Category Archives: Dogs

Women, you have my awe

Mabon and the Harvest Moon

Shabbat gratefuls: Shadow, the pillow kisser. Night sky. Morning darkness. Mark and the Texas land. Mary and the marauding Magpies. My son. In for Hep B scans in Oct. Seoah training for a half marathon. Shadow, the huntress. Tom’s procedure. Days of Awe. Gershon Winkler. Rami Shapiro. Dog treats. No King’s on October 18th. Action against Hulu and Disney.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Shema

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Malchut. Wonder.    Wonder is the beginning of wisdom.  Socrates.

Tarot: Five of Wands, (Druid Craft)

  • Overcoming inertia: Following the stability of the Four of Wands, this card represents a breaking of that stasis. It is the raw, fiery energy needed to spark change and move a project or idea forward. 

One brief shining: The Beets have grown, plumping out, the Spinach continues, a healthy green, Kale flourishes as the Carrots need thinning again, meanwhile, I’ve had no salad because I keep eating the Cherry Tomatoes as I pick them, maybe when the next Cucumber matures?

 

Dog journal: Fingers crossed, the evening coming in seems to have to come back to the most recent norm. Perhaps a bit later, but that’s ok.

Yesterday I went outside for some play time with Shadow, bearing treats as I usually do. She came up, wagging her tail, but when I offered her the treat she refused it. Odd. I dropped it on the ground. Sniff, sniff. Nope. Then she trotted away, done with all that. Huh?

She went up beside the house and picked up something. What’s that? At first I thought her long vigils on the back deck had paid off and she’d killed a Chipmunk. No. That’s not it. What is it?

As she came closer, I saw grayish fur. A Rabbit’s foot! No wonder there are no Mice. I looked for the rest of the carcass, but the backyard is grassy and just under an acre.

Later in the day, when she had rediscovered her interest in treats, I lost her attention again as she sprang for a Grasshopper. He got away. She pounced a second time and had a Bug snack.

My little girl has become a backyard predator. Rigel’s spirit lives on in Shadow.

 

Women: After 78 years as a cisgender male who loves women, I’ve come to the conclusion that being a woman is, well, complicated. Much more complicated than being a man.

Women, you can stop reading here. You already know this. Unless you want to check my work, see what I’ve left out.

No, it’s not about dolls instead of trucks although there’s truth there, too. I’m talking about periods, about sexual dimorphism, about pregnancy and child birth, about the male gaze, about having to make your way among bigger, stronger often denser males, about motherhood, about sexism in all its pernicious forms, about usually being more emotionally intelligent in a world dominated by the logical and the rational as pinnacles of wisdom.

Women, you have my awe for your journey.

 

 

Demented

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Kavod. Honor. Ruth, up here. Her college days. Work, loans, heavy homework load: Biology, Chemistry, Statistics. Sociology. Gabe, a senior. Warmer. Sadly. Our demented President. Chipocalypse Now. Our frustrated and divided nation. Shadow. The keeper of our safety. Lorikeets and Magpies in Melbourne. Murdoch, aging.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow’s teeth, her front paws

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Ometz Lev. Strength of the heart. The inner strength to move forward.

Tarot: #8, Strength. Reversed (Druid Craft)     The reversed Strength card can appear when you question your own courage and abilities. You may feel a sense of inadequacy or that you are not strong enough to handle a situation. Gemini

One brief shining: Sometimes the Tarot arrows down into the psyche, turning over carefully placed rocks, uncovering hidden fear, masked feelings, and there is the possibility that after my visit to Dr. Buphati, I could be shaken, wondering how to gather my ometz lev for the ancientrail ahead. I read it though as a caution, a yellow flag. Be aware and ready.

 

Dog journal: Put my head on my pillow, drifting, ready to party with Morpheus when, “Grrr.” A low rumble from Shadow’s chest. Then, “Bark.” Muffled. A moment. “Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.” Something had invaded her territory. Go away. Go away. Get thee hence. Vamoose. In urgent Dog. Right by my ear.

She quieted and I did slip away from the surly bounds of consciousness. Another night of Shadow’s.

 

Artemis: Nathan has two hernias. And a fair amount of work to finish. The cold frames. Lapping the Cedar. Some rubberizing of window spaces and doors. He plans to supervise another carpenter to get Artemis finished, ready for winter.

More and more Tomatoes, mostly still green. Some carrots peeking through. Kale tall and proud. Spinach and Beets, too. I’m having a lot of fun. A dormant part of my life revivified.

 

Family: Ruth came up last night. Needed a change of scenery. And, she missed me. We saw each other on Kate’s birthday, August 18th. Not since then.

She’s maturing so fast. Holding down two jobs. In her first semester of her new, STEM focused major, Integrative Physiology. Talking about cations and anions. Naming molecules. Also looking ten years ahead, all focused on an M.D.

This is still the week of Jon’s yahrzeit, challenging for both her and Gabe. A bit raw. As well she might be. Yet. Living on her own. Managing multiple sources of money. Handling the work of a difficult major. On her own for good now.

 

Friends: Saw Alan for lunch at the new Cow in downtown Evergreen. Passable. He was on his way to a 2:30 curtain call. Annie Gets Her Gun on Center Stage. He shaved his always beard, sacrificing for his art.

 

Just a moment: Chicago will find out why it’s called the Department of War. Jesus. Chipocalypse. I love the smell of deportations in the morning. That loose tether to reality has come unmoored and we’re left with a scared little man who wants to play army with U.S. citizens as the other side. Will no one rid us of this troublesome nut job? Impeach him and be done with him.

Flat Wrong

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Shabbat gratefuls: Shadow, huntress of Chipmunks. Chewer of bones. Cool Morning. The Night Sky. Orion. Leo. Aquarius. Scorpio. Aries. Taurus. Cancer. Virgo. Ursa Major. Draco. Cassiopeia. Betelgeuse. Rigel. Vega. Polaris. Antares. Andromeda. Milky  Way. Webb. Hubble. Stellarium. Venus. Mercury. Mars. The Goldilock Zone. Rilke.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Tara

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Ometz Lev. Strength of the heart. The inner strength to move forward.

Tarot:  Ace of Cups, (Druid Craft)

  • Creativity and inspiration: As the start of the Cups suit, this card indicates a burst of creative inspiration. This may manifest as a new artistic project or an influx of new ideas.  Gemini

One brief shining: Eleanor bounded down the stairs, her yellow groomer’s bandana flying, Shadow raced ahead, out the back door, around Artemis, and the two of them ran circles, and circles, and circles chasing each other as Tara and I sat down to coffee, talking, and talking, and talking.

 

Dog journal: Shadow had a big day yesterday with Eleanor’s visit and Dr. Josy coming by for her Lepto booster. I kept Eleanor while Tara went grocery shopping. When Shadow and Eleanor came inside, they both laid down, having worn each other out.

Dr. Josy played with Shadow, got her to come up and snuggle, pinched her skin, and pushed the needle in. Vaccine complete. Chew on that RFK.

Gardening: Earlier Tara and I toured Artemis. It’s a short tour, but still. She found my Kale, Spinach, and Beets impressive and enjoyed one of the ripe Cherry Tomatoes. She asked me to come over and help her think through her garden, which she describes as less successful than my tiny one.

Touchy. As Tol, Jamie’s son, used to say often: comparison is the thief of joy. Even so. Gardening is something I know about so I can help her identify what she wants to achieve and how best to get there. Sort of exciting.

She wants me to give her a January 28th birthday present, help planning her 2026 garden. Again. Exciting. I spent a bit of time yesterday ordering seed catalogs.

 

Health: See Buphati on Monday, check out this latest twist. Get a plan for how to move forward. Calm. Yet also aware this could be a new inflection point.

Back to working out regularly. Cardio and resistance. Hitting over 150 minutes of moderate exercise each week. I feed Shadow at 6:30 am, then head up stairs for my pre-workout routine: a cup of coffee, two puffs of albuterol, a piece of fruit. After that on to the treadmill and either a leg and back day or an upper body day. That timing allows me to finish somewhere between 7:30 and 7:45, plenty of time for any 8 am calls, or appointments in the morning.

 

Just a moment: Occupying forces. Federal forces, under the cover of ensuring ICE actions, cutting down crime. Libertarians, unite against this invasion, this government overreach. Show our would-be tyrant that even his allies know this is wrong. Flat wrong.

 

 

Time softens

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Friday gratefuls: Kathy, who died. Tara and Eleanor. Cool morning. Shadow of the morning. Sit, down, touch, place. Wag tail. Jump up. Outside. The dark as friendly, fecund, mysterious, soothing. Jon. Who died three years ago yesterday. Ruth and Gabe. Kate, always Kate. Mussar on love and repulsion. Natalie. Her Dog needing stitches. Tom’s ISS photograph share of sprites during a Thunderstorm.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Acceptance

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

The concept is deeply connected to the natural world. A person practicing acts like water, which flows around obstacles rather than confronting them directly. It is the idea of working with the natural current of life, not against it.  Gemini

Week Kavannah: Ometz Lev. Strength of the heart. The inner strength to move forward.

Tarot: Eight of Wands, reversed. (Druid Craft Deck)

The card’s core message is to slow down and reassess your path. It often appears when you are feeling frustrated with a lack of forward movement, or when a flurry of chaotic activity is causing more harm than good.

One brief shining: Shadow stands beside her Mule Deer yearling friend, far enough away to not get kicked, close enough to offer companionship and receive it in return; this yearling has come several times over the last couple of weeks though I’ve not seen again the joyful race she and Shadow ran that first day she was here.

 

Dog journal: Shadow gets her Lepto booster today from Dr. Josy. Who thinks Shadow is “perfect.” Me, too. Most of the time.  Eleanor went to the vet last week to see about excessive licking. Findlay had to go to the emergency vet in Bangor because he yelped and yelped. Possibly a pinched nerve.

We care for our Dog companions as we would our children. Which unveils the relationship possible between this world of human artifice and the world of Wild Neighbors. No, not feeding nor domesticating them, but recognizing their inherent worth and dignity as fellow creatures of the One.

Why I give money to the Colorado Wildlife Sanctuary. Where maliciously kept Wild Animals go to live out their lives in a setting and with food as close as possible to their original home.

 

Bought this at last year’s show

Family time: Yesterday was the third Gregorian anniversary of Jon’s death. His yahrzeit was on the 1st since the Jewish calendar follows the moon, not the solar calendar of Pope Gregory XIII.

As time can do, the memory of Jon has softened. Letting the awful struggles of the divorce and his reaction to Kate’s death fall away, his difficult life now sad rather than frustrating.

I remember especially his approach to art over most of the time I knew him in Colorado. When riding his bike or driving his car, Jon looked for pieces of metal run over, sifted to the sided of the road like flotsam on a Maine beach. Things discarded or fallen off, then transformed by the weight of passing trucks and cars, Rain and often rust. A piece of a fender from a wreck. Beer cans. A piece of sheet metal.

He would stop and pick them up, take them home, clean them up, ink them in various colors, then run them through a manual print making press. I have several of these pieces and find them beautiful.

 

 

Tragedy grown from tragedy

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Shabbat gratefuls: Teshuva. Candles. Ellul. Morning darkness. Shadow, my sweet girl. Kate, always Kate. Artemis, aglow with her heater. Which also illuminates the Japanese lanterns. Cool night. Fog. Dew point. Humidity. Monsoon Rains. Winds. Great Sol still hidden by Mother Earth. My son. Seoah. Murdoch. Coffee. A morning delight.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: My son and Seoah

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei (and my mentor in it, Shadow)

Week Kavannah: Ometz Lev. Inner strength to move forward. Courage

Tarot: Seven of Swords (Druid Craft deck)

  • Intelligence over Brute Force:

    Rather than aggressive action, the Seven of Swords advises using your intellect to navigate difficult situations smartly. 

  • Truth-Seeking:
    The card encourages looking beyond the surface and discerning the real truth of a situation, avoiding self-deception or being deceived by others.

One brief shining: Next week another blood draw, my quarterly instance of true high stakes testing, a titch of anxiety already making its way into consciousness, roiling slightly the calm waters of my inner world, while I go through the now well worn ruts of it will be what it will be, life is short and I’m old, a good run so far, wonder what happens in the new territory if and when I get there.

 

Cancer: Stable so far. PSA next week. I’ve responded well to androgen deprivation therapy ever since the last dose of my long radiation. Over six years. In other words Orgovyx and Erleada have kept my cancer in stasis through Kate’s illness, through my second visit to Korea, through my son’s taking command of his squadron, through Covid, through the deaths of Gertie, then Kate, Rigel, Kepler, and Jon, through my conversion, through adopting Shadow, through the building of Artemis. I bow my head to the scientists who developed them. True life savers.

When looked at from that perspective, gratitude comes unbidden. In this odd case looking backward soothes the soul, while anticipation stains it with worry. An important lesson in living in the moment, in this August 30th life, on this Shabbat.

 

Dog journal: Murdoch, now eight years old, rests a lot. Whenever my son and I talk, he turns the camera to the side or under his desk and there lies a sleeping tan and white Akita, happy with the people he loves.

Murdoch has traveled more than most people. From his birth home outside Macon, Georgia to the not so far away Warner-Robbins AFB. From there to Colorado, Conifer. From Conifer to Loveland. From Loveland to Hawai’i. From Hawai’i to Korea. Throughout he has loved the Sun in spite of his breed’s double coat developed for the Mountains of the Akita prefecture in Japan where Akita’s originated.

Shadow sleeps on her “place.” A towel I’ve been training her to lie on until I say “free” and throw a treat away from it. A calming spot. Good for anxious dogs like her. Shadow Mountain is my place. Hers, too.

 

Just a moment: Read about Robin Westerman’s diaries. Her secret plans and grievances. Her admiration for school shooters. Her careful planning. Makes me sad, not even angry. Tragedy grown from tragedy.

I weep

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Friday gratefuls: Shadow, up at 3 am today.  Cool morning. Rain. Low Wildfire Risk. Rabbi’s Akiva, Hillel, and Green. Tzelem elohim. Humans made in (or, I would say, as) the image of God.  Mindy. Fran. Sally. Janet. Marilyn. Going to Yellowstone, as she does around this time of year.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Elk Creek Fire

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Rodef Shalom. The desire to generate well-being for ourselves and others.

Tarot: The King of Vessels, Heron

  • “Patience and introspection: Like the Heron who waits patiently in a stream, this card represents the lesson of trusting divine timing and acting with intention rather than impulsivity.
  • Emotional mastery: The Heron stands on one leg, stable and grounded even as the water flows around it.”  Gemini

One brief shining: A jolt this morning from Pulsepoint, an app that tracks emergencies nearby, this time with a 6:50 AM notice of a vegetation Fire at 8540 Black Mountain Drive, a mile or two from home, Elk Creek Fire has rolled on it; and, I sit here feeling blessed by all the Rain we’ve had, imagining, hoping it will make this Fire easier to suppress. Ah. Closed 7:02 AM.

 

Dog journal: Shadow up early. I played with her a bit, let her out, and went upstairs. Made coffee. Cleaned my Shabbat candle holders using boiling Water. Plucked a can of Water from the fridge.

When I got downstairs, Shadow wanted back in. She came in and I thought, I’ll go back to sleep. Around 3:45. Yep. Didn’t get up until it was time to feed her.

Shadow has begun to spend more time inside as the days have grown rainier and cooler. Right now she’s resting, her head on her paws. 3 AM was early for her, too. Thank god.

 

Artemis: Watered the Soil in the east facing raised bed, got out two seed packets, both Carrots. Tiny. Delicate. Difficult to handle. Back in Andover I would have used Sand to help me place them in the Soil. No Sand here. Had to rely on my fingers. Which means. Thinning later.

This may seem like an odd time to plant, but my guidance from Seed Savers Exchange says this an excellent time for Carrots. They grow through Frost and become sweeter as the Air and Soil grows cooler. We’ll see. I also have row covers for them that I’ll deploy over the weekend. Shelter from the harsh early Light of Great Sol.

 

Just a moment: I’ve never seen a government so committed to harming its own citizens. (later. Well, of course I have. Geez. Hitler’s Germany. Stalin’s Russia. Mao’s China.) Guess I should say a U.S. government. Reduce/and or eliminate food support. Gut the CDC and cut back on vaccine access. Make women’s health priority low when they’re most vulnerable. Cut  emergency response capability at the same time as reducing the capacity of the Weather services to warn us of emergencies. Put the National Guard and the Military to the task of occupying major cities. Not to mention the knock on effects of defunding basic science.

During all this why not convene a three hour televised cabinet meeting where our Dear Leader received praise from high ranking sycophants. I weep.

 

 

I Mean, C’mon Guy

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: Cool Morning. Morning darkness. Shadow and her tire. New toys for Shadow. Insulation for Artemis. Shadow and Artemis. Enriching my life. And, theirs. That Mule Deer Doe yearling. Eleanor. Tara. Marilyn and Irv. Late lunch at Three Victorias. Rabbi Jamie’s 20 years. The insuring of Shadow.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Tara’s snacks, her conversation

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Rodef Shalom. The desire to generate well-being for ourselves and others.

Tarot: Ace of Arrows, the Breath of Life

“The card signals the start of a journey focused on intellect, communication, and ambition. It’s a call to examine your beliefs and be open to new information, “spring cleaning” your mind of what no longer serves you.” Gemini

One brief shining: The small mostly black Dog ran ahead of the tawny colored Mule Deer, dashing turning, catching up then chasing, two young Animals at play, ginning up energy as they ran, the joy of being young.

 

Dog Journal: Eleanor came to visit the same day. She’s black with curly hair. A bundle of puppy doggy earnestness, movement twice as big as Shadow. They ran outside, around the yard, then back inside up the stairs to see what Tara and I were doing. Talking. Boring. Back down the stairs and outside. Quite a day for the Shadow Dog.

 

Children and Grandchildren: Tara and I meanwhile parsed the mysteries of raising children, grandparenting. Each child, each grandchild has their own, unique path. Vincent’s second bite at the Big Apple. Ruth switching her major from art to premed. Julia in her second year of a master’s degree in something neurological. In Holland. Gabe, waking up, choosing creative writing. Sophia, working at Wendy’s, fashion forward. My son, in command far away on the Korean Peninsula. All spokes radiating outward from their family of origin, all connected, yet also all so, so different.

Tara brought bacon and a Fruit salad; I made the coffee. We also talked gardening. Her Tomatoes have begun to ripen. She made Zucchini bread and had some for me. Tara starts her day seeing how her garden is doing, first looking at it from the second story deck, then wandering down to check on it up close. I go to mine each day, too.

Oh, and btw. I found my Seeds. I’d put them behind the metal bookstand next to Moby Dick. Planting Carrots this morning.

 

Just a moment: Conservative principle #2. Nationalism. “Human beings form national collectives characterized by bonds of mutual loyalty and unique inherited traditions.” Hazony places this definition over against what he considers Enlightenment Liberal understandings of the nation as a creedal collective. The French Revolution. Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence. For instance.

In Hazony’s Hobbesian world (though he lumps Hobbes in with the Enlightenment Liberals, he leaves out Hobbes’ war of all against all.) competing families form competing clans which in turn form competing tribes which then create a nation. Which competes with other unique nations.

My primary critique of his view of nationalism is that I see no evidence for competing families forming competing clans. Or, clans forming tribes. Let alone tribes creating a nation. So there.

He also, later on, makes the extraordinary claim that nations function according to the scientific method, remember historical empiricism? Like Newton the conservative nationalist observes how laws work, how programs and policies function, then inductively creates any tweaks necessary. This after what I can only call a rant about rationalism. I mean, c’mon guy, choose a path.

Creative Tension

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Monday gratefuls: Shadow’s sweetness. Morning darkness. Shadow, destroyer of towels. Ode and his mushroom trip. His brother. Cancer. Rain. Cool mornings. Many, many green tomatoes. That Mule Deer in the yard. Learning how to use Artemis. Rabbi Jamie’s gala. My best teacher. Luke. Alan and Cheri, healing.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Artemis’ Hail protection

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Rodef Shalom. The desire to generate well-being for ourselves and others.

Tarot: Page of Bows, Stoat

“The stoat’s seasonal coat change and use as royal ermine emphasize a sacred connection to the earth and the cycle of nature. The card serves as a reminder to honor the ground beneath your feet and reconnect with your vital, ancient self.” Gemini

One brief shining: Buddy Ode wrote me from the road, a trip with and for mushrooms, all the way to Telluride with Dennis, then over to K.C. to see his brother, driving by himself much of the way, a lone Ancient Brother, a rolling meditation.

 

Dog journal:

Bandit. Saw a post on Nextdoor Shadow Mountain about a Blue Heeler named Bandit. He slipped away from his humans in Hiwan, part of Evergreen. They described him as skittish and shy, unlikely to come to a stranger. Sightings of him led them to near the Buchanan Recreation Center. Though skittish and shy even with his humans, he “finally broke down and came to us.” This week.

Boy, this is Shadow. Must be breed specific behavior. Makes me feel better about the bond Shadow and I have. And, about getting her back inside at all on Saturday.

Addenda: Stopped writing. To workout. Kate’s old sewing room that overlooks the backyard. A Mule Deer Doe, a yearling was in the yard. Shadow was not barking at her, though I wish she would. To protect my growing Vegetables that don’t yet have critter barriers.

Shadow gave an obvious play bow to the Deer. Then again. And again. Finally, the Deer got it and they chased each other in zooming circles throughout the backyard, through the Lodgepoles, around Artemis, past the lone Aspen, onto the leechfield and on and on.

I don’t know how long, three/four minutes. The Mule Deer had longer strides, might have been faster on a straightaway, but she tilted and had to correct while trying to follow Shadow’s fleet bursts of speed and turns. Play ended with the Doe’s tongue hanging out, panting. Shadow came inside, proud of herself.

 

Shadow Mountain Home: One inch Hail yesterday. Unusual for this elevation. Had  roofers knocking on doors, looking for that big insurance payout.

I’ve saved a couple of guy’s information who live here on Shadow Mountain. May have one of them come to check my roof. Of course this came just after my home insurance policy added a $5,000 deductible for any Hail damage claim. Sigh.

The good news is that I had Nathan build out the roof on Artemis so it covered the outside raised beds. One round of Hail like this could wipe out a whole season’s growth. Kale, Spinach, Beets, Squash, Nasturtiums all healthy.

Odd thing. Saw a note about planting carrots right now, letting them get sweet as the weather cools. I thought, oooh, I have carrot seeds. I can plant them in the east facing bed. I even added special soil to that bed on Saturday morning. However.

Where did I put those seeds? I bundled up the packets I hadn’t planted and put them away for next year. OK. That’s good. But where did I put the damned things? I can’t find them. They’re here in the place I considered logical a month ago. Again, sigh.

 

Just a moment: I do plan to return to the five principles of National Conservatism, but until I do I have begun to wonder about the nature of conservatives. Why they focus so much on stability and order.

The thinking in Hazony’s book is about confining the individual and the group by adherence to historical empiricism, not only as I wrote about it on Friday related to governance, but in every other sphere of life: family, (tribe, which I don’t find a convincing argument for in U.S. culture), and nation.

My take is that much, if not most, of conservative thought comes from fear-based reflections on the human experience. A fear that too much leeway to change laws will destabilize the nation or the state. A fear that accepting gender challenges will destabilize relationships. A fear that allowing women their whole life will destabilize the family. A fear that an intentionally heterogeneous citizenry will destabilize the culture.

While these fears may not be unreferented, their effect is to trap the other in the closet, in the kitchen, in a white’s only culture. That’s why we need both liberals and conservatives, conservatives to remind us of what we have and liberals to remind us of what we can yet have. A healthy, creative tension.

 

 

Shadow Eloped

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Shadow’s return. Luke’s help. Leo’s, too. Rain. Hail. Cool morning. Morning darkness. Elul. Cheshbon Nefesh. Torah. Re’eh. Talmud Torah. Nefesh. Ruach. Neshama. Soul work. Fear. Love. Marina. Ana. Furball Cleaning. The harvest season. Combines and Corn Pickers. Regenerative Farming. Organics. Soil. Land Institute. Aldo Leopold Foundation. Wendell Berry.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Shadow’s Home

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Rodef Shalom. The desire to generate well-being for ourselves and others.

Tarot: Knight of Vessels, Eel

One brief shining: Shadow slipped out the front door when I helped Luke carry his stuff to the car, but, calling her back inside did not work this time; instead she headed for the road, I learned, again, the close bond between love and fear.

 

Dog journal: As the afternoon’s monsoon rain began to pelt down, I tried to get Shadow away from the road. As Natalie has observed, her first and last instinct is flight. Luke helped, the rain continued.

As she wandered sniffing, exploring through Jude’s yard filled with Jeep and Willy’s parts, a transmission here with the shifters connected to a long shaft but lying on the ground, Elk skeletons, old wooden pallets, discarded lumber, a barbecue grill with one glove resting on the top, a shipping container, a wagon, a fancy camper, I followed her. Fear for her safety overriding my sense of boundaries.

Shadow picked up an Elk Bone. She slowed. I tried for her collar. She ran. I know. I know. Reaching toward her makes her flinch, run, flee. I lost my mind for a while. Tried to catch her.

Her path led us out of Jude’s yard and into the neighbor’s behind me. Where the earth movers have been at work. Piles of Root filled Earth. Shadow disappearing over one of them.

Back along the fence toward an even further neighbor’s property. Luke headed her off. We pushed her toward my fence. She went. Turning the corner by the garage, Shadow ran toward the front door and inside! Ten minutes, maybe fifteen, in the Rain. Which stopped as I closed the front door and the gate I had opened for her.

Oh, Shadow. None of the commands worked. She was too stressed. So was I. The Rain. Trekking through Jude’s many obsessions. My rear neighbor leaning out the window, wondering what was going on. My dog escaped. You’re all good.

What a time.

 

Just a moment: Luke, I believe, has found his niche. Professor Luke. Teaching chemistry. To Dental Hygienist’s to be. And to future workers in Colorado’s Cannabis industry.

He rides the light rail nine minutes, makes a short walk to the Auraria campus to his office (yes, he has an office. With a window).

He’s an academic, back inside the loving arms of alma mater. No one tells him what to do. He’s allowed to use his own considerable learning and teaching experience.

I’m so happy for him. He’s got a good heart, an amazing array of talents, and has needed, as long as I’ve known him, a place to work that fits him. I believe he’s found it.

A New Side of Shadow

Lughnasa and the Cheshbon Nefesh Moon

Friday gratefuls: Ric. His heart attack. Mussar. Jamie. Luke, professor Luke. Leo. Rebecca. Ginny. Janice. Janet. Follow the meaning. Listening. Art Green. Shadow and her quest for the treat under the chair. Lodgepoles. Aspens. Grasses. Ground covers. Flowers. Asters. Bluebells. Penstemons. Swallowtails.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Mussar

Year Kavannah: Wu Wei

Week Kavannah: Histapkot. Contentment.

Tarot: Ten of Stones, Home

“The inner and outer community that sustains and supports the individual, not necessarily blood family but the trusted friends, comrades, and lovers who offer security and affection.” Parting the Mists

One brief shining: Morning darkness extends later and later as we move toward Mabon, the Fall Equinox, helping the day start cooler and my inner life grows stronger as the days become shorter, shifting from the growing season to harvest, from harvest to the fallow time.

 

Elul. The sixth month of the Jewish year. It starts just past midnight here in the Rocky Mountains. A whole month set aside for cheshbon nefesh or accounting of the soul. We Jews look for relationships we have damaged and ask for forgiveness. A friend whom you became short with? A spouse you gave the silent treatment? A child you criticized harshly? A dog you disciplined because you had a bad day?

Any rupture between you and another. We want to enter Rosh Hashanah, the head of the year, or the New Year, with nothing between us and teshuva. That is, returning to the home place of our soul. This is, by the way, often translated as repentance, but its real meaning lies in becoming the you who you truly and always are.

While cheshbon nefesh may lead us into the so-called High Holidays, the Days of Awe, and its practices may make a lot of sense for cleansing the soul, I’m more, much more, of a Sukkot and Passover and Tu B’shvat Jew. That is, a Jew who follows in the Jewish holiday cycle the turning of the Great Wheel. I imagine Rosh Hashanah covers over an ancient harvest festival. If that were part of its observance, I’d feel more like celebrating it. As it is, meh.

 

Dog journal: Oooh. A new side of Shadow.

We’ve had to strike balances with each other. She comes in at night. I let her out in the early morning. I don’t reach toward her; she comes to me. I go to bed at 7:30 so she can get me up at 4:30 or 5:00. That sort of thing.

One of the hardest for me initially involved leaving the backdoor open. She wanted it. I didn’t. Too cold. Too likely to let in mice.

Likely enough that, as the seasons have rolled toward fall, I’ve put fresh batteries in my ratzappers and placed them in spots not far from the door. Spots I know mice have liked in the past. They’ve been down for a week plus now and no mice. Huh?

Yesterday when Shadow and I were playing her favorite game, where I walk a ways, stop, and when she comes in front of me, I drop a treat behind me, suddenly she was no longer behind me.

Her tail was up and she was running fast. She pounced. Went into the tall Grass. Picked something up and shook it. Flung it into the air. I wondered what it was so I approached.

It was a mouse. A very dead mouse. She picked it up in her mouth and did a fast victory lap around the property. Look what I did! Abandon all hope ye mice who enter here.