe beyond fast repair. Trust in economic data produced by the U.S. government, the basis of sound decision making. Shattered. Misuse of the military, illegal orders. State murder in the Caribbean. Firing military leaders of color. Firing female Admirals and Generals. Diminishing trust in our Universities and Colleges. Ruining our reputation as a staunch ally. Aiding former enemies and punishing friends.

I’ve been thinking about the political axiom, never waste a crisis. Why? Because change has to happen then, the only choice is how, if possible, to direct it. If we can use this random, crazed attack on our republic as an opportunity to build it back better, more responsive to the needs of Now-think climate change, an open hearted country, defender of the weak, health care, affordable housing, education relevant to all student’s needs-then perhaps this immoral agent of flagrant corruption will have served a purpose.