Imbolc Anniversary Moon
Grandma’s cooking jucy lucy’s using the hamburger press I bought her as her first anniversary present. Can’t wait.
Gabe’s been here since last night; Ruthie spent the night at a “sleepover” which apparently involved no sleep. She’s been asleep since she got here, first in the back of Jon’s car and now in the bed upstairs. I found Gabe playing out in the backyard. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “Playing.” “Playing’s good,” I said. “Playing’s good but being lazy would be better,” he replied.
That old sun, taking longer and longer to get to bed, is just now sinking below Black Mountain. Tomorrow, back on DST, it will sink at the same time, but we’ll pretend, for some reason, that it’s an hour later. No, I won’t go on my usual rant. I’ll just say, Resist daylight saving time. Resist now!
The full anniversary moon lit up our way home from Bistro Colorado. It was the 27th time we’ve celebrated our wedding day and it was peaceful, funny, thoughtful. With flowers and chocolate.
Inner conflict continues, pushing me toward something, something undefined. Anxiety is an attempt to manage fear, to consider options to too many things. It reaches out tentatively to a world not yet born, scanning for threats, anticipating. In a long ago day I imagine the anxious folks lived longer (aka, passed down more of their genes), always seeking out the predator that might be behind the next curve in the path, wanting to get to the berries just as they ripened so they wouldn’t be gone, obsessively keeping tabs on water. In this world of grocery stores and police, water from the tap? Not so necessary.
Been experiencing an unusual phenomenon, at least unusual for this period of my life. I’m getting all kinds of anxiety signals from my body. My feet rest on their balls when I sit down, not flat on the floor. My gut has this hollowed out and tense feeling. My jaw has small aches as my teeth grind unconsciously. This also makes facial muscles twitch. When lying in bed, I’ll notice that my legs are tight, again an unconscious contraction.
When we had our couple’s escape at Tall Grass Spa, I first noticed these physical manifestations. It was during the relaxing, 80-minute massage. As certain parts of my body felt calmer, others, like my legs and my gut, began to call out to me.
A follower of gestalt therapy in my younger days, I learned to pay attention to and interrogate a jumpy stomach, a twitchy foot. These are not disconnected from my psyche, to the contrary they reveal things occurring in that inner world hidden from view to my Self.
