Monthly Archives: June 2015

Aging, Beyond the Boundaries, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Friends, Health, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

Surgery July 8

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Beltane                                           Closing Moon

The consultation with the urologist went well. My cancer has some outside the prostate presence, which makes the situation a bit more dire, but still one within the reach of a radical prostatectomy.

Kate and I both feel good about Dr. Eigner, the surgeon/urologist, and his experience. He’s done hundreds of robotic prostatectomies and hundreds of open prostatectomies. Practice is important.

We discussed the options, from hormone treatment to radiation to surgery. The moderately advanced nature of my cancer, my age and general health (good), make me a logical candidate for surgery. Kate and I had decided that already.

On the irrational side, I want that organ out of me. It’s no longer on my side. On the rational side surgery gives me the best chance of negative margins, a procedure in which all the cancer is removed, none showing at the tissue margins.

I feel good this evening, at peace with the choice, confident in the skill of my doctor and the support of family and friends.

Aging, Beyond the Boundaries, Faith and Spirituality, Family, Feelings, Friends, Original Relation, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

A Yamantaka Moment

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Beltane                                                        Closing Moon

Yama
Yamantaka

So. Today is June 11th. I feel a small hole in the pit of my stomach. Not often you meet a day when your life is at stake, but this is one of those days for me. This afternoon we’ll find out the stage (severity & aggressiveness) of my cancer. We’ll also decide on a course of treatment.

It’s been an interesting time since the initial news from the biopsy. Once I absorbed that information and read the Schwartz book on Surviving Prostate Cancer, I’ve let the matter go for the most part, at least at a feeling level. There was a bracket around the time between then, late May and now, mid-June. In that bracketed time no new information could be gained and no action could be taken.

Now that bracketed time is over and the next steps, the real choices are just ahead. My confidence level is still high. Kate’s knowledge and support is essential as is encouragement from friends and family. Dr. Eigner is competent and practiced, and, unusually, open to serious questions and probing. I’ve done my research, have a list of questions.

The appointment is at 2:30. More later.

General
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Beltane                                                                  Closing Moon

Response back from Colorado wildfire central. External fire sprinklers aren’t a good option here. Too many things can go wrong. So that means we’re down to defensible space, good roofing and fate. Well, there are plenty of us. At least whatever the Elk Creek Fire District guy recommends it will be something I can do. Learning how to use a chainsaw and ax, peavy and splitting wedge will come in handy here.

Big rain again yesterday and last night. So far the humidity and the rain feel a lot like Minnesota, though I noticed Andover hit 92 the other day. There the nights are warmer already and the days have begun to heat up, too. We remain cooler and more bearable during the day, cool enough at night.

 

 

Aging, Health, Original Relation, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant.

This. Well.

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Beltane                                                             Closing Moon

 

A man in Kirkland, Washington, got his last wish, thanks to the compassion of the local fire district and caregivers at his hospice care center.

The patient, known simply as Ed, had been a forest ranger with a passion for the outdoors. Sadly, his illnesses forced him to stay inside for many years, and he eventually became a resident at the Evergreen Hospice Center in Kirkland. As his health waned, he shared his last wish with the hospice chaplain: To be among nature one last time.

It was important to the staff to make sure Ed was safe on his journey, so they contacted the Snohomish County Fire District to see what they could do. With a little teamwork, Ed caught a ride in an EMS vehicle to some nearby woods.

The EMS team that transported him made sure he experienced as much of the area as he could.

“Together, the group took Ed up and down the trails, bringing him the scents of the forest by touching the fragrant growth and bringing their hands close to Ed’s face,”reads a post on the Evergeen Hospice Volunteers page.

Jefferson County, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, The West, Weather +Climate

Fire

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Beltane                                                                  Closing Moon

Fire mitigation is on my mind. Firewise is a project of the National Fire Protection Association and has wide exposure here in Colorado. They recommend defensible space, 30 feet out from the house no trees, shrubs, fuel. Trees out to 50 feet or so limbed up to 10 feet so fire can’t skip from ladder fuels (shrubs, grass) to tree branches. That’s considered only good sense up here on Shadow Mountain.

And, to show you that no good deed goes unpunished, the very wet, fire repressing May and June (thunder outside right now) we’re having, will nourish grass and shrubs. They’ll make excellent ladder fuels in the dry time of late June and July. Geez.

Our property’s not in bad shape in terms of defensible space. The previous owner seems to have done much of what’s suggested. To make sure though I’m having the deputy chief of the Elk Creek Fire District come out next Thursday to do a fire mitigation assessment.

Still working on the idea of an external fire sprinkler system. I’ve read many websites, pdf’s. Lots of options, including a few that don’t use water, but spray fire retardant chemicals. Managed to confuse myself, so I e-mailed the state coordinator for wildfire mitigation and asked her to comment on their utility. Lots of wind apparently renders them near to useless and high winds accompany most mountain fires.

Also, they need enough water for 3 hours of continuous sprinkling, 2 hours before the fire to create a moist micro-climate and one hour afterward to protect against embers blown back. That’s likely a good bit more than our well can handle which would require an in-ground water tank.

A new place, new challenges. All part of becoming native to this place.

Colorado, Commentary on Religion, Faith and Spirituality, Holidays, Music, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant.

JFest

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Beltane                                                            Closing Moon

 

Kate and I went to Boulder J Fest yesterday. It was on Pearl Street Mall, a three block long pedestrian mall that is the heart of downtown Boulder. We had a great time, wandering among booths that featured Jewish crafts people, Kosher food, humanist Judaism, Judaism Your Way and B’Nai Brith among many others.

We ate lunch in an excellent Italian trattoria with outdoor seating that gave us a comfortable front row seats to the performance tent. We first heard Lost Tribe, a klezmer band with extraordinary range doing everything from Bob Dylan to reggae klezmer. After they finished an acapella Orthodox group Six13 took over the stage.

Here’s a video of one of their number on youtube:

Family, Health, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Third Phase

Aware

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Beltane                                                                    Closing Moon

I can feel June 11th out there, pulling me toward it. An hour to an hour and a half with Dr. Eigner and Kate, deciding how to go after this disease that wants to live. It’s continued existence is, as physicians say, incompatible with life (in this case my own). Sleep comes easily and I feel confident about the possible treatments, yet there is still this sense that life runs right up to June 11th, then descends into a dark cave.

After June 11th we move from determining exactly what’s going on: staging, best approaches, options to action. A surgery date will be set. Then, the surgery itself and the recovery, which can be unpleasant, but not dangerous according to Dr. Walsh’s book. It is that transition from diagnosis and planning to the active removal of the prostate and its cancer that is the cave.

This cave is another redoubt of uncertainty. Until the surgery is complete, the pathology done and the surgeon reports, all the positive possibilities are just that, possibilities. And, of course, this is what matters most in the entire process, the results.

All my reading and Kate’s give me great odds. The testimony of friends who’ve undergone this procedure or a similar one reassures me, too. Stories of those outside my own acquaintance, but known to friends Charlie Haislet, Roy Wolf, Mark Odegard are also positive.

My heart believes all will be well. My head says yes, probably. We’ve done what we can, taken the steps necessary to make a good outcome happen. After that, then, matters move beyond my control. And I’m fine with that. Hopeful in a confident, but not sure, manner.

Dogs, Health, Shadow Mountain

Morning

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Beltane                                                                       Closing Moon

This morning I got up as usual at about 5:30, turned on the hall light and the downstairs light. Kep had thrown up something, looked like light fur. I wiped it up with a towel after an oh no. It came up easily, not wet. That was good. I let him outside through the downstairs door.

On the couch I picked up my phone, swiped to open it, swiped again to move to the second page where my health app resides, found the oximeter, pressed it and then pressed measure. After 30 seconds or so, a number popped up. 93. My usual early morning reading. Still below normal or average, but not in the OMG zone. A cascade of thoughts about smoking, decisions long ago effecting today, could I have some pulmonary disease? Then, just as quickly. Oh, stop. No good comes of this. Let it be until we get more data.

Upstairs to pour a cup of coffee, let it sit while I head to the garage to let out Vega, Rigel and Gertie. When I snick open the crate, I call each dog’s name and run my hand over their body as they bound out: Vega, Rigel, Gertie. Each dog momentarily presses their body into my hand. We acknowledge each other and they’re out the garage door. Back among the ponderosa’s they sniff, run, urinate. A soft blue sky with hazy clouds is over them now, not the darkness of night that greeted us all just a month ago at the same time.

This is my usual morning. It also involves walking to the road to pick up the paper, feeding the dogs, letting them out again and waiting until they return. After they’re all back inside, I go up to the loft to read my e-mail, write a post here and exercise.

Which I’m off to do right now.

 

Feelings

Better

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Beltane                                                                              Closing Moon

Closing the deal on the house, Mary’s visit, Jon’s work on the loft and my good echocardiogram have combined to give me a boost. Removing the Andover house from the mental cabinet of worries and the pleasant distraction of Mary’s visit, plus anticipating a real library when Jon finishes makes the future seem real again. Knowing that my heart’s structure is in good shape helped, too.

Next Thursday I see the urologist and we’ll make choices about treatment. The book that Dr. Eigner recommended suggested getting a second opinion, so I asked his office to send my pathology slides out for another reading. The digital rectal exam and the PSA seem sound to me, but the Gleason score is a bit subjective in that involves a pathologist’s judgment on what they see. Since the PSA, the digital exam and the Gleason score are, together, determinant about what treatment makes the most sense, the reading of my biopsy results was the most likely to benefit from a second look. The slides went to John Hopkins last week.

I feel positive about the appointment with Eigner and the probability of a good result from whatever treatment we decide to undertake.