Category Archives: Family

Birthday Meal

Imbolc                                                                               Valentine Moon

Val2300You know the scene in the movie where the wife comes home and a trail of rose petals lead to the bedroom? This was the table at Twin Forks last night when I sat down for my birthday meal with Kate.

Somebody (and I know who) had gotten there earlier in the day and collaborated with the owner of the restaurant. It was a surprise. And touching.

Val1300There was more, too. Two beautiful cards and a vase of calla lilies that sits above the screen on which I’m writing this right now. I also got a box of crayons. Sounds silly, maybe, but I bought adult coloring books for us in December. Now we can get going on them. Something to soothe us while Vega is recovering from surgery.

We ordered off the Valentine’s Day special menu. Kate got prime rib, the yabba dabba do* cut. We weren’t expecting quite what she got. Barney Rubble and Fred would have been proud.

An intimate, romantic dinner for my birthday, which happens to fall on everyone’s love holiday. Perfect.

 

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Music. Painting.

Imbolc                                                                     New Valentine Moon

We started our Sunday at the Clyfford Still Museum. A chamber music quartet played in Gallery 5. Their audience which carried some nifty aluminum gallery chairs to the room filled the gallery. They were appreciative, too, but, as Kate pointed out, they clapped after every movement. Not the mark of a sophisticated crowd.

I took the opportunity to wander through this small museum, listening to the music as I tried to get a read on Clyfford Still. A few of his later works were wonderful, brave. A favorite featured a huge, mostly blank canvas, with just a few yellow marks flying up like a flame burning mysteriously, some white, splashes of orange and a few scarlet intrusions from below.

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I sat for a while in the gallery next to the one where the music played looking at the painting below. Somehow, I don’t even remember how now, I became a chamber music fan. For seventeen years I went to the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, attending most concerts in their season with a subscription.

I’m not a sophisticated listener from a musical point of view. That is, I don’t really follow the construction of a piece, nor do I understand the intent a composer may have had. Not an impediment. This music reaches inside my rib cage and squeezes my heart. Often, I would sit, eyes closed, watching small sparks, sometimes large ones, dance behind my eyelids, called into existence by a note, a run, a solo performance, a particular melody.

Other times a profound sense of melancholy would overtake me, followed by jubilation. With Charles Ives’ pieces, he’s a particular favorite of mine, a small crack in the fabric of space-time could open to reveal just a glimpse of what lay beyond this moment.

I mention this because while I sat in the gallery yesterday, a question, not an original one by any means, came to me: what is the difference between music and painting? Both are art forms. Both with artists engaged intimately. Both requiring tools for the artist. Both appealing to a desire (or need, even if undiscovered) to see or hear the world in a new way, a way not possible in the everyday. Both requiring some seriousness in the listener or the viewer, some attention to the work, some willingness to be vulnerable. Both chamber music and abstract art with long histories.

Still 600

Yet the differences were stark. The music floated through the galleries, taking up aural space everywhere, yet visible nowhere except Gallery 5 and even there only the artists and their tools could be seen: cello, violins, viola. One of the wonders of music is that we can see the musicians at work, bow in hand, reed wet, embouchure quivering yet we cannot see what they make. So music is invisible and painting very, necessarily visible.

Also, music is ephemeral. A painting, with appropriate conservation, can last centuries, even millennia. Once a note, a run from the quartet was heard, it died away and others filled in behind it, the linear drive of the music creating a certain expectation, a sense of beginning, middle and end. Still painted this canvas in 1972. With the exception of some possible changes to the linen and the paint-and I don’t know if there have been any-this work looks now like it did when he laid down his brush. So a painting is in that sense static.

That static nature of a painting is, in fact, a part of its meaning. We have confidence that we stand before what the artist intended; so a painting provides a moment, unmediated by others, when we as viewers can connect personally with the expressive power of a person often long dead, think Fra Angelico or Rembrandt or Poussin. Still died in the early 1970’s.

Music, in contrast, requires mediation, at least in chamber music. We hear, usually, not one artist, but many interpreting through their instruments the musical idea of a composer no longer able to comment on his or her intention. And we hear that interpretation, in the instance of live music, only once.

But, and here was an idea that was new to me, I might leave a concert whistling a melody or a particular portion of a composition. I might remember much of it, be able to recall the work as I go on from the concert hall. But, in the instance of abstract art, it is very difficult to recall what I’ve seen. The lack of representation of things familiar leaves my mind adrift when it comes to recall. This may, of course, be just me, but I imagine not.

So in this aspect, interestingly, the abstract painting becomes ephemeral, seen, then not recalled or recalled poorly, while a symphony or a concerto or a smaller chamber piece might remain, at least in part, accessible long after being heard.

In this case the apparent distinctive elements of stability and ephemerality are reversed, music being memorable, no longer ephemeral, and painting being unstable, as impermanent as the music I listened to yesterday in the gallery.

 

Seafood Paella and Spanish Music

Yule                                                                      Stock Show Moon

Kate and I went to the Aspen Peak Winery in Bailey last night for seafood paella and Spanish music. I love local events and this one had a good combination of homemade ambiance and terrific food.

On the drive to Bailey, about 20 minutes under normal circumstances, we experienced rush hour on Highway 285. The event was at 6 pm and Bailey is west of us in Park County. Rush hour is rush hour, even in the mountains, and I would not want to make this commute every day, especially after a big snow storm.

Saw a pick-up with a funny, but biting bumper sticker: Save an elk, shoot a land developer. Sort of the flip-side to a 1970’s bumper sticker that has remained in my memory: Sierra Club, kiss my axe. That was in Ely, Minnesota during the debate over the creation of the Boundary Waters Wilderness Area.

Kate’s had a good, but long week organizing the kitchen. She’s ready to get back to sewing. Golden Solar is coming to finish the critter guards on our micro-inverters today. Tai Chi later this morning. Probably chainsaw work later today. The weekend.

What’s Happening Now

Yule                                                                                  Stock Show Moon

My UPS just kicked in and saved my current work. But, now I have to go reset the modem. Sigh. (Well, I’ll be damned. The modem fixed itself.)

We’ve had good production out of our solar arrays this last week, not so much the first three weeks of January. We’ll see how generation averages out in this first year. A learning curve.

chart jan 2016

Kate’s been organizing, an Iowegian dervish of the kitchen. She’s been much lighter since she started. Glad.

Vega goes in tomorrow for a bandage check and biopsy results. Hoping for good news, aware it’s unlikely.

Tomorrow, too, another session with Greg.

 

A Wednesday Ahead

Yule                                                                              Stock Show Moon

Kate’s got another all sew day, this one with the needle workers. They’ll be meeting, ironically, in the much higher and more expensive home of two hospital administrators. She has a brace on her recently surgically altered left thumb which may make this day a bit trying for her. Although, she pushes through that kind of obstacle. Just that kinda gal.

My day will be Latin, review this time for Friday session with Greg, my Latin tutor.

Work out, now during the day to get push all the water I drink further away from bedtime. Trying to get my sleep more routine. Some nights I sleep well, really well. Other nights, like last night, it’s a wrassling match.

I plan to write a short essay, a prolegomena to Reimagining Faith. What is it? Why do I want to do it? What might it be? What are the elements available today that make it possible?

 

 

Super Dogs

Yule                                                                             Stock Show Moon

Took Gabe and Ruth to Superdogs at the National Western Stock Show yesterday. We started attending back in 2010. That year I took Ruth on the shuttle. We got about two miles from home. She turned to me with a slightly scared, sad look, she was 3 I think, and said, “I miss my mommy.” I called Jen, she talked to Ruth and we went on.

Since then we’ve seen rodeos, dancing horses, many superdogs, lots of cattle, some pigs, sheep, alpaca. The exhibit halls are full of large metal pincers to hold cattle and other large animals while branding and medicating, fencing, horse stalls, lots of pick-ups and other motorized things like Bobcats, Kubota tractors and John Deere machinery. Trailers of all kinds and lengths. Rope. The big Cinch booth with all things denim and boot.

That first year Jen and Ruth were watching a sheep competition and a reporter from the Denver Post caught them in a picture that went on the front page. It’s become a family tradition although this year it was just Grandma, Grandpop and the kids.

We ate lunch at the Cattleman’s Grill, a large open air restaurant with oilcloth covered 8 foot tables put together in long rows. Like a big family reunion. Lots of cowboy hats and boots, kids.

After that we wandered the exhibit halls. Gabe and Grandma went to the petting zoo where they got their hands on sheep, goats, pigs while Ruth and I examined the Western Art Show and Sale. Ruth and I liked the show. It had some wonderful sculpture, especially a small stone owl, landscapes done in non-traditional (that is not sentimental) manners, and some excellent paintings of animals, in particular one Brahman bull. He was a distinct individual in this full head portrait.

The Superdogs show either has gotten better since we first saw it or I’ve lowered my standards. This year was fun. These canine athletes, most of them rescue dogs, catch frisbees, do the high jump, run through plastic tunnels at speed, race along raised platforms and have a helluva good time. They are high energy, eager animals.

We’ll be back next year. Who knows what wonders we’ll see?

Tai Chi

Yule                                                                             Stock Show Moon

Over to Conifer Physical Therapy this morning with Kate for an 8 week course, Tai Chi for folks with arthritis. Our mutual infirmity bringing us closer together. How special is aging? Kate did Tai Chi when she was in medical school. I learned about half of a full form maybe 3 years ago, so we’ve both got some muscle memory. It never hurts to have more than way of approaching something. My physical therapy exercises are keeping my back and my shoulder/elbow/neck calmed down. Tai Chi will reinforce that work.

 

We’ll meet some other folks, too. Should be fun.

.015

Yule                                                                        Stock Show Moon

Tomorrow I have my third post-op appointment with my urologist. My new super sensitive PSA, done early this week, was .015. As I learned three months ago, when my PSA was the same, this is the equivalent of no prostate specific antigens, indicating that so far no stray prostate cells have found a home in my body far from their old place near my bladder. In essence this is a test for metastases and having it come back negative is a primary goal of any cancer treatment.

As I get further away from the surgery, the dramatic peak of cancer season, ordinary time makes a bid to return. In this case ordinary time is not the cessation of holiseason stimulated spirituality, but the relaxation of uncertainty and return to a less urgent awareness of mortality. There is though a deep impression left by the pressure of cancer season.

20150708_070336Cancer season began for me on April 14th, 2015 when Dr. Gidday noticed a suspicious hardness in my prostate, sufficient to make her refer me to Ted Eigner, the urologist. From April 14th until my surgery on July 8th and first super sensitive PSA the week of September 25th, cancer season pulsed with energy. It crackled with biopsy results, recommendations for treatment, visits to the this medical facility and that. The decisions made during cancer season were life-altering, even life determining.

There was anxiety and fear, of course, the presence of a fatal actor in my body was an unfamiliar and unpleasant experience. For the first time a part of my body was no longer onside with the goal of continuing the body’s existence. Betrayal. At its most intimate. But. There was also excitement. New information, new things to learn, to know. Things that had immediate relevance. Kate and I moved closer as we sorted through the maze of medicine, bureaucracy, treatment statistics and understanding my situation as well as we could.

Saigon Landing, EvergreenThen, with one three hour surgical procedure, it was over. Sort of. Cancer season trailed on to the first super sensitive PSA because until then even the clear, negative margins of the removed prostate and the positive eyeball analysis of Eigner during the procedure were not definitive. Some cancerous cells could have escaped. Though there is still some chance of metastases, nothing is 100% certain in these matters, with each clear PSA it becomes less likely.

Now I have to decide whether to emphasize cancer season, become a cancer survivor, or whether to let it bleed into the background, a highly charged moment with a successful outcome but with little relevance for daily life. So far I seem to be choosing the let it bleed into the background option, though this post is, I suppose, contra that.

That is, I want to live my life forward, not returning to and chewing over the undigested lumps of the past. Not yet background, no longer foreground, cancer season has a fading, but nonetheless potent presence still. It will be interesting to see where I am on July 8th of this year.