As Leaves From A Tree

Imbolc                                                                                 Valentine Moon

“We do not “come into” this world; we come out of it, as leaves from a tree. As the ocean “waves,” the universe “peoples.” Every individual is an expression of the whole realm of nature, a unique action of the total universe. This fact is rarely, if ever, experienced by most individuals. Even those who know it to be true in theory do not sense or feel it, but continue to be aware of themselves as isolated “egos” inside bags of skin.”

~Alan Watts

Birthday Meal

Imbolc                                                                               Valentine Moon

Val2300You know the scene in the movie where the wife comes home and a trail of rose petals lead to the bedroom? This was the table at Twin Forks last night when I sat down for my birthday meal with Kate.

Somebody (and I know who) had gotten there earlier in the day and collaborated with the owner of the restaurant. It was a surprise. And touching.

Val1300There was more, too. Two beautiful cards and a vase of calla lilies that sits above the screen on which I’m writing this right now. I also got a box of crayons. Sounds silly, maybe, but I bought adult coloring books for us in December. Now we can get going on them. Something to soothe us while Vega is recovering from surgery.

We ordered off the Valentine’s Day special menu. Kate got prime rib, the yabba dabba do* cut. We weren’t expecting quite what she got. Barney Rubble and Fred would have been proud.

An intimate, romantic dinner for my birthday, which happens to fall on everyone’s love holiday. Perfect.

 

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Oh, Lord

Imbolc                                                                                  Valentine Moon

Went down the hill last night to Grow Your Own, a hydroponics shop and wine bar that features local musicians. It’s just at the base of Conifer and Shadow Mountains so very close to our house. Tom McNeill sang. “I’m an old guy,” he said, “and I know old songs.”

He sang the songs of our youth: Oh, Lord Won’t You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz, Little Red Riding Hood, Something’s Happenin’ Here, Mamas and Papas, John Denver, Pete Seeger those kind of songs. A reminder of the person who inhabited those days, the me who was out there “singing songs and carryin’ signs.”

Latin today. The Myrmidons from Book VII of the Metamorphoses

Cherish the Time

Imbolc                                                                   Valentine Moon

Vega bayingcroppedAn emotional week with Vega’s cancer diagnosis, then her radiography, ultrasound and chest x-ray yesterday. We got the best news we could have. The radiologist found no sign of metastases in her lungs or in her liver. This does not mean they’re not in her body somewhere, but it lowers the likelihood. It also means that amputation of her left front leg, where the tumor has grown near her foot, gives us a reasonable chance at a cure.

We’re still mulling our options, but we’ve scheduled the surgery for next week on Wednesday. She’s 7, so not a young dog, especially for a larger animal, but she probably has another 2-3 years, maybe more. She is, as Palmini, our vet, says, in great shape, not overweight and strong, so she should adapt just fine to three legs. Amputation sounds drastic, and it is of course, but dogs seem to get over the change quickly and get about their life.

feed me2There is a great and important lesson about human dying here. While waiting for the diagnosis and radiology results, we’ve been being with Vega as usual, perhaps a little more attentive. The lesson is this: she’s alive now. We can be with her now, love her now, cherish this time with her now. And, if you consider it, now is the only time we have to love each other. Our time ends. We know that. Just as we have confronted with Vega over the last couple of weeks. So, whomever you love, if they’re alive now, cherish the time.

Music. Painting.

Imbolc                                                                     New Valentine Moon

We started our Sunday at the Clyfford Still Museum. A chamber music quartet played in Gallery 5. Their audience which carried some nifty aluminum gallery chairs to the room filled the gallery. They were appreciative, too, but, as Kate pointed out, they clapped after every movement. Not the mark of a sophisticated crowd.

I took the opportunity to wander through this small museum, listening to the music as I tried to get a read on Clyfford Still. A few of his later works were wonderful, brave. A favorite featured a huge, mostly blank canvas, with just a few yellow marks flying up like a flame burning mysteriously, some white, splashes of orange and a few scarlet intrusions from below.

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I sat for a while in the gallery next to the one where the music played looking at the painting below. Somehow, I don’t even remember how now, I became a chamber music fan. For seventeen years I went to the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, attending most concerts in their season with a subscription.

I’m not a sophisticated listener from a musical point of view. That is, I don’t really follow the construction of a piece, nor do I understand the intent a composer may have had. Not an impediment. This music reaches inside my rib cage and squeezes my heart. Often, I would sit, eyes closed, watching small sparks, sometimes large ones, dance behind my eyelids, called into existence by a note, a run, a solo performance, a particular melody.

Other times a profound sense of melancholy would overtake me, followed by jubilation. With Charles Ives’ pieces, he’s a particular favorite of mine, a small crack in the fabric of space-time could open to reveal just a glimpse of what lay beyond this moment.

I mention this because while I sat in the gallery yesterday, a question, not an original one by any means, came to me: what is the difference between music and painting? Both are art forms. Both with artists engaged intimately. Both requiring tools for the artist. Both appealing to a desire (or need, even if undiscovered) to see or hear the world in a new way, a way not possible in the everyday. Both requiring some seriousness in the listener or the viewer, some attention to the work, some willingness to be vulnerable. Both chamber music and abstract art with long histories.

Still 600

Yet the differences were stark. The music floated through the galleries, taking up aural space everywhere, yet visible nowhere except Gallery 5 and even there only the artists and their tools could be seen: cello, violins, viola. One of the wonders of music is that we can see the musicians at work, bow in hand, reed wet, embouchure quivering yet we cannot see what they make. So music is invisible and painting very, necessarily visible.

Also, music is ephemeral. A painting, with appropriate conservation, can last centuries, even millennia. Once a note, a run from the quartet was heard, it died away and others filled in behind it, the linear drive of the music creating a certain expectation, a sense of beginning, middle and end. Still painted this canvas in 1972. With the exception of some possible changes to the linen and the paint-and I don’t know if there have been any-this work looks now like it did when he laid down his brush. So a painting is in that sense static.

That static nature of a painting is, in fact, a part of its meaning. We have confidence that we stand before what the artist intended; so a painting provides a moment, unmediated by others, when we as viewers can connect personally with the expressive power of a person often long dead, think Fra Angelico or Rembrandt or Poussin. Still died in the early 1970’s.

Music, in contrast, requires mediation, at least in chamber music. We hear, usually, not one artist, but many interpreting through their instruments the musical idea of a composer no longer able to comment on his or her intention. And we hear that interpretation, in the instance of live music, only once.

But, and here was an idea that was new to me, I might leave a concert whistling a melody or a particular portion of a composition. I might remember much of it, be able to recall the work as I go on from the concert hall. But, in the instance of abstract art, it is very difficult to recall what I’ve seen. The lack of representation of things familiar leaves my mind adrift when it comes to recall. This may, of course, be just me, but I imagine not.

So in this aspect, interestingly, the abstract painting becomes ephemeral, seen, then not recalled or recalled poorly, while a symphony or a concerto or a smaller chamber piece might remain, at least in part, accessible long after being heard.

In this case the apparent distinctive elements of stability and ephemerality are reversed, music being memorable, no longer ephemeral, and painting being unstable, as impermanent as the music I listened to yesterday in the gallery.

 

We Love Violence

Imbolc                                                                         New Valentine Moon

It’s here! It’s here! Superbowl Sunday. Christmas for a certain swath of the population. Chips, cheese, beer, groans and cheers.

Superbowl L. Oh, wait. They’re going with Superbowl 50. Abandoning the pretentious Roman numerals. Why? I imagine, too confusing. Superbowl L what? La de da? Laredo? Last?

The fan base is doing their predictably silly things. Yesterday in the Denver Post there was a guy with an orange Darth Vader mask. There will be, too, shirtless pot-bellied men slathered with team colors and shouting incoherently. What’s not to love about American football?

Smart money says Colorado weeps this evening as Cam Newton spirals over the Denver D and into Superbowl history. As the football equivalent of a Cubs fan, I still root for the Vikings. Sort of. So I don’t have the emotional investment that, say, grandson Gabe does. As Gabe says, “The Vikings suck! Broncos rule!”

We’ll be at Jon and Jen’s today, couched and snacked, watching CBS collect the fat rolls as the Superbowl commercial competition heats up again. Then, there’ll be the half-time show. With Coldplay? I thought nobody liked Coldplay. And in between all this fun grown, very large men will push each other around, run and jump, pirouette and smash.

And sneaking up on me occasionally will be this notion of professional football as slow motion human sacrifice. As one commentator on the article that used this phrase said about us Americans, “We love violence.”

 

Small Miracles

Imbolc                                                                     Stock Show Moon

I would like to report a minor victory. Patrick came out from Golden. He actually knows Kohler generators. He knows what it will take to fix it. At this point in the generator installation saga I’m agog with wonder.

He says the problem with electricians here in the mountains is that the work dried up several years ago and most of the electricians left. Now when work has begun to ramp up again there are too few of them for too many projects. He hires a lot of electricians as a primary solar installer and says he has a lot of problems, too.

Anyhow, sometime soon we will have a functional generator. Only a year and a quarter into the process. Yippee.

Vega

Imbolc                                                                          Stock Show Moon

Vega500Vega has cancer. A rare form of osteosarcoma, bone cancer, that, thankfully, is much less aggressive than the usual forms. Still, it is cancer and more aggressive than we had hoped. She’ll have radiology work done next week to see if the cancer has metastasized to her lungs or liver. If not, we’ll amputate the leg. Vet says because she’s lean and athletic that she’ll do fine. Except for stairs. Not the best news, but not the worst either.

We do doggy hospice well, you might even say we’re experts at it, so if her situation turns out to be more dire, we’ll go that way.

On the positive side she’s eating, playful, romping outside with the other dogs.

One thing I’ve not written about is how aging has made me feel much like a fellow traveler with our aging dogs. Cancer, even.

Vega has the wisdom of doggy age. She talks now, most of the time clearly. We have our mutual language and we know what to expect of each other. She’s calm when the other dogs get rowdy. She began mellow, even when she was a puppy, and has matured into a sweet, kind, empathetic animal. A joy.