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  • Needing a Refresh Button

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living In the Mountains Moon

    art@willworthington

    Wednesday gratefuls: Sarah. Gabe. Chinese food. Richard Powers. Jerry. Jon and Ruth. Tom. Durango. The railroad. Winds. Heat. Sealed driveway. Susan Taylor. Alan. Tal. Working on the Odd Couple. Kep. Mini-splits. Kate. The redoing of the house. My health. Evergreen Medical Center. They give a damn.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Sarah

    Tarot: Page of Stones, Lynx

     

    There are the seven seals in the Book of Revelations and    one petroleum based seal on my driveway. John came by yesterday and worked for three hours. Cleaning, then putting a rubber based liquid in the cracks. Spraying a black sticky coating of some sort of petroleum over the whole driveway.

    John had a Louisiana phone number. I asked him about that. Oh, we’re seasonal. We work up here during the summer and early fall, then back to Louisiana. When I asked what he misses about Louisiana, he says, quickly, “The food.” He recommends Pappadeaux’s. No No’s is ok, but Pappadeaux’s is the real deal. I’ll try it soon.

     

    Sarah (sister-in-law Sarah) came up with Gabe last night. Stayed until ten. Another late night. Late nights being defined as any night I can’t get to bed by nine. I tried going to ten but my body wouldn’t put up with it.

    Sarah is here to help Jon get some necessary work done and items for his house. Sarah retired a few years back from a long and successful career as a classical violinist. She did solo work, trios and quartets, and taught for several years at Congress College in South Carolina.

    Now she has become a key figure for the Johnson clan. I think she was third after Annie. Kate being the first born. I gave her a couple of books: Orfeo by Richard Powers, and I’m OK, You’re Not OK by Linda Budd, itself a gift to me from Tom.

    On her death bed Kate and I finalized her bequests. Sewing stuff to Ruth, the Bailey Patchworkers got her stash, Ruth got most of her jewelry, but I remembered the jewelry she’d put in the safety deposit box. “Give it to Jerry.” That would be Jerry Miller, Sarah’s husband and a painter of landscapes in his version of the Group of Seven tradition.

    Somehow boxing them up and getting the rings, necklaces, and raw gems mailed became a chore I couldn’t get done. I also had a moment when I thought. Hey, this stuff could be valuable. I should keep it. That didn’t last long. Kate was clear. And I have plenty of money thanks to Kate. So, no greed, please.

    Glad to hand them over to Sarah and get them out of the house.

     

    This morning I rolled out of bed at the crack of 7:30. About an hour, hour and a half after my usual time. A bit groggy. Two long nights and a third, the Beatles Shabbat this Friday still to come.

     

    At 9 I talked to Cousin Diane of Clan Keaton as I do each week. This morning we veered into family territory. Could Grandma and Grandpa have been married after Grandma became pregnant? Gosh, gee whiz. This conversation started around a baby who died in his first month, Kenneth, and included a gold ring engraved 1905, Grandma and Grandpa’s wedding in 1910 (or, did they have a secret wedding).

    The Keaton Clan, my mom’s family, had a lot of secrets and tragedies. Some engendered by manic-depression, some by rigid mid-century values about pregnancy, some by early death, and still more by genial criminal behavior. It’s a rich story that could fill a novel with ease. One spanning the Belle Epoque to Y2K and beyond. Family, eh?

     

    At ten I drove to Evegreen Players for a meeting with Alan and Tal. Tal wanted to help us with our scene. Read: we’re not ready for prime time just yet. It was a difficult hour plus for me. I felt I was letting the side down. I kept dropping lines. Alan and Tal both reassured me that this was part of the process. Oh. Well. O.K.

    In the end we got close to a finished scene. That is off book, blocking, scene dressing all working together. Still, I left with a headache. Feeling low.

     

    Found a trail I haven’t used in a while and hiked it. Thought it would hit refresh for my spirit, but I spent too much time on it worrying about sunburn. OK, guy. This is getting silly.

     

    An hour plus nap did hit the refresh button and I’m feeling much better as I write this around 4:30 pm. Yeah.

     

     

     


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  • Natural Healing

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    art@willworthington

    Friday gratefuls: My journey over a lifetime. Kate. Always. That trail. With the Creek, the Mountain Stream. The fallen Trees. The tall Pines. The Wild Strawberries. The Rocks. The steep valley walls. Wild Rose. Primrose. Those yellow Flowers I can’t identify. A place of great sanctity. A holy place. A sanctuary. Friends. Near and far.

    Saturday gratefuls: Stephanie. That trail again. Happy Camper. Aspen Perks breakfast. Salad. Apples. Peanut Butter. The Continental Divide. Mt. Rosalie. Mt. Evans. Black Mountain. Staunton State Park. Richard Power’s Orfeo. Learning lines. Mini-splits. Jon. Money.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: That trail.

    Tarot: Seven of Stones, Healing. And, Again.

    Key words: “Give our minds a break, Calmness, Meditation, Stillness, Healing, Reevaluation, Patience, Perseverance, State of stability, Attentive care, Take time to relax and unwind, Connection to the source energy.”  tarotx.net

     

    Forgot to finish this yesterday. A busy day. Over to Aspen Perks for breakfast: Salmon Eggs benedict. Reading Orfeo. After a morning with what people especially beyond Richmond Hill (think Pine, Bailey) call the camper and RV races. Or, the RV assholes. Or, those bastards. Folks from down the hill invading, driving too fast. Often with trailers in tow. Passing on curves. Generally being jerks. After Richmond Hill 285 goes from a four lane divided highway to a two lane, no dividers. That’s when things get clogged.

    At 9 am I was still a bit ahead of the bulk of it. But I had a guy towing a trailer behind me, a BIG RV ahead of me for much of the way. Irritated locals often try to pass early. Not waiting for the passing lanes that come after the road to Staunton State Park. It’s a recipe for accidents. And, they happen. And, they kill people.

     

    I was on my way to the Happy Camper for my every two months or so cannabis run. 25% off! for the whole month. Still digesting a Stanford study that says thc can increase inflammation in the veins and arteries around the heart. Gonna consider genistein to counteract this effect. Sleep is critical and my thc use has made 8 hours every night possible. Gonna contact my docs to see about safety and dosing.

     

    As my avanah (humility) practice for the month, I’m using a focus phrase: ichi-go, ichi-e. Every moment is once in a lifetime, unique, precious. Trying to use it every time I encounter a living entity: Kep, Myself, Rocks, Lodgepoles, Elk, Friends, Waitress, other Diners, Birds, the Sun, Black Mountain. All the time. Sort of like the Jesus Prayer. Trying to make it subliminal, yet also present as I move around through my day.

    In this way I can learn to take up the right amount of space in my life. Not too much, not too little. Not minimizing my gifts, not over emphasizing them. Making sure I remember to bring my whole self to each precious moment. Since it will not be repeated, it’s the only chance I have.

     

    I have now hiked what I’ve begun to think of as my trail, at least when I’m on it, three times since Gabe and I were on it last Saturday. I may go again this morning. Yesterday after my time with Stephanie, Dr. Gonzales’ PA and a sweet lady, I hiked it with the ichi-go, ichi-e focus phrase.

    I saw that patch of Wild Strawberry blooms and thought of Ingmar Bergman’s film of the same name. A favorite. The Mountain Rose Bushes are in full Flower, too, five white Petals brightening the trail. They will give way to Rose Hips as the Wild Strawberry Blooms will to Strawberries.

    The little Stream, I don’t know its name, flows a bit less vigorously as the Snow melt and Rains subside. Still it sings, dancing over Rocks, falling down the Mountainside, continuing its creation of this holy Valley.

    Oddly, as I thought about this trail last night, I realized I’ve done just this, exercised outside in spots that became favorites for a very long time. I used to hike the trail along the Mississippi down by the Ford Avenue Bridge. Then I moved on to the Crosby Nature Farm, also along the Mississippi. When I worked for the Presbytery, I often exercised or walked at the Eloise Butler Garden and Wildlife Sanctuary. 

    In Andover I went to the Rum River Regional Park and snowshoed a trail through Woods behind the new library in the Winter, spent other times at Boot Lake SNA. Now I’m on my trail just off Brook Forest Road. Up here though the options are much more abundant. I’ve also been on Upper Maxwell Falls, The Geneva Creek trail outside of Grant, and plan to hit the Mt. Rosalie Trail soon.

    My equivalent of the Celtic Christian practice of peregrinatio. The Skunk Cabbages are probably blooming right now at Eloise Butler. I miss seeing them and the bright yellow of the Marsh Marigolds. The power of the mighty Mississippi, too. Though a Mountain Valley is equal to them in its own way. Love the one you’re with. Eh?


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  • They’re Back!

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    Thursday gratefuls: MVP. Anavah. Humility. Spanakopita. Cancer. Chemo. Rich. Jamie. Judy. Susan. Heart moments. Acting class. Mussar. Ancient Brothers. Ancientrails. The trail. Walk slow one way. Fast both ways. Slow back. Kate’s memorial garden about to bloom. Orfeo by Richard Powers. Learning lines. Reading.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Greening of the Mountains. (can the pollen be far behind?)

    Tarot: Knight of Vessels, The Eel

    “With purity of intent, your destiny defined, you are able to bring wisdom and maturity to your tasks. Embarking on a quest of personal revelation, your vision leads you forward. Your deep feelings are expressed at every turn.” The Wild Wood Tarot Book, p.113

     

    June, 2019

    So excited! Been meaning to say here I expect the return of my Elk friends to eat the Dandelions. They first came the the day I started radiation now four years ago. Each year since three have come, one with a single horn. He’s back this morning! And he’s gotten bigger. A lot bigger. The other two aren’t here yet, but I imagine they will be if they’re still alive.

    I love the rhythms of the natural world, especially when they happen so close to, or rather, at home. This, too, is Living in the Mountains. If this house were abandoned, these Elk would still come here. Wild. On their own. Living as they have for over 25 million years. About 8 times longer than humans. Maybe they’ve learned something we haven’t?

     

    A solid workout yesterday. Cardio and resistance.

    Learning lines. Scene from View from a Bridge. Alfieri. I have his lines down now, need to run them with Hamish for cues and rhythm. Odd Couples lines are off-book now, I think. Alan was sick Monday, so we didn’t run through them at class.

    Later, MVP at CBE. Anavah. Humility. Taking up the right amount of space. Knowing yourself required. Neither too much of you, nor too little. Neither shrink away from what you can do, nor do more than you should. The practice: a slip of paper in each pocket. The right: “For my sake the world was created.” The left: “I am but dust and ashes.” When you feel a little low, less than, reach in the right pocket and pull out that slip of paper. When you feel over confident, reach into the left.

     

    Driving back from Evergreen last night, the greening of the Forest splashed itself across Meadows and up Mountain sides. Beautiful. A sense of abundance.

    They will, of course, soon begin to desport themselves in wild pollen orgies. Which will, of course, make me sneeze, gasp, itch. The mini-splits will get a chance to shine as I close the house, insisting on no plant sexual activity inside.

    I’m all for it. Just not in my house. Do it out there in the Forest where Mother Nature intended.

    Herbivore heaven right now. Succulent Grasses. Flowers. Green Shrubs. Aspen Leaves. Easy to reach.

    Gonna go now. Take a few pictures of my one-horned friend. Hope his buddies come, too.

     

     

     

     

     

     


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  • Gracie and the Momma Elk

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    art@willworthington

    Tuesday gratefuls: Acting lessons. Kep. No puppy. Proctitis. Radiation. The gift that keeps on giving. Prostate Cancer. Medical care. Dr. Gonzales. Kristie. A little low. Possibility of a recession. Blue Sky. Rain yesterday. Last day of Astrology class today. Disorientation. Sadness. A bit. Will to live. Orfeo by Richard Powers.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Evergreen Animal Protection League

    Tarot: Queen of Stones, the Bear

    “You are an inspiration, a mentor, and a positive role model for those around you. Share what you have and know that the Universe will send more.

    …you are magnetic and will attract the right people and opportunity will come to you…set your intention to be for the Highest Good. Others will be drawn to your inner authenticity, abilities, and strength. There is sensuality at play here too. You are most attractive when you are just being you. Know this and show it…fully. Unleash the need to be anything else but exactly who you are.” tarotx.net

     

    Well. Well. Well. Three times in a row. After three shuffles of the deck each time and three cuts. Guess the Wildwood deck has a message for me. Be a mother Bear. Be a mother Bear. Be a mother Bear. OK. OK. I’ll be a mother Bear. Third time is a Bear, too. If she shows up tomorrow, I’m going to invest in a set of claws.

    Not really sure what to make of this. In the year since I learned about the Tarot I may have had the same card come up twice though I’d have to check. I know I’ve never had one come up three times in a row.

     

    Feeling a little low today. Might be anemia. Proctitis, an unpleasant sequelae of 35 sessions of futile radiation, has flared. Blood loss. Taking steps. Not a serious issue, but not one to take lightly either. Feels like my medical stuff has become more and more complicated. Getting treatments for the secondary effects of my treatments. Geez.

    Trusting my doctors, Kate. You were right. It relieves anxiety to put my trust in those trained to care for me. And, I will, assuming I feel they do care for me. Both as a person and a patient. Kristie and Kristen? For sure. As usual just laying this down on the page here, saying it out loud, calms me.

    Started my new doubled dose of thyroid hormone replacement. Today. That should give me a boost of energy when it kicks in. Something I could use.

     

    Felt off at acting lessons last night. Hard to focus. Seemed everyone had a nadir, too. Jill and Alan weren’t there. The Rock of Ages rehearsal in the other Evergreen Players space kept coming through the wall. Cold rain. Sort of a blah.

    I give a ride to Deb to acting class. She and Robbie have a dog, Gracie. I mentioned her before. Gracie is thirteen and a very sweet dog. I always talk to her when I pick up Deb.

    Robbie’s out of town and Gracie is in Bergen Bark Inn. A Cow Elk and her newborn took up residence in Robbie’s yard. The Cow charges cars and people. And, Gracie. It scared Gracie so much that she refuses to go outside while the Cow is there. Hence, Bergen Bark Inn. I saw the Elk last night when I picked up Deb. She did not charge my car.

    Living in the Mountains requires adjustments. Our wild neighbors live here, too. Most of us try to interfere with them as little as possible. Aside from the roads, houses, lights, and noise we’ve already brought into their home.

    So the Cow Elk stays and the dog goes to the kennel for a while. Reasonable choice up here.

     

    In other doggy news. My application for Kahlua was denied. They did not agree with my answer about how to treat growling/biting behavior. No, no bad dog. Step on front feet. First lightly, then harder if necessary. They said, rightly I think, that they never support hurting an animal. I was too hasty in filling out the form, didn’t give a thought to how that answer might be read. In fact that was the cure to a Wolfhound jumping up on you. Never had to do it more than twice. Still. I take their point.

    Maybe I’m meant to wait. Kep’s leg stopped bothering him. Grateful for that. Also, he’s back in the bed at night, even for naps. He may be moving through his grieving. I get it.

     

    This mother Bear is hungry. My stomach is growling. Gonna get breakfast.

     


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  • Oooh, a puppy!

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    art@willworthington

    Sunday gratefuls: Ruth. For whom my heart aches. Gabe. For whom my heart sings. Jon. For whom my heart waits. Rebecca. A kindness. Alan. A fullness of friendship. Seeking the whole lev-the heart mind. Wholeness. Kep, my companion. The Denver Mtn. Parks Trail with Gabe. Covid. Grief. Kate, always Kate. Shavout.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Ruth.

    Tarot: Queen of Stones, Bear

     

    “Grief is a heart-wrenchingly painful problem for the brain to solve… to live in the world with the absence of someone… ingrained in your understanding of the world… For the brain, [they are] simultaneously gone and also everlasting, and you are walking through two worlds at the same time.” from the Grieving Brain by Francis O’Connor. Marginalia 

    This quote explained grief to me. In a way nothing else has. Since the experience is still fresh, I thought I’d pass it along. Grief lasts forever, grieving does not, O’Connor says. My experience, too. Grieving is over for me. At least in the main. But grief? No. Still sad and wistful. Still missing Kate. Still walking through two worlds. A beautiful phrase.

     

    Had breakfast with Rebecca Martin yesterday at Parkside. Rebecca is a fellow kabbalah and mussar student. She’s 80, but very vital. Each year  she makes a months long journey to a Tibetan Buddhist nunnery near Dharamshala in northern India.

    She started out teaching English there but has become a part of the community. Though she still teaches English. She had to take a break during Covid and isn’t sure when she’s going back. Have to admire that chutzpah. The plane ride alone. Yeah?

    A good conversation.

    While there, I met a Leonberger/Bernese Mountain Dog mix. A really big dog. Odin. Ten months old, still very much the puppy but almost Wolfhound height and weighing in at 140 pounds. Not mature. He was so funny and loving. Wagged his whole body. Made me want one.

     

    Realized when Ruth and Jon came up later that my life has shifted again. I’m the Grandpa with a Mountain home and love that needs nothing in return. Which is not to say I don’t appreciate being loved. I do.

    But they feel comfortable here because I’m comfortable here and with them. And with their individual dramas. Most of the time. A role shift from Jon’s mom’s husband and sorta grandpa to a key life figure for all three of them. Not really grandpa, not really father, just a guy who loves them and is willing to hang in there with them.

    I’ve struggled with this, but have chosen to lean into it, make it what I’m here for until the kids are through high school. Doesn’t mean I can’t travel, be other places, but I’m staying here for now. Probably as long as I’m able.

     

    Dogs have closed minds. As do other humans. We can’t see inside and know what’s going on. It occurred to me a week or so ago that Kep may not have gotten up on the bed with me because it reminded him of Rigel. May have smelled like her, too. The last few nights he’s gotten up on the bed and stayed through morning. I’ve asked him to, and, yes, I believe he understands. It feels like he’s decided to push past his grieving to comfort me. Feels like a treasure.

    I’ve also decided to get a puppy. Gonna do it. Kep will bond with the puppy over time, not be mean to it. A female. And, I don’t care what the breed is. Just filled out an application for Kahlua, a German Shepherd mix. We’ll see out what happens. Oooh, a puppy!

     

     

     


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  • Grandkids

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    art@willworthington

    Saturday gratefuls: Gabe. His help w/: the olive plate, learning lines, locating the beep. Attending synagogue. Rabbi Jamie. Alan. The meal last night. Kep. Sleep. Cool night. Aspen tree losing its crown. Warmer weather. Rain yesterday evening. CBE. Feeling in/out. Dues. Bond and Devick. Money.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Ruth’s early release

    Tarot: Nine of Bows, Respect

    “There is a scary Woodwose in the forest passing by your path. He is swinging up a roughly carved bow. The Woodwose is referred to in many ancient myths around the world as a wild, huge, and hairy man in the forest. He challenges our dedication and courage when we want to continue on the path we have chosen.”

    “As we approach the heart of a spiritual seeker, the motivation and honesty of human desires are challenged. Ancient wisdom requires the seeker to be humble and selfless. Respecting others and their environment is essential to move on the path of enlightenment. There is no perfection without experiencing challenges.”

     

    Gabe’s been up here since Thursday night. He pretty much takes care of himself at 14. He read the part of Eddie in View from the Bridge by Arthur Miller so I could work on learning my lines. Two times through were enough for him. He read well and I think found it intriguing.

    We’re doing a showcase of our scenes on June 27th so I asked Gabe to come. Along with Ruth and Jon of course. I went to so many of your performances. Now you can come and see one of mine!

    He likes going to the synagogue, being with other Jews. He gets bored, but I do, too. The services go longer than I can usually stand. And I don’t know Hebrew. Same for him. But we see people, talk. And last night had a great meal. All vegetarian. We took an olive plate, using one of Kate’s cut crystal serving platters that had dividers. We had five kinds of olives. Gabe put them on the plate and carried them in.

    He likes Rabbi Jamie. He wants the Rabbi to take him for a ride on his motorcycle. I think both he and Ruth would be well served if they could be at CBE more often. I keep mentioning it. They agree, but it’s difficult since they live so far away.

    Part of my contribution to everybody’s mental health is to host the grandkids as often as they want to come. Often it’s Ruth and Gabe. This time just Gabe.

     

    A week that went by with some angst, some avoidance. Tiredness. My new prescription for synthroid at 50 mg arrives on Monday. Should up my energy level, bring down my cholesterol numbers. Finding the right dose does take some time Kristan told me. Hope this is it. But, it may not be.

    Fatigue lowers my spirits. I think it does for most of us. Looking forward to a boost.

     

    Had a good week on the workout side of things. 3 hours and 40 minutes. Two days on Mountain trails. Two days of resistance work and treadmill cardio. I take the weekends off because I like to have the free time in the mornings. Need it to get domestic stuff done.

     

    Reading more and more these days. Feels good. Bewilderment. About half way done. It’s a shorter book. Connie Zweig. Unamuno.

     

    Breakfast out with Rebecca this morning. Short post. See you tomorrow.

     


    Family Feelings Fourth Phase Judaism Shadow Mountain Tarot

  • In the stranger we discover humanity

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    art@willworthington

    Friday gratefuls: Yesterday’s zero on posting. Hike on the Denver Mountain Parks Trail. Mussar and sadness around gun violence. Gabe here. Jon calmer. Ruth in the hospital again. Snow all gone. 7.5 inches. Wow. Bewilderment, Richard Power’s latest. Hawai’i. Money. Travel. Cumulus Clouds white over Black Mountain. Sol. Life-Bringer.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Gabe

    Tarot: Page of Vessels, Otter

    “As a person, Page of Vessels represents someone with an open and youthful approach to life. They are imaginative and playful characters. Otters may be mischievous, but their hearts are not malicious. Expect a surprise when Otter shows up to say hello!”

     

    The page of Vessels, the otter, reminds me to play, use my imagination for fun, enjoyment. Get some more mischief in my life. More surprise. More oneg, pleasure. More simcha, joy. Let my hair, what there is of it, down. Shake it all about.

    June 1

    Like most late season Snows, this one on June 1!, mostly gone yesterday. The rest will disappear today. Already 55 at 9am. All Moisture is good Moisture. Up here. Though. The Boundary Waters and Rainy Lake? Not so much. Water is not always where its needed. Watch for the Water wars to ratchet up here in the West.

     

    We had a powerful conversation at mussar yesterday about Uvalde and gun violence. Even our most conservative member, a Trump gal, was agin’ it. When will we ever learn?

    “When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the stranger. 34 The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native-born among you; you shall love the stranger as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.” Leviticus 19:33-34

    The mussar text from yesterday quoted this verse and a comment on it by a German-Jewish philosopher, Herman Cohen. Loving God. Got it. Love your neighbor. Got it. A member of the tribe. Someone like you. Not stranger. Love a stranger? In this verse Cohen says we discover humanity and God’s disposition toward our species. Love is not merely tribal, but universal.

    A strong rebuke to the gun worshipers who say, “Hate the stranger in your midst. And, if possible, shoot them.”

     

    Gabe is up here for a couple of days. I’m recruiting him to help learn lines. Also, to find that annoying beep. He tried to find it but like me, could not. Jon? Nope. Gabe loves Kep and wants to see him, work on jigsaw puzzles, watch TV, hunt for deer antlers.

    We’re going to a presentation on Israel at the synagogue this evening. I like getting the kids over to the synagogue as often as possible. Being Jewish is important to them, but that part of them is not getting fed right now.

    Ruth comes home tomorrow. Jon and she will come up here for a family meal after she gets released.

     

    There’s a Denver Mountain Parks Trail on the way home from Evergreen, maybe 3/4’s of a mile from 73. I talked about it last week. I’ve taken to hiking it after mussar. One of my two trail hikes during the week. After our conversation about loving neighbors and strangers we talked about saying hello to strangers and acquaintances alike when we’re out and about. Having just finished Overstory I suggested we include Trees and Flowers, Rocks and Streams.

    Along I went. Hello. To the thick Ponderosa. Hello to the Bluebells peeking from the Grass. Hello to the great slab of Granite covered with Moss and Lodgepole Roots. Hello to the Stream running happily. Singing to me as I hiked. Hello to the Wild Strawberry. To the thorny wild Berry Canes. Hello to the tall Pine climbing up straight as a mast. Hello to the Rocky Stream Bed that gives the Water a crashing, foaming moment at the end of the trail. Hello to the small Pond and the Waterstrider on the Pond.

    This was more than a casual exercise. It made me feel I was among friends, no longer strangers these Plants. These Rocks. This Water. It might feel silly at first. That’s ok. Silly is good. Otter already told us so. You could give it a try.

     


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  • No Title

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

    Wednesday gratefuls: Life review. Sumi-e. Ruth. Snow. Yes. I mean it. June 1st, big Snow. Limbs down. Good sleeping. Astrology. Sun sign, Moon, and Ascending. Kep in the bed for the second night in a row. Hawai’i. I was there last year this time. Richard Powers. Reading. Trail hiking. TV back in its usual spot. Alan. Tom.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Snow!

    Tarot: Queen of Arrows

    “In Shamanic terms, Swans are about developing a sense of self, awakening your intuition, and a graceful disposition to others…Within the card lies the promise of rebirth and creativity – the tiny primrose peeping through the long grass. Willow is also more than a symbol of sorrow, it also promotes great healing and relief of pain…Queen of Arrows is completely independent, but she loves groups that bring like-minded people together.” tarotx.net

     

    These heavy, wet Snows put a lot of pressure on powerlines. My lights flickery. Power on and off. Not sure if the generator is on or not since I’m up in the loft. The maintenance kit for it has not come in yet. Ordered a month ago. Still working after that brief hiccup when Diane was here. Grateful to have it.

    Also grateful to have the Snow. Fire repressing Snow. And the liquid flowing into my tiny Aquifer here atop Shadow Mountain.

    Snow has started up again. How bout that?

     

    Astrology class yesterday. A question for the day: What gives you purpose? I said as I get older each new day gives me a sense of purpose. Yes. We live in the moment only. But that those moments, together, constitute our days, months, years. And each day with sunseen and sungone is a whole life. A rising up, a developing morning, a quiet midday, a winding down, and then, darkness, a night of sleep.

    Resurrection. Death. Resurrection. A new chance. A moment in which life can begin again. Old angers put aside. New loves recognized, acted on. Beauty admired, inhaled. Actions taken for justice. Following the Tao. Letting the day flow as it will. “Within the card lies the promise of rebirth and creativity – the tiny primrose peeping through the long grass.” Queen for a day.

    Simpler. Write. Workout. Lunch. Rest. Read. Go out or watch TV. Enough life for me. No pressure, no angst. Just the day. Some words. Some movement. Food. Learning. Other people some days. Some days not. Rest. My purpose; my day.

     

    Guns + white supremacy + Trump/GOP validation + inflation + job slippage among working class whites + fear of other others (liberals, gays) = chaos and violence. Topping this all off with a stacked supreme court? Priceless.

    My hope lies in two places: Gen Z, Ruth and Gabe, and dissolution. The acids of populist insurgency dissolving the current order, bringing chaos, forcing a new alignment of forces and beliefs. Probably not in my lifetime, but if so, yeah. I want to be there, put my foot on the accelerator.

    Not much, I know. But there nonetheless.

     

     


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  • You’re Joyful

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Beltane Moon

    art@willwordsworth

    Friday gratefuls: Tiredness. Long sleep. Denver Mountain Parks. Trail off Brookforest Drive. Mussar. Feelings shared. Luke’s hug. Acting. Felix. Learning lines. Reading. Zweig. Powers. Meisner. Tal. Out of the head, into the heart. Jon. Ruth. Gabe. Diane. These wonderful Mountains. Shadow Mountain. Herme. Kep. Kate, always Kate.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Denver Parks Mountain Trail

    Tarot: Ten of Bows, responsibility

    “To tackle the challenges that come with responsibility here requires resilience, endurance, and assertiveness. The burden may be overwhelming and disordered, but the task given to you is aiming for a good, great goal, not only for yourself but also for your family or tribe.” tarotx.net

     

    OK. Second time in two days for the Ten of Bows. Psyche telling me. Pay attention dude. Responsibility. Those bows weighing me down. Keep moving. Be assertive. Yes. Endure. Yes. Be resilient, yes. Figure out a way to hold a relationship without giving in to hurt or immorality. Or, figure out a way to let it go altogether.

     

    More learning of lines. Reading about Meisner. “Renowned American actor and acting teacher Sanford Meisner developed his groundbreaking technique to guide actors in behaving instinctively and getting in touch with their emotions instead of getting trapped in their own thoughts.” NFI  “The Meisner Technique is a brick-by-brick process designed to get you out of your head and into your gut.” Meisner Technique Studio.

    A great way to move myself beyond the last period of my life and into the new one. Didn’t take the class imagining this reward, but there it is. Thanks Alan and Tal.

     

    Mussar yesterday. A sweet time. These folks have my back. And my front. Getting to know Luke better. Leo, his dog. A sweetheart. Sweet. A word I reuse. Means I often see the world as precious. Most of the time. Life, too.

     

    Acting class on Monday. Kabbalah and the Stars on Tuesday, zoom. Diane on Wednesday zoom. Mussar on Thursday. A lunch or breakfast with Alan or Luke or Rebecca. The Ancient Brothers on Sunday. An occasional service, a visit from the grandkids and Jon every couple of weeks. MVP once a month. That’s plenty for me. I wouldn’t want much less and certainly not much more. The Hermit in a Crowd. Living alone with a crowd.

     

    On the way home from mussar I stopped for the lovely Denver Mountain Park Trail near the bottom of Brook Forest Drive. About 30 minutes. A Stream. Valley walls covered with Ponderosa. Green Grass along the Stream bed. Going in and out of Shadow. Lodgepole. Dogwood. At the end of the trail the reward is Water falling over a graduated step of Rock, the Stream not yet finished wearing them down. The sound, soothing. On a small Pond I saw Water Wtriders. Picked up a Pine Cone that had a new Pine growing from its tip, a chartreuse baby Tree. Overstory on my mind the whole hike.

     

    During an acting exercise aimed at getting us to our feelings Tal said of me in succession: you’re patient. I am patient. You’re kind. I am kind. You’re joyful. I am joyful. That last one. Yes. At last.

     


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  • Out of my head

    Posted on by Charles Comment

    Beltane and the Beltane Moon

    Monday gratefuls: My Ancient Brothers. There when I need them. Mindfulness. Mindemptiness. Mindoutofthewayness. Struggling with family. Diane. The Redwoods. Overstory. Tired of struggling with family. Snow melting. Rain and Snow today and tomorrow. Go precipitation! Blood draw for thyroid hormone levels. Evergreen. Eco-kashrut. CBE. Acting. Waving good-bye to Kabbalah for now.

    Sparks of Joy and Awe: Gabe

    Tarot: pathway spread  eight of vessels, rebirth. nine of stones, tradition. four of bows, celebration.

     

    Dropped out of my kabbalah class. Keeping me in my head, as I said. Want away from that right now. Acting class pushes me out of my head, even out of my ego. What I need. Keeping the Astrology class because, well, I really don’t know why. Completist I guess. This is the third and last one for the year.

     

    Blood draw this morning for my tsh levels. Will determine if Kristi needs to up my dose. I hope so because I want my energy level back to normal. It’s much better, but I still hit a drag in the early to late afternoon. Kristi’s also ordered a lipid panel. We’re trying for low, low cholesterol numbers. Vascular disease.

    Taking care of myself. Sometimes it seems like a full time job. It was for Kate. However. I feel good. Cancer managed for now. Better energy. A fine new doctor. Breathing issues not progressive. Manageable.

    Living in the Mountains has gotten me out on the trails. Looking forward to continuing and even increasing that. Getting 3-5 hours of exercise in each week. That’s enough for me. More would be better, but I’m not interested in giving it that much time.

     

    A little low this morning. Struggles with family. So tired of it. My tarot spread this morning was about it. Won’t call this stuff out here, but I’m weary of revisiting old issues and saddened by a new one.

    Had me missing Kate, somebody who loves me. Right here. With me. That’s a response to the weariness I know. A real longing, however.

    Gonna have breakfast at the Bread Lounge after my blood draw. Cheer myself up.

     

    Overstory is a great read. Trees, green things. Living together in community. Communicating, healing each other, feeding each other. Trees. Dogs. That is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know. Amen.

     

    Mediterranean diet working. Slow adoption, but it’s happening. Considering becoming a pescatarian. Not for ethical reasons, or at least not only for ethical reasons. I want to simplify my food choices. Cutting out chicken and red meat would help. Also, that cholesterol thing.

    Quite a bit of simplifying going on in my life right now. Feels right.

     

     

     

     

     


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