Category Archives: Third Phase

Jefferson County, Memories, Music, Shadow Mountain, Third Phase

Oh, Lord

February 12, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Imbolc Valentine Moon

Went down the hill last night to Grow Your Own, a hydroponics shop and wine bar that features local musicians. It’s just at the base of Conifer and Shadow Mountains so very close to our house. Tom McNeill sang. “I’m an old guy,” he said, “and I know old songs.”

He sang the songs of our youth: Oh, Lord Won’t You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz, Little Red Riding Hood, Something’s Happenin’ Here, Mamas and Papas, John Denver, Pete Seeger those kind of songs. A reminder of the person who inhabited those days, the me who was out there “singing songs and carryin’ signs.”

Latin today. The Myrmidons from Book VII of the Metamorphoses

Aging, Dogs, Health, Third Phase

Cherish the Time

February 11, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Imbolc Valentine Moon

An emotional week with Vega’s cancer diagnosis, then her radiography, ultrasound and chest x-ray yesterday. We got the best news we could have. The radiologist found no sign of metastases in her lungs or in her liver. This does not mean they’re not in her body somewhere, but it lowers the likelihood. It also means that amputation of her left front leg, where the tumor has grown near her foot, gives us a reasonable chance at a cure.

We’re still mulling our options, but we’ve scheduled the surgery for next week on Wednesday. She’s 7, so not a young dog, especially for a larger animal, but she probably has another 2-3 years, maybe more. She is, as Palmini, our vet, says, in great shape, not overweight and strong, so she should adapt just fine to three legs. Amputation sounds drastic, and it is of course, but dogs seem to get over the change quickly and get about their life.

There is a great and important lesson about human dying here. While waiting for the diagnosis and radiology results, we’ve been being with Vega as usual, perhaps a little more attentive. The lesson is this: she’s alive now. We can be with her now, love her now, cherish this time with her now. And, if you consider it, now is the only time we have to love each other. Our time ends. We know that. Just as we have confronted with Vega over the last couple of weeks. So, whomever you love, if they’re alive now, cherish the time.

Aging, Dogs, Third Phase

Vega

February 4, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Imbolc Stock Show Moon

Vega has cancer. A rare form of osteosarcoma, bone cancer, that, thankfully, is much less aggressive than the usual forms. Still, it is cancer and more aggressive than we had hoped. She’ll have radiology work done next week to see if the cancer has metastasized to her lungs or liver. If not, we’ll amputate the leg. Vet says because she’s lean and athletic that she’ll do fine. Except for stairs. Not the best news, but not the worst either.

We do doggy hospice well, you might even say we’re experts at it, so if her situation turns out to be more dire, we’ll go that way.

On the positive side she’s eating, playful, romping outside with the other dogs.

One thing I’ve not written about is how aging has made me feel much like a fellow traveler with our aging dogs. Cancer, even.

Vega has the wisdom of doggy age. She talks now, most of the time clearly. We have our mutual language and we know what to expect of each other. She’s calm when the other dogs get rowdy. She began mellow, even when she was a puppy, and has matured into a sweet, kind, empathetic animal. A joy.

Aging, Third Phase

65-79 Happy

February 4, 2016 Charles 1 Comment

Imbolc Stock Show Moon

People aged 65 to 79 ‘happiest of all’, study suggests BBC news

Here’s another argument for being clear about how we feel as seniors. It’s fun. Setting aside the workaday world (if you have), seeing the kids well launched or at least responsible for their own lives, aware of your Self, not yet suffering from debilitating illness (if you’re not), what’s not to enjoy?

Getting old is not a trial, it’s a release into full humanity. Think of what this says about work and even raising a family. The unhappiest group, according to the same article, are those 45-59. And, no, I don’t know what happened to the 60-64 group. Just dithering in between I suppose.

We need to get the word out that aging has substantial personal rewards. That it’s not all anguish, wrinkles and hospital corridors. Hardly. It’s a time when that person you’ve been waiting to become can finally emerge. Now, if you can pull off that chrysalis snapping change before 65, far out, as we used to say. But if not, getting that medicare card may be just the moment to do it.

Faith and Spirituality, Family, Latin, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

A Wednesday Ahead

January 20, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Yule Stock Show Moon

Kate’s got another all sew day, this one with the needle workers. They’ll be meeting, ironically, in the much higher and more expensive home of two hospital administrators. She has a brace on her recently surgically altered left thumb which may make this day a bit trying for her. Although, she pushes through that kind of obstacle. Just that kinda gal.

My day will be Latin, review this time for Friday session with Greg, my Latin tutor.

Work out, now during the day to get push all the water I drink further away from bedtime. Trying to get my sleep more routine. Some nights I sleep well, really well. Other nights, like last night, it’s a wrassling match.

I plan to write a short essay, a prolegomena to Reimagining Faith. What is it? Why do I want to do it? What might it be? What are the elements available today that make it possible?

Colorado, Dogs, Family, Holidays, Memories, The West, Third Phase

Super Dogs

January 19, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Yule Stock Show Moon

Took Gabe and Ruth to Superdogs at the National Western Stock Show yesterday. We started attending back in 2010. That year I took Ruth on the shuttle. We got about two miles from home. She turned to me with a slightly scared, sad look, she was 3 I think, and said, “I miss my mommy.” I called Jen, she talked to Ruth and we went on.

Since then we’ve seen rodeos, dancing horses, many superdogs, lots of cattle, some pigs, sheep, alpaca. The exhibit halls are full of large metal pincers to hold cattle and other large animals while branding and medicating, fencing, horse stalls, lots of pick-ups and other motorized things like Bobcats, Kubota tractors and John Deere machinery. Trailers of all kinds and lengths. Rope. The big Cinch booth with all things denim and boot.

That first year Jen and Ruth were watching a sheep competition and a reporter from the Denver Post caught them in a picture that went on the front page. It’s become a family tradition although this year it was just Grandma, Grandpop and the kids.

We ate lunch at the Cattleman’s Grill, a large open air restaurant with oilcloth covered 8 foot tables put together in long rows. Like a big family reunion. Lots of cowboy hats and boots, kids.

After that we wandered the exhibit halls. Gabe and Grandma went to the petting zoo where they got their hands on sheep, goats, pigs while Ruth and I examined the Western Art Show and Sale. Ruth and I liked the show. It had some wonderful sculpture, especially a small stone owl, landscapes done in non-traditional (that is not sentimental) manners, and some excellent paintings of animals, in particular one Brahman bull. He was a distinct individual in this full head portrait.

The Superdogs show either has gotten better since we first saw it or I’ve lowered my standards. This year was fun. These canine athletes, most of them rescue dogs, catch frisbees, do the high jump, run through plastic tunnels at speed, race along raised platforms and have a helluva good time. They are high energy, eager animals.

We’ll be back next year. Who knows what wonders we’ll see?

Colorado, Sport, Third Phase

Orange and Blue

January 17, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Yule Stock Show Moon

Orange and blue. Everywhere. The receptionists at Urology Associates on Friday. A couple at Tai Chi yesterday with Bronco’s sweatshirts and sweatpants. All Broncos all the time in the Denver Post and on Denver TV stations. This metro area is Bronconutso. For me it went, Vikings beat Packers. Yeah. Vikings lose to Seahawks. Packers win. Sigh. Packers lose. half hearted yeah. Now – nada. No colors for me. No excitement before the big game. Just NFLost.

A sunny but cool Sunday. Clear air. Sun dogs. Snow that could use some freshening. Very quiet, almost holiday quiet.

Kate and I drove over to Nono’s, one of several very good New Orleans style restaurants. I had the Ragin’ Cajun, grits and eggs. The place had pushed together tables, one with adults and the other with their kids. Noisy. Also why we never want to live in an age-segregated community. No vitality. Sun Zombie City.

Aging, Faith and Spirituality, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

Eudaimoniac

January 16, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Yule Stock Show Moon

Slowly. Slowly. Latin back with regular work. Learning the west by reading articles about the occupation at Malheur and its deep background. Just started Wallace Stegner’s “Beyond the Hundredth Meridian: John Wesley Powell and the Second Opening of the West.” Considering a book length writing project(s). Working more on Reimagining Faith, perhaps a new novel.

The fire mitigation awaits as a rhythm changer. Kate located a custom boot fitter. It happened to be next to Wooden Spools, a quilt shop. I plan to hike much more this year and when I’ve got a good sense of my boots, I may use these folks to put some orthotics in them. The workouts, both hi-intensity aerobics and regular physical therapy exercises, happen 4-5 times a week, enough for me. Now the Tai Chi.

This sort of mix, one with self-care and personal agency, is the platform for my life. Family and friends put it into the social context. Both are critical to my eudaimonia, my flourishing. Only when I’m flourishing am I able to be my best self for others, for political work.

Family, Health, Third Phase

.015

January 14, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Yule Stock Show Moon

Tomorrow I have my third post-op appointment with my urologist. My new super sensitive PSA, done early this week, was .015. As I learned three months ago, when my PSA was the same, this is the equivalent of no prostate specific antigens, indicating that so far no stray prostate cells have found a home in my body far from their old place near my bladder. In essence this is a test for metastases and having it come back negative is a primary goal of any cancer treatment.

As I get further away from the surgery, the dramatic peak of cancer season, ordinary time makes a bid to return. In this case ordinary time is not the cessation of holiseason stimulated spirituality, but the relaxation of uncertainty and return to a less urgent awareness of mortality. There is though a deep impression left by the pressure of cancer season.

Cancer season began for me on April 14th, 2015 when Dr. Gidday noticed a suspicious hardness in my prostate, sufficient to make her refer me to Ted Eigner, the urologist. From April 14th until my surgery on July 8th and first super sensitive PSA the week of September 25th, cancer season pulsed with energy. It crackled with biopsy results, recommendations for treatment, visits to the this medical facility and that. The decisions made during cancer season were life-altering, even life determining.

There was anxiety and fear, of course, the presence of a fatal actor in my body was an unfamiliar and unpleasant experience. For the first time a part of my body was no longer onside with the goal of continuing the body’s existence. Betrayal. At its most intimate. But. There was also excitement. New information, new things to learn, to know. Things that had immediate relevance. Kate and I moved closer as we sorted through the maze of medicine, bureaucracy, treatment statistics and understanding my situation as well as we could.

Then, with one three hour surgical procedure, it was over. Sort of. Cancer season trailed on to the first super sensitive PSA because until then even the clear, negative margins of the removed prostate and the positive eyeball analysis of Eigner during the procedure were not definitive. Some cancerous cells could have escaped. Though there is still some chance of metastases, nothing is 100% certain in these matters, with each clear PSA it becomes less likely.

Now I have to decide whether to emphasize cancer season, become a cancer survivor, or whether to let it bleed into the background, a highly charged moment with a successful outcome but with little relevance for daily life. So far I seem to be choosing the let it bleed into the background option, though this post is, I suppose, contra that.

That is, I want to live my life forward, not returning to and chewing over the undigested lumps of the past. Not yet background, no longer foreground, cancer season has a fading, but nonetheless potent presence still. It will be interesting to see where I am on July 8th of this year.

Aging, Beyond the Boundaries, Faith and Spirituality, Quotes, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase, Travel

Live in the Whole Ocean

January 9, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Yule New (Stock Show) Moon

“Kay Cottee AO is an Australian sailor, who was the first woman to perform a single-handed, non-stop and unassisted circumnavigation of the world. She performed this feat in 1988 in her 37 feet yacht Blackmores First Lady, taking 189 days.” Wikipedia

When Jessica Watson, in 2009, set sail for her southern hemisphere circumnavigation of the world, she was 16. I don’t recall how, but I found her website on which she posted as she sailed alone in her boat, True Spirit. There was something about her, something fresh and brave, youth, yes, but something more, perhaps it was true spirit.

Since then, I subscribed to her facebook page so I can keep very loose tabs on her as she grows older. Just curious about how true spirit manages adulthood. Wonderfully, as it turns out. She’s inspirational to Australian girls, an advocate for sailing and a modest celebrity down under.

She posted this quote from her idol, Kay Cottee. She means us to take it, I think, as literally intended, a comment on the nature of voyages alone. It is, however, too, a way of understanding the ancientrail we call life.