Water, Water, Water

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon


Wednesday gratefuls: Suppositories. Proctitis. Prostate Cancer. Kristine. Kristie. Negative thoughts. Ken. The water heater, in trouble. Beeping ended! Gabe. Ruth, bless her. Jon. Kep, such a good boy. Always between me and a possible threat. World Ocean Day. Water. Mountains. Volcanoes. The Sky. Blue here this morning. My damaged Aspen. Money. Enough. Not more than enough. Fine.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The World Ocean. And, Tom, who loves the water

Tarot: Three of Bows, fulfillment

“To build a fortress of inner strength and tranquility, we need to reevaluate continuously, be prudent, and committed, not only with our goals but also by allowing the power to flow in us. From there, peace and concentration will be produced clearly and conspicuously. It will create feelings of trust, confidence, and well-being directed to the people we encounter. This flow of positive energy will inspire those who want to start their own path, to discover and reach inner peace.” tarotx.net


This video* is for my buddy, Tom, who sailed the oceans blue and mapped them with care. For all of us. And for Kate, who loved to cruise the ocean.

Peru, 2011


Yesterday was the last class for Astrology and Kabbalah. I read the post below as my presentation. Soon I’ll get a reading from John Joseph who taught my astrologer, Elisa. Once I’ve studied something I rarely leave it behind completely. Somehow the law of return stipulates that it show up again and again. Philosophy. Anthropology. Theology. Biblical studies. Saul Alinsky. Poetry. Many other things. Just stepping to the side right now. A sort of astrological akido move. Same with Kabbalah.


Had Ken out to look at my hot water heater. It’s leaking. Ken’s an interesting guy. Former Marine. Diné. Only boiler guy up here. Dirt biker, along with his daughter who was a champion. In the past now. A yearner for time alone, away from it all. He’s bright. Listens to his news though. Has some odd ideas. Not dogmatic. But odd. Pfizer’s new Covid pill will put a computer in us so the government can track us. Things like that.

Could be an expensive fix. He installed it, so he’ll help me as much as possible. It’s the hard water up here. Solid as I am on maintenance otherwise I’ve let water treatment fall behind. May have to have another go at it. Problem for me was the company I started with, Geowater, lied to me and tried to up bill me. Made the whole process feel toxic. Not a good excuse, but the only one available.


Didn’t exercise yesterday. That always dampens my spirits a bit. Also, the proctitis blood loss may have weakened me some. Combine that with the dullness I felt Monday evening? Yesterday was not my best day.

Not letting myself get stuck though. All trivial. Life proceeds. I have my gratefuls. The world ocean. Friends and family. Life. I’m alert and aware.


I like the three of bows. Could be that my fulfillment comes from being a Mother Bear?




*”NASA Goddard Space Flight Center originally released this video in 2012. Called Perpetual Ocean, it shows ocean surface currents around the world during the period from June 2005 through December 2007. The visualization doesn’t include a narration or annotations. It just lets you enjoy the sensational movement of the oceans on this watery planet of ours. NASA said in 2012:

… the goal was to use ocean flow data to create a simple, visceral experience.”  earth sky.

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Final Take on Astrology for now

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon


My presentation for the last class of three semesters of Astrology and Kabbalah.


Embrace the fuzziness. Nicole. Good advice, Nicole. Life is full of fuzziness. Anyone who claims clarity needs to polish the lens of their inner eye. Anyone who claims certainty needs to pause and open the scope of their knowledge. Even science, perhaps especially science, is true for this moment only. Until new data becomes available.

Knowing these things lead me for many years to be a flat-earth skeptic. Even if you think you can prove it to me, you can’t. I wasn’t, at least most of the time, belligerent about it. I would quietly say no and step to the side of onrushing dogma or ideology. Only put up a raised hand, palm out, if I considered them racist, or unjust, or sexist, or dangerous in some way to self or others. Turns out there are a lot of those, but you all know that.

With Astrology I’m choosing to step to the side. I can see the benefits it brings to those of you who pursue it. A means of self-reflection, self-critique. Amen to that. With the caveat that Judaism insists on: no predictive Astrology, its value as a tool is first and foremost for personal, even soul learning.

As Elisa said, “It may not be your language.” As a tool for my personal use, not right now anyhow. I still want to get readings of my chart. Go figure. But as for pursuing this more on my own. Not right now.

As with all the classes at Kabbalah Experience, I’ve enjoyed my fellow students and teachers. I’ve learned a lot. Certainly about Astrology, but also about how Kabbalah interacts with the months and how the Tree of Life can add meaning to the pursuits of Astrology.

A pleasure to learn with you all. Thanks for all the fish.

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Gracie and the Momma Elk

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon


Tuesday gratefuls: Acting lessons. Kep. No puppy. Proctitis. Radiation. The gift that keeps on giving. Prostate Cancer. Medical care. Dr. Gonzales. Kristie. A little low. Possibility of a recession. Blue Sky. Rain yesterday. Last day of Astrology class today. Disorientation. Sadness. A bit. Will to live. Orfeo by Richard Powers.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Evergreen Animal Protection League

Tarot: Queen of Stones, the Bear

“You are an inspiration, a mentor, and a positive role model for those around you. Share what you have and know that the Universe will send more.

…you are magnetic and will attract the right people and opportunity will come to you…set your intention to be for the Highest Good. Others will be drawn to your inner authenticity, abilities, and strength. There is sensuality at play here too. You are most attractive when you are just being you. Know this and show it…fully. Unleash the need to be anything else but exactly who you are.” tarotx.net


Well. Well. Well. Three times in a row. After three shuffles of the deck each time and three cuts. Guess the Wildwood deck has a message for me. Be a mother Bear. Be a mother Bear. Be a mother Bear. OK. OK. I’ll be a mother Bear. Third time is a Bear, too. If she shows up tomorrow, I’m going to invest in a set of claws.

Not really sure what to make of this. In the year since I learned about the Tarot I may have had the same card come up twice though I’d have to check. I know I’ve never had one come up three times in a row.


Feeling a little low today. Might be anemia. Proctitis, an unpleasant sequelae of 35 sessions of futile radiation, has flared. Blood loss. Taking steps. Not a serious issue, but not one to take lightly either. Feels like my medical stuff has become more and more complicated. Getting treatments for the secondary effects of my treatments. Geez.

Trusting my doctors, Kate. You were right. It relieves anxiety to put my trust in those trained to care for me. And, I will, assuming I feel they do care for me. Both as a person and a patient. Kristie and Kristen? For sure. As usual just laying this down on the page here, saying it out loud, calms me.

Started my new doubled dose of thyroid hormone replacement. Today. That should give me a boost of energy when it kicks in. Something I could use.


Felt off at acting lessons last night. Hard to focus. Seemed everyone had a nadir, too. Jill and Alan weren’t there. The Rock of Ages rehearsal in the other Evergreen Players space kept coming through the wall. Cold rain. Sort of a blah.

I give a ride to Deb to acting class. She and Robbie have a dog, Gracie. I mentioned her before. Gracie is thirteen and a very sweet dog. I always talk to her when I pick up Deb.

Robbie’s out of town and Gracie is in Bergen Bark Inn. A Cow Elk and her newborn took up residence in Robbie’s yard. The Cow charges cars and people. And, Gracie. It scared Gracie so much that she refuses to go outside while the Cow is there. Hence, Bergen Bark Inn. I saw the Elk last night when I picked up Deb. She did not charge my car.

Living in the Mountains requires adjustments. Our wild neighbors live here, too. Most of us try to interfere with them as little as possible. Aside from the roads, houses, lights, and noise we’ve already brought into their home.

So the Cow Elk stays and the dog goes to the kennel for a while. Reasonable choice up here.


In other doggy news. My application for Kahlua was denied. They did not agree with my answer about how to treat growling/biting behavior. No, no bad dog. Step on front feet. First lightly, then harder if necessary. They said, rightly I think, that they never support hurting an animal. I was too hasty in filling out the form, didn’t give a thought to how that answer might be read. In fact that was the cure to a Wolfhound jumping up on you. Never had to do it more than twice. Still. I take their point.

Maybe I’m meant to wait. Kep’s leg stopped bothering him. Grateful for that. Also, he’s back in the bed at night, even for naps. He may be moving through his grieving. I get it.


This mother Bear is hungry. My stomach is growling. Gonna get breakfast.


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I love those two. So much.

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

Monday gratefuls: Kep. His limp. Joe, now ready to go to Korea if that’s what Seoah needs. Seoah, concerned about her mom. Murdoch. Seoah’s brand new American passport. Hawai’i. Fighting inertia in my head. May give up. Acting class tonight. Richard Powers. Bewilderment. Finished. House cleaning. Dreams. That cow I saved. Friends moving into my hotel.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: This new self

Tarot: Queen of Stones, the Bear

“This is a message of power, strength and honorably exercising your inner strength. It is a card of fearlessness, self-confidence, and self-worth. It is no coincidence that the base layer is all yellow and orange. Solar Plexus and Sacral Chakras: confidence, creativity, innate skills, and talent are all here. It is also dawn, a new opening, a new opportunity, and a beginning. Be a confident mother Bear. Know your worth and refuse to step back. Empowered. Believe in yourself. And only good will come of it.”


All right. Two days in a row. Queen of Stones. A message there. Guess I’m meant to be a confident Mother Bear. Feels like the role I’m stepping into now in Kate’s absence. Not only with Jon, Ruth, and Gabe, but with friends from CBE, too. Others. Also, for myself.

As I said yesterday, I’m choosing to lean into it.


Kep’s back legs seem to be giving him some trouble. He has a long ago injured tendon on his rear right. That makes it difficult for him to hop up on something. Not sure whether this new matter is real or temporary. I’ll wait a couple of days, see. Then into the vet. Back legs on dogs often give a signal of approaching or already extant problems. Hoping it isn’t so. Going to have rethink Kahlua if it is.

Kep’s twelve and the Akita lifespan is 12-14 years. So…


Life and death. Colorado. Illness and pain. One damned thing after another. And yet. Glad I’m here. Glad I’ve been able to confront these challenges, common to us all, and maintain a steady boat. Needed all the friends and family love I could get. I’m not entirely with the Buddha that all life is suffering, but it does suffuse life at certain moments.

Feeling like my soul has gone through an alembic on Shadow Mountain, the fire of pain distilling it into an open and loving man. Grateful for that.


Talked to Seoah and Joe yesterday. Joe’s started his new job as Ex. O. to a General. June 1. Seoah’s mom is in the hospital, heart stuff. Which she apparently had last year, too. I’m not clear on what the problem is but they are considering surgery. It’s spring and she feels terrible because the truck garden has plowing and seeding, caring for new plants. She doesn’t need that stress right now.

Seoah’s going over there for three weeks. Leaving soon. She may have to help in the fields. But. I hate insects! Her father wouldn’t let her work in the fields when she was young. Now she may not have a choice. She’s a hard worker so she would be an asset.

Both Seoah and Joe say, family first. And they’ve been there for me during my difficult times over the last year plus. Means Joe will be making calls today to see if he can get a position in Korea rather than Germany. Seoah’s feeling like she might need to be closer to home. “I really wanted to go to Germany. I’ve never been there,” she said. But family comes first.

A brand new American citizen she proudly showed me her blue passport. She will enter Korea this time as an American rather than a Korean citizen. That will be weird, she said.

Although. She also said that her mouth has begun to have trouble shaping some Korean words. And, when talking to her sister she sometimes has to think about the Korean. She’s transitioned in their six years of marriage.

I love these two. So much. And it bounces back, too.




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Oooh, a puppy!

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon


Sunday gratefuls: Ruth. For whom my heart aches. Gabe. For whom my heart sings. Jon. For whom my heart waits. Rebecca. A kindness. Alan. A fullness of friendship. Seeking the whole lev-the heart mind. Wholeness. Kep, my companion. The Denver Mtn. Parks Trail with Gabe. Covid. Grief. Kate, always Kate. Shavout.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Ruth.

Tarot: Queen of Stones, Bear


“Grief is a heart-wrenchingly painful problem for the brain to solve… to live in the world with the absence of someone… ingrained in your understanding of the world… For the brain, [they are] simultaneously gone and also everlasting, and you are walking through two worlds at the same time.” from the Grieving Brain by Francis O’Connor. Marginalia 

This quote explained grief to me. In a way nothing else has. Since the experience is still fresh, I thought I’d pass it along. Grief lasts forever, grieving does not, O’Connor says. My experience, too. Grieving is over for me. At least in the main. But grief? No. Still sad and wistful. Still missing Kate. Still walking through two worlds. A beautiful phrase.


Had breakfast with Rebecca Martin yesterday at Parkside. Rebecca is a fellow kabbalah and mussar student. She’s 80, but very vital. Each year  she makes a months long journey to a Tibetan Buddhist nunnery near Dharamshala in northern India.

She started out teaching English there but has become a part of the community. Though she still teaches English. She had to take a break during Covid and isn’t sure when she’s going back. Have to admire that chutzpah. The plane ride alone. Yeah?

A good conversation.

While there, I met a Leonberger/Bernese Mountain Dog mix. A really big dog. Odin. Ten months old, still very much the puppy but almost Wolfhound height and weighing in at 140 pounds. Not mature. He was so funny and loving. Wagged his whole body. Made me want one.


Realized when Ruth and Jon came up later that my life has shifted again. I’m the Grandpa with a Mountain home and love that needs nothing in return. Which is not to say I don’t appreciate being loved. I do.

But they feel comfortable here because I’m comfortable here and with them. And with their individual dramas. Most of the time. A role shift from Jon’s mom’s husband and sorta grandpa to a key life figure for all three of them. Not really grandpa, not really father, just a guy who loves them and is willing to hang in there with them.

I’ve struggled with this, but have chosen to lean into it, make it what I’m here for until the kids are through high school. Doesn’t mean I can’t travel, be other places, but I’m staying here for now. Probably as long as I’m able.


Dogs have closed minds. As do other humans. We can’t see inside and know what’s going on. It occurred to me a week or so ago that Kep may not have gotten up on the bed with me because it reminded him of Rigel. May have smelled like her, too. The last few nights he’s gotten up on the bed and stayed through morning. I’ve asked him to, and, yes, I believe he understands. It feels like he’s decided to push past his grieving to comfort me. Feels like a treasure.

I’ve also decided to get a puppy. Gonna do it. Kep will bond with the puppy over time, not be mean to it. A female. And, I don’t care what the breed is. Just filled out an application for Kahlua, a German Shepherd mix. We’ll see out what happens. Oooh, a puppy!




Posted in Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Judaism, Kabbalah, Mussar, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, Tarot | Leave a comment


Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon


Saturday gratefuls: Gabe. His help w/: the olive plate, learning lines, locating the beep. Attending synagogue. Rabbi Jamie. Alan. The meal last night. Kep. Sleep. Cool night. Aspen tree losing its crown. Warmer weather. Rain yesterday evening. CBE. Feeling in/out. Dues. Bond and Devick. Money.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Ruth’s early release

Tarot: Nine of Bows, Respect

“There is a scary Woodwose in the forest passing by your path. He is swinging up a roughly carved bow. The Woodwose is referred to in many ancient myths around the world as a wild, huge, and hairy man in the forest. He challenges our dedication and courage when we want to continue on the path we have chosen.”

“As we approach the heart of a spiritual seeker, the motivation and honesty of human desires are challenged. Ancient wisdom requires the seeker to be humble and selfless. Respecting others and their environment is essential to move on the path of enlightenment. There is no perfection without experiencing challenges.”


Gabe’s been up here since Thursday night. He pretty much takes care of himself at 14. He read the part of Eddie in View from the Bridge by Arthur Miller so I could work on learning my lines. Two times through were enough for him. He read well and I think found it intriguing.

We’re doing a showcase of our scenes on June 27th so I asked Gabe to come. Along with Ruth and Jon of course. I went to so many of your performances. Now you can come and see one of mine!

He likes going to the synagogue, being with other Jews. He gets bored, but I do, too. The services go longer than I can usually stand. And I don’t know Hebrew. Same for him. But we see people, talk. And last night had a great meal. All vegetarian. We took an olive plate, using one of Kate’s cut crystal serving platters that had dividers. We had five kinds of olives. Gabe put them on the plate and carried them in.

He likes Rabbi Jamie. He wants the Rabbi to take him for a ride on his motorcycle. I think both he and Ruth would be well served if they could be at CBE more often. I keep mentioning it. They agree, but it’s difficult since they live so far away.

Part of my contribution to everybody’s mental health is to host the grandkids as often as they want to come. Often it’s Ruth and Gabe. This time just Gabe.


A week that went by with some angst, some avoidance. Tiredness. My new prescription for synthroid at 50 mg arrives on Monday. Should up my energy level, bring down my cholesterol numbers. Finding the right dose does take some time Kristan told me. Hope this is it. But, it may not be.

Fatigue lowers my spirits. I think it does for most of us. Looking forward to a boost.


Had a good week on the workout side of things. 3 hours and 40 minutes. Two days on Mountain trails. Two days of resistance work and treadmill cardio. I take the weekends off because I like to have the free time in the mornings. Need it to get domestic stuff done.


Reading more and more these days. Feels good. Bewilderment. About half way done. It’s a shorter book. Connie Zweig. Unamuno.


Breakfast out with Rebecca this morning. Short post. See you tomorrow.


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In the stranger we discover humanity

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon


Friday gratefuls: Yesterday’s zero on posting. Hike on the Denver Mountain Parks Trail. Mussar and sadness around gun violence. Gabe here. Jon calmer. Ruth in the hospital again. Snow all gone. 7.5 inches. Wow. Bewilderment, Richard Power’s latest. Hawai’i. Money. Travel. Cumulus Clouds white over Black Mountain. Sol. Life-Bringer.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Gabe

Tarot: Page of Vessels, Otter

“As a person, Page of Vessels represents someone with an open and youthful approach to life. They are imaginative and playful characters. Otters may be mischievous, but their hearts are not malicious. Expect a surprise when Otter shows up to say hello!”


The page of Vessels, the otter, reminds me to play, use my imagination for fun, enjoyment. Get some more mischief in my life. More surprise. More oneg, pleasure. More simcha, joy. Let my hair, what there is of it, down. Shake it all about.

June 1

Like most late season Snows, this one on June 1!, mostly gone yesterday. The rest will disappear today. Already 55 at 9am. All Moisture is good Moisture. Up here. Though. The Boundary Waters and Rainy Lake? Not so much. Water is not always where its needed. Watch for the Water wars to ratchet up here in the West.


We had a powerful conversation at mussar yesterday about Uvalde and gun violence. Even our most conservative member, a Trump gal, was agin’ it. When will we ever learn?

“When a stranger resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the stranger. 34 The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native-born among you; you shall love the stranger as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.” Leviticus 19:33-34

The mussar text from yesterday quoted this verse and a comment on it by a German-Jewish philosopher, Herman Cohen. Loving God. Got it. Love your neighbor. Got it. A member of the tribe. Someone like you. Not stranger. Love a stranger? In this verse Cohen says we discover humanity and God’s disposition toward our species. Love is not merely tribal, but universal.

A strong rebuke to the gun worshipers who say, “Hate the stranger in your midst. And, if possible, shoot them.”


Gabe is up here for a couple of days. I’m recruiting him to help learn lines. Also, to find that annoying beep. He tried to find it but like me, could not. Jon? Nope. Gabe loves Kep and wants to see him, work on jigsaw puzzles, watch TV, hunt for deer antlers.

We’re going to a presentation on Israel at the synagogue this evening. I like getting the kids over to the synagogue as often as possible. Being Jewish is important to them, but that part of them is not getting fed right now.

Ruth comes home tomorrow. Jon and she will come up here for a family meal after she gets released.


There’s a Denver Mountain Parks Trail on the way home from Evergreen, maybe 3/4’s of a mile from 73. I talked about it last week. I’ve taken to hiking it after mussar. One of my two trail hikes during the week. After our conversation about loving neighbors and strangers we talked about saying hello to strangers and acquaintances alike when we’re out and about. Having just finished Overstory I suggested we include Trees and Flowers, Rocks and Streams.

Along I went. Hello. To the thick Ponderosa. Hello to the Bluebells peeking from the Grass. Hello to the great slab of Granite covered with Moss and Lodgepole Roots. Hello to the Stream running happily. Singing to me as I hiked. Hello to the Wild Strawberry. To the thorny wild Berry Canes. Hello to the tall Pine climbing up straight as a mast. Hello to the Rocky Stream Bed that gives the Water a crashing, foaming moment at the end of the trail. Hello to the small Pond and the Waterstrider on the Pond.

This was more than a casual exercise. It made me feel I was among friends, no longer strangers these Plants. These Rocks. This Water. It might feel silly at first. That’s ok. Silly is good. Otter already told us so. You could give it a try.


Posted in Commentary on the news, Denver, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Jefferson County, Judaism, Mountains, Mussar, Original Relation, Plants, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Shadow Mountain, Tarot, Weather +Climate | Leave a comment

Sweet sad laughter filled his head

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

Afternoon gratefuls for Wednesday: Cold white tea. Glass. Fire. Peat briquets. Ireland. The Celts. Dry Pine split logs. A chimney. A fireplace. Overstory, the last pages. A day of resting, wondering, wandering.


You know. I sat there in my Stickley chair. Overbuilt with gothic trusses, slotting joinery, arms wide for books and tea and my blood pressure cuff.

Build a Fire. Go on. Build a Fire. But I have to get up. I know, build a Fire and put the Peat briquets on it. Sometimes I listen to this slice of Self. Sometimes not.

This time. Got an edition of the Canyon Courier from last year, crumpled it up and put the wads under the andirons. A few slick pages, clay paper I think, above them, on the metal. Twigs. Fatwood. Two thinner chunks of Pine, one fatter one across them. Four of the black briquets formed from the Peat beds of old Ireland. One match. Left the doors slightly open for the draft.

Went back to the chair, sank in, almost disappearing into its bulk. As Fires do, it was nothing special at first. A pop here. A tendril of smoke. Did it go out? No, a Flame. Soon it burned with the ancient mystery of a Campfire out on the Veldt. Like our ancestors then I watched mesmerized. This is knowledge known by the heart.

As the Flames licked up in the draft of Air, the Fire began to dance, pirouetting, pointing toward the Sky. And, as my favorite line in Beowulf goes, Heaven swallowed the Smoke. The scent of Peat, pre-Coal Lignite, leaked out. Smelling like a left over glass of single malt whisky. Aqua Vita.

Only a few pages left to go in Overstory. The denouement. Characters dying, being jailed, thinking back, imagining a brand new life ahead. Dissolution then reseeding.

The wood in the fire. Trees now dead, lighting the room, heating it. Disturbing the Air. Making Smoke. The Trees in the book, many dead, many dying. Seeds being saved. Wild plans to solve the crisis of stupidity invading our species.

That time at the Peaceable Kingdom when Psilocybin sent tendrils of neural Fire through my consciousness. Lying in the Garden I watched the Potatoes grow. Amazed. One with the Soil and the vitality. This is the way.

On the Oak arm of the chair I had a glass of white Tea. A Leaf grown on a shrub in faraway China. Made cold in the refrigerator. Water. Fire. Air. Earth. Tea. Wood. Peat. Overstory. Lodgepoles and Aspen. Willows. Ponderosa. Bristlecone Pine. Aspen’s great clonal Communities.

Sadness crept up on me. Wish Kate could share this with me. No tears. Only that tweak of impossible desire. A longing to spend the last years like this. A book. Some tea. A Fire in the fireplace. Tea-saturated Water in the Water place. Shadow Mountain beneath me. The blue Colorado Sky above me. Why strive? Wu wei. Follow the Watercourse. Listen to the Mountain. See the Trees. Be with them. Warm myself from time to time in the way of burning.

The Arapaho Forest. I live amongst Trees and the Wild Neighbors they support. Amongst the Mountains the Trees change into Soil. I am a hermit, in a hermitage. A Chinese scholar fled to his Mountain retreat after the bureaucracy got too much.




Posted in Feelings, Fourth Phase, Literature, Mountains, Plants, Weather +Climate | Leave a comment

Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Life review. Sumi-e. Ruth. Snow. Yes. I mean it. June 1st, big Snow. Limbs down. Good sleeping. Astrology. Sun sign, Moon, and Ascending. Kep in the bed for the second night in a row. Hawai’i. I was there last year this time. Richard Powers. Reading. Trail hiking. TV back in its usual spot. Alan. Tom.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Snow!

Tarot: Queen of Arrows

“In Shamanic terms, Swans are about developing a sense of self, awakening your intuition, and a graceful disposition to others…Within the card lies the promise of rebirth and creativity – the tiny primrose peeping through the long grass. Willow is also more than a symbol of sorrow, it also promotes great healing and relief of pain…Queen of Arrows is completely independent, but she loves groups that bring like-minded people together.” tarotx.net


These heavy, wet Snows put a lot of pressure on powerlines. My lights flickery. Power on and off. Not sure if the generator is on or not since I’m up in the loft. The maintenance kit for it has not come in yet. Ordered a month ago. Still working after that brief hiccup when Diane was here. Grateful to have it.

Also grateful to have the Snow. Fire repressing Snow. And the liquid flowing into my tiny Aquifer here atop Shadow Mountain.

Snow has started up again. How bout that?


Astrology class yesterday. A question for the day: What gives you purpose? I said as I get older each new day gives me a sense of purpose. Yes. We live in the moment only. But that those moments, together, constitute our days, months, years. And each day with sunseen and sungone is a whole life. A rising up, a developing morning, a quiet midday, a winding down, and then, darkness, a night of sleep.

Resurrection. Death. Resurrection. A new chance. A moment in which life can begin again. Old angers put aside. New loves recognized, acted on. Beauty admired, inhaled. Actions taken for justice. Following the Tao. Letting the day flow as it will. “Within the card lies the promise of rebirth and creativity – the tiny primrose peeping through the long grass.” Queen for a day.

Simpler. Write. Workout. Lunch. Rest. Read. Go out or watch TV. Enough life for me. No pressure, no angst. Just the day. Some words. Some movement. Food. Learning. Other people some days. Some days not. Rest. My purpose; my day.


Guns + white supremacy + Trump/GOP validation + inflation + job slippage among working class whites + fear of other others (liberals, gays) = chaos and violence. Topping this all off with a stacked supreme court? Priceless.

My hope lies in two places: Gen Z, Ruth and Gabe, and dissolution. The acids of populist insurgency dissolving the current order, bringing chaos, forcing a new alignment of forces and beliefs. Probably not in my lifetime, but if so, yeah. I want to be there, put my foot on the accelerator.

Not much, I know. But there nonetheless.



Posted in Astrology, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Politics, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Shadow Mountain, Tarot, Weather +Climate | Leave a comment


Beltane and the Living in the Mountains Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: Acting. Tal. Marilyn. Alan in his Rockie’s hat and shirt. 70. Deb. Gretchen. Hamish. Jill. Terence. Kep, who finally came back up on the bed last night. Herme. Overstory. Sanford Meisner. Connie Zweig. Richard Bresnahan. Kate, always Kate. Lana Harris. The fat waddly Animal that scurried off the road last night and up the Mountain.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Playwrights

Tarot: King of Bows, the Adder

“Adder asks us to step into our own power and to face our challenges (as individuals as well as groups and nations) with maturity and strength. We can choose to heal instead of poison. We can learn to exercise our authority without striking out in fear.” tarotx.net


Even though I’ve time shifted to a 10 pm bed time, the morning after acting class is still brutal. Up at 8:15 this morning. Practically the afternoon for my old schedule. Got home last night at 9:30 after dropping Deb off. Bed at 10:40.

A good but long and difficult workout in the morning, too. Puts the body through its paces. Add that to three hours of sitting on metal folding chairs at the Evergreen Players… Oh, my.

Worth it though. Gonna continue with acting classes. I know how to think about complex, abstruse matters. Probably past time for me to start writing about them, getting my truth out there.

Working with my emotions, performing, following a new art form, being part of it. All need burnishing. Time. Also. New people.

Next to last Astrology class. Upper Maxwell Falls right after because snow on its way. Yep. Right now it’s snowing puppies and kittens. All moisture good. About 4:30 pm.


OK. Dominating my life right now. A beeping sound. It’s on my level. I’ve gone around the room four times stopping, waiting. Dividing the walls in half. So eight stops. One sided hearing makes this a maddening enterprise. Somewhere. Somewhere. Not the usual suspects. Nothing’s blinking. Living alone with this is a real nuisance. It’s not an alarm signal from a CO2 alarm or a smoke alarm. It’s not my oxygen  concentrator. Grrrr. Not sure what to do.

Gonna ignore it right now and hope it goes away. Not an adult solution, but the only one I come up with right now. Chirp chirp chirp. Aarggh.

Ok. Plot thickens. I take off my hearing aid and I can’t hear it. I know what you’re thinking, but no, I can still hear without my hearing aid. I don’t think it’s the hearing aid, rather I think it’s picking up a bluetooth signal from something else. But what? Tough when you have sensory assistance to know how you know.

Could get all philosophical here, but I won’t.

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