Fall and the Michaelmas Moon
Thursday gratefuls: Simchat Torah. Rabbi Jamie. Bereshit. Alan. CBE. Dancing with the Torah. A full workout. Kids. Jon and his medical woes. Rigel and the sagging bed. Michaelmas and its promise. 37 degrees this morning. Rain. Greg Lell, now starting on Monday. Coyote HVAC.
Sparks of Joy and Awe: Dancing with the Torah. Seeing it fully unrolled. (Simchat Torah=Rejoicing in the Torah)
Tarot: Three of Swords, Druid

Started painting again. Abstract, influenced mostly by Rothko, but also Kandinsky. Fun. Realized I’d gotten myself into a productive rut. That is, my time either had to be productive or restful, nothing in the intermediate state of fun. If I wasn’t handling bills and errands, I worked out. Cooked. Pruned. Planned for projects. Trying hard to get life into flow. Except. Life won’t push into flow. It arrives there on its own.
When Elisa and I met on Monday, one message came through bright and mature: have fun. Oh? What do I do for fun? As I considered that, I awoke to my recent needs to be either productive or relaxing.
No surprise, really. Over the caregiving years if I was not relaxing, and often even then, I cooked, made appointments, got errands done, organized. A flaw in my caregiving was not honoring the need to have fun. For Kate and for me. No wonder that state persists.
Pushed myself last evening to get out of the house and over to CBE for Simchat Torah. This is the holiday that ends the sweep of holidays that include the High Holidays and Sukkot. It marks the reading of the last parsha, Torah portion, and beginning again with Bereshit, Genesis.
In the last reading Moses looks out on the Promised Land from Mt. Pisgah, but learns he will not get there. He dies on the Mountain. The Torah ends. And, the Rabbi reads both the Moses passage and the start of the next:
“1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”
A never-ending story. If you are Jewish and a regular attender of Shabbat services, you will have heard the complete Torah read through as many times as you are years old. This is the origin story, a historical saga, a religious primer, a law book, but most of all it gives the Jewish people a common mythology, a fairy tale shared among all members of the tribe. Naming it mythology or fairy tale in no way denigrates the Torah. It is the foundation for the dreams, the aspiration, the daily life, the purpose and mission of all observant Jews and most non-observant ones as well.
Knowing this story is, in my outsider opinion, more important than circumcision, the kippah, the chuppah, or ketuba in Jewish identity.
Yet, it manages to retain its centrality without becoming a prison, as too often happens with Christians, especially those who claim to believe in the divine inspiration of scripture.
How? Thanks to the Jewish love of debate, discussion, a willingness to consider the opinions of others. Studying Torah is not like studying the Koran or even the Christian scriptures (which include the Torah). Jews go into the study of Torah, an activity given very high priority for all, not just Rabbis, with an expectation of differing opinions, no solid, definitive interpretations, but a belief that out of such learning will come guidance for daily life.
On Simchat Torah the scrolls themselves are held by members of the congregation who lead congo lines of congregants dancing and saying blessings to the accompaniment of music. Last night a trumpet and a piano.
The atmosphere is upbeat, celebratory. Fun. I like this holiday and its energy, but in years past though I’ve attended I’ve held back. Observing, not dancing.
Last night I danced with the Torah. I let my self-consciousness disappear (mostly), got my feet twisting, shoulders turning as we moved through the sanctuary behind the two carrying the scrolls. I was a bit out of breath, but I wouldn’t have missed it. I needed to get out of productive or relaxing cocoon and let loose.
Who would have thought it would happen during a Jewish holiday? Rabbi Jamie, I imagine. Jews celebrate physically, musically, emotionally, communally.
After the dancing the entire Torah scroll is unrolled and congregants take up prayer shawls, put the shawls around their hands so they won’t get oily hands on the scroll itself and hold it up. It becomes a physical never ending story as a circle is formed and the end comes next to the beginning.
I did not yet join in holding the Torah. Still a bit too shy. Next year in Evergreen!
After all this Rabbi Jamie had Torah study in which we looked at the first chapter of Bereshit. Bereshit is the first word in the Torah and is often translated in the beginning, but that’s not the only translation. This was intellectual dancing with the Torah. I blurted out part way through, “I love this!” And, I do. Studying scripture I find great fun.
So there. I had fun. I danced. I thought. I saw friends. Maybe the curly haired boy from the Rebirth card yesterday came part way out of the dolmen.
Wednesday gratefuls: Coyote HVAC. Starting next Thursday. Greg Lell, starting tomorrow on house staining. Mussar. Tarot. Kabbalah. Astrology. Elisa Robyn. Rabbi Jamie. Alan. David Jordani. Tom Crane and his colleague who recommended the mini-splits. Shirley Waste. Frozen dinners. Cool nights. Rain and snow on the way. Ruth and her first homecoming. Max. Claire and Patrick, his mom and dad. Paul and Sarah, grandpop and grandma. Kate, aunt.
And so this day comes round at last. Michaelmas. The feast day of the Archangel Michael, defender of heaven, God’s most fierce warrior. Tom and Roxann celebrate their wedding anniversary on this day, usually on the North Shore, sometimes with a cooked goose. Jen, mother of Ruth and Gabe, celebrates her birthday. And Rudolf Steiner thought of this day as the springtime of the soul.

According to the Druid Craft Book, the message is: “You hear the call and awaken to the new light of day. You have entered the darkness and drunk of the cup of silence. You have chosen life and emerge reborn.”
IN the midway of this our mortal life


Back home I ate, finished up some tasks on the computer. Including my third consecutive call to Social Security, Lakewood. It became my third consecutive call to timeout in their system. Maddening. An armed security officer prevents entrance to the Social Security building in Lakewood. I can’t get to them by phone. WTF!
But. That raises a money question. Can I afford both the mini-splits and a remodeled kitchen? Don’t even know how to answer the question. But, I’m gonna check with RJ. Maybe.
Monday gratefuls: Quest lab. Blood draw. PSA. Testosterone. Metabolic panel. CBC. Safeway pharmacy: flu and third Covid push. Down the hill in Lakewood. Closest. Albuterol. Frozen dinners. HVAC, mini-splits. Going ahead. House staining. Starts Wednesday. Bear Creek Design on Thursday. Painting.
Moments. Decided to cook myself fried eggs last night about 8 pm. As I stood there waiting to turn them over, I had a sudden feeling of lonliness, of aloneness. I could cook myself dinner (breakfast?) late because I live alone. Oh, yeah. So I do. Without. Kate.
Realized I’d zoomed with Sarah, BJ, Jon, and Gabe at 4. Oh. Yes. Churning the still soft soil of Kate’s life. So. Aloneness. A twinge of sadness. Real. True to my situation. I lived into it a minute, got out my spatula, turned the eggs over, waited. Plated them and had a late, quirky meal.
Once in a while I brush my left hip with my hand. Think of those prostate cancer cells in the lymph nodes. Weird having a predator living inside your body. Not a great feeling.

Deviation from the norm. Got up and drove to Evergreen after feeding the Dogs. Didn’t come up to write Ancientrails which is my every morning habit. Why? Wanted to get a Pullman loaf of the Bread Lounge’s Sourdough. They sell out fast. Took my new book, Four Lost Cities. Sourdough French toast, applewood smoked bacon, black coffee. While learning about the reasons civilizations have abandoned their urban centers. Gonna be an interesting read.
On the drive back from Evergreen I turned off the radio. My usual habit, but I started listening to NPR again. Realized I’d slipped into always on. Not what I want. I noticed the light, small Aspen torches lighting my drive with golden Fire. Rocky outcroppings with brave Lodgepoles clinging to their crevices. Maxwell Creek pummeling the rocks. That mystery trail that seems to disappear into a Canyon.


The sound of a Mountain Stream. The Wind through the Lodgepole Pines. That herd of Elk with the 12 point Bull. The love of Rigel and Kepler, my two old Dogs. The three Elk bulls who visit me each June to eat Dandelions. Ruth and Gabe, my grandkids. The Sun in the Day and the Moon at Night. My friends, lifelong and new. The sturdy Rock of Shadow Mountain on which I live.
If you want more on this Way, read Chuang Tzu’s inner chapters. Or, the Tao Te Ching. Or, Mary Oliver. Wendell Berry. Rilke. Thomas Berry. The Grammar of Animacy in Braiding Sweetgrass. Or, open yourself. Let the world in. Be part of it, be with it.
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, Spring comes, and the grass grows, by itself” – Zen Proverb






Tuesday gratefuls: Kitchen redesign. Jodi coming at 10. The cleaning crew. A clean house. Check arrived at CBE. Finally. Diane in the knotty pine bedroom formerly used by Uncle Riley and Aunt Virginia. Her meeting with the cousins today in Muncie, Indiana. Mary. Ruth, Jon, Gabe. Coming up. Soup.
Lughnasa and the Michaelmas Moon