Too Much Salt?

Spring                                                  Wedding Moon

Ruthandgabeuppermax300The snow has been less than predicted, a good thing. Still, it’s the wet, heavy, slushy stuff that makes snowblowers clog up.

Jon, Ruth and Gabe are coming up tonight. Jon and Ruth will go skiing tomorrow and Gabe will stay with us. Ruth and I plan to take in a Fiske Planetarium (Boulder) show on black holes this evening. Kate’s making Mississippi Pot Roast. This is the sort of thing that, no matter how much we might have wanted to do it, was impossible when we lived in Minnesota.

Got rid of 4 bookcases bought long ago at Dayton’s warehouse in Minneapolis. They’d seen me through the house on Edgcumbe and in Andover. Most of these got sold off in Minnesota, but the remaining four held some books while the built-ins were under construction. That opens up space in the garage. It’s a priority as soon as the weather warms up. Would’ve been last year if it hadn’t been cancer season over the summer.

saltOK. I have a confession to make. I’ve been putting too much salt on my food for years. Big surprise, I’m sure, to all of you who have witnessed it. In fact, I was following an approach suggested by my internist, Charlie Petersen. His opinion was that once you passed a point where a problem, blood pressure in this instance, required treatment, you didn’t need to modify your behavior if the treatment worked. And it did. For many years. But, not now.

Over the course of the trip to Asia I stopped adding salt to my food. My blood pressure, which had been labile before the trip, suddenly fell into line. Damn it. Empiricism is such a bitch. And, not so small side benefit. It’s easier to sleep through the night since my fluid retention has significantly decreased.

Yamantaka 13 Deitykat1

There is no doubt that I have a self-destructive homunculus in residence. Smoking and drinking took me several unpleasant years to put into the past. Just why this little guy is so interested in my demise, I don’t know. Maybe he’s the death wish that Freud believed we all have. He doesn’t give up. If I start one of these activities again, I quickly go back to the maximum use. I learned this while quitting smoking, several times.

It’s tough getting him to just sit still. You would think that, having visited Yamantaka (the slayer of death) many times over the years, he would calm down. Yamantaka is the Tibetan God of death itself. To worship him one thing you can do is look your own death straight in the face, imagine yourself dead, meditate on your own corpse. In this way Yamantaka helps us to accept death for what it is, a natural and not to be feared part of human existence.

Seems like that would get this homunculus to quiet down. Oh, it’s going to happen anyway and it’s ok, so why do I have to speed things up? But, no. Doesn’t appear to work that way.

Why grief?

Spring                                                         Wedding Moon

As you might expect, I’ve been thinking about death, about grief in the wake of Vega’s sudden death. In particular I’ve been wondering how I can have a grasp on my own death, no fear, but be so distressed at Vega’s.

Then, it occurred to me. In movie thrillers the torturers often open their usually neated packet of tools: knives, pliers, dental picks, pieces of bamboo with a flourish. Or, as in the Marathon Man, the dentist goes to work on you without anesthetic.  In many cases the torturee summons up inhuman courage or an anti-heroic defiance.

When the usual infliction of pain or disorientation fails, or when the torturer is portrayed as unusually sadistic, friends or colleagues or family members of the torturee are led into the room. Then the torturer goes to work on them. Seems effective in the movies I’ve seen.

Grief, at least in part, is because the universe is such a torturer. Not with malice, of course, but certainly with a sort of intention. Life has an endpoint and entropy sees that it arrives. So, it’s possible to have the notion of your own death sorted out while responding with agony to the grim torture of having your friends removed from the room .

Foggy

Spring                                                          Wedding Moon

loft2Clouds at 8,800 feet. Or, as some say, fog. Cold and clammy outside this am.

I’ve gotten back to work on Jennie’s Dead and Superior Wolf, not a lot of new content yet, but it will come.

Spent some time yesterday, too, in the what now seems eternal rearranging of the loft. Finding an optimal way to encourage my work with the tools I have: books, files, images, maps and brochures, workout equipment, lamps, chairs, is the goal. Still waiting on a couple of pieces from Jon, walnut shelves and a top for my art cart.

bandWhile I worked on rearranging the loft, I put on Pandora, the music streaming service. I have a Pandora station devoted to The Band, a sixties rock group who collaborated with Bob Dylan. As it played their music and music of similar contemporaries, an overwhelming sadness hit me.

It began with a memory of Vega, feeling her presence in my life, feeling her absence. But, it morphed into a more general sadness, possibly a melancholy nostalgia for the times the Band evokes, those days of the 60’s. It tapped, too, into old neurotic loops. What have I done with my life? Has it mattered? Does mattering matter? You know, those inner paths which have a Mobius strip nature, going nowhere in particular yet taking a very long time to get there, only to find out you’ve gotten back where you started.

As these moods do these days, these third phase days, they passed. Grieving Vega, grieving a time gone by, grieving unreasonable expectations. All part of life, not to be inhabited forever, but acknowledged. A hat tipped to them as they go by.

A less melancholy day today, I hope.

 

Again. More Snow.

Spring(?)                                          Wedding Moon

driveway the day we got home
driveway the day we got home

As Weather5280 keeps reminding those of us who live near the Denver metro, but in higher elevations, April is our snowiest month. Well, geez. Another big storm rumbles toward us for the end of this week. This stuff is heavy, wet. Not good for snowblowers, my chief tool in snow clearing.

I just put out a note to a local snowplower who also does high altitude gardening. We’ll need help. Ironically, our neighbors who cleared our driveway for us when we got 46 inches or so last week, left last Friday for Tijuana, driving. We’re watching their property. We may get a chance to return the favor.

Well over 170 inches this year. That’s a lot of white coming from the sky. It’s a good thing for the snow pack and at least for the early fire season. Another way of saying the transition here goes from winter to summer is to say we go from ice to fire. Makes for interesting living. And I mean that.

Life here, like life in Minnesota, finds mother earth a constant presence, one that cannot be sidelined by furnaces, air conditioners and trips to the beach.

house same day
house same day

On the other side of the world

Spring                                                     Wedding Moon

from Weather Underground:

Extraordinary Heat Wave Sweeps Southeast Asia and Points Beyond

What is most likely the most intense heat wave ever observed in Southeast Asia has been ongoing for the past several weeks. All-time national heat records have been observed in Cambodia, Laos, and (almost) in Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, and Vietnam. Meanwhile extreme heat has resulted in all-time record high temperatures in the Maldives, India, China, and portions of Africa as well. Here are the details.

Did I mention it was hot while we were in Singapore?

Snow. Again. Still.

Spring                                                    Wedding Moon

And we’re getting more. Snow. Can’t say it’s a welcome sight, though the beauty of snowfall remains. Mountain weather continues to elude me in its patterns. I suppose after a sufficient number of years, I’ll begin to have more of a feel for it. Weather5280 is a big help, the best of the local forecasters, but even their forecasts become imprecise here at the convergence of Shadow Mountain/Black Mountain/Conifer Mountain, all in the leeward shadow of Mt. Evans.

As I’ve read, and as we experienced last year, spring is not really a thing here. The seasons tend to jumpshift from winter right into summer. That seems to be where we’re headed this year, too. Right now, of course, we’ll still in the winter mode.

 

Joy

Spring                                                                              Wedding Moon

Vega500Grief causes disorientation and a slowing sluggish feeling to seep into the bones, making movement lethargic, mildly chaotic. We will shed more tears for the loss of Vega, for the absence of her and they will cleanse us, help us see her again, not as a source of dread, but of joy.

For that was her essence. Joy. Her joy came from a pure delight in the world that greeted her each day. The morning! Food! Mom’s homemade treats! The couch! That squirrel! Those dogs over there! She lived her life following her own design, opening doors, declaring bedtime, rousing us by barking when we’d slept too long. In her opinion.

She had so much in her that I thought this morning of that African proverb I’ve quoted before: When an old man dies, a library burns to the ground. Just so with Vega. Her exquisite timing, her problem solving ability.

100008 28 10_late summer 2010_0181And those holes she and her sister Rigel dug co-operatively. Exasperating, yes, but magnificent in their depth. And even more magnificent in the cooperation between these littermates. One would dig, furiously moving the sand of the Great Anoka Sand plain with their front paws, the other resting nearby. Then, when the digger would tire, the resting dog would climb into the hole and begin to dig. Furiously. Repeat. Astonishing how much sand the two of them move.

07 10 10_cropped headThey hunted together, too. Early on they dug a hole deep beneath a partially downed tree and barked up into its hollowed trunk. Barked and barked and barked. Up there, I discovered, was a tiny, frightened baby opossum. Here’s a picture.

On another day they confronted a snapping turtle making its slow way across our woods to Round Lake, quite a distance away. That didn’t go well. For Vega and Rigel. When the turtle returned after Kate had deposited it outside the fence, the sisters barked at it, but from a safe distance this time. Rigel still has a faint pink scar on her nose.

There was the land beaver, too, a woodchuck, treed high above our back lawn in the top of a sand cherry.

Vega loved the water. We had a rubber tub, one used to feed livestock, but small, maybe two feet in diameter, perhaps a little more. In the summers we would fill it with water so all the dogs could have water outside to drink. Vega, almost as soon as the cool water from our well had swirled to the top of the tub, would plunk down in it, curl herself up, fitting her large body to a too small space, and relax. Displacing over half the water, of course.

These are the moments, the daily work, of a dog. In the evenings she would claim a couch or a chair, relaxing with us as we read or watched TV. Often she would rest her head in our laps, that closeness enough for the quiet sort of joy that comes after a hard day of barking at baby opossums, digging holes, displacing water.

She is irreplaceable. Unique. A dog of story. I’ll remember her surprising me by opening the back door with only one leg after amputation. And by climbing the outside stairs to my loft, coming up to visit, even after the amputation.

Vega had, as Kate said, heart.

 

Vega is dead

Spring                                                                   Wedding Moon

She died of a cardiac arrhythmia. Not uncommon after bloat, apparently. The twisting of the intestine puts out a lot of different chemicals in the blood that can stress the heart.

A sweet girl from the first time we saw her, attached to a ten foot stick with six of her siblings, racing around the breeders yard in unison, her reason for being was to love and be loved. Her gentle intelligence and stubborn determination made her a dog whose memory will last as long as we do.

We drove over to Sano and saw her, said good-bye. Necessary. Good. Sad. Unbelievably sad. Many tears.

Her sister, Rigel, Gertie our German Shorthair and Kepler, who will leave us in June or early July remain.

Really?

Spring                                                                             Wedding Moon

vegahead400Over at Bergen Bark Inn in Evergreen we picked up the dogs. Gertie pulled the leash from hand she was so eager to get in the truck. Rigel bounded in. Kepler came up to me, rose up on his hind legs and greeted me with his gentle eyes.

Vega was reluctant. This didn’t surprise us. After our Latin American cruise she refused to look at us or greet us for some time. When we brought her home, she was slow getting out of the truck and only came into the house as far as the entry rug where she lay down.

I fed them, took some food over to Vega and she didn’t want it. Again, we thought she was sulking. A bit later I went back out to give her a treat. Her belly looked bigger than normal. They couldn’t have overfed that much at the Bergen Bark Inn. Could they? I felt her belly and it was distended, tight like a drumhead.

When Kate went out to check on her, she came back and said, “She’s going to need to be seen.” This is our second day back from Asia and only a half hour after we’d brought the dogs home. Kate called Sano Vet Hospital and got an appointment for after their lunch hour, which had started at 1. The appointment was at two.

April, the vet tech who was a former flight medic, called back ten minutes later and said, “Bring her in now.”

When we got to Sano, four young women dressed in blue came out, picked Vega up and swiftly carried her into the operating room. They love her after the struggle to keep her alive post amputation and spoke kindly to her. Vega weighs 100 pounds so this was not an easy task.

She had bloat. This is a canine emergency caused by a literal twist of the gut. The twisting causes blood flow to be cut off to the portions of the intestinal system below the place where the torquing occurs. The stomach and the intestines can become necrotic, their tissue can die.

Solution? Surgery. Palmini goes in, untwists the organs, then tacks the stomach to the abdominal wall so this can’t happen again. She’s resting well at Sano through the weekend, getting the sort of complex aftercare that we couldn’t provide here even with Kate’s medical skills.

Bad luck, as physicians say. Damned bad luck. But it looks like she’ll be ok.