Imbolc and the 3/4 Moon

Saturday gratefuls: Vince. What a good guy. Kristine Gonzalez. What a good and thorough doc. Maren, for getting me past the electronic gates of the patient portal. Finally, a good medical practice. And, local. Cheryl, too, at Quest in the practice. A good phlebotomist. A local team for medical and Snowplowing/handyman needs. Jodi and Bowe. A good team for the kitchen. Ruth, Jon, Gabe. Coming up at 3 pm. Safeway pickup. Alan and the Bread Lounge this morning.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Irreducible Mind, Edward Kelly, et al

Tarot: Nine of Vessels, Generosity

Digging into the books written by Ed Kelly and his collaborators. Many flashes across the dark desert, a storm coming that will bring rain to the arid behaviorism of the Watson-Skinner crowd.

These books, there are three: Irreducible Mind, Beyond Physicalism: Toward Reconciliation of Science and Spirituality, and Consciousness Unbounded: Liberating Mind from the Tyranny of Materialism, fat ones, heavy on my sturdy Stickley chair, reflect the work and interaction of a multidisciplinary team. Ed says in the preface to Irreducible Mind (IM) that the purpose of these volumes is to get to advanced undergraduates and early graduate students in disciplines like philosophy, neuroscience, and psychology before they experience, and I love this phrase: hardening of the categories.

Guilty. I am guilty of a hardening of the categories on just these issues. Skepticism has its place, oh yes, but when it turns, it turns bad. It creates walls that can’t be breached even by new data, creating the very situation that it purports to avoid. Ed offers several antidotes to this rotten form of skepticism.

Francis Bacon, 1620: “The world is not to be narrowed till it will go into the understanding…but the understanding to be expanded and opened till it can take in the image of the world as it is in fact.” p. xxii, intro to IM

Also, and you’ll like this Bill, by Philosopher F.C.H. Schiller: “For the facts to be ‘discovered’ there is needed the eye to see them.” ibid.

Gotta lot more good quotes. Ed is a funny and acerbic guy. Here’s my favorite: “chess-playing computer programs represent real progress toward real intelligence in roughly the same sense that climbing a tree represents progress toward the moon.” xxv, intro.

This feels like a spot I could have inhabited a long time ago if I had not allowed my flat earth empiricism (a variety of rotten skepticism) to keep me on a conventional and conservative line of thought about these matters.

Combining this work with kabbalah, tarot, and astrology should be enough to keep me busy for the next quarter of a century if the docs can keep me kicking that long.

This kind of stuff excites me, makes me eager. I’m getting this house set up for good eating, good exercise, good study, good thought. Now I have subject matter that actually conforms to my old reimagining faith project. Wow.

A strong and unextinguishable part of me is an academic, episodically trained in esoteric fields like philosophy, theology, kabbalah, and now the war between physicalism and idealism. I like that part of me and want to feed him over the next few years. Feed him better, more consistently. The Hermitage. A good spot for all of this. And, for conversation about it.

Thanks to Ode for putting me on this path.

Yule and the Moon of the New Year

Follow this link to see the Webb in a 3d solar system.

Friday gratefuls: Brian finished. Bowe comes on Monday and should finish then. Fire Danger low. Snow fresh and white. Mussar class on tzedakah, justice, went well. Jon’s print in a gallery show. Spark Gallery. Oncologist today. The Mountains in Winter. All the wild Critters living rough. A warm house. A wonderful library.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Spark Gallery

Tarot:

Finally will see Kristie today. Oncologist PA. Scheduled first for January 3rd. Then for January 25th. Now, scheduled for today, Friday, January 28th. I’m pretty level about this but when my old Doctor’s group wouldn’t give me a referral for the 3rd I get angry. The 25th cancellation was because I didn’t yet have approval for Prolia, a once every six-months shot for bone health.

Glad of that one because the Snow came down hard all day. Unlike Minnesota, if you wait a day here, conditions often improve almost back to a dry normal. Weird from a Gopher State perspective, but true.

I have a touch of anxiety. I find out the results for genetic markers related to prostate cancer today. This shot, Prolia, protects me from tipping over into osteoporosis. Wonder how much it costs? In a note after the first cancellation Kristie indicated I may get another new drug today. And what does the PSA not all the way down mean? So, reasonable concerns, I think. But, too, part of the process of living with cancer.

Brian, the slow cabinet maker, has now come twice in the last two days. All the way from Fairplay. An hour’s drive in good weather to the West. He’s done, Jodi says, except for backordered hinges on one cabinet door. We both took a chance on Brian to get an earlier finish date. December 25th. Jodi checked him out, even went to Fairplay.

Brian’s basic excuse is that he can’t hire help. Which I believe. But. He also over promises and under performs rather than the much more customer sensitive and business savvy, under promise and over perform. He’s old enough to have learned this already. Nope. His work is good. Not great. But good. And good enough.

Still happy with the overall results. Will be happier still when it’s finished and I can start reorganizing the cabinets. Even better, cooking with all my tools and dishes available without a walk across the living room floor.

Finished Klara and the Sun. It is science fiction, but it’s also literary, more like Franzen than Asimov. The story involves Klara, an AF, artificial friend, and her charge, Josie. The Sun plays a prominent, even decisive role. Will reread it. Something I don’t do often. It’s deceptively simple.

Gonna start a new book by an author new to me, Becky Chambers. The Long Way to a Small and Angry Planet. She’s gotten a lot of press in the sci fi world. I’ll find out soon.

Spent yesterday morning studying Sefer Yetzirah. This is dense material. Sanders uses material from many different texts, short sections, maybe a page or a page and a half. Some comes from the Middle Ages, some from more recent scholarship. All of it reads like philosophy or theology. Which, I guess, in a sense, it all is. Historically philosophy and theology have been brother and sister disciplines. They share a convoluted writing style and ideas that often don’t make immediate sense.

One I’m wrestling with right now is the idea that language is the conduit between the sacred and the profane. Of course, that’s an obvious yes if you’re a literalist Christian or a Muslim who believe God spoke or inspired all the words the Bible or the Koran. Not obvious to me because I’m not sure what constitutes the sacred. Even after all these years, it still eludes me.

Time for breakfast and a shower. Get ready to drive down the hill. Till next time.

Yule and the New Year Moon

Where’s the Webb? From home? 641000 miles. To L2 257000 miles. 71% of journey complete. Slower yet at .2639 mps. Mission day 13. Yesterday the aft instrument radiator got deployed. Today the primary mirror begins to unfold from its launch position. This begins the last deployment,  the mirror segments. Complete by mission day 15. Then it’s cruise on, slow, slow, slow. Puff, puff, puff and L2 insertion.

Friday gratefuls: Mussar. Rabbi Jamie. Jodi, Bowe, and Brian. Coming today. Finish early next week, I imagine. Choice. Daily. Too much choice. Habit. Routine. Bed sheets. The family crate. Safeway. Grocery pickup. Covid. Kate, always and still, Kate.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Max in his parka, a snow angel.

Tarot-January spread: Money-The Wanderer, 0 in the major arcana

The whole team gathers here at 9:15. Me. Bowe and Brian. Jodi. We’ll discuss last steps to complete the work. I have a punch list but so far it’s pretty small. Bowe anticipates my concerns and fixes them. Wish I could hire him for everything carpentry I need to get done. Maybe I can?

If I had gone with the Karman cabinets, I would have had a three month wait for delivery. End of January. Even with delays I’m ahead of the curve. Bowe had bookings into March so it could have been much later. Even with Brian’s pokiness this is faster.

I heard one complaint he had: can’t hire good help these days. I’m sure the pool of folks looking for work in Fairplay is not big to begin with and the Great Resignation has upended the entry level job market.

His work is not quite as good as I’d anticipated, but it’s good. Good enough. I like it. I imagined custom cabinetry like in a fancy built home. Not that level. But maybe the next level down. Better than mass produced for sure.

Brian reminds me a bit of Gollum. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Oh, you’ll like these, sir. Attention to detail. Oh, yes. An obsequiousness that hides deep resentment. Not to me, we don’t know each other well enough to have that sort of bad blood, but to customers. To the folks who put demands on his time. To the world which has not seen his genius. Makes me sad.

Read an article on Languishing that ancient brother Paul recommended. Here’s the article’s definition: “Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.” The author describes languishing as the middle ground between depression and flourishing.

I recognize the symptoms in myself. Covid has gone on too long. Add grief. Hard to get the motor runnin’, get out on the highway. I’ve gotten stuff done, mostly d3 stuff, domestic duty day things. The remodel, Herme pushed back against this tendency to slow down, way down around 4 pm.

Finding a center point for my life, finding a way to make my schedule creativity friendly, that’s the big on the table right now issue for me as a person. I feel like this is a good time to go for it.

My grief has had the tincture of time. Part of me now, reminding me always of the beauty and power of my love for Kate, hers for me. I carry it as a gift today, not a burden.

Covid. Well, not gone. For sure. But. I am in a better place, not where I need to be, but better. In spite of omicron. As long as I stay at home, or meet with friends, it barely affects me. I’m tired of masks, yes. I’m tired of thinking about vaccines, about being high risk, yes. I can, however, see an endpoint, a time when covid becomes a flu equivalent. Maybe a booster at a certain time. Masks in some situations. Not an everyday, what’s the death count kinda thing anymore. This year. The truth is out there.

Yule and the 2% crescent of the Winter Solstice Moon

Where is the Webb? Interesting. It’s just over 50% of the way to L2 this morning. 52%. 474000 miles from Earth, 424000 to Lagrange 2. On mission day 7 it’s coasting, slowing. Now at .4082 mps. 1470 mph. Still gradually unfolding as it goes.

Saturday (and 2022 so far) gratefuls: 2021 is in the books. 2022 arrived with six inches of snow. First time out of high Fire danger since July. Jon, Ruth, and Gabe up for New Years. Medical Guardian. New Moon coming. Glad for clean calendar, no memories in it. Leaning toward the future, honoring the past. Celebrating in the present.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The New Year

Tarot past-present-future spread: Ace of Stones, The Foundation of Life; Six of Bows, Abundance; Queen of Stones, Bear

Auspicious. Always love that word. Has a Chinese ring to it to me. 2022 already and in an important way. On New Year’s eve and continuing through this morning we’ve received over six inches of fluffy new Snow. As I noted in the gratefuls, this is the first day since early July when we are not in high fire danger.

Ironic and sad that it came a day after the Boulder County fire. Now we can switch anxiety to slick Mountain roads and Ice dams. Just kidding. Feels so good to have Fire off the table for a while. Hopefully until late May, June.

Up at 8 am though I only stayed up until 9:35 pm. I told Gabe that was midnight in Grandpa world. When I got up to what Gabe now calls my lair, it was 2 degrees outside, 2% humidity, and 2 degree windchill. The winds subsided yesterday. Glad.

Finished Wild Seed by Octavia Butler a couple of days ago. Paul Strickland recommended. A good, strange book. Butler died in 2006. She wrote Afrofuturist science fiction. Wouldn’t know how to describe this book. A mythology of sorts. Doro and Anyanwu’s back story. It was the last published in her Patternist series, but the earliest in terms of the series chronology.

Butler was the first science fiction writer to win a MacArthur genius grant. I can see why. Her work, this is the first one I’ve read, is not like anything else I’ve read, science fiction or otherwise.

Gonna leave this for now and go see the kids and Jon downstairs. I’ll do a proper New Year’s post later today.

Samain and the Winter Solstice Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Gabe and his beef stew. Gabe, Ruth, Jon. Jon and the zoom today. Family circling the wagons. The kitchen. The pause. Holiseason. Winter Solstice and the beginning of Yule on Tuesday. Christmas Eve present: Launch of the James Webb Telescope. That guy under the porch eating my neighbor’s chickens. (see pic) Seven lean years. Seven fat years? Kate. That sweety.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Mountain Lions, our neighbors, too.

Tarot: Ten of Vessels, Happiness. wildwood

Took Jon, Ruth, and Gabe to Benihana. Not because I like it, I don’t, but because Gabe loves it. You can’t not have a good time here, he said. What a joint. All tepanaki tables. Could use a refresh. The latest reservation they had yesterday was 3:15 pm. Yet, the place had full tables. A perfect spot to contract Omicron. Not my brightest idea this year. A Hanukkah gift from me to Gabe.

And, it’s expensive! The food was ok. There was the usual clanging spatulas and forks. Food cooked in safflower oil right there. That’s what Gabe likes about it. Our cook spent most of his time talking with the nubile young lasses, three of them. A lot of smiling, joking, hair caressing. Even Ruth had that, oh my gosh he’s cute smile on her face.

In the morning I studied the Tree of Life Tarot spread. Luke Coaciello and I will have lunch on Monday. My first ever experience as a Tarot card reader will follow. I’ll have to use my notes because the Tree of Life spread has many, many permutations. It’s a spread that lays out the cards in the same structure as the Tree of Life. The cards’ meanings get changed, heightened, intensified by the sephirot on which they fall. 72 different Tarot cards and 10 sephirot.

I’m mildly excited to put my growing knowledge of Tarot to use. Have no idea if I’ll ever do another reading after this one.

Zoom call today with the sisters and Jon. Talk about how to help Jon through this crisis.

Gabe has begun to blossom. He cooks on his own, asks if he can help when he’s up here, thinks of others. Not sure what prompted this change, but it’s refreshing and encouraging. He thinks he might want to work at Benihana. Here he is the Benihana hat. A boy in his happy place.

Ruth has become a go to babysitter, making cash. Gives her a bit of freedom. She claims she’s going to help pay the insurance on Ivory, the Rav4 Kate and I gave to Jon for her to drive when she gets her license.

Sad that Sarah and Paul will not make it out here for Christmas. Looked forward to seeing them.

I sent out a letter yesterday about my idea for linking faith communities to the needs of the New Builders. I’ll close with a copy of it.

Rabbi Jamie, Luke,

Here’s the link that set me thinking. The New Builders. Levine is with Foundry Group, based in Boulder. At the time I didn’t realize the woman with him was the CEO of Sistahbiz A Denver based business accelerator for Black women. In my initial thoughts I imagined creating something like Sistahbiz. Not necessary.

Another key player here is EforAll, the Colorado extension of a Massachusetts business accelerator. Levine connected with EforAll through the story of a woman New Builder in Lawrence, Mass. Now they’re here, too.

This feels like a big opportunity to me. It’s the sort of thing I used to do in Minnesota. Get an idea, get some folks together, make something happen.

Rabbi Jamie mentioned getting Levine to come give a talk. Great idea. Putting New Builders into the CBE book club. Ditto.

Here are some baby ideas that I have. Others will occur to you two, to others.

First, I worked for two years on building a Minnesota equivalent to the fundacion grupo social in Bogota, Colombia. Here is their mission statement: Contribute to overcoming the structural causes of poverty to build a just, supportive, productive and peaceful society.

Google translate will help you if you don’t have Spanish like me.

This work included staff from Northwest Bank, the Roman Catholic Church, community organizations, and many Christian denominations. We failed because of the recession of 1988. Could still happen. The fundacion provides banking and business services to the poorest of the poor. And, was a while ago anyhow the 10^th largest corporation in Colombia.

Second. A sit down with Levine, Sistahbiz, EforAll. Talk about how the faith community might help. Then, a sitdown with interested people from the faith community. Idea: create a way for churches and synagogues to contribute both capital and expertise for Black New Builders. I don’t know what it would look like. Might by a fundacion style banking institution. Might be something like S.C.O.R.E. Might be direct loans and/or investments.

Third. Minimalist. A public relations campaign to Denver Metro synagogues and churches about the possibilities.

Fourth. At some point the Denver Economic Development Office, the State’s too, should be brought into the conversation. Both will be flush after passage of Build Back Better.

There are lots of possibilities here. The aim, imho? Create a permanent, institutional presence that supports the small business dreams of Black men and women. That understands the structural dilemmas facing Black New Builders. That works at the roots of these problems.

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Samain and the Winter Solstice (no kitchen) Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Shirley Waste Pickup. Bowe. And, the kitchen demolition. Seeing the walls of my kitchen. Jon’s colonoscopy/endoscopy. Being with him on the way out and back. No microwave. No sink. No cabinets. Rigel and Kep, not sure what’s going on here. Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli in Lone Tree. That salami and provolone sandwich.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Agency

Tarot: Six of Arrows, transition.  wildwood

Coffee perking up here in the loft. I can smell it, see it. Yes, it’s kitchen remodel time! Busy day Monday. Full day with Jon yesterday, driving to Aurora to pick him up, then down to Lone Tree for his imaging, back to Aurora, then drive home in the early rush hour. Exhausted when I got back to an empty kitchen. Well, almost empty. The dishwasher, new induction stove, and the refrigerator are still there.

By keeping the appliances, including the microwave, and not putting in a new floor (the current one has radiant heat), I saved additional expense. But. It does mean we have to match the tile in some fashion. That’s imposed some limits on aesthetics.

Not going to be quite as busy today. Until later. Funeral at 2 pm for Rabbi Jamie’s mother-in-law. Going on zoom. Tom’s coming to take advantage of Colorado’s green free zone. And to spend some time with me. After the funeral we’ll connect.

The last two days have hammered me. Too much driving. Which I find exhausting these days. I forgot to take Herme out of the car yesterday so he visited Aurora and Lone Tree. Going on the downstairs table for now.

Took a beat on the way in to pick up Jon and went up Colorado Blvd to the Modern Bungalow. This place has Amish furniture but most of it made in the arts and crafts style. Their inventory fits well with the Stickley furniture Kate and I bought a long time ago.

A rocking chair. A chandelier. And, a floor lamp. From them. Not right now, but I wanted to see the stuff in person. Like it. The rocker I saw was perfect. Also looking for a low table, but something unique. Not in the arts and crafts style. At least most likely not. Something organic, think stone or wood with live edges.

A cool spot with lots of nice things. I gotta get out here before I spend a lot of money. Owner: No. Stay!

Jon’s trying to figure out why he’s lost 40 pounds and has neuromuscular problems in his leg. Big problems but no explanations. At least right now. His ability to do daily work has taken a substantial hit. Makes it hard for him to stay employed.

Hope he gets some diagnostic news. Without a problem definition, there’s no solution.

Remember I said there might be an issue that could slip past my old guy in the mountain top Hermitage defenses? Well. Might have found one. A small business support, start-up help effort. A local Jewish venture capitalist, Seth Levine, Boulder, has a special take on “entrepreneurship.” His book, just out, using the term New Builders because of the stereotypical view of business startups as coastal, white male, and tech.

According to his data the vast bulk of new start-ups are by women and black women in particular. In the middle of the country. I love his idea. He’s in Boulder. He’s Jewish. Rabbi Jamie has a close connection with a Black congregation in Denver. I love synergy in these situations and I can see it coming into existence here. Around what? I don’t know, but something connected to women-owned, black-owned startups, small business support. Possibly linking Denver Jewish congregations into the mix. Using as leverage the more progressive congregation way out here in the Foothills. Could happen. Might be fun.

Samain and the Holiseason Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: The Turkey Liberation Front. Stuffing. Family and friends. Clouds. Drought. Woolly Mammoth tusk found ten miles off Monterey Coast. 200,000 years old. That’s older than even Frank. Mark in Minnesota. Honey Baked Ham. In the frig. Ready. Safeway pickup after I talk with Diane. Jon, Ruth, Gabe. Coming tonight.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Rigel shook off her hang dog look. (I think she had indigestion. From that glove of mine she ate.)

Tarot: Message of the three card spread from yesterday. We will have a joyful Thanksgiving. If we remember Kate (we will), and rejoice in our time together. (and I intend to)

Bit the quartzite bullet. Ouch. $$$. Not gonna settle. I want a beautiful kitchen. Jodi and Bowe came by. Brian, the Fairplay cabinetmaker whom we chose because my cabinets would be handmade and available in time to get the work done before Christmas, told Jodi he needs more time. Ah, the joys of remodeling.

I liked Bowe. He seems competent and confident. A good combination. The sticking point is this: Bowe can do demo and install the new cabinets in two days. Give or take. But he has to wait to finish the backsplash and the plumbing until the quartzite fabricators measure, cut, polish, deliver, and install the counter top. So, if he has to wait a week on Brian, that means a tight, tight schedule with the waiting time on the countertop.

All in all, not a big deal. With one exception. I have to empty all of my cabinets. I don’t feel comfortable putting things away in the new kitchen until it’s done. A long time to have everything in boxes. I can still cook, use the refrigerator, and the microwave though I don’t know about the sink.

As most of you already know, remodeling means people a large sum of money to inconvenience you in your own home. I don’t have the wherewithal, nor the desire, to move out during the work.

The end result though. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Decided I’m going to find a personal trainer who will come to the house. I don’t need a lot. A new workout every 6-8 weeks. Attention to form so I do the exercises correctly. I like Deb Brown and On the Move Fitness but I don’t feel comfortable going in with Covid surging. Especially, I’m sure, after Thanksgiving.

I do have questions about physical fitness and the aging body. What is my goal? I understand the cardio goal, I think. Work the heart hard, often. At faster and slower intervals. But in the resistance work I’m not trying to bulk up. Never was, certainly not now. How do I know when I’m doing enough resistance work? Do I really need to do three sets? Those sort of questions. Even the cardio. I’ve read too much and absorbed too little.

Trying to bring Kate in closer. Has resulted in more tears. But I expected that. Kate and I are still together, always will be. Unlike, for example, Raeone and me, Judy and me. Kate and I shaped each other. Not so much with Judy and Raeone. A bit, of course, but nothing at the soul level.

Had an insight about mussar. Jewish ethics it’s called, but it’s actually about practical ways to improve character. We learn about midot, character traits. Examples: joy, patience, judging another favorably (and, ourselves), loving-kindness, curiosity, courage of the heart. Each session we come up with a practice to help us “get” the character trait.

Here’s the insight. It’s not so much learning about the character traits that’s important. It’s the constant willingness to examine ourselves and pay attention to the ethical choices we make that creates a heightened awareness of how we are in the world. That awareness is the gift of studying mussar. One I imagine you could gain by studying Buddhism or Taoism with a similar intensity and regularity.

It is not, let me emphasize, a guilt trip. You could take it there, but that’s sorta silly. The core of mussar teaching recognizes our humanness, our flaws and our strengths. Work on one, build on the other. Life-long journey.

When you add tarot into the mix, another route into the development of character opens up. Archetypal work. Venturing into the collective unconscious. Like mussar tarot guides us into looking at parts of ourselves we might otherwise gloss over or outright ignore. Both tarot and mussar require unflinching honesty. That’s another psychic muscle that gets bulked up in both. Without honesty we fall prey to our prejudices, our assumptions, our too quick takes on the world.

Let me give you two examples. The first, about judging the whole of a person favorably. When I encountered this idea in mussar a month and a half ago, I realized in my thinking about Jon I had allowed myself to focus on what I found lacking in him. (note: by my standards, probably not his) When I balanced those things with the good parenting, no, excellent parenting, the long arc of his art teaching career, his own art making, his tender heart, I realized I had an unbalanced approach to him.

Since then, I’ve changed my interactions with him, trying to respond to those positive characteristics and reinforce them. To give him support in critical life areas that can reduce his anxiety. Result? I feel better about my interactions with him and he seems to be eager to interact. A positive change.

Tarot: Each card I draw for a daily oracle or the cards dealt for me during my Tree of Life spread reading with Mark Horn invite me to investigate areas of my life I might miss, or deny.

In the Tree of Life spread I had the Emperor in the Keter position and the 9 of Swords in Malkut. The Emperor suggested I look at how my organizational skills might help some as yet unidentified cause. I’m moving in the hermit direction but the Emperor suggests I should not foreclose any particular style of living. I’m currently resisting the idea of becoming engaged with or creating a new organization and might continue to. But even the resistance is a creative tension. Making me consider facets of my new life I might have pushed away.

The nine of Swords in Malkut, the opposite position on the Tree of Life from Keter, this world as opposed to the whole universe, suggested I had grief work to do before I could move on to the next phase of my life. Specifically, I have to bring Kate in closer as a blessed memory, as a daily helper, as a net positive in my psyche. This is to counter my remorse over feeling good when I wonder if I should still be feeling bad.

Continued feeling grief stricken will cripple me. Block me for a new vision. I sense my movement is in the direction of bringing her in closer. But, I’m not there yet.

Time. As Kate would say, the tincture of time.