Category Archives: Family

Not the Thanksgiving We Got Ready For

Samhain                                                                 Thanksgiving Moon

20151117_070312And so, we spent Thanksgiving on Shadow Mountain, watching the snow come down in lazy lines, thinking of Gabe and his second surgical procedure in a week, the roast and the pies and rolls in the freezer. It was downbeat, too quiet for a holiday.

Kate the clinician, a person with a bias for action, stewed. She wanted to do something, fix something, but the snow came down and no roast could be cooked, no salad prepared, no engagement with the medical issues of her only grandson. Impotence, or the feeling of impotence, is a terrible burden because it shrouds the capacity to act with an inability to do so. So many revolutions have been borne. So many political movements.

Later, after Gabe’s delayed procedure was over in the late afternoon, she relaxed. Jon had called and asked us not to come. The snow. The stress of the day. All made sense to me.

The holiday hung in the air like a sneeze not completed. Thankful, of course, for the good outcome with Gabe’s procedure. Thankful for the snow and the flocked lodgepoles, snowy Black Mountain, the dogs running pushing muzzles into the snow, rolling. Thankful that Kate and I were together, playing Bethumped, talking.

I ate too much of the sugar cream pie I made. Really more like a delicious pudding. It didn’t set up. No matter. We had shrimp with Bookbinder’s sauce while we answered questions about word origins, eponyms, general history, homophones and pushed our plastic markers around the board.

It wasn’t the Thanksgiving we had prepared for, but it was the one we had. And it was a good one.

In fact, this year we’ll have two Thanksgivings, yesterday and the delayed meal on Saturday around noon. Now, there’s plenty to do. Gabe’s better. Kate will have tasks to be done. And that prime rib roast. Well, I’m looking forward to that.

Canceling Thanksgiving

Samhain                                                                      Thanksgiving Moon

RRGabe250“Thanksgiving’s canceled,” Kate said when she called me on the intercom. I’d just finished my workout, was in a very different mental place. “Huh?”

“Gabe’s at the hospital. His port’s failed and is leaking into the site of the other port.” Oh.

Grandson  Gabe has a port embedded in his upper left chest, its purpose to provide easy access for the regular infusions of clotting factor. His old one failed a week ago and was replaced last Thursday. Hemophilia makes many things complicated.

This new development means surgery today, Thanksgiving. The pies and the breads, the prime rib roast, all into the freezer. We’ll celebrate when Gabe’s better.

A Hand Out

Samhain                                                                      Thanksgiving Moon

20151106_174457That green cast? Gone. Kate’s left hand is free, free, free. She celebrated with a trip to Target and Nono’s, the New Orleans restaurant in Littleton. She’s happy; I’m happy. Over the next few weeks she’ll work on strengthening her thumb, but she’s already got good mobility with it. This quilter/handy woman needs her hands to be in full operating condition. A big step forward yesterday.

 

Gabe’s New Port

Samhain                                                              Thanksgiving Moon

Gabe 300Grandson Gabe’s port finished its work a couple of days ago.  Through it Jon and Jen infuse the factor that helps prevent joint bleeds, good for Gabe since he receives a prophylactic dose. That means he gets two to three infusions a week. A port is less painful than a needle stick.

The day the port stopped functioning Gabe had to be infused the old fashioned way, with a needle in a vein. Apparently he did not like that.

Kate and I went into Colorado Children’s yesterday to spend some time with Gabe and his folks. A real family thing and one I was glad we could do so easily. He had just come up from the recovery room, sort of groggy. A constant stream of nurses, nurses’ assistants, cleaners, doctors, hospital functionaries came in to probe him, ask questions, set up IV’s and o2 monitors, position the bed, bring water with ice.

Really, there’s gotta be a better way. In the hospital rest is important, but the pattern, the culture of the hospital works against it. Of course, you don’t want to be a hospital whose patients die of neglect, but there’s got to be a place between the current high traffic and the opportunity to heal.

This port lasted four years, some last six or seven, so he probably won’t have to have this done again until he’s old enough to really get what’s happening. The goal is for him to self-infuse but he dislikes needle sticks so it may be a while.

Cutting Down Trees Is Easy

Samhain                                                                   Thanksgiving Moon

Gabe 300“Cutting down trees is easy,” Gabe said with all the confidence and bravura of an opera soloist. At 7 things still happen because we think them. So, he put on his black snow boots, orange gloves and partially zipped coat-he seems to have a similar metabolism to Grandma-and came outside.

I had begun to move limbs. It was Sunday morning and I didn’t want to run the chainsaw, cut into a neighbor’s deserved rest or their (less likely) morning contemplation. The trees I had limbed on Friday had branches ready for transfer to the chipping piles. Grabbing limbs by their smaller branches, slogging through the now crusty snow, the piles along either side of the driveway grew taller.

Kate had suggested a saw for Gabe, so I had found a suitably light pruning saw. “Why don’t  you work on taking off these branches, Gabe,” I said. Thinking smaller, easier to cut. Some early satisfaction. “I can show you how to use the saw.” “My dad already showed me.” OK.

He began, the saw at an angle too broad to achieve any result. Frustration. I could see it. He moved up to a smaller branch, a twig really. Tried that. The saw slipped and nicked his finger. The finger came up, examined closely. Hemophilia. Makes him take care. Probably too much care.

grandpop 300Moving limbs seemed like the next thought. Nope. Gabe, “I want to cut down a tree.” All right. “Let me show you to use the ax.” No chainsaws for Gabe. Way too heavy, not to mention noisy. It’s still Sunday morning. Also, chainsaw plus young hemophiliac. Hmmm. Not so good.

The ax it is. Feed spread wide apart, at a 90 degree angle to the cut, left hand on the heft and right up just below the ax head, I brought the right hand through to the left, angling the ax blade down and in toward the tree. The ax bit and a small moon shaped piece of wood showed phloem, the delicate living cambium and the xylem. Gabe was eager.

He stood, feet apart at almost 180 degrees from the tree trunk. The ax. He held his left near the heft, but the right up only half way. The weight of the ax head, I imagine. With a not too aggressive swing he brought the face of the ax blade into contact with the tree. Nothing. Again. Nothing.

Show him again. Correct the stance, go through the motion with him, ax in both of our hands. A sliver of tree cut open.

small forest axFeet apart, a bit better angle. Left hand on the heft, right midway, he swings again, more like a baseball bat, a familiar wooden tool, but moves neither hand. Face of the ax against the bark. Cutting down trees may not be so easy after all.

This went on until, “I’m going inside.” “Why?” “Just because I want to.” And with that the would-be lumber jack made his slow wander to the house, stopping now and then to break off a branch, kick the snow. Wonder about things in the way of 7 year olds.

All the limbed branches made their way to the piles.

big lodgepole before fellingOnly a few smaller trees remain to be removed in the front. Four trees cut down last Friday still need to be limbed and the limbs moved. Always Chipper will come out and chip the slash, fell the problem trees.

Soon, after the snow, I’ll take my smart holder and the peavey out and begin cutting tree trunks into fireplace sized logs. They’ll get stacked between trees, well over 30 feet away from the house where they’ll remain until next year about this time. Then they’ll be seasoned, ready for the fire.

(This is the big lodgepole just before felling. Another, slightly smaller, behind it may have to go as well.)

Anco Impari

Samhain                                                                       Thanksgiving Moon

(Anco impari, Learning Still.) Goya’s small print with this title might be my third phase image.

Let me give you two very recent examples. In the first, granddaughter Ruth got a signal honor as one of ten students from her elementary school, named after Colorado astronaut, Jack Swigert, who got to meet the surviving Apollo 13 astronauts. The learning was this: Ruth wore a skirt. At 9 Ruth has her own fashion sense. It’s distinctive and one that includes neither skirts nor dresses.

Second, last night we took grandson Gabe to a Polar Express live event at the Colorado Railroad Museum. I had advocated this as grandchild time because Ruth, on a recent overnight up here, had watched the movie. But, Ruth’s astronaut event was the same night, so Gabe went without her.

He was not entranced with the Polar Express idea. He kept saying, “We don’t celebrate that.” That is, Christmas. He is a Hanukkah guy after all. Gabe had a book along, Goosebumps by R.L. Stine, and kept reading it during the evening. His diffidence and general orneriness irritated me. The whole night.

Later, out of the immediate context of the event, I had to admit to myself that I admired his willingness, in the way he could muster at 7, to stand up for his sub-culture, Judaism. We went to the event based on Ruth’s interest and I expected him to share it. Instead, he felt assaulted by things his family doesn’t emphasize. So, shame on me.

Then, this morning, as I worked up here, I heard clumping steps on the stairs. There was Gabe, smiling, rested and wanting to see Grandpop. Every day brings a new chance to relearn humility.

 

Gaming

Samhain                                                                           New Thanksgiving Moon

Kate and I have been playing, for the past several nights, a round or two of Bethumped Words. The game has questions at 6 levels of difficulty and the hard ones, 5 & 6, can be real stumpers. It’s a fun addition to our evening and we’re running 4 to 3 right now, so we’re pretty evenly matched. Kate’s a crossword gal and her expertise with puzzles makes her a formidable opponent.

I have some difficulty with games. They seem frivolous, time-wasters (for some reason unlike T.V., which I watch with no guilt in the evening); yet, too often, my competitive streak takes over and they become serious. So, I go into games with that paradoxical attitude. They don’t matter. They matter too much.

This is overthinking, I know. But there you are.

An example from childhood just came to me. We didn’t play games as a family, but Dad and I played increase your wordscore in Reader’s Digest. That is, we played it until I began consistently beating him. Then, we stopped. This may be the source of my game paradox-not serious, too serious.

Life on Shadow Mountain can be one that includes games, serious or not. Maybe both.

 

 

 

Down the Mountain

Samhain                                                                   Moon of the First Snow

Date night. Kate and I found a new restaurant, The Bistro. It’s between Conifer and Evergreen on Hwy. 73. Excellent food, a piano man and a wonderful dining companion.

20151106_174457We both agreed last night that our move here has been good. Black Mountain Drive fits our lives extremely well. The surrounding geography is varied and beautiful. We’re closer to the grandkids.

Getting older has been wonderful. Sure, there’s the pain and the cancer, yes, but the joy of time together, time we can order as we wish, is delightful. We’re living into our highest and best selves.

 

Holiseason

Samhain                                                                  Moon of the First Snow

 

Holiseason. Begins on October 31st with Samhain and runs through January 6th, the Feast of Epiphany. This is a time when temperate latitude, northern hemisphere locations go through the darkest months of the year, punctuated with snow and cold. In times before refrigeration, electric lights, central heating, grocery stores this was a time when family and livestock could die. That’s why it begins on a holiday when the veil between the worlds thins.

Over the course of this time comes Thanksgiving, food and family at the center, many holidays of light, brave gestures against the seeming victory of darkness, the Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, New Years and the feast of the epiphany: Hanukkah, Posada, Advent, Deepavali, Christmas, the Winter Solstice, Saturnalia, New Years, Kwanza, the feast of the Three Kings. Special music, distinctive decorations, gift giving, meals with family and friends, times for reflection on the meaning of life and the nature of reality are the norm during Holiseason.

 

It is, for me, a joyful time. I love the moments of connection, the songs and stories raised in the air, the colorful installations on homes and businesses, the food, but most of all I like the quiet time, time to consider the light and dark in my own life. I love the way humanity, all over the globe, has taken special care for each other in times that were once literally dangerous, risky. I will surf holiseason again this year, riding the pulsing waves of human delight.