Category Archives: Health

Denver, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Hawai'i, Health, Hermitage, Shadow Mountain

Four More Years!

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Sunday gratefuls: Kep, the early. Jon, a memory. Alan and Cheri. Their move. Next Thursday. Down the hill. Marilyn and Irv watching the John Cleese life after death video. Alan offering to chauffeur me for my colonoscopy. Selling myself short on physical activity. Animas chocolates from Mary. That Korean chicken place. The dumpster in front of the Rav4. Jon’s house about to get cleaned. A buoyed up feeling as I drove. Waiting to cross. Liminal spaces.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: A delightful Saturday

 

Over to Cheri and Alan’s Saturday morning to help with packing. Packing is better with friends. I picked up a Bread Lounge order for Alan on the way. Multi-grain sourdough and fancy pastries. A tort and two cinnamon rolls. When I arrived, Alan made espresso. Cheri had me sit in the seat with a view. Their million dollar vista of the Continental Divide. Sold. Only theirs for a few more days.

On Thursday they move from Genesee, right next to Evergreen, to downtown Denver. Right across from the Denver Center for the Performing Arts. After 27 years. Cheri believes a crisis is coming for home insurance in the Colorado WUI. As a former owner/creator of a reinsurance company, she’s not to be ignored. Hope it gives me four years.

As I moved boxes, helped Alan move bookcases, I realized I’ve still got enough energy to handle three hours of moderately heavy work. At least at their altitude. Which is 1300 feet below mine. Been minimizing my stamina. Want to stop doing that.

I’ve allowed myself to sink into a diminished view of my body’s capacity. What I can do physically. Telling myself a story of low testosterone, altitude, and a paralyzed diaphragm. All true, yet not as significant as I imagine. Use it or lose it. Want to keep my body as strong and able as possible for as long as possible.

Not sure how to challenge this view, but I suspect getting back to resistance work will help. My new tablet. Bought so I can watch workout videos downstairs. Body weight. Getting it setup. Bought an inch thick mat for the workouts. May bring some light weights down from the loft.

 

See Eigner tomorrow. Oncologist. What’s my prognosis? With the mets on my spine. Should I do radiation? Is my sadness a typical feeling for this part of the journey? As I wrote yesterday, I’m at a threshold. These are the questions, hard ones. At least the ones about cancer. Wanting to face front, be as knowledgeable as I can. Not to scare myself, but to do what I can in the moment.

 

Robin comes on Tuesday. I’ve gotten more work done since she and Michele were here last. Cleared out the home office, though it’s not finished for use yet. Got substantial work done on the guest room walk-in closet. Many shirts, sport coats, a suit, ties, coats ready to go elsewhere. Will do some work in there today. While eating the wonderful Animas chocolate Mary sent me for my birthday.

They will work on removing what I’ve chosen to give away and getting all my art off the walls upstairs, off the mantle. Taking down all the art in Kate’s former sewing room. I’ll be ready then for Doug, the painter who will paint the upstairs and downstairs starting March 1st. When he’s done, I’ll have Vince over to get the art hung.

Four more years!

Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Shadow Mountain

I Will Wait

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Saturday gratefuls: Alan. Marilyn and Irv. CBE. Kate, always, Kate. Rebecca. Tara. Kep, the wonderful. The singularity. Sydney. Chatbots. Facebook for old friends far away. Jamie. Luke. Tal. Diane and Tom. The Ancient Brothers. My son and his wife. Grief. Prostate cancer. Mom. Mary and Animas Chocolates from Durango. Mark and his new job(s)? Vince and Robin and Michele. Ken. Snowplowers. Mark, my mailman. UPS and Fedex. Chewy. Amazon.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: My beloved son

 

Going over to Alan’s today to help him pack. Well, more like talk to him while he packs. Maybe breakfast later. Sad to see him go down the hill. He says we’ll keep it up, but a new life for him will emerge and it will be harder. Maybe a couple of times a month instead of weekly. A good friend. At Kate’s shiva Alan told me it would be his job to get me out of the house. He’s been faithful to that promise and I so appreciate it.

When we finish. Down to Jon’s house to leave a Rav4 key. The cleaners start on Monday and they need the driveway for a dumpster. Five and a half months after Jon’s death. Better than never. Have I mentioned here get a will? I mean, right now. Probate is a bastard. When it goes well. And this did not go well.

Does give me a chance to get some of that good Korean fried chicken.

 

Liminal spaces. Doorways. Windows. Dawn. Dusk. Beaches. Forest edges. Mountain tops. Death beds. Stratosphere. Troposphere. The Earth’s crust. Active Volcanoes. Computer screens for zoom. River shores. Deltas. Samain. The Winter Solstice. To the Celts and many other older cultures Dawn and Dusk were not only magical times, but times for magic.

In a Facebook post I found this excerpt* from John O’Donohue’s book, Blessing the Space Between Us. Realized my awareness of deep sadness over the last week or so was a clue. A sign that I had approached a threshold. I love his advice: “It is wise in your own life to be able to recognize and acknowledge the key thresholds: to take your time; to feel all the varieties of presence that accrue there; to listen inward with complete attention until you hear the inner voice calling you forward. The time has come to cross.”

He reminds me not to move too quickly. To experience the sadness in its fullness. To find the joy standing next to it. Taste the confusion of letting my own needs surface. Grief, Jon observed after Kate’s death, is like the gradual rebound of the North American Continent after the retreat of its Continental Glaciers. Jon was a bright and sensitive observer of life. This threshold lies at the boundary between my grief for others and my grief for myself, long repressed by the heavy, glacial weight of illnesses and psychic pain in my life.

As the grief for others recedes, never to be gone of course, so rises my own awareness. Of cancer. Of Kate’s death. Of Jon’s. Of the whole disruption of the divorce and Ruth’s inner struggles. Of feelings other than grief. Relief. Jon is one for whom I hope rest in peace applies. A tortured life. An ugly death. Glad Kate’s many illnesses no longer matter for her. Confusion. Where does that leave me? In Hawai’i? In Minnesota? In Golden? On Shadow Mountain. Who am I now without Kate. Without Jon’s often difficult, but also often wondrous presence? Without Rigel. With only one Dog for the first time in 30+ years.

This is the threshold, I know. Who am I now? What am I now?

What do I fear in these questions? That the old me bound up in being needed and in empathy for the suffering of others: Kate, Jon, Ruth will disappear. Poof. A strand of smoke. And, as in Beowulf, heaven will swallow the smoke. Who stands behind the altar on which that old life goes up in flames? What is he like? What is he for? How long will he live?

Thanks to O’Donohue I will wait. Not jump across this threshold. Rather I will listen for my inner voice to whisper, It is time to cross.

 

*”At any time you can ask yourself: At which threshold am I now standing? At this time in my life, what am I leaving? Where am I about to enter? What is preventing me from crossing my next threshold? What gift would enable me to do it? A threshold is not a simple boundary; it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms, and atmospheres. Indeed, it is a lovely testimony to the fullness and integrity of an experience or a stage of life that it intensifies toward the end into a real frontier that cannot be crossed without the heart being passionately engaged and woken up. At this threshold a great complexity of emotion comes alive: confusion, fear, excitement, sadness, hope. This is one of the reasons such vital crossings were always clothed in ritual. It is wise in your own life to be able to recognize and acknowledge the key thresholds: to take your time; to feel all the varieties of presence that accrue there; to listen inward with complete attention until you hear the inner voice calling you forward. The time has come to cross.” John O’Donohue in his book, To Bless the Space Between Us.

Colorado, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Hawai'i, Health, Judaism, Korea, Mountains, Shadow Mountain, Weather +Climate, Writing

A great birthday present

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Kep, the calm. Pulmonary function test. That nurse. Driving down the hill. Beau Jo’s. Pizza and cherry cobbler. Snow. Still coming. Into the Snowy months. Rocky Mountain Pulmonary. Wheat Ridge. A 1960’s ‘burb. CJ Box. Tal. Philpott. The Good Life. Vince. Who will plow my driveway. A good birthday. Ruby and her peculiarities. Gift certificate to Pappadeux’s. Animas Chocolates.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Friends and Family

 

My peripheral arteries and veins are fine. Rocky Mountain Vascular Institute. My lungs, too, are fine. Rocky Mountain Pulmonary. A good birthday present.

Drove down the hill to the quaintish suburb of Wheat Ridge. Had a chest x-ray. Always fun. Then to the campus of Lutheran Hospital where a very enthusiastic nurse administered a full pulmonary function test. This involves taking a deep breath. Well. Several. Then blowing out hard. Panting, very softly. Repeat 3 x. Into a plastic tube. Albuterol inhaler. 4 x. More inhaling and blowing.

Hardest part for me. She enclosed me in a clear plastic cylinder that looked like a small dunk tank. Seated. We got 2 out of 3 repeats done before I tapped out. Claustrophobia got me. She kept saying I did very well. And, apparently I did.

The pulmonologist, whom I wish Kate could have seen, was a young guy. Got his M.D. from U. of Minnesota like her. What are we seeing you for today? I want to know if there’s any pulmonological reason I’ll need to move to a lower elevation? Within four years.

He leafed through my results. Your chest x-ray looks fine. An elevated left diaphragm. Polio? Yes. Some of your breathing tests are actually better than normal. Oh? Yes. Your lungs are very efficient at diffusing carbon dioxide out and oxygen into your blood stream.

So when I get shortness of breath, my paralyzed left diaphragm plus my extremely low testosterone level and altitude explains it? Yes. And it won’t get worse. No. In fact you could probably go up another two thousand, three thousand feet.

What a great 76th birthday present! Glad I scheduled it for yesterday.

On Monday I see Dr. Eigner. My oncologist. He sees me once a year, the rest of the time I see Kristie, his p.a. We’ll make a final decision on the radiation though as I’ve said I’m inclined to do it. I’m also going to ask him straight up what the odds are for me since I have metastases that have gone to the bone. How much time have I got? No certainties. I know that. But he knows me, my medical history. More important though how long will my healthspan remain solid as it is now?

Not sure what pushed me down so far last week, but I’ve turned the corner on it. Back to doing what I can, then living my best life.

 

Wondering about writing. Do I even want to do it? Yes, Ancientrails. That’s a well established habit. Now in its 18th year. But the other writing. Fiction. Non-fiction. Do I need to do it to feel good about myself? Not sure anymore.

Maybe I’m at a point where leaning into the life I have is enough. Friends. Family. The Mountains. Hawai’i in four years. Learning Korean. Reading. Art. Movies. Hiking. Travel. Taking care of the Kep.

A longer conversation.

 

Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Holidays, Shadow Mountain

76 Earphones

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Imbolc and the Valentine (Day) Moon

Tuesday gratefuls: 76 Valentine’s days. And counting. E-cards and e-mails. A day of celebration and pulmonology. Gettin’ old. For the most part. Ruby. Running. Kep, the unseeing. Marina Harris. Furball Cleaning. Ana and friend. Luke. Snow on its way. Winter Storm Warning. Black Mountain. Shadow Mountain. That Aspen out my window. The Lodgepoles waiting for the Snow. Down the hill and up again before it comes.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: 76 birthdays

 

As our earthly Chariot speeds past the February 14th spot in the sky, the clicker strikes up another year for me and all of us with Valentine Day birthdays. And the Solar System rushes outward, away from the great Black Hole at the center of the Milky Way. While the Milky Way itself speeds on its way as well. So much high speed motion literally all around us and we feel nothing. Strange.

Yesterday was another 90 minute workout. Doing what I can to ride this bad boy as long as possible. Ate the Shrimp and Grits from Pappadeux’s for lunch. Better. Still far away from the Savannah restaurant where it was so good I went back twice on the same trip.

Got a gift card from the Johnson sisters. To Pappadaeux’s. Gonna order off the Cajun menu the next time. Lean into their strength. Besides Sarah, who lives in North Carolina, says she never orders Shrimp and Grits outside of the Carolina’s or the coast of Georgia. I get it.

Several sweet Jacquie Lawson cards. I like to send them and receive them. Sister Mary introduced me to her long ago. It’s fun to be recognized on my birthday. Especially at 76. Although there’s something to be said for the thoroughbred and Korean way, too. January 1st for the horses of the Northern Hemisphere, August 1st for the Southern. During the spring festival all Koreans turn over a year after eating a special soup. Everybody can celebrate together. It’s a big family holiday as you might imagine.

All of my septuagenarian days. A Coloradan and a Westerner. My Mountain decade. A great place to get old. er.

Celebrating this morning with a trip to Rocky Mountain Pulmonologists. Gonna check out my fitness for a few more years at 8,800 feet. I need four. Time to go. Short one for now.

Cooking, Denver, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Mountains, Shadow Mountain, Sport, US History

A 76’er

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Monday gratefuls: Birthday dinner with Ruth and Gabe. Pappadeauxs. Chiefs win. Kep’s new gettin’ up time. His sweetness. Ruth, newly black hair and pink glasses with crystals. Gabe in his fancy shirt with no pocket. The old man eating alone. An American revolutionary birthday tomorrow. Pulmonologist. The Ancient Brothers on their favorite things. Dogs. Hawai’i. Sushi. Dr. Zhivago. Little kids. The Chiefs. Mendocino. Delmar, California. Shanghai. Wombats.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Dining with Gabe and Ruth

 

Realized yesterday that this is my American revolution birthday: 76. A revolutionary celebration. I like it. All you 76’ers out there. We’re not done yet. May not be nearer to God, but I am nearer to 80.

As you can tell, my mood has lifted. Thanks to those of you who expressed concern. Sadness stands next to joy. Both are important.

Pappadeauxs. Disappointing. Could have ordered off the Cajun menu: gumbo, crawfish etouffé, jambalaya, but I chose a dish I first had in Savannah, shrimp and grits. Loved it there. The Pappadeux version was over spiced and not very good. Though. Gabe loved the Red Snapper. Delicious, he said. Ruth had a dish with blackened catfish, cooked oysters, shrimp, and dirty rice. She loved it though, I’m trying to get off sea food. Wants to go to Watercourse, a full vegan restaurant for her birthday. 17. A teen queen.

Ruth says she’s reintegrating at Northfield H.S. She sounds and looks good. Earlier drug related jitters calming down. We talked about food, being a teen, cancer, laughed a lot. Took one silly picture. Gabe tried with some visible discomfort to dine with aplumb. Those bread crumbs spread around his plate told the tale.

Glad they were able to join me. They were both eager Eagle’s fans. I told them I wanted the Chiefs to win. Nah, Nah, Ne Nah, Nah. Hey, Hey.

At the table next to ours an older man than me dined alone. He had on a red and black plaid shirt and ate his catfish carefully. His hair was white, his skin the papery texture I associate with a person in their 90s. Wondered if his wife had died, or if he had been alone a long time.

Got home about 7:30 pm. I did notice that my jaw clinched on my way home, but it lifted as soon as I got back into the Mountains. This is home and my body knows it.

 

76. Eh. After three score and ten, we’re all in bonus time. My friends are older now, too. Though I have Luke, 28, and Mike and Kate. Ruth and Gabe. They keep me connected to earlier days of the journey. Glad I’m no longer scanning the horizon for what I want to do.

 

How bout those Chiefs. Stand up of that Eagle’s player to admit he did grab the jersey of the Chief’s receiver. Resulted in a penalty that gave the Chiefs a chance to run out the clock and kick a winning field goal. Wish I had had the opportunity to watch this one. A true championship game.

 

Cooking, Denver, Dogs, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Judaism, Travel

Luke’s

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Sunday gratefuls: An open heart. The joy that sits next to sadness. Tu BiShvat. The new year of the trees. Luke. Leo. Those construction folks. The one from Texas. The bald guy and the old man. Zoom. Manna. The Red Sea as birth imagery. The sabbath. Judaism. Mary back in the frozen tundra. Sayonara, Kobe. Mark in OKC. Kep. Kate, always Kate. Early rising. Pappadeaux’s with Ruth and Gabe tonight. A Cajun 76th birthday meal.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Feelings

 

On Friday night I drove into Lakewood for dinner with Luke, the former Executive Director of Congregation Beth Evergreen. He’s a good friend. When I copied his address I added an S in front of Ames St. That gave me the opportunity to see more of Lakewood than I intended. Sheridan runs north and south through Lakewood and I accessed it off of Hwy 285, turning north. The city limit between Denver and Lakewood.

The west side of Denver is heavily Latino as is the east side of Lakewood. The houses are small. The lots close together. Pickup trucks in most driveways. Spanish a second and often first language on storefronts. This was around 4 pm and Sheridan had the full city traffic experience to offer. Blinking turn signals, horns, and about halfway to Luke’s a huge red metal Mexican guitar on a sign that said Westwood. On the Denver side.

Luke had called and warned me of logistical issues. True. A new gas main project had a trench dug for seven blocks, including his. At one point I needed to make a left turn onto Colfax, old highway 40, and a main thoroughfare through Denver and beyond.

I was having no luck and just contemplating a right hand turn, then crossing three lanes of traffic so I could make a u-turn later. A bald headed guy came from behind me and said, “Wait, old man.” He got out into traffic and tried to create a space for me so I could cross the stopped traffic. A guy in a white pickup refused to back up the 6 feet or so I needed. Don’t know why.

Finally got Ruby’s nose in, wiggled her through, and the bald guy stood in the oncoming lane with his hand out stopping cars so I could turn. Gratitude. Although. Old man? I mean, how he did know I turn 76 on Tuesday?

Took me a while even after that to get to Luke’s and when I did I had to park on one side of the trench. And walk over it. The construction workers were gracious, kind and guided me through.

Dinner with Luke, who’s Italian, was eggplant Parmesan. His favorite food since 5th grade. I brought Italian bread and a salad. Leo, his mostly German Shepherd dog, is ten years old and as sweet a dog as you could wish for.

Luke had a tough exit from CBE. We talked about that and what he plans going forward. He may have found a very well paying part time gig with Judaism Your Way, another reconstructionist effort in South Denver. No synagogue. Gatherings for holidays at Denver’s Botanical Gardens. Not sure what else.

His path since leaving the Materials Science Ph.D at Colorado School of Mines has found him doing computer work for a non-profit, converting to Judaism, becoming CBE’s executive director, and now perhaps turning toward Tarot and Astrology to round out his income. Things, he said, I love.

After dinner he pulled three cards from the Druid Oracle deck: Mint, Woad, and a Hawk. We discussed my sadness and the way forward in light of those cards. Encouraged and supported by him and by his reading.

He walked me to the gate. We hugged, said I love you, and I went back across the trench.

Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health

Last on this for awhile

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Saturday gratefuls: My son. Luke. Sadness. Emet. That guy directing traffic for the old man. Me. Eggplant Parmesan. Leo. A very sweet dog. Those contractors working on Luke’s street. Kind. Driving in Lakewood. A long Latino dominated part of east Lakewood and west Denver. Carnicerias. Mexican restaurants. Signs in Spanish. Lots of pickups. Mental health. New directions. Open heart.

Signs of Joy and Awe: Emet

 

The days of sadness. Hunting for emet, the truth, the meta-truth. About cancer. Turns out it’s about surfacing my needs, long blunted as I said on Thursday. In one sense I’ve skated through the last eight years. Why? Well, thought the cancer was gone for two of them. It wasn’t. But by the time I began radiation therapy for the first recurrence Kate had begun to decline. The radiation failed, but I would only learn that nine months later after the last of the Lupron left my body. By that time Kate’s needs dominated our lives.

After her death, two weeks. The second recurrence. Deep in grief. Having to begin drugs. Orgoyx and Erleada. Androgen deprivation therapy. Side effects. Hot flashes. But good results. Numbly following Kristie’s lead. Which was good. Piling on, but I barely noticed. Death. Cancer recurrence. What else? Hit me with your best shot.

And of course, during a lot of these last years, Covid. Then, Jon’s death, Ruth’s troubles. It’s been a rough patch.

The truth about this cancer is its longevity. That is, the treatment regimens, even those that come after the gold standards fail, are excellent as far other cancers go. I’ve been kept alive to experience these twists and turns in my family’s life. All the while with cancer as an underlayment. Won’t go away, won’t get cured, won’t kill me. Yet. Can’t ignore it with every three month labs and visits to the oncologist.

Sad about it. Yes. And about Kate’s illness and death. About Jon’s divorce, struggles, and death. About Ruth’s mental health. About the death of Rigel. Maybe it’s deep sadness about all these things. Not only the cancer.

The cancer is mine. The rest. Loved ones dying, grandchildren in pain. Close in. As close as the spot on the bed next to me. Guess sadness makes sense.

Yesterday I called my son. Told him I was sad. Needed to talk to him about it. He reassured me. You’re a survivor. You’re stubborn. If it comes to it, we’ll take you in gladly. We love you a lot. And I know they do. They mean what they say. A wonderful cushion. This sadness might have turned toward depression if not for them and their support.

And the support of others. The Ancient Brothers. My two mussar groups. Friends like Luke, Tom, Alan. Family like Diane. You all hold me up, keep me from sinking. This water is deep and often black, but I can swim when I know I have lifeguards at the ready.

This is a time of opening my heart. Glad you’re there.

Health

Cuffed

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Thursday gratefuls: Vascular Institute. Dr. Mubarak. All those blood pressure cuffs. Florida Avenue. Found it! Steak and Shake. Driving down the hill and back up again. My arteries and veins. Nichie. Helping me. Help. Tom and his careful reading. The Morning Sun. The Lodgepoles clear of Snow. Waiting. Kep. Grooming today. Busy days. Low T. A blue Colorado Sky with puffy white Cumulus.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Good blood vessels

 

I know I’ve done a lot of medical stuff but this one is interesting. Promise. So. Take off your pants and put on these shorts. Ooh, silky. Nice. Lie down and I’ll be back in. The pregnant nurse. I took off my shoes and socks, pants as requested.  Put on the shorts.

When she came back in, the nurse put blood pressure cuffs on both arms. Both thighs. Both calves. Both feet. And on my big toes. More cuffs than a major takedown of a criminal organization. She then snaked lines to each cuff. And one by one, or rather two by two, she took my blood pressure from my arms to my toes. Having your blood pressure taken on your big toe? Weird.

I sat for a while in an interior waiting room. A nurse finally came and got me to go see Dr. Mubarak. He came in the exam room and leaned against the wall. I have no idea why your feet were cold. Sometimes I have to put mine on my wife. My arteries and veins in my extremities are not impeded. At all.

Dr. Mubarak was in the room for 2 minutes. I left. Happy with a good report.  Back up the hill.

 

Distracted a bit this last couple of weeks. Missed a dental appointment as I said. Showed up late for my appointment with Kristie. Had difficult finding Florida Avenue yesterday. I know, use GPS. I don’t like to. But in the instance of unfamiliar locations in the future, I plan to. Also. Read my calendar more carefully. Doesn’t seem like a big deal but this cluster doesn’t feel good either. Nothing else. Otherwise on the ball. What does that even mean? On the ball.

My best guess. The money issues with cancer drugs and the question of how to handle the metastases. Plus my annual physical and med changes, new appointments. As I wrote the other day, I felt overwhelmed. This is a point where life without a partner really sucks. No one to do an oh that’s not a big deal check in with. Kate was great at that. Observant and honest. Always.

Tom noted that I was in a much better place than a year ago. Birthday coming, but Rigel dying. Also not even a year after Kate’s death. Guess I can take his observation as a good sign.

 

After seeing Diane, I’m off to Bailey to Award Winning Pet Grooming. Keeping Kep sleek. Then back home. Handling stuff.

 

 

Health, Poetry, Politics

More medical stuff. Skip if not interested.

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Imbolc and the Valentine Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Shirley Septic. Kristie. Nichie. Monty. Pam. Good lab numbers. Mets. No, not those Mets. Metastases. Prolia. For strong bones. Weight loss. Colorado River Compact. Snowpack. Water. So necessary, so scarce here. The West. The Rocky Mountains. Laurentian Shield. The Huronian Supergroup. Cratons. Erleada. Orgovyx. Award Winning Pet Grooming. Vascular Institute. Ultra Sound.

Sparks of joy and awe: Urology Associates. Has my back.

 

Whoa. 82 minutes for my workout yesterday. And, I mean whoa. Wore me out. In a good way.

 

Over to Urology Associates in Littleton for my three month checkup. The Orgovyx/Erleada combination keeps me in the undetectable range. Still aiming for taking me off of them late summer, early fall. So they don’t lose efficacy for me.

That last point may tip the decision about radiating my two active metastases sites. I don’t want to go off the meds with active cancer sites. Going to see Dr. Eigner on the 20th of this month. Will decide then. Kristie suggested I get his input, too, before I made a final decision. She said it’s a tough call. It is. I wouldn’t hesitate if it didn’t involve my spine.

After my medical consult and my every six month shot of Prolia, I went to see Nichie. A Nurse navigator. Glad. Choppy financial waters. Her specialty. She handed me a bottle of Orgovyx and a month’s supply of Erleada. Samples. Then she took my information and started applying for other possible sources of aid. We’ll give you free samples until we find something. OK.

Not sure how this whole thing turned around, but right now I’m paying very little. I think it’s the case that nobody understands the damned system. We’re all flying blind. Why we need a nurse navigator, I guess. Oops, mixed metaphors.

By the time I got back from my appointment, after a brief stop at Tony’s, I’d been rode hard and put away wet. Got home when the phone rang. Nichie telling me she had my application underway. And a lot of other stuff I was too tired to take in, especially since I was also feeding Kep.

After Kep ate, I sat down and felt overwhelmed. Tired and having necessary, but complicated information coming at me. Knew it would all seem less complex after a good night’s sleep. It does.

Later today. Left leg arteries and veins. Keep those doctors gettin’ paid.

 

I’ll close with this by Langston Hughes. Found by buddy Tom:

Southern Mammy Sings

Last week they lynched a colored boy

They hung him to a tree.

That colored boy ain’t said a thing

But us all should be free.

Yes, m’am!

Us all should be free.

Not meanin’ to be sassy

And not meanin’ to be smart.

But sometimes I think that white folks

Just ain’t got no heart.

No, m’am!

Just ain’t got no heart.

Acting, Art and Culture, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Great Wheel, Health, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Woolly Mammoths, Writing

A Festival of One Act Plays

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Winter and the Valentine Moon

Monday gratefuls: Alan. The Mislaid Wife. The Festival of One Act Plays. Evergreen Players. Tal. Deb. Lisa. The audience. Jill. The Ancient Brothers on space. Between us. Within us. Center cut pork chops. Brining. Marilyn and Irv. Breakfast today. Aspen Park Dental. Cleaning. Also today. Grocery pickup. How to Become a Pagan. Learning Korean. Mary’s last days in Japan. Brother Mark in Oke city. Frozen vegetables.

Sparks of joy and awe: Theater

 

A medical week. Oh, joy. Teeth cleaning today. Kristie tomorrow. And the Vascular Institute on Wednesday. That should be plenty of body parts for one week.

Gonna go through the active metastases site with Kristie, then lay it to rest one way or another. Treat or not treat. Get a Prolia injection today, too. For ma bones. This is a treatment because of my other treatments which weaken my bones. Geez. Want to move the Prolia injections to Evergreen Medical Center. Closer.

Not sure what to expect at the Vascular Institute. They’ll do an ultrasound of my left leg. Looking for a spot of restricted blood flow. If they find one, I’ll probably have a stent put in which will allow the blood to flow normally. Kate had a blocked superior mesenteric artery. Putting the stent in was not a big deal.

Next week my birthday present to myself is a pulmonology exam. Big fun. Specifically asking the question about continued living at 8,800 feet.

Nuff.

 

February is Black history month and I’ll say one last time that Imani Perry’s South to America is worth the read. It lagged a little near the very end, but up till then it was charming, sensitive, and challenging. Taught me many lessons. Would be interested to hear her on the Memphis situation.

 

The Festival of One Act plays. Alan directed The Mislaid Wife. Precis. A man calls the police to report his wife missing. She was funny, made me laugh. Lots of energy. And she was sexy. Conceit. His wife has not gone missing. She’s aged. And still in the house. Funny and sad.

A woman sat next to me. Older. Gray hair, a long flowing plaid dress. Gray vest. She seemed interesting. I wondered, as I occasionally do. Still no energy to pursue anything. We even chatted for a bit with Deb, the woman I took to my first acting class, after she finished her role as God. Maybe if I run into her again.

Joan Greenberg, member of CBE, and author of You Never Promised Me a Rose Garden wrote a country version of Orpheus and Eurydice. Highly stylized presentation. The best script of the batch by far.

Talked to Tal. He mentioned the acting class starting next week at the Synagogue. Jewish playwrights. Part of me would like to take it up, but I’ve told myself I’m focusing this semester on How to Become a Pagan. Though I’m not. At least not right now. Saying that out loud to him made me take a look at the way I’ve been doing my schedule. I really want to write this book. Not sure why I’m blocked on it. I have lots of research, years of thinking about the topic, and it matters to me. Maybe this was the jolt I needed?