Category Archives: Politics

Oh. My.

Beltane and the Moon of Sorrow

Sunday gratefuls: Jon. Ruth. Gabe. Levi, Gabe’s friend. Ruth and the boys hiking the Maxwell Falls trail from top to bottom. Li’l Sicily pizza from Beau Jo’s. The ancient friends gathering today. Alan’s birthday. Sally’s birthday. The Sunday paper. Rain over the last few days. Aspen leaves at work. Lodgepole pine needles, same. Dandelions, no longer a weed in our yard. Kate’s voracious reading. Westworld.

A couple of days ago I stood up here in the loft sobbing. The Band sang The Weight in the background. Something about it, and Sugaree before it, wrenched tears out of my eyes. Minneapolis. St. Paul. Beloved cities filled with friends. The reckoning of too white Minnesota with its reality. The pandemic with its overlay of stress. Our last couple of years. All of it. Cleansed. Crying is good.

The troubles. I’m too gobsmacked right now. Even though tears.

There is no peace without justice. If you want peace, work for justice.

“Are You Stupid?”

Beltane and the Corona Lunacy II

Tuesday gratefuls: Kate. Just because. Rain yesterday. Hoping for more to drive that wildfire danger back down to low. Mark and Elizabeth are ok. Progress on loft reorganization. New workout (old one being recycled). A wet, not so hot week ahead. Lupron. Driving me down while helping me heal. Singapore. Riyadh. San Francisco. Aurora. Context for loved ones.

Tired this morning. Walked up the stairs to the loft thinking, god, I hope this is Lupron. If next month is the last month of Lupron, maybe my strength and energy will return. Hope so. Feel like an old man.

Feeling the pressure to resume “normal” life. Just go to the store. Get gas. Hike. Shake hands. Hug the grandkids. Pick up the restaurant meals with Jon. Go out to eat.

Interesting article about how pandemics end. Messy. Is the answer. A medical end happens when the smallpox gets wiped out in the human population, but that’s very rare. There’s a societal end when folks give in to the pressure, start going out again in spite of the risk. Trouble with the societal end? It risks more flareups, new peaks.

We’re not close to even the societal end of the Covid pandemic. Many folks want to maintain stay at home, don’t want to go back to crowded offices, have customers breathe in their faces. In spite of the pressure I feel I’m in that camp.

Got into an unnecessary and stupid Facebook argument. Thought I’d learned. Apparently not. Bad modeling was at issue. They’ve been wrong. All of them. Since the beginning. All this economy shattering social shuttering was too much response for the reality of Covid.

Predicted response. Sure the initial models proved wrong. Models are only as good as the data that feed them and the algorithms that control them. Early on in a pandemic the data is bad. Noisy. Inaccurate. But it’s the data available. As a pandemic goes on, the data should become better, but with the inadequacy, the gross inadequacy of testing and contact tracing, it’s impossible to get good data. Even now. The modelers try to correct, but it’s assumptions, not facts on the ground.

After several, “are you stupid?” replies, I did not respond to any of them though I really, really wanted to, I went back to the thread and wrote, I apologize for throwing this steak on the table. Trolls gonna troll. Especially when professional trolls are feeding them their lines.

Up, down

Beltane and the Corona Lunacy II

Thursday gratefuls: Kate’s slowly healing fingers. The bowl hot pads she’s making. Finding her in her sewing room. Yeah! Yeah! Seoah’s concern about what happens to us when she leaves. Rigel’s blood work. Good except for slightly elevated creatinine. Getting some of my workout in yesterday. New floods for the loft. LED. Blue skies smiling at me. Green Trees and Black Mountain. Shansin filled with love, canine and human. Two meat bundles from Tony’s bought before the oncoming crisis at slaughter houses. Ruby finally clean. Rigel back from her wobbly, painful Tuesday.

As states reopen, it is clear what will follow. Our numbers as a nation, for deaths, for infections, for carriers without symptoms, for increased division between the masked and the unmasked, will multiply. It’s the nature of infection, of putting a penny on one square of a chessboard, then two on the next, then four on the next. You know the result.

Whether or not Trump realizes this, he’s placing a huge, a mega-whopper wager, the worst wager, the worst bet of all time, that the economy will rise before his election chances sink under a sea of body bags. He’ll lose that bet, but not before thousands more die and the infection fills hospitals.

Instead of the United States, folks around the world will refer to us as Little Italy with a bigger problem. You may have heard, or even read, Fintan O’Toole’s column in the Irish Times, THE WORLD HAS LOVED, HATED AND ENVIED THE U.S. NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE PITY IT. If you haven’t, here’s the link to a copy of it.

I go up and down. Right now down. Can’t think too much about the armed protesters in Michigan, the willingness to choose the economy over sensible precautions. Puts me out of the now and into a tomorrow I find distressing to imagine. Stay up, Charlie, on Shadow Mountain. With your Family and Dogs. With the Trees and the Mountains. Read the Talmud. Exercise. Write. Play. Let tomorrow come in its own time and in the way it will come.

The Unmasked

Beltane and Corona Lunacy II

Wednesday gratefuls: Rigel’s recovery from dental work. Seoah’s kind heart. All my friends and family who have avoided Covid. So far. The people who believe in Trump. Those of us who don’t, won’t, can’t. Angkor Wat. Bayon. Ta Phrom. Mary and her Singapore. Mark and his Riyadh. Diane and her San Francisco.

Into a theoretically still closed down Englewood/Denver for Kate’s appointment with Pullikottli. She’ll go in; I’ll drive off and read Middle Game. The doctor appointments have decreased. By a lot. Fingers this week. Lungs in June. Nothing else for her at this point.

I get another psa in early July and see Eigner later in the month. Last year at this time it was the Cancer Moon. May, the merry, merry month of May, 2019. Fights with the insurance company. Imaging studies narrowing down my treatment options. Driving to hospitals, lying down under expensive electronics. Drinking this. Having this injected. Waiting for results. Wondering.

Masks. A metaphor. Those who think they don’t need to wear one wear their anger and fear. I suppose masks are a willingness to be vulnerable in public, difficult. Wish the unmasked would realize the masks were to protect their parents, their grandparents. Those they love. For the men, it is an act of masculine protection. If we could make them see this, maybe they would put down the assault rifles. Maybe.

Diane voiced her concern about the new world abornin’. Guns in state capitols. The masked and the unmasked. I’m concerned, too. Basic American values like freedom, liberty, individual rights have been hollowed out and weaponized by a flagrantly stupid demagogue. When my body, my choice gets deployed to defend the right to infect other Americans? Not sure where we go from that point.

Slow to Wake

Spring and Corona Lunacy II

Monday gratefuls: Sweet potato pizza. No, really. Seoah found it on a Korean youtube cooking channel. Kate’s good days. Sleep. Lots of it. Bernard Cornwall and the TV adaptation of his Saxon novels: The Last Kingdom. The blue sky. The sun. Black Mountain. Cogency.

Sleep. Until 6:45. Usually up at 5:30 (or, 4:30 in the true time). Dreaming, unwilling to rise. Even though Kep jumped on me. Rigel barked. Kate poked me. Couldn’t. Get. Up. Finally. Still not awake. Writing anyhow.

Don’t know what to say next.

Check on the idiot. Who spent seven hours tweeting, retweeting. On Sunday. A nod to his evangelical sycophants? Not sure about that, but I am sure, after having read a Washington Post article that this guy is decompensating. He seems scared, isolated, unsure of what to do next. Imagine the prison a high profile, powerful job like President could be if you no longer felt you could do it. Instead of anger I’m beginning to feel sorry for DJT. Out of his depth, no tools. Months more in office with a crisis like no other roiling the waters.

If you love him, let him go. How his followers, his base base, should act toward him now.

Got further on reorganizing the loft. A periodic task which, when complete, energizes me. Will finish this week if the banker boxes come.

Of course, I have to wake up first. Soon. I hope. Things to do, but no places to go.

Give Me Liberty or Give Me Covid

Spring and the Corona Lunacy

Monday gratefuls: Kate in her sewing room. Making cloth masks. With pockets for coffee filters. So good. Oh Death by Ralph Stanley. Talking about death with my old friends on Zoom. Mario, it’s still too abstract. More real in our 80’s or 90’s. Glad he thinks so. The Riyadh, Singapore, San Francisco, Rocky Mountain connection. Got out Jennie’s Dead, started reading. Will start writing when I’m caught up. Feeling better overall.

Might be the imminence of spring. Might be the space between bloody January and today. Might be Kate’s incremental improvements with her fingers and her leaking problems. It certainly is not the current state of Covid-19 testing. Whatever it is, maybe just my cyclical psyche ready for a new era, I’m feeling strong.

Organizing my loft. Again. A periodic task necessitated either by a long down period like this last one or a time of full on work like I’m entering now. Another facet of this change might be an inverse response to cabin fever. I can’t go out, so I may as well go in.

Brother Mark sent me a picture from a rally, a sign that said, Give me Liberty or Give me Covid. These folks understand liberty and freedom in their most restrictive meaning. Liberty means you can’t tell me what to do and freedom means only freedom from, not freedom for, too.

Both have more expansive connotations. Liberty is also the ability to choose for others, to use your power, your resources on behalf of your neighbors. Freedom is not only freedom from the unreasonable intrusion of the state or the opportunity to follow your own dreams wherever they may lead. It’s also freedom to choose community responsibility. Freedom to vote, to organize, to lift up your nation. To stay in your home not only on your own behalf, but also in service to your elders, to the vulnerable.

Give me liberty or give me Covid illustrates too well the blinkered version of Lady Liberty, the one proclaimed by those yellow flags with the snake. That liberty means stay the fuck outta my way. Or, else. Misunderstanding the nature of liberty can be fatal. That sign proves it. Not sure how, or even if, this truncated view of two basic American values gets remedied. Especially if the false choice between liberty and illness gains traction.

What do you when the treasonous bastard encouraging these already misguided folks is the President? Save your sacred Second Amendment, he says. And the connection to all of this is what? Shoot the sick ones? As a New York Times story title says: Head of Government Encourages Anti-Government Protesters. This is where Kristallnacht came from. We’re way past the turn off for a reasonable resolution to this stand off.

What comes next? No idea.

Never again

Spring and the Corona Lunacy

Saturday gratefuls: Brenton and his concern for Murdoch. Nursing assistant skills I’ve learned. Kate’s reduced leakage. Rigel, that rascal. Her spring fever digging at the edge of our deck. The solar snow shovel. Thursday’s snow all gone on the roadways. Remembering Mom and the garden spider at our breakfast table window. Trips to Stratford, Ontario.

Watching Orwell come alive again. Still. With Trump. Using the word liberated to incite insurrection against legally elected government officials. LIBERATE MICHIGAN! Even Minnesota. Calm, orderly, polite, compassionate Minnesota. Treason is a capital crime, a crime emanating from our capitol. Playing to his base in the basest way possible: hand out money, fan understandable frustration into the flames of unrest. Friends, it’s alternate universe time.

Life in the slow, slow, sloth lane. While all that swirls around, we eat breakfast, feed our dogs, shake our heads.

And in the third year of a faux monarch’s reign came a plague, not just here, but all across the world. Before this plague our country, beautiful and vibrant, had become ugly, violent, cruel. Now we’re sick and dying. What the hellfire and brimstone preachers called Old Testament times. Yet it is not long ago, not in a world of different customs and languages, but in our time, in our nation. It makes my heart sick. My head ache.

How can we teach our grandchildren that this is not what a nation is? When the Wizard of Oz pulls the curtains aside himself and makes clear that all he has are levers and knobs and steam whistles where competency need to be, what do we say to them? How do we explain that we have stood for freedom, for true liberation, for inclusion, compassion for the poor, the sick, and the elderly?

It was true in my memory, I’ll say. No, of course it was never all this or all that, of course not, but never did we have a party and a President who made it their holy crusade to pollute the rivers and skies, cage children, glorify sexual predation, and those made ill by race hatred. Never did we have a President and a party who praised our enemies and blamed our allies. America, like any nation, has always had greed, servants of Mammon, but rarely have we turned our government into a mechanism for siphoning money from the poor into their hands.

No, I’ll say, this is not us. It just is not us and it will require your good will, your good sense, your compassion, your sense of justice to make right. I hope you, Ruth and Gabe, can muster all these, can grow into the leaders who remedy the failures of this time. I will support you and any of your generation who are able.

A Pagan’s Way

Spring and the Corona Luna

Wednesday gratefuls: Ed Smith. His hands. Kate’s new feeding tube. Getting there on the leaks. Slowly. Glacially. But, getting there. Seoah’s concern, love for Kate. Her helpfulness. Rigel and Kep, always. Masks. Gloves. Those who hope the coronavirus will lead us to rethink society. Among them me. Mountain Waste Removal. Mt. Evan’s Home Health Care. The snow pack above average.

The spirit of 2019. An urgent doctor visit yesterday. The balloon that holds Kate’s feeding tube in place collapsed. Back to the surgeon. He put in a new, slightly larger tube and said anytime Kate had trouble to come see him. This was our first urgent visit since Bloody January though it was the norm in 2019. The gaps between visits are longer. May they continue and lengthen.

Since we went to a medical building I put on mask and gloves. Kate had a mask. These were the smaller masks, but Seoah’s sister’s husband found 50 NS95 masks for us. Just because. Her sister mailed 8 of them to us yesterday. The Korean government allows 8 a month to be sent out and then only to family. She’ll keep sending them as long as the crisis and her supply continue.

Can you feel the irony here? The world hegemon is getting medical supplies from South Korea. It’s a sixth of our size. And, can you feel the love? Family. Across oceans and cultures.

Hard to be sure but I think the newly administered Lupron, my third, has weakened me some. I had a tough time on my workout Monday. I had a two hour nap yesterday, then slept an hour or so long last night. We’ll see about my workout today. The hotflashs have been somewhat more frequent. Life in the chemo lane.

Been reading the book Braiding Sweetgrass. It’s the first book in the Rocky Mountain Land Library’s book club. Robin Wall Kimmerer is the author, a botanist and a member of the Potawatomi nation. Kate Strickland worked, I believe as an intern, at Milkweed Editions when they were publishing this book and got to know Ms. Kimmerer well. It’s a compilation of short think pieces, not quite essays, closer to memoir.

In the human narrative class with Rabbi Jamie we’re reading the last section of Art Green’s book, Israel. In it Green talks about the relationship between a people and the land. In wondering what I could learn from this chapter, I decided I would focus on how a people, all people, relate to the land.

That brought to mind both the Rocky Mountain Land Library and its unusual mission and my episodic work on reimagining, reconstructing faith. Increasingly this reenvisioning has come to focus on how to articulate my pagan way, not as the way, but as a way, one that might guide more folks back to the literal source all life, the sacred marriage between the sun and mother earth. And, in so doing, spur them protect our mother, or, more accurately, protect a space for humankind here.

I decided to read the four books in the Land Library Book club over the time of the Israel kabbalah class, which runs into June. I added a couple of other books I have, the Lunar Tao and Becoming Native to This Place.

A chapter in an often imagined book about my pagan way will be my presentation for the class. It’s tentatively titled, Becoming Native to This Place. Something to do while the world sinks into itself.

No Excuses

Spring and the Corona Luna

Monday gratefuls: Snow. 7 degrees. A white palette outside my window. Even the sky is a gray white. Braiding Sweetgrass. Becoming Native to This Place. Kate’s good day. Rigel’s eating. Kep’s joy. Murdoch in the pictures from Brenton. Moving my reading chair in front of the window. Ikigai. Caesar Salad. Fuji apples. Cheese curds. Matzah.

A quiet day yesterday. Some snow. Cold weather. Old friends on zoom. Reading the Talmud. Reading Braiding Sweetgrass. Finished Radical Judaism. Watched an episode or two of Ozark on Netflix. My rest day.

What the idiot is doing. Yes, I just looked at the newspapers. Here’s the headslapper. Well, one of them. Quoted in today’s NYT:

“Governors, get your states testing programs & apparatus perfected,” President Trump tweeted on Sunday night. “Be ready, big things are happening. No excuses!”

Chutzpah. Of bigly proportions. First, bail on your responsibilities. Second, demand that others fulfill them, then threaten them. Nice, dude. Makes America Grate.

Buddy Mark Odegard is happy. Getting lots of strokes from his book, drawing cranes, learning about cranes. Easing into mystery.

I’m happy, too. Progress, though two steps forward, one back, with Kate. Seoah’s cleaning, cooking, cheerfulness. The house calm after the Murdoch/Kepler wars in Bloody January. My ikigai returns with a focus first on a chapter for my book on a Pagan Way. Also feeling a novel nudging me. Work. Good work.

Some positive signs on the coronavirus pandemic. We’ll see. I’m sure Trump can swoop in, wave his widdle magic wand, and make all things worse. We’re staying home.