Category Archives: Third Phase

Family, Health, Jefferson County, Mountains, Third Phase

Getting a Knee

December 4, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Samain Moon of the Winter Solsticed

Friends. I last posted on Thursday, thinking I’d be back by Saturday. Didn’t make it. By the time I got home yesterday, about 2:30 pm or so, I was way too knackered to even type the least bit of a post.

So, here I am on Sunday afternoon, after a nap. The sky is clear; the air cool. I’ve had a shower and brushed my teeth twice. And, BTW, I have a new knee. On Thursday Kate and I sat in the Orthocolorado lobby waiting for a nurse to introduce us to the mysteries of surgery in this place. Eventually, Mac came out to get me. Mac was a fifties, early sixties woman with high hair and a casual manner.

She collected my answers to the first of what she assured me were redundant questions. She was right. Yes. 2/12/1947. Yes. Charles Buckman-Ellis. It was also true that it was the left knee. Sure, put your initial right here. Later on Dr. Pagel came in and told me about the anaesthesia. Spinal. Conscious sedation. Fine with me. Better than fine really. Less risk. Dr. Peace dropped by, too. He initialed the knee. Very collegiate.

Then, they hit me with the versid and the next moment I was in room #366, new knee in place, smiles all around. I had just played a totally unconscious role in several peoples’ workday and recalled nothing of it. The sky had begun to bruise. My surgery was at 11 am and it was now 5 to 5:30pm.

My nurses and CNA’s were delightful. We discussed pain using the familiar 1-10 scale. My pain seemed to hang around 3 or 4 for much of the evening and night. It was a liberating experience to have my pain well controlled. In the early morning hours of Saturday, between the shift transition, my pain got up and strolled around a bit. It hit 7 or 8 and my new nurse, Stacy, was late getting to me, so I suffered for the early afternoon.

Later on though, when Amy from the night before came on duty (12 hour shift) we worked together to see the pain reduced. I’m still basically taking that pain regimen. It includes dialudid, long acting morphine and occasional doses of acetaminophen. It’s effective for pain reduction, but not so hot for linear thought.

Gabe and Kate came to pick me yesterday since Jon and Ruth were skiing. Once back home we had to get home oxygen set up because narcotics suppress the lung functions. I went straight to bed and slept on my stomach.

I’ll get back to you later, maybe this evening, maybe tomorrow morning.

Aging, Friends, Third Phase

The Ancientrail

November 28, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Samain Thanksgiving Moon

Worked in this Johns-Manville factory for two summers for Stephanie's dad — Worked in this Johns-Manville factory for two summers for Stephanie’s dad

As we grow older, there are many times when we realize, sometimes even say, boy, that makes feel old. I’m sure you’ve had one of those moments. If you’re older, that is. Not assuming. I remember the first time somebody called me sir. It puzzled me, made me turn my head to see who was behind me. Or, there was the time in Hot Springs, South Dakota when I noticed a ten-percent reduction on my bill. The cashier at the front explained, “Oh. That’s our senior discount.” Oh. The list could go on. Easily. Signing up for medicare. Even, for me, that very early, late thirties, instance of going deaf in one ear. Made me feel my imminent mortality in a way nothing else had other than the death of my mother.

All of these incidents, some funny, some bemusing, all trail markers on the third-phase path, have been, so far, just that, sort of funny, at worst bemusing. One that came the other day was neither funny nor amusing.

Reading through facebook posts, which I do with less angst these days because I know it helps me stay connected to folks I’d otherwise miss completely, I found a note that says Stephanie Lewis died of complications from dementia. Stephanie was my first serious girlfriend, my first kiss and she helped me a lot during the death of my mother. We parted before college. I don’t recall why. She was 1 year younger than me.

Now she’s dead. From complications of dementia. According to her mother, it had something to do with an extreme low sodium diet and seizures.

I did reconnect with Stephanie three or four years ago, mostly to say thanks for helping after Mom died. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever done that. We did communicate a couple of times through e-mail. I’m very glad I did that now.

This crooked path we call life carries us along, always in Charon’s boat, just not knowing when it will bump against the other shore. Steph has landed. And I know, once again, that I’m in that boat, too, and the muddy river Styx flows just below the gunnel. I hope if anything greeted her on the other shore that it is a pleasant and peaceful place. She deserved it.

Commentary on Religion, Faith and Spirituality, Judaism, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

A Secular Sabbath

November 27, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Samain Thanksgiving Moon

The sabbath experiment. I liked it for the most part. There was a couple of hours + for reading. I reread the material on zeal in the Mussar text translated by Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan. I also read the Torah portion for this week, the story of Sarah ending with the death of Abraham. Finally got into Judaism as a Civilization by Mordecai Kaplan. Very, very interesting guy. I also read a book, The Queen of Blood, recommended by a sci-fi fan review. A good yarn. By the time night fell and the sabbath ended though I was ready for it to be over.

The time away from my normal routine was refreshing, but I did get antsy, wanting to do something. But, I think that will recede if I go to services, keep up my reading program and we learn to put up meals for Saturday. The focus on spirituality, family and inner work is valuable. Even more valuable is the cut out of time place the sabbath offers. The work week, even the work week of a retired guy, vanishes in the rear view.

I’m going to continue for a while, 3 months or so, just to see how this fits into life, but it feels good right now. My suspicion is that this is like a holiday every week, 24 hours snatched from the jaws of ordinary time and placed in that sacred space we reserve for the Winter Solstice, Christmas, Yom Kippur. A holiday a week sounds good to me.

Faith and Spirituality, Family, Judaism, Third Phase

Sabbath

November 26, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Samain Thanksgiving Moon

sabbath The sabbath as a day of rest fascinates me. It seems, in our ramped up and goal oriented culture, it’s easy to lose sight of truly important matters: family, inner work, reading in a spiritual or religious tradition that works for you, meditation.

While investigating a Reconstructionist Judaism understanding of the sabbath, I came across an idea I’d missed in previous study. The sabbath is not a day set aside from work, though it is that; but, more specifically, it is a day set aside from creation. On the sabbath we rest from making, from shaping, from forming. Why? Well, of course, there’s the 7th day in the Genesis account of creation. There’s also the notion of not arrogating to ourselves the creative power of the universe. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t create. It means we should be clear about the limits of our creative abilities. Taking a day off puts a clear barrier between us and a life submerged in effort.

challah-2-300x280 I’m easing into this starting this week. Therefore, this post, though an act of creation, is a signal not to expect a post from me anymore on Saturday mornings or during the day. If I make a Saturday post, it will be after sundown when the sabbath ends.

So next week, no Saturday morning post. We’ll see how this experiment goes.

Commentary on Religion, Commentary on the news, Family, Judaism, Politics, Third Phase, US History, Weather +Climate

This Political Climate is What Trump Gave Us.

November 24, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Samain Thanksgiving Moon

A man who lives on Conifer Mountain, across from us and next to Black Mountain, posts on Pinecam.com as the weathergeek. He provides those of us who live in the Shadow Mountain, Black Mountain, Conifer area weather forecasts tailored to our peculiar microclimate. His tagline to his posts is: “Climate is what you expect; weather is what you get.”

isabella-bird-elementary-school-stapleton-co

As I woke up, weathergeek’s tagline crossed over into the political. Why? Because of this picture. The father of a student at Isabella Bird posted it on facebook with the note: this is personal.

I’ll say. Both Ruth and Gabe go to elementary school in Stapleton and live near it. They attend Schweigert Elementary. And, they are both Jewish. This is the sort of toxic display, coming from an equally toxic inner world that frightens Jews in particular. By extension this evocation of Nazism and the holocaust puts fear into the lives of all of us not perceived as, well, white, straight, Christian and patriotic Americans.

In Ruth and Gabe’s neighborhood. At an elementary school in their neighborhood. Not. Acceptable. Ever.

Here’s how weathergeek came into this. My immediate thought was to blame Trump, to connect his racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, homophobic, climate denying campaign rhetoric with this specific act. But, of course, I can’t. Not with the information I have now. This kind of graffiti pops up in American cities and small towns from time to time. Just go on the website of the Southern Poverty Law Center if you don’t believe me.

And so. Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. Trump and his rhetoric is now the national climate for acts of hate. I expect people like the KKK, Westboro Baptist, climate deniers, women haters, anti-Semites have been emboldened to act both by Trump’s rhetoric but also by the violent, thuggish behavior he not only allowed but reveled in at his rallies. In other words the climate relative to non-white, non-male, non-European, non-Christian, non-straight life is turbulent and chaotic, tending toward personal acts of violence and scorn.

When we get a particular weather event, we have to follow the evidence to certainly connect it to the change in the national political climate. Once we’ve done our work often enough and comprehensively enough, we will be able to connect individual events with Trump. The “alt-right” video from the Atlantic posted below is one example. As we gather these instances, we must begin to create a defense strategy. The safety pin is one such strategy.

splc On these matters I believe defense is the strongest act right now. Reaching out to the government for help against these grievances will prove futile. Jeff Sessions as attorney general? Come on.

How would that defense look? I don’t know. It might be small reaction teams formed in churches, synagogues, Buddhist temples, mosques; or, in local branches of the Democratic party, the NAACP, JCC’s, the ACLU, civil rights and human rights groups. Even many small businesses and other non-profits like unions and Planned Parenthood might form teams, too.

What would they do? Not sure. At least go to the site of an incident and do some investigating, produce a report, send it to the Southern Poverty Law Center or some other place serving as a clearing house. On site they could also co-ordinate efforts to help victims with money, legal help, emotional support. They could also co-ordinate, as was done by parents in the instance of Isabella Bird school, actions to erase graffiti, repaired damaged homes and buildings. Probably other things occur to you and I imagine, if these teams came into being, that there would be multiple ways they could engage with acts of hate.

In Stapleton. Swastikas on an elementary school. In a community where my Jewish grandchildren attend elementary school. Never again. We must all say it and mean it and ally with each other to prevent this virus from spreading.

Judaism, Politics, Third Phase, US History

Considering Possible Next Steps

November 13, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Samain Thanksgiving Moon

We are not yet in the Trump era. Not yet. Not until January 20th. That doesn’t mean he’s not already stirring the waters. Nope. Just that he doesn’t have his hands on the levers of power right now. But, he will.

What to do? Here’s an e-mail I sent to Rabbi Jamie Arnold. I share it because I think the more we consider how to respond, the better organized we get right now, before Trump’s small hands start to twirl the nuclear codes, the better chance we stand of staving off the worst and perhaps creating space for some real advances.

Rabbi Jamie,

As I see it, they are three broad areas for action that will be necessary, not optional, over the next four years. I’m putting them in what seem like a logical order to me.

1. Climate Change As Kevin Trenberth pointed out in his excellent presentation, we are in a critical time for climate action. There are goals we must reach as a planet by 2050 and by 2100 in order to keep the earth habitable for humans. I believe, with Thomas Berry from his fine little book, The Great Work: Our Way into the Future, that our generation’s great work is creating a sustainable presence for human beings on this planet.

2. Economic Justice I believe that the root problem exposed in this election is the hollowing out of the working class. I grew up in a small eastern Indiana town where my friend’s and classmate’s fathers worked for General Motors. Without a high school education it was possible to earn a living wage, a wage sufficient for a house, a car, advanced education for the kids, healthcare and vacations. By 1974 my vibrant home town had plywood on its main street shop windows. People closed the drapes and left town in the dead of night, unable to pay their mortgages and face their neighbors. Those good union jobs were gone. The people who held those jobs and their children voted Trump in this election.

This is a bill that is long past due. And, it affects working class people of color as well as white working class folks. These are the non-college educated folks whose lives look bleak from within their communities. Solutions to this problem are known, just not emphasized any more. They include creating affordable housing, passing substantial unemployment benefits, providing job transition education especially when whole industries collapse (think coal mining right now), making sure that health care is available to all.

This is a particularly poignant issue for those of us with a college education or beyond. We have let working class pain go untended for years while we focused on identity politics, environmental politics, immigration and LGBT rights. All of that work, successful in many cases, was important. It’s just that while we were working on those issues we let the economic future of working class families dim, then go out.

3. Defense Another emphasis might be on rapid reaction teams that can respond to gay bashing, race baiting, rape culture and general disregard for those who are other. These teams must be ready to defend recent hard won victories like samesex marriage, the organizing of Black Lives Matter, the coalescing of women’s groups against the pussy-grabber in chief. But in my opinion this is a time for defense on these issues.

The safety-pin idea seems congruent with this action area.

I’m not imagining here what Beth Evergreen’s response to these issues could be, might be. I’m still too new to the area, two years, to have the kind of political knowledge and connections I had in Minnesota. But, I know there are local, county, state, national and international dimensions to all three of these areas. Discerning what those are and how Beth Evergreen might work on them is, to me, the next step.

Jefferson County, Mountains, Third Phase, Weather +Climate, Writing

Where’s the Beef? Evergreen.

October 18, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Fall Hunter Moon

beefed-up Big winds, gusts up to 40 mph, some as high as 60. Those golden leaves on the aspens? Mostly gone. Now their winter nakedness. The season has advanced, though the climate warmed air has remained unseasonable.

In to Evergreen last night for the second meeting of the Evergreen Writer’s Group. The comments on my submissions were very helpful. This is a group of fantasy writers for the most part, folks who understand the challenges and possibilities of the genre. They will make me a better writer.

Before the group I went to the Vienna Beef shop in downtown Evergreen for an Italian beef. The guy who owns the shop makes Italian beefs with that straight from State Street taste. Best I’ve ever had outside Chicago. He said the president of Vienna Beef has been in his place twice this year. “Not sure why he was in Evergreen, but he loved my place.”

I’m at about 48,000 words now on Superior Wolf. There will be some drastic changes to material I’ve already written, but that’s usual, at least for me. The story continues to unfurl, whether lodged in a Platonic ideal that I’m accessing via woo-woo, or simply contained already in the beating hearts of its characters. Creativity is weird.

Vienna Beef place (far right) in downtown Evergreen

Art and Culture, Commentary on Religion, Cooking, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Jefferson County, Judaism, Plants, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Shadow Mountain, Third Phase

Eating Sunshine

October 15, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Fall Hunter Moon

We had two ribeye steaks last night. After Kate and Ruth lit the shabbos candles, I said my piece about the cattle we knew from the meadow. The primary point was to say thank you to the animal who gave his or her life. The words felt clumsy and anachronistic in my mouth, but right. It was a simple moment, not long, but placing us, as brother Mark pointed out, among others from Jain to Native Americans who stop to honor their food.

It particularly felt right juxtaposed against the familiar Midwestern grace, Bless this food to the use of our bodies. The food is all about us. We can safely ignore the real animals, the real vegetables because God made them for us to eat. This is another way in which traditional Christian values deflect believers from the world around them to the world beyond or at least to a source beyond.

This was a pagan ceremony, one that directs us toward the vital and necessary web of interdependence that sustains us all. This particular cow was not a sacrifice to an abstract principle. In fact there was nothing abstract about it at all. This meat came from an animal that lived this year, ate grass that grew this year, nourished by rain that fell this year, breathed oxygen this year. And her essence did not reach the gods through an altar fire, rather it entered into the truest and most significant transubstantiation, the same transubstantiation that occurred when the grass entered her four stomachs, a transubstantiation facilitated by water falling from the mountain skies of Colorado and the true and astounding miracle of photosynthesis.

Ultimately our meal, not only the beef, but the green beans, the baked potatoes, the pasta and pineapple, the bacon bits and sour cream, was on the table, hecatombs for humans, by the power of nuclear fusion. The sun projects light and warmth into the solar system it holds in its gravitational thrall. On this earth the also miracle of evolution, began among the deep sea vents billowing out sulfur and heat from earth’s own interior, has found a way to embrace Sol, our sacred source of life and light. (eatsunshine) We eat sunshine. Reimagining faith then must embrace astronomy, evolution, plant biology, animal science, human culture. This embrace occurs most intimately each time we sit down to eat, no matter the culture or religious beliefs represented. We live and move and have our being thanks to the elemental forces driving our local star and the astonishing fact that our planet has shaped its own elements into hands and leaves and hearts and minds able to receive those forces into our own bodies. Quite amazing.

Asia, Commentary on Religion, Faith and Spirituality, Great Wheel, Holidays, Judaism, Memories, Myth and Story, Plants, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Science, Third Phase, Weather +Climate

Soul Renewal

October 1, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Fall New (Hunter) Moon

Last night was a black moon, defined as the second new moon in a month. This is relatively rare, the last one occurring on March 30, 2014 and the next one on August 30, 2019. (earthsky news) This black moon precedes the rising, tomorrow night, of a sickle moon that will mark the start of the Jewish New Year on Rosh Hashanah. It’s also the beginning of the Muslim New Year.

Autumn is upon us now. Cooler nights. The possibility of snow next week. The Chinese, again according to earthsky news, say weeping is the sound of autumn, a part of its essential sadness. Not something to be avoided, but embraced, a regular part of the Great Wheel as it turns and turns again. My own response to this season used to be so pronounced that Kate and I had a phrase for her to say, “You seem to be slipping into melancholy.” That way I would know that my inner atmosphere had begun to mirror the outer, gray clouds and a wet chill had crept into my bones.

michaelmas_175 This conforms to Michaelmas as the springtime of the soul. Sadness is a way we consolidate past experiences and sort them out, learning from them and choosing which aspects of the past to embrace and which to let go. When our tears are over, we are cleansed and renewed, ready for the next phase of life. Autumn gives us an annual opportunity for self-renewal. This Great Wheel, natural cycle phenomena matches up exactly with Rosh Hashanah and its climax, Yom Kippur.

This is the time of soul renewal. And I’m ready for it. Bring on the gray skies, the inner turn. My favorite time of the year.

Commentary on Religion, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Jefferson County, Judaism, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

An Ancientrail, A Walk Along It

September 30, 2016 Charles Leave a comment

Fall New (Hunter) Moon

images My fellow traveler shoes are beginning to get a lot of mileage on them at Congregation Beth Evergreen. The Rabbi there, Jamie Arnold, is a very sweet guy, empathetic, bright, learned, good singing voice. At the Mussar midday session yesterday we looked again at the first chapter of Mesillat Yesharim. There are many important ideas in it, two stand out for me right now.

The first is that delight and pleasure are primary to our lives. Why? Because the contentment and serenity they provide give us a life in which we can focus on what matters. I love the notion of joy as a, or even the, core attribute of our day to day existence.

The second idea is that we can be tempted, pulled away from delight and joy, by both prosperity and adversity. Recalling this simple, but far from obvious truth about the human condition helps us see that our material advantages are not the core focus of our lives. Our material success is incidental to the spiritual journey-unless it distracts us from it.

When the hour long learning session is over, we go into vaad, which is personal sharing. Yesterday’s sharing was so profound. The level of trust and intimacy in this group, a testament to Jamie’s leadership, is deep. When a person finishes, we say shimat, “I have heard you.” (I think that’s right.)