Category Archives: Mountains

Astrology, Cooking, Dogs, Family, Fourth Phase, GeekWorld, Jefferson County, Kabbalah, Mountains, Mussar, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, Tarot

Energy

November 10, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Samain and the Holiseason Moon

Wednesday gratefuls: Shirley Waste. Orion and his dog. The Zodiac. Our star canopy. The unimaginable size of the universe. Our unimaginable place in it. Life. The animator. Total mystery. Darkness. The holidays of Light. And that wonderful one for the Night. Thanksgiving. Jon. Ruth. Gabe.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The Hermit. Sannyasa.

Tarot: The Lord, #4 of the Major Arcana

As I write, the upstairs mini-split’s fan has a gentle sound, pushing out heat, using my solar panels for juice. Well, sorta. They’re on, pushing electrons into the grid, and turning my meter backwards. I love that. But the electricity powering the mini-split comes from the grid. If I understand it right. It’s a trade. And during the day the trade is in my favor. At night. IREA’s.

David, who turned on my system yesterday and walked me through how to use it, told me something interesting. “In seven years or so, we’re anticipating no gas appliances in Denver.” He called that a shitshow. Because of the scramble to install mini-splits or other electrical modalities. But, also. What a business opportunity.

I now have mini-splits, an induction stove, and solar panels. Already have 220 in the garage. Might start looking for an electric vehicle. I can’t afford a Tesla, so something else.

My boiler should run a lot less. Water heater, primarily. Colorado Gas is not cheap. We’ll see how the two play against each other. I’m willing to eat some difference if the mini-splits prove more costly.

Not gonna solve the climate crisis. No. But makes me feel better.

Torah and the Stars yesterday. The houses in a natal chart. These are arenas of our lives for action. My sun, Aquarius, is in the eleventh house, as well as Mars. In the eleventh house lie “Ideals and aspirations for humanity as a whole. Friends of like mind bound together for a common cause. Movements, humanitarian concerns, group associations. Activities on the cutting edge of change. Colleagues and associates. Progressive ideas, hopes, altruistic acts.”

Since Aquarius rules the eleventh house, as well as the planets Saturn and Uranus, I get triple Aquarian energy here. Sun, ruler of the house, and ruled by Uranus.

With Mars in the same house I found my work life adequately explained. I will fight for progressive ideas. Mars. And, I will do it with folks I know well. Have done. That part of my life feels over now.

Now my ideals and aspirations for humanity have a more inward focus. This blog. Work with kabbalah, astrology, tarot. Read. Write. Paint. Stay in the hermitage. Visit family and friends.

Forgot Kep’s cytopoint (allergies) shot yesterday when David came. Gonna go into VRCC tomorrow, transfer this to Sano. I’ve had some doubts about Sano, but they know Kep and Rigel. Probably stick with them. The VRCC is in Lakewood, quite a hike. I prefer the vets there, and for diagnosis and treatment recommendations, I’ll still lean on them. For shots and general physicals, Sano. Which is only 10 minutes away.

Iron Roots play at amphitheater soft open last Saturday

MVP tonight. Marilyn and I will carpool again. I meet her at the parking lot for Flying J Ranch, a Jeffco County Park.

A good point to say that Kep, Rigel, and I have decided to stay on Daylight time. I get up at 5:15 am MST and go to bed at 8 PM MST. Satisfies my crankiness about time changes and keeps the dogs’ schedule steady. It does mean that meetings like MVP, night meetings, will be more challenging for me.

Otherwise I abide by the chronoconsensus.

Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Holidays, Judaism, Kabbalah, Mountains, Mussar, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, Tarot, Weather +Climate

The Land of the Living

October 26, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Moon of the Thinned Veil

Tuesday gratefuls: Induction range on its way. Goodbye dangerous polluter. Last mini-split installed. The Loft. Electrician today to finish up? Kep and Rigel. To whom I’m a companion human. Thanks, Jon! The Subaru leaving to help CPR. And, me. John Ruthenberg. Gonna plow me for $30. Pruning, still underway. That New York Strip last night. Boiled potatoes, salad from Jon’s garden. A bit of ice cream.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Mark in communication again

Tarot: The World, #21 of the Major Arcana, Druid Craft

David’s back he said in the land of the living. Looked a bit peaked still to me. Back in the land of the living hit me for the first time as an odd way to talk about recovery from illness. Made me wonder about its origins. Some diseases thin the veil for us, remind us of our 100% fatal disease. Life. And what of the time while we’re sick. Set apart, no longer normal. Dead to the life we know.

He works hard. Steady. Not a big guy. A bit taller than me, a thin frame. Very polite. Perhaps ex-military? Look forward to writing the check for this project’s completion. Coyote HVAC was a good choice.

Stiff Winds yesterday evening. Blew the leaves right off the Aspens on my property. A golden Rain, Snow. Gold skirts around the base of each Tree. Opened up the Sky over my bedroom window. Last night the Stars were clear and high, easy to see from my pillow. Winter is coming.

Orion has returned. An old and trusted friend. The Winter Sky is my favorite of the year. No Aurora’s here in Colorado. I miss those. I could stand on my front porch in Andover and watch curtains of green light oscillate across the Northern Sky. Orion and his faithful Dog, Canis Major, return each fall.

The Hermitage will be ready for the first snows of the season. Mini-splits installed. A new kitchen at least underway. The neon Hermit sign hung on the wall with care.

The season enters a new phase when the Aspen Leaves get blown off their Branches. The Groves become skeletal, ready to survive heavy wet Snows, carrying on conversations below Ground as the Air grows cold. We Humans add layers as Winter descends. Deciduous Trees do the opposite.

Winds hitting 24 mph whir the anemometer on my weather station. A few Aspen Leaves left to go, but not the bigger Trees.

This Sunday Samain kicks off Holiseason which runs until January 6th, the Feast Day of the Epiphany. I’ve created an offrenda for Kate up here in the loft. When it’s done, I’ll post a picture. It’s a family offrenda, too. Kate is the only one on the other side of the veil.

Rigel ate the ostrich feather duster yesterday. And, the day before she chewed the fur from the turtle rattle I bought for Kate. She’s an ornery girl sometimes.

Kep’s sorta my loft dog. Sometimes. When he feels like it. Right now he’s sleeping nearby.

Three things happening today: Astrology and Kabbalah class. Induction range delivered and installed with the old one hauled away. Hair cut with Jackie. Tomorrow just trash. Included by default: cardio today, full body workout tomorrow.

On Thursday I’m going to lead the Mussar group because Carol, who was going to lead, was in a wreck and is now in the hospital. Life.

Cooking, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Judaism, Kabbalah, Mountains, Mussar, Shadow Mountain, Tarot, Torah

A Mentor, a teacher

October 22, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the Moon of the Thinned Veil

Friday gratefuls: Mussar. Rabbi Jamie. Luke. Mario. Tom. Paul. Bill. Mark and Mary. Diane. Second Fall. Jodie. Blue Mountain Kitchens. Joseph, 40 on Sunday. Seoah and Murdoch. Making things beautiful. Pruning, slow but steady. Kate, always Kate.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: My boy turning 40

Tarot: The Wheel, #10 in the Major Arcana

Good exercise yesterday. Cardio. Not yet on the HIIT, gonna plan it a bit more. Had more than half of the time near heart rate max. What I need more of.

Got a call from Isaac, Coyote HVAC coordinator. David is still sick. Start up again on Monday, hopefully give him the weekend to recover. This is the nicest, kindest contractor with whom I’ve ever worked. The owner said he believed it was good business. Me, too.

For a long time I’ve wondered about mentors and teachers. Everybody I know seems to have at least one that affected their direction in life. That saw them, identified something others didn’t see. Not me. I appreciated the Gaither’s casting me as the lead in Our Town. And, Miss Hull’s calling in chits to make me President of the 1965 Model U.N. for Indiana. But neither one changed my life. Greg Membrez was a wonderful Latin teacher, gentle and understanding. But, no.

On me, I know. Self-directed. Moi. Perhaps guarded, too? Which is not to say that I failed to learn from or appreciate many of the teachers I had. To the contrary. Philosophy. Anthropology. J. Harry Cotton. Dr. Scruton. Dr. Larry Hackestaff. Bob Bryant in constructive theology. Art Merrill in the Hebrew scriptures. I learned from them, appreciated their knowledge, and their teaching. But, at the personal level? No.

Until Rabbi Jamie. He’s taught me about appreciative inquiry, learning from whatever you read, whoever you meet, wherever you are. Going in with the attitude that though this book may have things I don’t like, it can still have things to teach me. I’m not saying this well, because it sounds obvious.

Let’s see. With appreciative inquiry you can find positive and important ideas even in works, people, or places you might otherwise gloss over. This is about radical acceptance of the other.

He’s also the best question asker I’ve encountered in a classroom or learning situation. His questions, his style of dialogue encourages going further with an idea, deeper.

I’ve taken several classes from him: Kabbalah, Tarot, Torah study. In each one he includes a presentation session, the last one, where each student can do whatever they want to show what they’ve learned.

In his tutelage I’ve become a less combative learner, (less, not passive), willing to hear the sentences of the Orthodox Jew on Jewish values and find the middot there. He has subtly reinforced my own beliefs, by supporting me when I express them in his classes. Since I’m a goyim in a synagogue, pagan me finds this amazing.

I told him all this. This week. I’m trying to not let time go by without telling people I care about how I feel. Yes, partly Kate’s death. Yes, partly my own mortality. Mostly though just trying to be more transparent, easier to know.

Found after I told him that I was shy, a little embarrassed to see him again. Almost skipped mussar. Decided no. Silly. Weird. And, not weird. Going beyond the veil of Rabbi and congregant. Not often done in synagogues. Or, churches either, though more so in synagogues.

Lucky to have met him. And, Beth Evergreen.

Jodi from Blue Mountain comes with the cabinetmaker at 11:00. I want to live in a beautiful space. I’m doing the things I can to make that happen. Pruning. Staining the house. Installing ac for a delightful indoor climate. Remodeling the kitchen. Planning to rearrange all the furniture, create conversation areas, reading areas. TV space. Probably paint some inside walls, definitely rehang art.

Next year there will be other projects. Outside. Perhaps another bathroom remodel. Seeking a hermitage with inspiration and aesthetic value.

Astrology, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Kabbalah, Mountains, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, Tarot

Busy. Busyness?

October 20, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the (full) Moon of the Thinned Veil

Beth Alpha Synagogue, Greco-Roman period, Jerusalem. Zodiac

Wednesday gratefuls: Lisa, the respiratory therapist. Dr. Emrie, pulmonologist. Ruby, my hot ride. Elisa and Luke, teaching Torah and the Stars. Rabbi Jamie and his wisdom. Midnight Mass. Very, very dark. Blue Mountain Kitchens. Rigel, the night barker and early riser. Kep, with me.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Grief’s work within me

Tarot: Queen of Pentacles, Druid

I’m retired. Right? Yeah. Then why do my days seem so full of late? Take Monday. And, yesterday.

Get up. Feed dogs. Write ancientrails. Eat breakfast. Some (too brief) cardio. Tarot and the Stars. Finish that. Take a shower. Wait for electrician. Light lunch. Into Lakewood for an appointment with Dr. Emrie, pulmonologist. Back up the hill to the post office. Finally mail that package to Max. Over to Aspen Park Dental for Dental release for an osteopenia drug. Home for 20 minutes. Off to CBE for a time with Rabbi Jamie. Come home. Feed dogs. Heat up a Marie Callendar meal. Eat. Watch TV. Go to bed.

Rigel. Barking, barking in the middle of the night. Insistent. I ignored her and went back to sleep. A while later. Again. Insistent. Got up. 5:30 am. Gonna be 4:30 very soon. OK. OK. I’m getting up. Geez. Just wait. She and Kep went outside. Morning meds. Make coffee. Let Kep and Rigel in. Give Rigel carprofen. Food for them.

Now I’m in the Loft, writing ancientrails. So far like yesterday just pushed ahead an hour by Rigel the wonder dog. I wonder what she was up to?

Checked Wells-Fargo. Ode to Joy! A ten-thousand dollar injection from Uncle Sam. Social Security back dated to April. And, updated to spousal benefits. Thank you, Kate. Feel like I just crossed the final line in a slow motion run that’s now 7 months long.

Let’s go backwards yesterday. Rabbi Jamie at CBE. I had three things to talk about with him. First, I told him he was the best teacher I’ve ever had. Why? I got trained in academics as a blood sport, disputative, competitive, no holds barred. You have taught me appreciative inquiry. I can learn from books and articles, people and ideas that I might have dismissed as wrong headed, illogical, or just plain wrong. I did not add, but will soon, that he’s truly learner centered, vastly knowledgeable, and Socratic.

Then I asked him about grief. I told him I felt good. And, wondered if that was ok, was I honoring Kate? He confirmed what I thought. I grieved with her over her long illness. I took care of her and have no regrets in that, or any other regard, related to her death. Also, she chose to die. Neither my burden, nor guilt. Her family and I were together and supportive of each other in her final days.

I didn’t add but will now. Sitting shiva was healing, as was the service. Also, I’ve had the comfort of friends near and far. Family, too. Edging my way into that new life, Kate present in blessed memory.

Finally, I asked him about how to support Jon. He agreed that the bounded financial help I’ve given has clear limits and that my approach makes sense. He did suggest occasional conversations with Ruth and Gabe to see how they’re holding up. I have those, but not often, since Jon’s usually here when they are. I’ll make more of a conscious effort.

Walked out of the synagogue into a golden Leaf splattered late afternoon, a chill Wind coming off the Mountains to the West, and light Rain falling.

Before that I’d seen Dr. Emrie. A good report, this is a good report, he said. Referring to the spirometer test Lisa took last Thursday. You’re fine for now and there things we can do if you begin to get short of breath or these numbers go down. Left that appointment feeling good about my lungs. Not gonna spend much time on them in my head, though I do have a more vigorous core workout segment in my new program.

The electrician that contracts with Coyote HVAC came to take pictures of the areas where he had to work. David’s been sick the last two days, so they’re a day or so behind. No big deal. I imagine they’ll finish this week.

While waiting on him I got good news from Blue Mountain Kitchens. The new cabinet maker whose website I posted last Thursday. He will match the cabinet estimates in Blue Mountain’s bid. Means I’ll get much more sophisticated cabinetry at a price I already know I can afford. Unless Bear Creek really wows me, I’m going with Blue Mountain.

Torah and the Stars began to get into the deep end. The Sefer Yetzirah is the first book in the Jewish Kabbalistic tradition.

“He bound twenty-two letters on his tongue, and the Holy One, blessed be He, revealed the secret him. He drew them with water. He burnt them with fire. He agitated them with breath. He burned them with seven stars. He directed them with twelve constellations.” SY, long version, (6:6)

We looked at zodiac signs according to the Jewish calendar. My birthday is in the month of Shevat. We discussed our birthday parsha, mine is Mishpatim, Exodus 21-24. We also looked at an early Jewish take on what the day of the week means and what it means to be born on a particular day. Friday in my case.

This course has a lot of content, just like the Tarot class, and most of it new to me. What I like. I can swim in this ocean.

Before that was the usual day with ten minutes of cardio.

All those anima related major arcana cards, the Rebirth card, the Queen of Pentacles I drew this morning have been signalling a new way, a new life. I’m living into it. Right now.

Astrology, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Judaism, Kabbalah, Mountains, Our Land and Home, Shadow Mountain, Tarot, Travel

Good for Her Age

October 19, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the Moon of the Thinned Veil

Tuesday gratefuls: Marilyn and Irv. Julie Freshman. Alan. Dr. Palmini on Rigel, “She looks so good for her age.” 13 December 1st. Mark and Mary. Diane. Tom and Roxann. Suffering. Jon, too. Ruth and Gabe. Social Security. Finally responsive. A neon Hermit sign.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: A neon Hermit sign

Tarot: Two of Wands, Druid. second day in a row…

Ta dah. First. Got through the Lakewood Social Security office phone maze. Tends to drop you out with no warning. Live human! Who empathized and contacted the guy who had my application for spousal benefits. Who in turn said he had adjudicated it that very day and it was “out for payment.” 3-5 business days. We’ll see about that. I started the process in April. April. That’s the last major item of the administrative matters necessitated by Kate’s death. I think.

Had lunch with Marilyn and Irv Saltzman. Aspen Perks. Their food is better than in the past. We talked philosophy, science, grandkids, mountain living. Good friends. I appreciate the chance to see them regularly.

Marilyn is the chairperson of the Mountain Resource Center board. A multi-service organization. Lot of poor folks in the mountains. Food bank. Resale store where a lot of Kate’s clothing went. Employment assistance. Counseling. Folks up here who give a damn. Mitzvah. Tikkun Olam.

Alan chaired the Ovation West board for two years. Rabbi Jamie organized the Interfaith Alliance for Colorado and the Evergreen Homeless shelter. Rich has served on the Special Olympics Colorado board for six years and volunteered for years before that.

Don’t know about other Beth Evergreeners but I’m sure there are many other examples. I know Nancy Friedman puts out a weekly e-mail of political action opportunities for the liberal to radical crowd. Activist Annie is, well, as she names herself. Luke actively advocates for LGBT issues.

Engaged. Caring. Jewish. At least at Beth Evergreen those words all mean the same thing.

Admitted to Marilyn and Irv I’m fed up with having to think about the corona virus. And, feel like I’m too cautious about it. Canceling my trip to Minnesota, for example. Yet. This lung stuff with the paralyzed diaphragm. Not sure how to weigh benefits and risks. Caution trumps it all. I’m no adrenaline junkie, but neither do I consider myself risk averse. I wanna get out and do stuff. But. I don’t wanna die yet. Damn it.

Zoom appointment yesterday with Julie Freshman, an insurance broker who handles medicare advantage plans. Believe she’s found a different version of the plan I currently have, AARP Secure Advantage, that will work better for me. She’s also found a newly opening medical practice in Evergreen that will be taking new patients and will take my insurance. No more drives into the deep south of the Denver burbs for primary care. Will start in January. Julie is a sweetheart and smart. I liked her a lot.

Finished that call. Loaded Rigel in Ruby and drove to Sano. She has bumps and lumps on her back, sebaceous cysts. A skin condition, seborrhea, too. Antibiotics. Expensive blood panel to check on infection, other possible triggers for the seborrhea as well as her liver function. She takes twice a day carprofen (doggy tylenol) for the severe arthritis in her right rear leg. Palmini thinks she may have a slipped disc as well.

Each time he’s seen her over the last year plus Palmini’s remarked on how good she looks for such an old dog. I can still see the puppy in her sometimes. She’s got a will to thrive, loves chasing things still, eats well, and keeps me warm. Last night she was on one side of me and Kep on the other. A three mammal night.

That was the day. A lot in it for this guy.

Deb and Dave, owners of On the Move Fitness

Frustrated with myself though. Not leaving time for exercise. Missed last Friday and now Monday. I don’t exercise on the weekend. Important to both my physical and mental health. Sorta decided I would take responsibility now for my own workouts. Planning them, learning them, changing them when necessary. Used to do this, but got in the personal trainer habit after my knee surgery in 2016.

I liked Dave and Deb, appreciated their encouragement and their friendship. Dave died last June of glioblastoma. Covid put some distance between Deb and me. Reminded me that I could do this for myself, too. Kate and I had personal trainers off and on, but I followed my own path the years just prior to our move to Colorado. Back to that now.

Torah and the Stars at 10 am. Focusing on the Kabbalistic side of astrology. A brave old world. New to me, this tarot/astrology domain. Opening slowly. Learning.

Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Health, Kabbalah, Mountains, Tarot

More about Jon

October 16, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the Moon of the Thinned Veil

Saturday gratefuls: Kep and Rigel. Kep’s cytopoint shot. Mark in Saudi Arabia. Mary in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Diane still in San Francisco. The Ancient Ones: Maine, Minnesota, Colorado. Jon. His suffering. Ruth, her depression. Coyote HVAC. Possible fancy cabinet maker for the kitchen. At a reasonable? price. The new hearing aid and the Roger.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Corned Beef and Eggs at New York Deli

Tarot: Eight of Cups

Mini-split installation proceeds. David and his helper were here until 3 yesterday. Heat pump installed next to the chimney on the outside wall for the main splits. Heat pump installed on the east (or so) facing side of the garage for the loft unit.

Excited for them to go operational next week. Though. I won’t use their heating function much. At least I don’t think I will.

It may be that they’re cheaper to use than my boiler. Wouldn’t be difficult. Gas up here is so expensive. I’m considering getting an induction stove to cut down on the escaping gas, a contributor to climate change. Doing the kitchen, so, hey!

Had lunch with Jon yesterday at the New York Deli. He’s in rough shape. As he walked toward me, he limped a bit, looked like an old man. He has cellulitis on his skin and goes in and out of low blood pressure as his cortisol replacement wanes. I’m worried about him.

Not a lot I can do given the distance, but I’m ensuring that he will not lose his house in the short term and hiring an electrician to fix a problem that causes certain appliances to go off if another one turns on.

When asked how his emotions fared, he replied, I’m doing ok. And, I believe him. He has a new possibility, being on permanent disability, and will probably get approved at least for medical leave through January.

He’s making prints, developing children’s books. Being creative is a happy place for him and I believe that’s keeping him sane right now. That and the kids. Ruth and Gabe are supportive when they’re with him.

Jon would really like to talk to Kate, get her advice. She was so smart, caring, and objective. A tough combination to find. Plus she knew his medical history. She worried, from the time I met her, that she would outlive him. She knew the ravages diabetes alone can wreak. Now he has the Addison’s which complicates his situation.

Seeing him made me sad, took me down a bit. I’ll cop to compassion fatigue from caregiving and grief. However. I’ve gained back a lot of strength, gotten good rest in the 7 months since Kate died. 7 months!

Put in a request to look at new Medicare advantage plans. New West has screwed up one too many times for me. United Health, too. I need a new internist at least. In an organized practice that’s not bleeding providers. Found a great insurance broker who will help me look.

Eight of Cups:

Cups are the suit of the emotions, symbolized not only by the cups but the water swirling around them in this card.

I relate this to the Watercourse Way of Alan Watt’s, an explanation of Taoism and wu wei. Soft wins over hard. The water has cut a path down the mountainside and around the shelf of rock on which the cups, empty cups, sit.

The moon is in eclipse as the hooded figure, a druid?, a hermit?, climbs a steep trail up into the mountains.

The eights represent harvest, abundance, manifestation. The eight of cups suggests emotional closure, wrapping up an ongoing project, a phase of life that has come to an end. It suggests moving on, taking a new direction, leaving the old life behind.

Yesterday’s Moon, the 18th major arcana, told me I would have to go deep with Jon. Get into the parts of myself that have blocked me from him. I did that, saw him as he is right now. In part I’m leaving behind my old understanding of him.

Also, I’m leaving behind the most difficult parts of grieving for a new life. At least I feel that I am Symbolized by the Hermitage. Contacted a neon sign company for a bid on the neon hermit. They will get back to me soon.

Still flailing a bit, tough finding a regular schedule, one that will allow consistency in my workouts. Ragged, not fully there yet. Partly due to taking two classes at once. I privilege time for class work. As I always have. And, there’s that damned Ikea bed which keeps losing its slats when Rigel climbs up on the bed. Gonna get some plywood to put under there. Should solve it.

Astrology, Beyond the Boundaries, Dogs, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Great Wheel, Health, Jefferson County, Judaism, Kabbalah, Mountains, Myth and Story, Original Relation, Our Land and Home, Plants, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Shadow Mountain, Tarot, Weather +Climate

My Cauldron

October 4, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the waning crescent of the Michaelmas Moon

Monday gratefuls: Greg Lell, starts today staining the house. Susan, who will care for the dogs when I go to Minnesota, comes at 10:30. Marina Harris and her crew coming today to clean. RJ working on how much money I can spend. Coyote HVAC next Monday. Kate, always Kate. Those two Mule Deer Bucks. The beginning after the ending.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: The World, #21 of the Major Arcana

Tarot: The World

Bubbling and churning. My life a cauldron, happily. Eye of house stain. Leg of house cleaning. Fingernail of dogsitter. Horn of Mule Deer Buck. Feather of mini-splits. Bits of redo and redesign of kitchen. A dash of Orgovyx. One major arcana. A pinch of the ayn sof. A sprinkle of Stars. A slice of Woolly Mammoth Tusk. Two measures of Aloha. Tears of grief. Stir with family and Congregation Beth Evergreen. Simmer for a season or two.

Not sure of much these days. Which suits me just fine. My path has companions worthy of Chaucer. A location worthy of poetry. A destination unknown.

My ancientrail, my life, has begun to reknit itself, reconstruct. The base of this reknitting? The love and life I had with Kate. Her smile, her laugh, her sharp insights, her deep knowledge and compassion. Her kindness. Not gone, here, right here in my soul. Her hand in mine until the end of time.

She found this house. She earned most of the money I receive monthly. She encouraged me to leave the ministry and take up writing. We were brave together. Adventurous. We loved each other and left imprints on each other’s souls.

Now I have to walk this ancientrail without her physical presence. I wish it were not so, but it is. As I put a few touches on the house, learn methods to access the occult, manage my cancer, exercise, spend time with friends, read, write, paint, I’m living forward, not looking backward.

Changing the house a bit will help me say, yes, this is my place, too. It will never be other than our place, but no ghosts allowed. Only good memories.

The whole Tarot, Kabbalah, Astrology, Judaism journey has me on a strange side road from that of the skeptic. Where it leads is to mystery, of that I’m sure. How it will affect my life? Unclear. Maybe a lot. Maybe only some. Tincture of time. (a favorite phrase of Kate’s)

When I came up for closing on this house, October 31, 2014, three Mule Deer Bucks greeted me in the back. We stood with each other for a long time, not moving, seeing each other. After they left, I knew the Mountain Spirits had welcomed Kate and me to their realm. Samain.

Yesterday, two more came.

They came on a day when Black Mountain was aflame.

I got up this morning and let Kep out and he chased one of the bucks who had stayed the night. The buck cleared the five foot fence as if it wasn’t there. Kep was pretty damned proud of himself. He never barked.

Back to that pot. Double, toil and trouble, cauldron burn, cauldron bubble.

Fourth Phase, Friends, Great Wheel, Jefferson County, Mountains, Tarot

A Picture Show

October 2, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the Michaelmas Moon

Saturday gratefuls: Kristie. Paula. That other nurse who couldn’t make the poke. Orgovyx. Swedish. A lot of bad memories. Full workout. Long sleep, again. Jon, struggling. Cool rain. Coming home to the mountains. Gates of Light and the Tree of Life.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Tarot

Tarot: Devil, #15, The Chariot, #7, and the Hermit, #9 of the Major Arcana. This is a homework spread for my Tarot and the Gates of Light class.

Left early this morning for breakfast with Alan at the Parkside. The waitress told me she’d look for my breakfast partner. We’re known there. And, Rebecca Martin came in, too. More of that casual connectedness that I described last week. Love it.

And, the Aspen have turned, lighting up the Mountainsides like deciduous Bonfires. Cool days. The glory of a Mountain Autumn. It’s different up here from the Midwest where the Forests are a riot of colors, Some folks find our Fall less attractive, but I’m not one of them. I find its simple abundance of gold wonderful.

After Alan and I had breakfast, I drove back saying, under my breath, so beautiful. I love it here. These Mountains, so beautiful. Talked myself into checking a second Denver Mountain Parks trail that I’d noticed only after a recent round of work by Jeffco creating a small pullout parking lot.

One problem I’ve had with hiking recently is that most trails have altitude gain or loss (which translates to gain on the way back) and my post-polio lungs work too hard. Thought about taking the Inogen with me and I may have to do that some day, but, not yet.

All along this new trail (new to me) I kept saying, again to myself, This is great. This is great. The trail follows a small Mountain Stream through a steeply sided Canyon with rocky, Tree lined walls. And, it’s roughly level. We are at 8000 feet or so, so it’s hardly sea level, but that’s not as much problem for me. It’s the exertion that makes me huff and puff.

Anyhow, I’ll finish with something I haven’t done in a while: a picture show.

Dogs, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Health, Judaism, Mountains, Our Land and Home, Reimagine. Reconstruct. Reenchant., Shadow Mountain, Tarot

Blessed Be

October 1, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the Michaelmas Moon

Friday gratefuls: Mussar. Women friends. CBE. Kep and Rigel, my loft dogs. David and his prostate cancer journey. New schedule. Better. Mike Rogers from Bear Creek Design. His expansive (read: expensive) vision. A fun one. Cardio at 4:30 pm.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: L’chaim!

Tarot: King of Wands, Druid

Not sure about my sleep button, but it sure got pushed this week. 9 hours yesterday. Maybe 10 today. Combination. Orgovyx and very, very low testosterone. Working out harder, longer. A calmness in my soul. Colder nights. Really don’t want to sleep this much, but I feel it’s ok for a bit as I adjust to the new drug and the new (really, old) workout intensity.

Overall energy has improved. Partly due to better sleep, I’m sure. Also, getting used to Orgovyx. Less turmoil in my inner world.

Bear Creek Design came out yesterday. Mike Rogers, who worked on our bathroom, is a design/build guy. He wants to take down walls, extend the footprint of the kitchen, put in a wall with a fireplace in the former sewing room. Make a “cute breakfast area with a pot belly stove” and finish the large part of the old sewing room into a formal dining room. I doubt I’ll do any of it since I’m spending my remodel money on the mini-splits, but what the hell. Maybe I’ll get a windfall somehow.

Talked with David yesterday. At 63 his PSA, after a long stretch in the 2.0’s (perfectly ok for a healthy guy, jumped to 17! Yikes. Then, by the time he saw an urologist, it had hit 43. Double yikes. This was three years ago.

Metastatic disease. From nothing to advanced prostate cancer in weeks. But. Since that point he has had undetectable PSA tests. Wow. And, when I spoke with him yesterday at one of the high tables in the Muddy Buck, he told me his latest scans have shown no mets anywhere.

In his first scans they had seen innumerable hits in his lungs and significant disease in his sacrum. All disappeared. Clear. Not gone, dormant, but no longer spreading. Three years. After way more cancer progression than I’ve ever had. Hopeful.

Realized this last month. I’ve had prostate cancer for over six and a half years. Seems like a long time when I say it like that. And, now, I’m never getting rid of it. However. If I can achieve undetectable over a long span of years, well, ok then. Cancer as a chronic disease. Wow.

Appointment with Kristie, my P.A., today. We’ll look at the numbers from my lab results. Notables are 1.0 PSA (definitely detectable), blood sugar at 98, and high creatinine. This is the future for me. PSA every three months. Blood tests when necessary. Take the meds. Live with cancer. Live. Yes.

King of wands today. “A need to make important decisions, set goals.” Well, yeah.

Signed up for Astrology and Kabbalah at the Kabbalah Experience. Taught by two CBE’rs: Elisa Robyn. My astrologist. (oh. never thought I’d write that) and Luke Colaciello, the new Executive Director at CBE. He co-taught the Tarot and Kabbalah with Rabbi Jamie this summer.

Four years or so of Kabbalah. Getting intense with the Tarot. Coming back around to Astrology. The brain and heart and soul getting a good workout. Splotches of paint on a new canvas. Can getting back to Jenny’s Dead be far behind?

from the Shadow Mountain Hermitage, blessed be

Colorado, Family, Feelings, Fourth Phase, Friends, Judaism, Memories, Mountains, Our Land and Home, Plants, Shadow Mountain, The West

Mountain People

September 25, 2021 Charles Leave a comment

Fall and the Michaelmas Moon

Saturday gratefuls: Coyote HVAC. Bear Creek Design. Bread Lounge. Sourdough bread. Breakfast out. Golden Flame Aspens. Against the Evergreen Lodgepoles. On Black Mountain. That Deer I hit. Hope she’s doing ok. That twelve point Bull Elk and his Gals. The mysterious trail off of Brook Forest Drive. The Mountains. Shadow Mountain.

Sparks of Joy and Awe: Max. A tall Sunflower in a Rocky Garden bed. A Dog in the back of an SUV ahead of me, wagging his tail.

Tarot: going to invent a Harvest Home spread. Will report.

Deviation from the norm. Got up and drove to Evergreen after feeding the Dogs. Didn’t come up to write Ancientrails which is my every morning habit. Why? Wanted to get a Pullman loaf of the Bread Lounge’s Sourdough. They sell out fast. Took my new book, Four Lost Cities. Sourdough French toast, applewood smoked bacon, black coffee. While learning about the reasons civilizations have abandoned their urban centers. Gonna be an interesting read.

I can do this because I’ve got workout mojo. 4.5 hours this week, M-F. I take the weekends off. Always enjoyed breakfast out, but Kate didn’t. At least not as much as I did. Bittersweet moment when I remembered this as I ate a piece of French toast dipped in syrup. Kate wouldn’t be back home either. How grief sneaks back into your day.

Reconsidering my estimates for the mini-split system of a/c. Talked to friend David Jordani who installed one in his second home in Evergreen. His first home is in Orono, Mn. Prices were comparable though mine was a bit less. Sticker shock is less now that time has settled on the bids.

Redo the kitchen and add a/c? Pricey, but why not? If it gets burned up, I’ll rebuild.

On the drive back from Evergreen I turned off the radio. My usual habit, but I started listening to NPR again. Realized I’d slipped into always on. Not what I want. I noticed the light, small Aspen torches lighting my drive with golden Fire. Rocky outcroppings with brave Lodgepoles clinging to their crevices. Maxwell Creek pummeling the rocks. That mystery trail that seems to disappear into a Canyon.

Back and forth. Move because it will all be too much for me? Spend money on a nicer, prettier kitchen and a/c? Hunker down in the Shadow Mountain hermitage until death do us part?

A stay here reinforcer. When I went to the Parkside Cafe in Evergreen yesterday for lunch with Alan, I got there before he did. Not unusual for Germanic me. There at an outside table were David Jordani and his son Adam. I greeted them, they invited me to sit down and chat. I did.

Alan came. David and his wife and Adam have been members of Beth Evergreen here and Beth El in St. Louis Park for quite a while. Spent a good hour batting the conversational shuttlecock.

I love this casual encounter with people I know. Stopping for ten minutes or an hour, catching up. Seeing each other. My guess is it’s my small town roots. In Alexandria if you went to get gas, buy groceries, pick up a prescription, you’d run into somebody you knew.

Not on a phone. Not on zoom. Not on purpose.

Another reinforcer. Driving up Brook Forest, then Black Mountain. Winding around the curves, watching (more carefully) for Deer, Elk, Fox. Smiling at the huge number of cars at Lower Maxwell Falls trailhead. They come up here for the same reason I live here. Upper Maxwell Falls trailhead, much closer to Shadow Mountain, was also full to overflowing. What a nice day to be out in the woods with half of a Denver neighborhood.

Somehow Kate and I became Mountain people. She died here and I belong here now. This is home, where my people are, where the Natural World is close, yet wild.

So I’ll find my yaktraks for the climb up the loft stairs. I’ll find a snowplower. Get the mini-split system and fancy up the kitchen. Write. Paint. Live until I die.