Category Archives: Minnesota

Faith and Spirituality, Family, Health, Memories, Minnesota, Our Land and Home, Retirement, Third Phase

Delights and Horrors

March 21, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Spring Anniversary Moon

rumi The third phase, that phase after the career and nuclear family focused portion of our life has come to an end or is winding down, has its own delights and horrors. Auto-didacts, those with pleasurable, but challenging hobbies, those with adequate funds, those with a close network of friends and family have a good chance of enjoying the third phase more than any other part of their life. It’s a time when the pressures of achievement and child-rearing recede. They may not disappear, but their initially critical significance shifts to the margins.

This leaves the possibility of centering on who you truly are, expressing the soul/Self, the unique you created when sperm hit egg all those years ago. A rich time, filled with creativity and exploration, can be the result. It certainly has been that way for Kate and me. We’ve traveled, gotten closer to our kids and grandkids, gardened, raised dogs, moved to the mountains. She’s quilted, sewn, cooked and finally taken up the spiritual journey she started so long ago with her conversion to Judaism. I’ve continued to write and study, my primary passions. We’ve both nourished friendships from our Minnesota life and begun to develop friendships here in Jefferson County, Colorado.

It is also in the third phase, however, when the body begins to signal its eventual end. Even if there are no presenting issues of the moment, the third phase, by its very definition occurs as our age passes into the mid-60’s and beyond. The implications of this becomes clear when we make the calculation about doubling our life span so far. At 50 it’s just possible to conceive 100; but at 60, 120 is a stretch. At 70 the notion of reaching 140 is ridiculous.

will-testament_audible-wisdom-org_CC With prostate cancer two years ago and a total knee replacement last year my body has given notice that its sell-by date is approaching. Yes, both of those have resolved well, at least so far, but they are concrete proof that I will not live forever. Something, sometime. Now it seems to be Kate’s turn to face her mortality. She has a cluster of medical issues that are challenging, making her low energy and too thin.

The horrors I mentioned above are not these, these are normal, though disconcerting. We age. Our bodies break down, then stop. Hundreds of thousands of years worth of hominid deaths makes this all too common.

20170310_174900 The horrors are the loss of the one you love, the person whose life has become so entwined with your own, not enmeshed, I don’t mean here a situation where life going on without the other is inconceivable, but the loss of a person whose life has been a comfortable and comforting fit with your own, a bond of mutual affection. Imagining life without Kate leaves me with a hollow feeling.

This loss, too, is common. Just read the obituaries and see the list of “survived by.” It is different from your own death because your life goes on with a big hole. I know this feeling too well. My mother died when I was 17. This is horror. Is it survivable? Of course. But life after the death of a spouse is a change none of us who are happily married seek. Yet, it seeks us. It is the nature of two finite creatures bonded through love. One leaves first.

These matters are on my mind today as we try to hunt down and fix what’s ailing Kate. I’m not ready, will never be ready, for life without her. May it be far in the future if it happens for me at all.

Art and Culture, Asia, Commentary on the news, Faith and Spirituality, Friends, Minnesota, Politics, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., US History

Violence and Holy Wells

March 1, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Imbolc Anniversary Moon

It was with sadness that I read of the fight at the MIA last week. No matter the apportionment of blame between the two groups, this kind of violence within the museum shocked me. It also underscores the danger of cynics and demagogues setting the tone for our national conversation. Fists and physical confrontations are a means of dialogue, a blunt means, but one nonetheless. When the Whitehouse itself makes racism, anti-semitism, misogyny, xenophobia, terraism (violence against mother earth) not only acceptable, but for some normative, then this country will descend into further acts of violence, often one on one or many on one.

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When I first started volunteering at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts in 2000, continuing education events for docents and guides (I was a guide at the time.) were held on Mondays in the morning. An excellent speaker on some aspect of art, art history or museology would give us an hour to an hour and a half presentation. I have a three inch thick notebook filled with notes from those events.

After the lecture the museum was open, but closed to the public. That meant we could take as long as we wanted to wander the galleries, taking time with this work, then that one. No interference, no one walking in front of you or talking loudly. It was my favorite meditation, of all the ones I’ve tried.

I had certain favorites: the Bonnard with its wonderful colors, Dr. Arrieta by Francisco Goya, the Rug Merchant by Gerome, the tryptych Blind Man’s Buff by Beckman, Kandinsky’s wonderful painting in the same room, the Doryphoros. I also loved the ball game yoke, the Olmec jade mask once owned by John Huston, but the Asian art always occupied most of my time. The tea house, the tea bowls and implements, the tatami room with its beautiful screen of the Taoist Immortals, the seated Buddha, the Scholar’s room, the ferragana stallion in metal, the Song dynasty ceramics, pieces carved from jade, the Wu family reception hall, the sand mandala, I couldn’t spend enough time with them.

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On those quiet Mondays these works all became my great friends, friends that stay with me now, even 17 years later and 900 miles away. Also, on those quiet Mondays I found an alternative spirituality, one not rooted in the earth nor in the world’s great religions, but in the inside out nature of creativity. All of these works, some in overt ways, some in the covert way of working within a certain tradition, reveal the inner worlds of the artist. Reverting to the language of the post below the art allowed me-and you-to dive into another’s holy well, to see their inner life. This is a rare and privileged thing which explains to my satisfaction the enduring power of all art.

It is also the diametric opposite of Trumpism/Bannonism. The museum is a place to see what a world without these men can be.

Feelings, GeekWorld, Judaism, Minnesota, Our Land and Home, Weather +Climate

Oh, well. A pause would have been better.

February 24, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Imbolc New (Anniversary) Moon

Black Mountain barely shows itself in the cloud of snow over it. We’ve had snow since yesterday, winter is back. We’re glad here on Shadow Mountain. This Colorado feint of warm weather in the middle of winter keeps me thinking spring, then the sky turns white.

It’s been one of those days when the adult quotient required exceeded my ability to manage it. When I went out and found the guy from Geowater working on our well-head, installing a product I didn’t want, then found out he’d ordered a $1,000 pressure tank to replace our current one, well, let’s just say I didn’t handle it well. WTF! No, I didn’t think it, I said it. Oops. I had them walk back the work order, pushing the day’s bill down from around $7,000 to $2,000.

Then, they nicked a water line from the boiler and had to call a plumber to fix it. That set things back on the right emotional track. I had to get on my hands and knees, literally, to crawl into the space under our house and apologize. I was hot and said sorry. One of the guys fist bumped me and said thanks. The other guy was not quite so quick to forgive. Still, after I apologized that was his issue.

One of those situations where I wish I’d taken the mussar way and introduced a pause between the match and the fuse. I could have gotten the same result without being hostile. Maybe by the time I’m 80?

Anyhow, the ph in our water is now up from 5.2 to 7.5. Much better for the boiler and the copper piping. This was preventive maintenance, something I seem to be doing a lot up here. Of course, our Andover house was a model so everything was new; though over 20 years, we did end up doing some preventive work and some replacements.

Art and Culture, Colorado, Dogs, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Friends, Jefferson County, Judaism, Memories, Minnesota, Mountains, Our Land and Home, Park County, Shadow Mountain, The Move, The West, Third Phase, Travel, Weather +Climate, Woolly Mammoths

Becoming Coloradan

February 18, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Imbolc Valentine Moon

No snow. 10% humidity. A spate of small wildfires. Result: stage 1 fire restrictions put in place by Jeffco. In February. Winter has gone on holiday and the outlook for summer is fiery if we don’t get more moisture in March and April. Like death, oddly, I find the whole wildfire possibility invigorating. It motivates me to work on our lodgepole pine and aspen and it brings those of us who live in the mountains closer together. A common foe.

Lodgepole pine. From our bedroom window I look out and up to a jagged line of tree tops. On clear nights stars often align with the tops of the pines, giving them a decorated for Christmas look. Sometimes stars also align with branches further down, emphasizing the effect.

Which reminds me. Monday or Tuesday night of this week I looked up at the pines, as I often do before falling asleep. They were lit up with what looked like lightning bugs. What? The phenomena went on for quite a while, small specks of light flashing off and on. Obviously in February and up here on Shadow Mountain, no lightning bugs. A complete mystery.

While waiting on the Rav4 to finish its spa day at Stevinson Toyota I spent some time considering whether I had become a Coloradan yet. First thing. I left my prostate and significant portions of my left knee in Colorado. No flowers in my hair, but I do feel I’ve contributed in a meaningful, whole body sort of way. Then, living in the mountains. Everyday. Learning the rhythms of mountain seasons, the wildlife, the vast number of hikes and sights and sites to see. And we’re adjusted to life at 8,800 feet. A very Colorado and mountain thing.

Of course, there are Jon and Ruth and Gabe, family links to schools, synagogues, sports, life as a child in the Centennial State. Our dogs, too, as Dr. Palmini said, are mountain dogs now. Due to the spate of mountain lion attacks on dogs in the last month or so, I have a concern for their safety that is very Coloradan. In fact I bought a powerful LED flashlight and have my walking stick ready to do battle with a mountain lion if necessary.

Congregation Beth Evergreen, in addition to a religious community, also facilitates ties with people who live up here like the lawyer, Rich Levine, we saw last week. Many others, too. Kate has integrated quickly thanks to the two sewing groups she belongs to: Bailey Patchworkers and the Needlepointers. Her integration helps mine.

The town of Evergreen has many great restaurants, as does Morrison. We go to jazz and theater in Denver.

That’s the coming to Colorado part of the story. The other is my relationship to Minnesota. Of course there are the Wooly friends, especially Tom, Mark and Bill and the docent friends, many of whom I connect with through Facebook, but also through visits, e-mails, the occasional phone call. Those connections are still strong, even though attenuated by distance.

Minnesota will always occupy a large, 40-year space in my heart. That’s a long time, enough to become home. So many memories, good ones and bad ones. But, it is just that now, a 40-year space in my heart. I do not want to return. Life is here, now, and that, more than anything else, tells me that, yes, I have become and am a Coloradan.

Friends, GeekWorld, Memories, Minnesota, Woolly Mammoths

My Avatar in Minnesota

January 17, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Winter Cold Moon

I was at the table last night when the Woolly Mammoths gathered at Scott Simpson’s house in Minnetonka, Minnesota. Scott and I tested the Skype connection earlier, both on his laptop and on his new phone. When Mark Odegard came early, I spoke with him using Scott’s phone, able to see and be seen. Video phone calls! No flying cars, but…video phone calls!

Mark told me of his desire to go to Burning Man, holding up a coffee table sized book featuring various art installations from this annual festival of strangeness. He’s always got a next adventure coming on line. This was involves camping out, carrying in all your food and water (a gallon a day for the weeklong event), and required participation. “No observers” is a Burning Man rule.

Later on I was able to check-in along with Bill Schmidt, Warren Wolfe, Frank Broderick, Scott and Mark. This time I was on the laptop at one end of the table, able to see most of the guys, though when individuals checked in, somebody would turn the laptop so I could see that person.

Part of the beauty of 30 year old relationships is knowing the backstory. When Frank talked about helping a young dancer, I knew about his relationships to the arts, especially opera. When Ode talked about Elizabeth and her family, I knew them, having married Ode and Elizabeth. As Scott talked of being snubbed in his workplace, I knew the story of his transition from counselor to financial planner and his plans underway to retire. Warren spoke of cleaning things up at home. I knew about the time when he owned four houses. Bill had positive news for his venture, U-Face-Me, a possible investor. I knew about his coding, his work on mainframe data storage, his life as a Jesuit. Just as, when I spoke of Shadow Mountain, of my new knee, of the book I’m writing, they knew about my past as a Presbyterian minister, of my two ex-wives.

We can hear the subtle resonance of words and feelings, know often where the current dilemma fits into a life. I felt lucky to be part of the meeting last night. Not the same as being there physically, but nourishing in its own way.

Colorado, Minnesota, Weather +Climate

Snow Eaters

January 10, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Winter Cold Moon

“Duluth spent about 63 hours below zero from Tuesday night to Friday afternoon, Embarrass hit 37 below zero Friday morning and wind chills across the Northland nosed 40 below zero over the past week.

And the arctic blast isn’t over yet. A wind chill advisory remains in effect until noon Saturday for all of the Northland, with wind chill values into the 30s below zero.” Duluth News Tribune, January 6, 2017

Just an example of why Minnesota came in number 1 on a recent list of worst winters. It’s why the winters here in Colorado, which came in 47th on the same list (seems off to me, but, hey), can seem almost a different season than the one 40 years in Minnesota acclimated me to.

This week has featured both snow and snow-eaters. The snow has not been much, less than an inch, plus flurries today, though last week’s snow freshened up and plumped up our snow cover. Then, we get the chinooks, the snow-eaters.

These ferocious winds can reach 90 mph and exceeded that outside Colorado Springs with 113 mph blasts whipping a fire through a suburban neighborhood. Chinooks are creatures of the mountains. This illustration explains them very well.

In the instance of Shadow Mountain we are on the eastern, lee side, of the continental divide, the right side in this illustration. When the circumstances are right, the winds begin to fall down the lee side, gathering speed and warmth as they plummet toward the plains (adiabatic heating), also losing moisture as their temperature rises. Thus, the snow-eater.

We’ve had two long instances of chinooks this week, one tentatively underway right now. The lodgepoles dip and bend. Near their tops the trees look like they’re wrestling each other. Anything not nailed down blows away. The piles of snow melt. Note that this is not the solar snow shovel, but a separate phenomenon. Just another way in which Colorado winters differ from the sort experienced in Duluth over the last few days.

Colorado, Minnesota, Mountains, Shadow Mountain, Weather +Climate

Continuing the Theme of the Post Below

January 5, 2017 Charles Leave a comment

Winter Cold Moon

Well. -7 in the middle of the night here and in the early a.m. As we used to say in Minnesota, “It’s going to get chilly pretty soon.” Snowfall amounts lower than anticipated. This is the first time in the last two winters I can recall a storm underperforming here on Shadow Mountain. It does make it easier to get to p.t. at 7:30 a.m.

Coloradans are conditioned in odd ways, both related to snow and to cold. Our Mussar class canceled last night. If Minnesota canceled things under similar circumstances, not a lot would happen over the winter. The cold really gets to them, too. Single digits are down-coat or stay in the house and wait it out weather. -7! Burrow. Turn up the boiler. Find that damned electric blanket. The not insignificant exception to both are, of course, the many skiers who live here, including Jon who has his ski boots out by the door this morning. Snow day!

The reason for these attitudes is a prevailing belief, usually correct, that if it snows today, it will melt tomorrow. Or, if not then, the next day, thanks to the solar snow shovel. The cold is a bit more complicated. Here in the mountains if you’re in the sun, even on a cold day, you heat up pretty fast. If you move into the shade? Temps plummet. So, if the overall temperature is what you might find in the shade on a cold day, well, things have gotten pretty bad.

Don’t know whether we’ll get plowed or not. Here, before you go to the trouble of blowing or plowing a driveway, you look at the weather forecast. If, as in the next few days, temps will hit high forties, low fifties on sunny days, then clearing the snow is not a requirement. It does help, of course, and if my knee were done healing, I’d probably get out and clear this one.

Brother Mark’s road journey continues, speaking of temperatures. He left Bangkok a couple of days ago after his visa expired. He’s now in Phnom Penh, Cambodia where it’s 82 with 73% humidity.

Commentary on Religion, Faith and Spirituality, Health, Memories, Minnesota, Mountains, Shadow Mountain

Rambling

December 29, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Winter Cold Moon

When I worked for the church, the days between Christmas and New Years were an enforced break. No church wanted Presbytery executives in that time frame, everyone was coming down from the Advent, Christmas Eve, Christmas push. I took to using the time for research, usually on one topic. In those days it was organizational development, urban politics, a political issue coming to prominence, matters related directly, in some way, to my work.

This might be a way to use this enforced down time. Until the knee pain goes away and I’ve returned to a more normal routine, I could use the time to research a given topic. Not sure what yet, but something will occur to me.

Realized the other day that I’ve gone from an office halfway underground in Andover to a second story loft on a mountain. The Andover house was a walkout. The basement was open to the outside on two sides and built into the earth in front. Here on Shadow Mountain I look out at Black Mountain to the west and can see the sunsets. In Andover I saw sunrises.

Weary of the whole pain, stiffness thing. I know it’s part of the healing process. I know it’s going to recede and eventually vanish. Yet yesterday it got to me. Too damned long with a painful knee, reminded of its presence at every step, every sitting and rising. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t get comfortable sitting or lying. Next morning now and I got some sleep last night so feeling better.

Friends, Great Wheel, Health, Jefferson County, Minnesota, Mountains, Our Land and Home, Weather +Climate

Road Trip!

September 21, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Lugnasa Harvest Moon

Shower pan installed yesterday, additional support for grab bars (aging in place accoutrement), final decisions on niches and some extra work on the pebbles that will cover the floor. Jesus manages the later stages of the process, but it was Maestro (no kidding) who put in the no-leak rubber seal and poured the last of the concrete for the tile. By the time I get back the new shower should have tile.

Ancientrails goes on the road around 8:30 am. A little hesitation concerning my bum left knee, but I’m going to wear a brace and I have my ice and compression brace along, too. The knee doesn’t like being in one position though an angle is best. That I can achieve in the car. Road trips. I love’em. Very American, very Midwestern. Conifer to Fridley is almost exactly the same distance as Paris to Rome, it’s neither a long nor a short trip.

We’re well into the meteorological spirit of fall here on Shadow Mountain, so I’ll be driving into warmer weather for the most part, I imagine. Minneapolis has torrential rains predicted for today through tomorrow morning. Hope I miss them.

I’m excited to see the fall colors in Minnesota.

It’s different here.

Family, Minnesota, Park County, Travel, Writing

Jackhammer Day

September 14, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Lugnasa Harvest Moon

compressor_and_jackhammer_for_drilling_rock_preparatory_to_shooting_explosives_lassen_national_forest_california_3226898238 — compressor and jackhammer for drilling rock preparatory to shooting explosives lassen national forest california OSU archives

Yesterday was jackhammer day. Gonzalez and Eduardo deconstructed our downstairs bathroom, leaving the studs, drains and electrical. Looks very small. In addition to removing the former tile, the jackhammer work also prepares the way for an adequate slope for shower drainage. The drainage will be achieved by a fixture all along the far side of the shower, a tiny metal ditch that slopes toward the drain.

20160914_090641 Kate had Bailey Patchworkers for most of the day and I spent the day up in the loft with the dogs, so the jackhammering didn’t bother us. This will be worth it, but remodeling is never easy since by definition it has to take place where you live.

I rented my car yesterday. Now I have to find a reasonably priced place to stay. There are plenty of options, though most of them are not located where I want to be. A task for today. Later, a trip to the library for audio books, one of the fun parts of a long drive.

Still hitting my marks for Superior Wolf. I’m at right at 40,000 words, almost half way. I’m feeling very good about it so far. I’ll continue working on it on the road.