Category Archives: Family

Yesterday

Summer                                                              Park County Fair Moon

Kate got back last night, a long drive, 9 hours, from Jackson Hole to Shadow Mountain. Good to have her back. Home is better when both of us are here.

staing begun
Masked with the staining begun, 7/19

The painters may finish today, they’re very close. This project has taken three weeks so far. The cabinets are done, most of the other interior work, too, including Kate’s splash of bright green above the cabinets, changing the character of the kitchen yet again.

It was hot here yesterday, though pallid in comparison to Denver. We remain less humid than the plains and the nights are cooler. Minnesota has had a siege of weather related storms and heat, not over yet.

ruthandgabe 86
Beginning of school a year ago

The grandkids were up last night. Gabe reprised his week ago trick of attaching a dog bone to a long line of twine and “fishing” for dogs off the deck. This time though he used a stick. The bone worked better. Ruth had a sore throat, but was in good spirits. It was a calm, normal evening, the goal toward which all this divorce mess aims. It was good to see.

Today is another court related hearing, an important one, for Jon. We’re all going in to see what the disposition will be. He goes back to work next week and is planning, for now, to commute from here into Aurora which is on the eastern edge of Denver. A long drive in rush hour.

 

 

 

 

Becoming Vishnu

Summer                                                           Park County Fair Moon

Bhagavan_VishnuVishnu is the Hindu god of stability, the preserver and protector. When I look at the Hindu pantheon, my eye has always gone to Shiva, the god of creation and destruction, the whirling vibrant energy of the universe. Were I Hindu, I would be a Shaivite. But as we’ve aged, as we’ve become the members of our family and, for that matter, of our generation, at the edge of extinction, it has become clear to me that Vishnu defines us better.

When we stand, as we do, between life and death, life itself takes on a different color, a different valence. That’s not to say that we don’t always stand between life and death, life is fragile and death, in its entropic way, more natural. But as we veer past the mid-60’s, the path from birth to death has grown long and its terminus closer.

We stand, too, at the end of our ancientrail, able to look back over the days and years with gathered wisdom. At least sometimes. Shiva forces are at work in our children’s lives and especially in the lives of our grandchildren, creating careers, destroying dreams, unfolding the future. Our reach now extends into those lives as a somewhat distant, but sometimes intimate force, offering stability and protection. We have become the avatars of Vishnu.

natarajThe role is unnatural for me, having been more of a bomb thrower in my youth and in my middle-age, too. The Vaishnavite forces, always there, for we are a mix of all these fundamental powers, have gradually strengthened, gained more purchase. It’s possible, I suppose, to see Shiva as the radical, willing to take apart received wisdom, to burn institutions to the ground, to start over and over and over, and Vishnu as the conservative, or at least conservator, the solid, steady hand needed when Shiva’s work has gone too far.

The Hindu trinity of Shiva, Vishnu and Brahma, the God of origins, the creator force who lives now distant from the work of his creation, constitutes, like the Christian trinity, an expression of the one god in three manifestations. Like the Great Wheel it is a poetic, a metaphorical expression of the nature of reality. You may choose to believe that these gods are real and I wouldn’t argue the choice, but in my maturing understanding of religious belief, all the world’s religion are artistic renderings of the subtle and not-so subtle forces set in motion at the big bang. No, they are not all the same, hardly; but they are all attempts to give expression and coherence to the context of this temporary, wonderful miracle we call life.

So, it’s not surprising to me that in this third phase of my life, I find a purpose defined by a Hindu god. We arrive at this moment shaped and pulled by the paths we have chosen. Our ancietrail is now more experience than future. As Vishnu rises in our lives, that experience becomes his form, the vital energy that allows us to serve as anchor for our family, for our community, for the world we’re passing on to our children and grandchildren.

I said above that the Vishnu role is unnatural to me. Perhaps I should say that it was unnatural to the younger me. Now, it seems natural, necessary, good. The maintainer and protector.

 

 

Missing Kate

Summer                                                               Park County Fair Moon

imps
imps

Interior painting today. Very close to this project’s wrap. Just right because I got the contract for the bathroom remodel in the mail yesterday. Was thinking how much cash we’ve put into this house over the last couple of years, wondering if it made sense. Our attitude, in Andover and here, has been, invest the money early so we can enjoy a space that nourishes our creative lives, expresses our values and is in the best shape possible for the future. Still does make sense, at least to me.

I was wrong yesterday about a couple of things. BJ will join Kate at the Hitching Post Motel right next to the hospital. There’s a wheelchair accessible suite available and it will allow BJ to remain close for physical therapy. Sister Anne comes on Friday for a couple of weeks. Family at work. A theme of our last two years. Too, BJ has invited us back for the August 21st total eclipse. The path goes right over Driggs. I hope we can make it.

Also, Jon made considerable progress on the bathroom and the deck, but he didn’t complete them. Jen will have to hire a contractor to finish. Still, he did thousands of dollars worth of work. Some encouraging news from his lawyers. Even so this has become a gauntlet for him. One that wears him down.

Jon and I moved his ski collection and other miscellaneous things to his storage space in the Stapleton new urbanism development, then loaded up the Rav4 with its third load of items to store in our garage. It was hot and humid, draining. Dehydration is a constant danger when working outside in a Colorado summer, especially down below in the Mile High city. Much cooler and drier up here on Shadow Mountain.

Feeling a bit weary today. Want my partner home. I miss her.

So far

Summer                                                                    Park County Fair Moon

Kate takes her sister, BJ, home today from the Jackson Hole hospital. The surgeon says she’ll regain enough range of motion to continue bowing. That’s a huge relief. Can you imagine contemplating the end of a career that began when you were in single digit age? Because of a damaged shoulder? We often read about athletes felled by physical trauma, not so often about musicians or construction workers or artists (with the exception of Chuck Close). That’s not because it doesn’t happen, BJ’s injury demonstrates that it does, it’s because the media coverage of athletics is so outsized to its cultural importance.

Jon’s finishing up the last of his work on Pontiac Street. He’s done a lot though not as much as he’d hoped. A new deck and a new bathroom seem like pretty good accomplishments for a single person working in 90+ degree heat and high humidity. The divorce continues its jagged march through the lives of Jon, Jen, Ruth and Gabe. It’s slated for a mid-September to mid-October finish as I understand it. Can’t come too soon.

Here at home, the painting and staining moves forward. Getting the projects around the house finished makes me feel good. So far they have been mostly maintenance and necessity oriented: boiler, generator, new gas lines, electrical work, wildfire mitigation, the painting and staining. The kitchen and the solar panels were not necessary, but they were desirable. The remodel of the downstairs bath to a zero entry shower reflects a reality of aging bodies; we’re not as agile as we used to be. It will be finished by Samain. The only projects after that will be rationalizing our sound system and some electrical repairs.

house and garage

shed
shed
garage, one door painted
garage, one door painted

Tilt A Whirl

Summer                                                                     Park County Fair Moon

teton-pass-jackson-hole-wy-postcardSwirling. The world, or at least the part of it connected to me and mine, has taken flight, gone up in the air like dust devils. BJ had surgery on her shoulder in the late afternoon yesterday in Jackson Hole. Kate said she liked the surgeon, which is roughly the same as saying he’s a rock star. The Hitching Post, a motel next to the hospital, has rooms for $45 a night if a family member is in the hospital. She’s staying there.

Jon is rushing to finish remodeling a bathroom, put on a deck and doing other fix-it chores at the Pontiac house. He has to be out of there before Jen and the kids return on Monday evening. A restraining order makes it so. The heat-and, ironically for this arid state, the humidity-have been high. It was 99 there yesterday when he and I ate lunch at the wonderful dining table he built.

Though, for those of you in the Gopher State who read this, I know it’s been pretty bad there, too. Both places remind me of Singapore in April when Kate and I visited Mary. We managed to hike across the Singapore Botanical Gardens on a day when the temperature was within one degree of an all time record and the humidity created a watery, heated bubble around us as we walked. Can anyone say carbon tax?

Timberline Painters finished staining the garage, shed, and two decks yesterday. One garage door is green, the other will follow. Interior painting starts on Monday. The dogs, who have to be inside while the painters are in the yard will be happy when this is done. Yesterday, while Gertie and I were in the loft, unbeknownst to me, the painters sealed off the door out of the loft with 3M plastic. The mammoth bone handle knife gifted to me by Tom Crane came in handy as I sliced through the plastic. Felt like I was being born again as I stooped through the small hole with Gertie behind me.

In Colorado, so far, it has been the summers of our discontent, the winters have been fine.

Wildfire

Summer                                                                              Park County Fair Moon

wedding gwangjuKate had to take a large detour due to a forest fire in southern Wyoming. She spent the night in Aspen, both north and east of Utah. The next hundred miles will take her to Driggs where she’ll pick up BJ and drive her into Jackson Hole for a new hospital bed and examination by the shoulder surgeon. If the shoulder’s swelling has gone down sufficiently, the shoulder repair will happen at 5:30 pm.

Jon’s situation has gotten more difficult. The path forward has become murkier for right now. So much of his life is changing and in ways not fully predictable. He’s still working at the house in Denver, trying to finish before Monday when Jen and the kids return. I’m going in today and we’ll have sushi in Lodo, a trendy neighborhood near downtown.

The dogs and I have the house to ourselves. With the exception of the Timberline painters. They completed the first coat on the garage yesterday. The deck on the house, too.

Black Mountain Drive exists in the eye of a family hurricane. The winds are fierce further out in Denver and up in Driggs, Idaho. Here on Shadow Mountain we exist in relative calm.

Now

Summer                                                                          Park County Fair Moon

Hard to believe how much the Republicans want Hillary to win. In any other combination of opponents she would be up against the ropes with her gloves covering her face. In this case however Trump and crew bang their head repeatedly on the ring posts, leaving themselves bloodied and confused. The convention so far: rogue delegates try to unseat Trump’s nomination, plagiarism, former candidate refuses to endorse. Wonder what they have for us today?

Mark in Saudi ArabiaBrother Mark is doing well in Saudi Arabia. He’s in his second year of teaching at Jubail, his students members of the Saudi Arabian navy.

Kate leaves today for Jackson Hole where her sister, BJ, will be moved tomorrow. A fan of BJ’s, a former anesthesiologist at the Jackson Hole hospital, has found a very well respected orthopedic surgeon for her. He only does shoulders. They may operate tomorrow after her move. Kate will be there tonight.

Jon had his sawzall at work cutting through the old bathtub in their downstairs bathroom when I visited yesterday. He’s made a lot of progress, but the working conditions, hot and humid, are brutal. The divorce continues with the level of conflict continuing to amaze both him and me.

Staining still underway. The shed has had two coats as have portions of the garage. The monsoon rains here have impeded progress somewhat.

 

The Fall

Summer                                                      Park County Fair Moon

Rebekah Johnson
Rebekah Johnson

Kate’s sister BJ is a classical violinist who bows with her right arm. She has, for many years, played the Teton Music Festival in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Schecky, her significant other, a cellist, called Kate yesterday to say that BJ had suffered a bad fall trying to climb down from the deck of their new home in Driggs, Idaho. They live in the Beacon Hotel on Broadway in NYC and spend a lot of time apart due to their career, so Schecky being in NY while she’s in Idaho and Wyoming is not unusual.

Apparently the door to the deck slammed behind her and locked. When she couldn’t get back inside, she decided to climb down. She fell, experiencing a bilateral fracture of her pelvis, a dislocated shoulder and a humerus broken at the ball that inserts into the shoulder. On her right arm.

So this summer of interesting times for the Buckman-Ellis/Olson family has gotten more interesting. Kate’s driving up on Thursday to Driggs and will stay a while, maybe a week or so. I’ll remind behind with the dogs, the Timberline painters and Jon. Family is forever.

 

A Collective Sigh

Summer                                                                    Park County Fair Moon

staing begun

Staining the wood is an involved process. First, there’s power washing, cleaning and laying bare the wood, followed by extensive masking. These tasks took a week. The application of the stain is, itself, labor intensive. Though it can be applied with a power spray, it has to be back brushed to force the stain into the wood. Since the process requires two coats, that means each inch of the garage, shed and two decks will get stained and brushed twice. Longer lasting siding and much increased aesthetics will result. Nathan, Chris, Dean and Matthew have been working steadily.

fire-danger-high

While they were finishing up yesterday, we had a thunderstorm. As in Minnesota, a thunderstorm breaks the heat, but here it comes with a collective sigh. The rain has a salvific effect, much like the rain in movies after a long drought or the coming of the monsoons in India.

We’ve had several red flag warnings over the last week plus and the forest service signs, common along roads here in the mountains, have all had Smokey’s finger pointed at High. Jefferson County, our county, instituted a level 2 fire ban. No fires at all. The rains give us some respite from the risk of wildfire and that’s most welcome.

Jon is in Denver for the next five days working on finishing a deck railing, remodeling a bathroom and moving his stuff out of the house. Jen and the grandkids are in Orlando for a hemophilia conference. Today is a phone conference between Jon and Jen’s lawyers trying to hammer out some differences without the principles involved. May it be fruitful.

Indolence in Horse Country

Summer                                                               Park County Fair Moon

An indolent day yesterday. Kate, Jon and the grandkids left for Fairplay, about an hour west of here in South Park, headed to the Park County Fair. Neither Jon nor us has a vehicle that comfortably seats 5, so somebody had to stay behind. Me.

Did a little binge watching, read the Sport of Kings. This book, Sport of Kings, is a major American novel. It catches American aristocracy (that strange self-inflected club), slavery, westward expansion, effectively compares the breeding of blue-blood humans and blue-blood horses-thoroughbreds, the respective dynamics of working class, upper class and poor black families, all seen through the prism of Kentucky bluegrass horse culture. It’s one I may read twice.

Jon’s into Denver today to work on his and Jen’s house, getting it ready for sale in the red-hot Denver market. I’m following in just a bit to pick up some portion of his stuff: tools, clothes, walnut boards for the loft, machines for ski-making. This whole process has been icky so far, but I’m entertaining a hope (maybe, really, a fantasy) that this week marks a modest turning point in the acrimony.

Ladders rattle over the roof of the garage as the final masking is underway. The staining will commence on the whole very soon, perhaps today. The preparation for a good painting/staining job is painstaking, time-consuming.