Kona

Summer                                                                  Moon of the First Harvests

Kona died this morning.  Both Kate and I spent time with her just before she died.  She was alert and responsive to the end.  She died knowing we loved her and in the crate she knew as her safe place.

(Kona)

We cried, both of us.  Yes, in spite of an end obvious long ago, the actual loss still opens a chasm between the living dog and the dead one.  That chasm represents the never will agains.  And those made me cry.  I would never again feel her nuzzle into my hand.  Never again see her smile.  Never again see her run the trails in our woods.

Her corpse no longer retained her; it was a symbol now, not a reality.  This is a wonder to me.  When I spoke with her about a half hour before she died, she looked at me, put her nose in my palm, caressed me with her muzzle.  Kona was 100% there.  Then, she was gone.  The light left her eyes and her body no longer moved.

The wonder is this, that life has a magic about it, seen most clearly after it is lost.  That which was Kona was there, then not.  Yes, her memories live on, that’s true.  But Kona does not.  The personality, the somewhat aloof I’m living life as I intend to personality of the sighthound, has vanished.  Just like that.

(Rigel, Gertie, Kona)

Life is a miracle, ordinary in its profusion and ordinary as long it exists, yet when it has gone, then we know.  So, each death gives us a moment to reflect on the precious gift we have.  The one carrying us forward into tomorrow.  A gift others give to us, too.  Each death is an opportunity to affirm and celebrate life and living.

Kona’s father was a whippet champion named Drum.  When we picked up Hilo and Kona from the breeder, the puppies and the parents were watching Animal Planet.  We brought them home and they began a series of escapes from the property, going under the chain link fence in pursuit of prey or delight, often both.

We held them on our laps when they were young.  Hilo would squirm, sit up, stretch, jump down.  Kona, the much larger of the two, would lie quietly, happy to be there.  

In her early days Kona was a predator.  I remember one day Kona came up on the deck, dropped something there, then ran back out into the woods.  The something was the still warm and clear eyed head of an adult rabbit.  Why she brought it to the deck I don’t know.   Over a long period Kona would kill rabbits and we would pick up the dead rabbits, put them in a plastic bag and dispose of them.  This never deterred Kona.  She just kept at it.

Hilo died three years ago of kidney failure and was never much of a hunter.  She liked to be with her people.  Kona kept to her self, finding places to sit nearby, sometimes with us, often not.  She kept her own counsel and determined what her day would be like, pretty much independent of us.

After her death this morning, I went out into the garden and sat on one of the raised beds.  Gardens heal.  Surrounded by life and life producing food, the cycle of life was concrete.  Kona fit into this cycle.   It helped me remember that at some point the light in my eyes will go out, too.  And, more.  That will be fine, it will fit into this cycle.

(Vega and Kona)

Kona had privileges the other dogs didn’t.  She would go with me into the garden, mainly because we could count on her not to dig holes in the garden beds.  She would also be outside on our brick patio with us because we could count on her to stay around the house.

She has been part of our lives for 12 plus years, as real and regular a part of our lives as we are to each other.  True she was a dog, but as a companion and fellow traveler on this pilgrimage she was with us, part of our pack as we were part of hers.

We travel on now with one less pilgrim immediately in our presence, yet at the same time, the whole pack with us, all 17 dogs, two parents and two sons.  Amen.

 

 

You Are Here

Summer                                                                         Moon of the First Harvests

While exploring Saturn, NASA’s Cassini spacecraft took the…image of Earth from a distance of about 1.45 billion kilometers (898 million miles) away.

The Cassini view is the third-ever image of Earth from the outer solar system. Views of Earth from distant planets are rare because our planet is so close to the Sun. Sunlight would damage the spacecraft’s sensitive imagers, so they are rarely pointed homeward. On July 19, however, Cassini was positioned so that Saturn blocked the Sun’s light while Earth was within the spacecraft’s field of view. Sunlight glimmers around the giant planet’s limb and lights its icy, dusty rings. The sunlit Earth is light blue. The Moon is a faint white dot to the side, but is more clearly visible in the narrow-angle camera view.

(nasa)

Primal

Summer                                                                 Moon of the First Harvests

Kona lives though her mobility has been greatly diminished.  She is, however, alert and responsive.  We get down with her and talk to her on a regular basis, letting her know that we love her and are with her in this part of her journey, too.  It’s the light in her eyes, the Kona-ness of her presence in those eyes, I think, that forces me not to put it out.  At least that’s a big part of it.  Another part is not breaking trust.  She has trusted me to care for her all these years.  To care for her.  Not kill her.

If you differ with me on this, I understand.  I can see how caring might reach to euthanasia, the whole control around end of life debate has many testimonies to that effect, even in humans.  Why I feel so strongly on this is not clear.

It’s strength oddly enough reminds me of one other moment in my life, the one in which I knew I needed to be a parent.  It was a strong, primal feeling, dominant.  The need became overriding, pushing other concerns into the background.  It wasn’t compulsive, at least I don’t think it was, but it was so urgent.  The best word I can use to describe it is primal, that is, it came from a part of me so deep that it bypassed subconscious and conscious thought to arrive full borne in my psyche.

The same process has surfaced in me around euthanasia.  I have no reasons, no arguments, no explanations.  For me, it is forbidden.

Just to be clear, really really clear: there are no religious or political sentiments attached in either case.  This is something from the veldt or the cave.

Short Takes

Summer                                                                     Moon of the First Harvests

Who am I to judge?  Out of the mouth of a Pope.  Extraordinary and welcome.  Can’t help but wonder what the crabbed mind of our local bishop, The Most Reverend John C. Nienstedt, makes of it.  His diminished understanding of what it means to be human must be scuttling around wondering how things could change in such a short period of time.

Orcas are the largest dolphins?  You probably knew this, but I didn’t.  Killer whale stuck to them because some of their number hunt whales.  They are versatile hunters and can exist on whatever is in plentiful.  The film Blackfish and the book, Death at Seaworld, have added to the increasing criticism of keeping intelligent, social animals in captivity at all:  dolphins, chimps and I imagine elephants, gorillas, orangutans, too.

shaun peterson

 

 

Human Trafficking

Summer                                                             Moon of the First Harvests

9 years ago this November I went on a significant trip paid for by money inherited from my father.  It took me to Singapore where my sister, Mary, hosted me and showed me her adopted city.  After Singapore I flew Tiger Airlines to Bangkok where I spent 5 days getting acclimated to Thai culture and the particular culture of Bangkok’s China Town. My hotel there cost $17.00 a night.

(Yaowarat Road.  Bangkok’s China Town)

On the 6th day I took a flight from Bangkok’s old airport on Bangkok Air to Siem Reap, Cambodia.  We landed late at night and the customs area looked like a prison detainee facility in a bad B-movie.  At one box I applied for my visa and at one right next to it, a Cambodian official stamped in it and I was in country.

The taxi scrum had all kinds of vehicles and people, but I happened, quite by accident, on a wonderful driver, Mr. Rit.  He drove me around for the entire time I was in Siem Reap, including several trips out to Angkor, the ancient Khmer region where over 75 different temples built by many different rulers dot the landscape, among them what westerner’s call Angkor Wat, which actually means, Angkor Temple.

(Siem Reap)

Tonight I watched a movie called Trade of Innocents.  It’s a Netflix streaming movie, so it’s easily available.  The focus is human trafficking, based on real events, in the city Siem Reap.  This lovely city, deep in the Cambodian jungle, has what I guess you could say is the misfortune of being the gateway to Angkor.  As such, it has seen a hotel building boom of enormous proportions, making it possible to stay in Siem Reap at almost any price point.  My hotel was $25 a night for a room with teak furniture and a tiled complete bath.  You could pay then $500 a night at Hotel D’Angkor, the old French colonial hotel of ridiculous elegance.

(Bayon Temple.)

All this tourist traffic has apparently made Siem Reap a center for the trade in Cambodian and Vietnamese girls.  The problem gets reinforced by a culturally acceptable practice of sending a daughter into the city brothels to support her family.  This was a side of Siem Reap that was invisible to me.  I saw a small city with contradictions between rich and poor, with beautiful buildings and a friendly people, with local artisans of incredible skill, but I didn’t see the backrooms and back alleys where children, young children, were bartered and rented for an evening.

My friends Paul and Sarah Strickland have made the trafficking of girls a priority issue.  It’s easy to see why.  Girl Rising, the movie Kate and I saw earlier this month, also pleads the case for girls, a vulnerable population everywhere, vulnerable not only to human trafficking but to enforced ignorance, too.  If you have a daughter, or a granddaughter, or if you love a woman who was a daughter once, then these two movies should make you pause a moment.  And wonder how to help.

Harvest Continues

Summer                                                             Moon of the First Harvests

Spent some time picking currants, stripping them off the branch reminded me of milking a cow.  This time our crop, a slender one, yielded around 4 cups.  This is hobby level horticulture for sure.  To pick a commercially successful crop of currants would be very time consuming.  In this case we’ll end up with one currant pie.

We have had wonderful cherry tarts from our two cherry trees and have some cherries frozen.  The plum crop, though large, has not yet produced an edible plum. Not sure what the deal is with them, more to learn.  Meanwhile the bagged apples are growing inside their ziplocs and the few I couldn’t reach on each tree look great, too.  Maybe the cold, wet spring fouled up the maggots.

The bees continuing working at their in and out pace, workers flying off in all directions seeking the nectar while the the nectar flow still runs.  Our six supers make the colony look like an entomologically designed high-rise apartment complex.  Thousands of inhabitants, food and nursery service included.

Kate brought in a tomato and a cucumber, our first of either of those.  They’ll be in a salad for lunch.

Morning in the Garden

Summer                                                                     Moon of the Firsts Harvests

Still weary today.  Not sure why unless it’s the torpor I described yesterday, a collecting of tensions released, then a sag.  Maybe.

Out this morning encouraging the reproductively focused like tomatoes and peppers to do their best and the vegetatively focused like cabbage and beets to do their best.  I always have some spray left over so I then continue on to lilies, begonias, clematis, geraniums and hosta, ferns, hyacinths, bugbane.  Doesn’t take long and the results so far look good.  Lots of fruits, roots and few insects.

In the early morning the dew remains on the plants, water rolls off the rubberized sole of my boots, leaking in a bit.  My jeans soak up dew at thigh level when pressing through bushes like the gooseberries to get to other plants.  The rest of me though is dry.  The dewpoint a pleasant 57, the temperature 60.

Flower and Leaf

Summer                                                               Moon of the First Harvests

A torpor always follows completion of a manuscript and it set in today.  It’s a sort of aimlessness, a nothing to do so what could I possibly do sort of feeling.  Yes there is a tension between doing and not doing and yes sometimes I fear that the doing is only a way to shove aside the great fear, the dread of dying.  And, further yes, sometimes I fear that I lean too far toward the doing and away from acceptance and that the torpor I describe only underscores it.

And it may be so.  It may be that I write, garden, learn Latin, get involved in politics and family only to push back the confrontation with my own non-being.  It may be so.

Or it may be that I do these things because they are my flower and leaf, that they are the what I am.  That is my belief.  In doing these things I do what a lily does when it pushes up from its corm, strikes a thick green blade through the earth, gets to sunlight and puts on leaves and flowers.  I am this variety of human.  In this sense those things I do are not avoidance, but completion.

This time between creative efforts becomes a fallow time like the fall and winter months, a time to gather in energy and prepare for the next growing season.  Perhaps lilies, after the flower has bloomed, the seeds are made and leaf and stalk have died back wonder, too, what is my purpose now? I am not what I can be, so am I avoiding my end?  No says the older, wiser lily.  Not at all.  Now is when you become stronger, able to support more flowering.  We do not end, this older lily might say, but develop in such a way that others follow after us.  May it be so.

Files and Piles

Summer                                                                             Moon of the First Harvest

First morning in a while that the first thing on my mind has not been Missing.  Feels good.

I plan to see Pacific Rim today.  What’s not to like about Godzilla versus giant robots?

Once I finish the putzy stuff I mentioned I have some further reorganizing of files and piles, the library and study.  Then, I will begin work on Loki’s Children.

The Latin will come back on line, too.  I’ll probably do some more translating, perhaps for the month of August, though I might read some of the works on Ovid and the Augustan period, too.

Main focus is on the garden through September which means it gets prime time.  Gotta have some heat though.  Much as I like the cool weather, the plants demand heat to produce best in this part of the growing season.