Calming

Beltane                                                              Emergence Moon

The first wave of emotions has passed. I feel present now. Those onions and leeks which I did not plant yesterday will go in on Monday and Tuesday instead, along with some fertilizer for the daffodils. Big life decisions take a while to incorporate and this one is not done with me, I know. But for today, it is.

Kate and I are going into the Cowles Center to see the Inferno danced by the James Sewell Ballet. Several years ago, when the writing stalled, I spent a year reading the classics, among them Dante’s Divine Comedy. This is one of the masterworks of western civilization, especially its depiction of Dante and Virgil’s journey through the Inferno. I did read on, finishing the trilogy with the Purgatorio and the Paradiso. It’s ironic, and I’m hardly original in observing this, that the Inferno is what has held reader’s attentions the most over the years. Damnation interests us more than redemption.

 

The Monthly

Beltane                                                                    Emergence Moon

A sickle Emergence Moon has risen in the west, just behind a tall poplar. Above it is Jupiter. A month plus a little ago, March 27th, I was on the road out of Holbrook, Arizona at 4 am. The mesa country was cold and the night was deep. Up in the sky hung a crescent of the Hare Moon and in its cusp was Venus.

(Spring Scattering Stars, Edwin Blashfield,1927)

Crescent moons are among the signal aesthetic gifts of the universe, especially when combined with a bright planet, especially Venus or Jupiter. The heart that cannot be moved by a black sky, a silver sliver of moon and cradled within its arms a fellow traveler, is a heart that has lost its wonder. I recall thinking as I drove on I-40 that morning last March that much of the beauty of southwest Native art came from clear views just like the one I was seeing.

It’s not hard to imagine those early ancestors of ours, on their trek out of Africa, looking up in wonder at the very same sight.

A Gentle Tsunami

Beltane                                                                      Emergence

I’ve put myself into a shocked, off center state by our decision to move. Assimilating the idea and its consequences have left me lackadaisical about Latin, less interested in the garden, a schlump relative to writing except for this blog. This won’t last long. It’s a response to the gentle but powerful emotional tsunami washing up on my Minnesota shore, a flood that I realize will wash most of what has been my life here back out to sea. And, it’s premonitory, a reality in the distance, yet it has enough force to rock me.

I’m letting it, right now, take me out of the now and buffet me with imagined sequelae, some wonderful, some sad, some exhilarating, some anxiety producing.

Wonderful. Living near the grandkids, the Rockies, the West. More faces at holidays and birthdays. A new place to absorb, to see, to learn, to become part of.

Sad. Saying good-bye to the Woollies, this house and its gardens, the Walker, the MIA, the Guthrie, the memories of 40 years.

Exhilarating. Writing in a new natural environment, one that will give me years of stimulation as will the lived history of the region. Staghounds in our future, dogs of the West.  A new home and land.

Anxiety producing. You know. Packing, unpacking. Money. Adapting to a new place. Finding medical care, insurance.

All this swirls around, causing emotional collisions that spark off each other, create radiants of feeling. It’s the early days of a love affair, one that will go the distance. God, how great, how frightening, is that?

Planting

Beltane                                                                          Emergence Moon

Went out to the beets and carrots I planted the day before we left for Colorado. No emergence yet. So I stuck my finger into the soil, gently peeling back layers until I found a seed, a rough beet seed, notable by how bumpy they are. Out of it grew two small thin green shoots. They’d been headed for the sun. Some warmth in the next week and they should all push through.

Tomorrow leeks and onions go in. Then the planting will be largely done until after the 15th, the average date of our last frost. After that the transplants: tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, chard and kale.

It’s strange to think of this as the next to last gardening year here. Sweet and bitter. Maybe we’ll end up with a third season. That will depend on the date of our move.

 

Sombra a Sol

Beltane                                                                      Emergence Moon

Le Plaza del Toros. When I sat down in the red and blue wooden seats, the heat from the sun was profound even though I had purchased a sombra seat. The tickets were sold sombra a sol. Beer vendors placed blue and gold buckets filled with ice and Dos Equis up the steep aisles of the Mexico City bull ring, more buckets on aisles closer to the ring, fewer on the ones further up. Another vendor had a long pole from which hung straw hats, mine sits now atop a bookcase over texts devoted to modernism and the enlightenment.

Supposing that the arena would be full early, I had come about an hour ahead of the march of the toreadors, but I was wrong. My seats, the ones in blue near the ring itself and on the sombra side, didn’t fill up until about 10 minutes before the music started.

4:30 pm “I have seen one kill. Took photos, felt my stomach turn and felt a fascination, too.”

“1st a few (two) go at el toro with capes, then the picadors, mounted on padded horses, pierce the bull’s shoulders. Blood streams. The matador does a few passes, then another, much thrusting of hips.”

“A fight between toreadors. The crowd yells at the hero of only a moment ago. Feedback is direct, intimate, abusive. Banderilleros put in their colored lances, banderillas, again into the bull’s massive shoulder muscles. Death has a festive, colorful air.”

“Ole’s reward skill; whistles express displeasure.”

4:40 pm. “There is music for the entrance of the bulls. The crowd first cheers the bull (and in the case of a poor toreador may choose to continue cheering the bull over the matador.), then the picador’s go in and do their ugly task. They look comic, almost pathetic. All the while jets fly overhead.”

“I don’t understand the exchange of the first sword for the second. Matador got gored! Got up. Going back. The crowd loves it. His leg bloody he seems more determined now. Now he seems braver, more confident. (just macho?)”

“Down on his knees, working closer, in the spot where he was gored. Now, the moment of truth. The bull won’t come. He charges the bull, sinks the sword in the first time. Crowd cheers. He walks, starts in front of the bull as it goes down and looks pleadingly at the crowd, then gets up. A last sword has a small horizontal piece near the tip, with it the matador flicks out the the sword he plunged in, then strikes with the odd sword. (a descabello which kills by a thrust through the spinal column rather than to the heart as with the rapier.)”

“Toro has personal attributes. He wants this, does this. My seat partner talks about toro as a person.”

(this is material I wrote back in 1993.)

 

 

 

 

 

The Circus Is Leaving Town

Beltane                                                            Emergence Moon

A slow moving mountain. Or, a slow move to the mountains. Sitting here contemplating my study, its hundreds of books and file folders, computer equipment, desks, chairs. I feel overwhelmed at the thought of pruning, organizing, decluttering for selling the house and actually moving. That’s one reason we’re giving ourselves two years or so to move.

Two years might encompass the remaining lifespan of Vega and Rigel. We really don’t know since they’re hybrids, but we suspect 7-8 years and 2016 is 7 years plus. That’s a factor though not a determining one. Hell, who knows, it could encompass our lifespan, too, though I don’t imagine it will.

Talk about liminal space. Between now and then we are no longer fully here and definitely not fully there. I imagine a huge circus tent with many ropes and stakes and poles. Each stake must be pulled.  Each rope removed. The poles must be taken down and the canvas rolled up. The canvas is our life in Minnesota and its attendant material possessions.

The stakes are friends, the MIA and the Walker, the Sierra Club Northstar Chapter, the background relationships developed over years of work in the church and in politics and in neighborhoods. The ropes are the emotional ties that bind us to places, to our years lived here, to our sense of ourselves as Minnesotans. The poles are those key relationships like the Woolly Mammoths, Anne, the docents, the folks Kate and I have worked with in multiple capacities: our vet, our doctors, our financial consultants.

All this must, in some way, be stored and the canvas packed. All these things will change once we reach our new destination. Our life will no longer be a Minnesota based life, but a Colorado based one. The friends will remain, of course, as will all the institutions and professionals, the places and their attached memories, but we will have stretched the ease and physical distance with many beyond the breaking point. It will not, of course, be possible to know which ones will suffer the most until time has passed. But all will suffer some, most will suffer a lot.

Feeling overwhelmed, of course, comes from imagining that the tent and its supports must be packed and moved for a train leaving tomorrow. That’s not the case. We have time and will use it well. It’s just that, well, right now, it’s a lot.

 

Cruel and Too Usual

Beltane                                                                        Emergence Moon

How about those Okies?  Hey, even though we’re not sure, let’s just try an experiment! Yes, it was stupid, heartless and reckless. It was those things. And cruel. And, as the Sack cartoon said in the Star-Tribune this morning, not so unusual. (full disclosure: I was born in Duncan, Oklahoma and still have many relatives in the state.) But. It is also true that regardless of the case law, regardless of the Supreme Court decisions and the capacity of states to make their own laws, killing a killer for killing other people is immoral. Not to say at least contradictory.

A good outcome of the Oklahoma execution of Clayton Lockett would be the final elimination of this barbarity altogether. In the newspapers today is an article that suggests one reason to eliminate it in addition to its morally contradictory nature, at least 4.1% of individuals on death row are innocent. NYT article.

Kate and Anne and I watched “12 Years a Slave” tonight. Capital punishment belongs with slavery as one of humanity’s reviled institutions. The state says that if you commit certain acts you may be incarcerated and, if the acts are serious enough, killed. This reminded me of the whipping scene of Pat in the movie. “I can do anything I want with my property,” says Edwin Epps, the plantation owner played by Michael Fassbinder.

The awful juxtaposition of Solomon Northrup’s enslavement with his status as a freeman made his situation seem so much worse than that of the other slaves. But in reality Northrup’s enslavement and desire to be free was identical with those enslaved from birth. His status as a freeman in the state of New York made clear the tremendous burden of all the other slaves among whom he worked.

Crime and punishment is a conundrum faced by all complex cultures and I’m not denying the right of state as my representative to punish those convicted of violating our laws. What I am denying is the right of the state to deprive any one of their life on my behalf. (We’ll not go into here the disproportionate impact of punishment on persons of color, though it’s a vital issue, too.)

addendum. This is a list of states which have no death penalty. It’s interesting to me that the earliest three states to prohibit it are Michigan, Wisconsin and Minnesota.

Alaska (1957)
Connecticut** (2012)
Hawaii (1957)
Illinois (2011)
Iowa (1965)
Maine (1887)
Maryland*** (2013)
Massachusetts (1984)
Michigan (1846)
Minnesota (1911)
New Jersey (2007)
New Mexico* (2009)
New York (2007)#
North Dakota (1973)
Rhode Island (1984)^
Vermont (1964)
West Virginia (1965)
Wisconsin (1853

Beltane: 2014

Beltane                                                                   Emergence Moon

 

Turn. The Wheel has turned again and Beltane is at the top. Beltane, a fire festival, was one of the two original demarcations of the Celtic year. It marks the beginning of the growing season and Samhain, the other, marks the end of Summer, or the growing season.

In the Celtic year Beltane and Samhain are equivalent in significance to Christmas and Easter.  At Beltane fertility plays the central role in the festivities while at Samhain both the final physical harvest and the already harvested dead are the focus.

Beltane has had a long half life in American culture though it has faded away considerably in recent years, unlike Samhain which seems firmly rooted with its faint echo in Halloween. I don’t know about you, but I remember making May baskets out of construction paper and Maypoles were still occasionally present in my youth in the late 1950’s.

The Maypole in particular hearkens directly back to Beltane. It was some sort of fertility dance, likely an opportunity for young maidens to display themselves in a vigorous manner to watching young men. There is another, more Germanic explanation for the Maypole, which sees an axis mundi, a world tree, as its symbolism. Whatever is behind the Maypole, it has now winked out for the most part in the U.S., but the tradition lives on in Great Britain and Europe.

In the Celtic world bonfires were important to this celebration of the return of the power of the sun. Two bonfires were lit and cattle driven through it to ensure their health. Cattle were the indicators of wealth to the early Celts. Young women would leap over bonfires to increase their fertility. Other bonfires were lit for dances, often done today in the nude.

There is, especially in Scotland, a vibrant revival of the Beltane and Samhain festivities, managed now by the Beltanefiresociety based in Edinburgh. Click on their website to see many photographs of their work. I find the free and joyful expressions of the dancers, both the choreographed and attendee, moving. They stir something deep in me, like an ancestral memory, a thrill. On the surface it comes out like, “These are my people.”

The body can express what sings in the heart often better than the mind or mouth. Beltane’s spontaneous, eager, fiery essence jumps out of the arms and legs, breasts and heads in these photographs.

I have no interest in resurrecting the ancient faith of a pastoral people now long dead. None at all. But I respect it and honor its impulse. I believe that its reverence to the rhythms of the year need to be included in our time. The particulars of their time can inform us, certainly, but the more important point is to let those rhythms have their song among us today.

As we wait here in a cold, wet Minnesota, I have no trouble accessing the anticipation of the growing season evident in Beltane. It is a dance, too, one done around the bonfire of the sun, which heats us all, which gives us the energy we need to live. Yes, it gives us the energy to live. Think about that. No, better yet, when there is sunshine again, go spread your arms outside, absorb the warmth and feel it. Then go into the kitchen and have a slice of bread, a tomato, perhaps a slice of salami. That same heat goes into your body, transformed initially by a plant, then perhaps again by an animal and now of use to the mitochrondria, ancient and mysterious, that fuel our cells.

Yes, Beltane is a rite right down to the cellular level. Embrace the sun and glory in your chance to live. It comes but once.

The Herd Thins

Beltane                                                              Emergence Moon

Jim Johnson began the Woolly diaspora by his cowboy pivot made on the plains of South Dakota. Paul Strickland returned for good to an often frequented spot in Maine. Mario Odegard is an episodic emigre’, spending months at a time in different places, usually warmer than Minnesota.

Now, probably around this time in 2016, Kate and I will join the Woolly dispersal with a move to Colorado. This was a difficult decision, one made over a period of several years and made at first with reluctance, but now with growing excitement and anticipation.

We both want to move while we’re still able to develop an independent life for ourselves in a new setting. We will begin hunting for a place within an hour or so of Denver, something with acreage enough for dogs, yet still in broadband realm.

I plan to attend Woolly retreats and to continue hosting a meeting at some point during the year, too. Getting back to Minnesota will be important to me because the Woolly’s are important. They have changed my life for the better and it is with deep regret that I will leave them behind for most of the year.

Still, life’s realities change as we age and the call of family is a strong call. To care for and perhaps be cared for, that’s a profound life commitment and one to which we’re responding.

Wet

Spring                                                                       Emergent Moon

Pulled into the garage at 8 p.m. last night.  We were tired, but had had a good trip, our first together driving to Colorado in a very long time. It was rainy during much of the drive though our time in Denver was largely dry.

Minnesota is pushing toward our wettest April on record. Go team rain. Fall today. Many of our spring ephemerals are well out of the ground but only the crystata Iris are blooming so far. We need the warmth to open up leaves and flowers. Sun. We’re ready for the growing season.

My unusually heavy travel time will take on another chapter the third weekend in May with the 26th? annual retreat of the Woolly Mammoths.  This year we’re at Frontenac’s Villa Maria retreat center.

During this retreat, the theme, What is your walk, should bring up conversation about the next few years for each of us. We’ve supported each other for more than a quarter century. That’s really something.