60’s Ritual Taken Up By Gun Rights Crowd

Spring            Waning Seed Moon

OMG   The Tea Party at the Capitol.   Don’t know about you but watching so-called patriots straight arming their fists in the sky like the Black Panthers and the protesters at the Mexico Olympics created cognitive dissonance.  A speaker at the rally said, “Do we love our country or what?” then raised her fist high above her head.  The crowd roared.

Personally, I choose “…or what.” in this context.  If love of country demands pulling back from rescuing the economy, taking care of the needs of fellow citizens and killing foreigners, then we have become not a country but a caricature of a country.

We have had 8 years of this kind of chuckle headed, shut the brain off and leave me alone with my righteousness blather.  Cheney, Bush, Rumsfeld, Rice, Wolfowitz, Pearl and other political refugees now await the judgment of history and it will not be kind.

The morphing of political symbols is not new, of course.  The V finger peace sign beloved of my generation had its origin in the V for victory of Winston Churchill in WWII.  This appropriation of the rally style, signboards and pumped fists in the air by the right is not so much blasphemy as it is culture at work absorbing, adapting.

Still, those of us marched and fought the Vietnam War and participated in the struggles for civil rights can be forgiven a twitch of the heart when seeing flag draped anti-socialists holding placards and chanting with their fingers closed in a fist above their head.  Just doesn’t seem, well, you know…right.

This Is The Question I Face Now. One I Have Not Answered.

Spring            Waning Seed Moon

Agency.  There’s been a lot written in psychology and history about agency.  We have agency when we can affect the flow of events in our own lives or in the world around us. (No, I’m not going to get into the subtle no-free-will arguments floating around.)  A lot of the historical work has concerned how those without agency–say women, slaves, workers–get it or why they don’t have it.  In the case of the individual agency refers to our capacity to direct our own life.

A sense of agency underwrites our sense of self, or our sense of group identity.  Note that our agency or our group’s agency can be positive or negative.  A more negative sense of agency, that is, sensing that others or factors outside your control influence your life or your group, leads to a feeling of diminished capacity or is a feeling of diminished capacity.  A positive sense of agency promotes a feeling of active and successful engagement with the world, the ability to act in ways congruent with your self-interest or your group’s self-interest.

Here’s where I’m going with this.  In my regression back into the ministry after 8 or so years out I made the move because my writing career had not produced the hoped for results.  I had lost a sense of agency in the work area of my life and moved backwards on my psychological journey to retrieve it.  Going backwards to pick up something left behind is a key element of regression.  Its flaw lies in a return to a previous reality no longer relevant.  The ministy was what I had done, a minister what I had been.  The experience of return to the ministry produced missteps and a low level of energy for the actual work.

Now, about ten  years later,  once again I have reached back into my past, this time even further, to retrieve a sense of agency, the ur-agency, for me, the political.  This is the work with the Sierra Club. (hmmm.  just realized I did the same thing two years back when I studied Paul Tillich.  That was a return to life as a student, a potent form of agency for me.)

What the work with the Sierra Club, the study of Tillich and the ministry have in common is an attempt to regain a positive sense of self through a form of agency already well-established and presumably easily recaptured.  None of these activities in themselves is a bad thing, but that is the lure, the  seductive call of regression.

Back there, if only I could go back in time, and become the captain of the football team again.  Prom queen.  College radio jockey.  The actor I became after college.  My successful years as a bond trader or nurse or carpenter.  Back there I was strong, able.  I had a way with the world, a position of respect and self-confidence. Continue reading This Is The Question I Face Now. One I Have Not Answered.

Refinanced and Happy About It

Spring            Waning Seed Moon

We have signed the refinancing agreement for our house.  4.75% interest.  Dropped our monthly nut a lot.  A lot.  Kate did it!

Having said all that the lack of process and scrutiny involved in this refinance made my jaw drop.  Kate went, talked to a loan officer,  some dithering went by as we  locked the rate.  It took us three weeks to ask where the appraisers were and as I said a while ago, they had already decided we didn’t need an appraisal.  We set up the closing for this morning and in spite of a last minute glitch–par for the course if you’ve closed on a lot of houses–we are back home now with a much cheaper loan.

It all reminded me of the way banks got in the trouble in they’re in right now.  Too little care in the lending process.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m tickled we got through with so little pain and I would not have written this until the bank had committed itself in writing, but gosh, gee wheez.  What about all those under-performing or non-performing loans?

High Temps and Legislative Sausage

Spring               Waning Seed Moon

The weather has a run of above average high temperatures, 9-10 degrees warmer through Friday.   Saturday, according to NOAA the temperatures will fall back to average at a 58 predicted high.

Those of us who garden also watch the lows closely at this time of year and we will be well above freezing for the remainder of the week.  There is a chance for below freezing temperatures on Sunday night (30).

We have no rain in the forecast until Saturday and Sunday, then only a chance of showers.  We need moisture, according to the Star-Tribune this morning this was our 10th dry day in a row.  Those of us with irrigation systems have not started them.

Thanks to the wonders of cyberspace I’m writing this and listening to the House Finance Committee hearing that will take up the omnibus environment bill.  I just listened to the House Ways and Means Committee pass the House version of the omnibus energy bill.  Right now the parents of the missing St. Thomas student speak before the Finance Committee because of a quick bill put together by compassionate conservative Marty Siefert.

Let Cygon Be Cygon

Spring             Waning Seed Moon

Heading out doors for a little garden work.  Gonna cut the bandages off the fruit trees, remove their wire varmint restraints and put cygon on the iris.  Cygon is one of the very few (2) chemicals I use.  It kills the iris borer, present in these soils and a nasty predator of iris rhizomes.  I also use the occasional herbicide for very problematic plants like quack grass and poison ivy, otherwise integrated pest and plant management is at work here.

Kate’s got strep and a sinus infection.  Plus the neck and back stuff.  Not pleasant.

Taking Part In the Process of Creation

Spring        Waning Seed Moon
Friend Bill Schmidt passed these quotation on, sent to him by a friend.  I like the Hawthorne quote a lot because it captures an elusive feeling I often have when walking the grounds.
bloodrootSpring has returned.  The Earth is like a child that knows poems.
Rainer Maria
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I used to visit and revisit it a dozen times a day, and stand in deep contemplation over my vegetable progeny with a love that nobody could share or conceive of who had never taken part in the process of creation.
It was one of the most bewitching sights in the world to observe a hill of beans thrusting aside the soil, or a row of early peas just peeping forth sufficiently to trace a line of delicate green.
Nathaniel Hawthorne
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Hawthorne captures in the concrete this more abstract idea from Thomas Berry:   “Gardening is an active participation in the deepest mysteries of the universe.”
As I thought about these quotes, this jumped out:  Want to live like they did 10,000 years ago?  Put in a garden. If it was good enough for the neolithic revolution, it’s good enough for me.
We humans did not always tend to our gardens.  We stood up on two legs, dropped off body hair,  ran through savannahs, painted in caves and developed our gracile mind long before we realized seeds and plants went together.
Horticulture precedes agriculture and may again.  Latin hortus garden + cultura cultivation

Agriculture:  Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin agricultura, from ager field + cultura cultivation.

We worked small plots, or gardens, before the advent of fields or large scale cultivation.  I have a book in my library that I’ve not read (ok, I have a lot of books in my library I’ve not read), but this one has the title Human Scale.  Horticulture is human scale cultivation; agriculture is large scale cultivation.

As I’ve thought back over my life, I’ve noticed a common thread in many of the things I’ve done and co-operative efforts to which I’ve given energy:  they are an attempt to wrest human scale decision making authority and human scale work back from impersonal bureaucracies or larger scale political and economic entities.  Horticulture fits. Continue reading Taking Part In the Process of Creation

The Weekend

Spring               Waning Seed Moon

Another weekend come and gone.  A fellow Woolly, I think, told me that retired folks he knows still view the weekends as special, different from the weekdays.  I sure do.  Weekends have more latitude, more stretch and give, where weekdays still bring for me an expectation of things accomplished, deeds done, seriousness of intent at least entertained.

This one had some of that flavor, some not.

The not came partly in reference to this computer, the older Dell, not the new Gateway.  My disc drives have dropped off the cyber map.  When called upon, they sit there, quiet.  Non-violent resistance.  Nothing.  I’ve tried many, many things to convince them to come home and go back to work, but nothing appeals to them as yet.

If I need to, I’ll shift my images to the Gateway and use it to burn cds and print color images, reserve this one for writing and the laser jet.  I’m not going to give up quite yet, I want to search a few more tech sites, see if I can come up with something.

Let Our Revels Now Begin

Spring         Waning Seed Moon

We are far enough into spring that its first full moon, the Seed Moon, has begun to wane.  The snow is gone and even though the land here is dry bulbs have begun to break the earth with the tips of their small green spears.  The daylilies, those hardy, reproductively agile flowers are already up six inches or so (hmmm, time for the cygon on the irises).

I pulled up stakes but we’re not moving.  Nope, each year these stakes get taken up when the last snows of the season, at least any that will last, are behind us.  They are three feet high, sharpened on end and painted a fluorescent orange on the other.  Put in the ground after Halloween (for obvious, trick related reasons) they guide snow-plowing crews away from the edges of our yard.  This preserves lawn and sprinkler heads.  Out in Rocky Mountain National Park their equivalent is a seven foot or so sapling lashed to mile marker or outside lane marker.

We have our peculiar seasonal rituals.  Next comes the removal of the snow blower to the machine shed and the draining of its gasoline tank.   In its place comes the riding mower, ready for another season of grass beheading.  Somewhere in here the cold weather plants get started outside, tomato plants inside.  Windows get washed and gutters cleaned. We like to give ourselves a fresh face for nature’s season of abundance.  We will put the spiritual asceticism of winter behind us, ready now to revel in green, fresh fruits and vegetables, warm breezes.

Two Colorful People Together

Spring                  Full Seed Moon

Yes, we need no appraisal, we need no appraisal today.  Our bank, Wells Fargo, decided we do not need an appraisal to refinance our loan.  Something about our loan balance, equity and that it would be a roll-over instead of a brand new loan.  OK.  That means we can refinance sometime next week.  A good thing.

The last week and a half, since the root canal, has had dealing with the infected jaw, then one organ after another taking up my mornings.  All important to my long term health, but it has left me tired and with a sense of little accomplished.

This need to accomplish, to achieve continues as a backdrop.  Kate says when she retires she’s ready to rest on her laurels, sit back and reflect on her life.  “We can just be two colorful people together,” she said.  I’m not sure I can give up the hope of something over the horizon, a realization, a book, a political action a defining event for this stage of my life.  If not, I may find the last two decades or so of life a struggle. Or, I suppose, they might be very productive.

Drifting right now.  The melancholy at bay, but not too far away, ready to bring a tear or a heaviness to my now.  Feels empty.

The Post Office Was Gone

Spring                Full Seed Moon

The folks at the Strib have asked those of us who blog for their weatherwatchers page to write up a storm story or two, a reminder of the forces of nature coming at us in the next few months.  As I’ve thought about this task, my own patronizing wonderment at folks who live on fault lines, in the path of hurricanes, or build homes in fire prone forest areas came to mind.

So, I’m going to start with a proper dose of humility, admitting that I, too, live in a place where nature can play havoc and let loose the dogs of war from time to time, yet I stay where I am.   After all we frequently get those 20 below zero or worse bouts of cold weather, often driven further down the temperature scale by high winds.  In the summer tornadoes and hail storms pound our area, so much so that we have a new roof and new siding after a bout with hail and tornadoes touched down within two miles of  our home, pretty damned close if you ask me.  That’s not to mention the weather that can and has punched us up the worst:  derechos.  These straight line winds reach speeds in excess of 58 mph.

Sorry about all those sarcastic comments southern California, west coast of Florida, San Francisco.

I’ll write one story today and few others over the week.

The first storm memory I have comes not from Minnesota, nor from Indiana where I grew up, but from Oklahoma, where I was born and still have family.   In 1956 or 57 my parents sent by Greyhound bus from our home in Alexandria, Indiana to Mustang, Oklahoma, then a rural community a good ways from Oklahoma City.  My uncle Rheford had the post-office attached to the front of his house and served as the rural mail carrier for the Mustang area.

Uncle Rheford and Aunt Ruth had, as many Oklahoma homes still do, a storm cellar located in the back yard, a dug-out with a cement floor and heavy barn doors covering the entrance.  During calm weather, most of the time, the storm cellar serves as a root cellar and a place to store canned goods, so it always smelled of stored produce and damp earth.

A few nights after I’d arrived, around 3 in the morning my cousin Jane came into my room, shook me awake, “Come on, Charles Paul, we’ve got to go to the storm cellar.”  Her urgency and the hour got me up fast.  I followed her out into rain and wind, crossed the few feet from the back door to the storm cellar and hurried down the four or five steps into this small, artificial cave.  My Aunt Ruth and two other cousins were already down there and Uncle Rheford followed quick behind Jane and me.

Uncle Rheford closed the doors with a thud, threw a large cast-iron bolt to lock them and put a cross piece into two metal brackets made for that purpose.  He also grabbed a chain and passed it through two eye-bolts, big ones, sunk into either door.  The end of the chain went around and hooked into another bolt that was part of the cement floor.  A little too sleepy and a little too young to be awed by all this preparation I sat down on a bench near a basket of potatoes.

The wind came.  The tornado must have passed right over us or very close because those heavy barn doors bowed up, called from their position by the voice of the storm.  The chain thrummed tight and the air left the cellar.  Then, just as it had come, the wind passed on by, the doors slumped back to their usual shape, slack came into the chain and sweet air rushed back into the cellar and to our lungs.

I don’t recall now how long we were in the cellar, probably an hour or so, maybe more.  After we got out we came up to a wet, distressed scene with leaves, tree branches, parts of buildings and machinery scattered in the  lawn.  The big surprise though came when we looked around the house.  The post-office, basically a long addition to the side of the house that faced the road, was gone.  Disappeared.  The rest of the house was intact.

In the days that passed I saw straw driven into telephone poles and other flotsam thrown up on the shore of this small Oklahoma town.  From that day forward I have always heeded instructions to go to the basement, remembering that night in the storm cellar in Mustang, Oklahoma.