When the Bell Tolls, It Tolls For Me

Imbolc                                      Waxing Bridgit Moon

Here I am, a heretic beneath the bell tower of Blue Cloud Abbey, sitting at this mobile scriptorium, pecking away at the keys.  The bell tower rises outside the window, a jet passing by, contrail at an acute angle toward the north, a metal angel streaking like Icarus toward the sun; a sun, obscured early by the western wing of the retreat center, that this morning draped a bloody red-orange mantel over the far horizon, visible for miles from this point, 900 feet above the floor of the otherwise flat prairie.

When the bell rings, which it does every quarter hour once, every half hour twice and the  number of the hour on the hour, I fly on the time machine of sound back to the middle ages when the sound of the bell determined the compass of a parish, all within the sound part of the same community, an aural community, knitting itself together every half hour.  These days, these latter days, these 21st century days the bell could not be heard over the rumbling engines of trucks bearing cookware, basketballs and note-book paper, cars scurrying here and there with people, like small loud beetles set loose on the hardened surface of mother earth.

How do we know what community we belong too, now, now the bell’s sound has become muffled?  Could it be that this very medium (there goes the bell, ringing 3:00 pm), these bits and bytes that travel from this prairie monastery, constitute our new bell tower?  A quiet sound heard world-wide, making us one people, one community, one pale blue marble in a vast ocean of airless space?

We ate lunch today with the monks in their lunchroom, a wide, long room with the animals symbolizing the gospels painted on a mural, done in a style reminiscent of Northwest Coast Native American design styles:  an ox, an eagle, a lion, a winged human.  Some of the monks wear the black robe, others blue jeans and sweaters.  Some of the monks have become stooped by age, while others, younger, would not be distinguishable from any one at the counter of a Marvin, South Dakota coffee-shop.  I had spinach, a vegetable medley, two peaches and a bit of tuna salad.  Fare fit for a simple life and just fine with me.

I find myself wanting to come here by myself, perhaps for two weeks or so, to concentrate on my Latin, on finishing the novel I’ve already well begun.  Perhaps I will, one of these days, if Kate’s ok with it.

On Weight

Imbolc                                                                       New (Bridgit) Moon

While at the Northern Clay Center yesterday, I had a conversation about weight loss.  Weight loss can prove difficult for those of us in recovery since we often replace alcohol with calories.  The obsessive nature of the alcoholic personality tends to keep us coming back for more, of no matter what.  If we can’t have beer, we can at least have the weinerschnitzel.  Many Americans, not only those in recovery, struggle with weight gain.

My own weight gain crept up on me over a period of years until I was ten to fifteen pounds overweight.  I’ve tried weight-watchers, nutri-system, exercise all to no avail, at least eventually, though I lost weight with the first two each time I tried them.

Oddly, only a couple of weeks before the new national guidelines hit the newspapers, I decided to finally make up my own approach.  Eat half of what I would ordinarily.  Add fruits and vegetables to each meal.  Don’t eat in front of the TV.  That’s it.

The key to my approach is, I think, that it is my approach.  I identified three troublesome areas:  too much on my plate each meal, inadequate fruit and vegetables during the non-growing season months and mindless eating while I watched mindless TV.  I figured I could make these modification without feeling deprived and without giving up my favorite foods.  So far, so good.  I’m back in my old pants, using my old belts.  My energy level is up and the amount of work I can do on the treadmill has advanced impressively for me.

So, if my example amounts to anything, it’s this:  identify some dietary problem areas.  Decide on simple, manageable solutions.  Apply them consistently.  Most of all, be kind to yourself.  We all die of something.  We all have times when we look great and when we look terrible.  Befriend the part of you that wants to get real about weight.

The Truth from Ruth

Imbolc                                                                New (Bridgit) Moon

A couple of things I’ve been intending to write here.  First, granddaughter Ruth.  At gymnastics she was given a bracelet with a word on it.  She removed one cube with a particular 6702011-01-15_0625letter and showed it to her mother.  “Look, mommy, I got a bracelet with my name on it.”  Sure enough the bracelet read Ruth.  It was only later that her mom discovered it had been handed by a Christian woman to this Jewish young girl.  The bracelet originally read, Truth.

Another Ruth story.  In a store with her mother, Jen, and Tennessee Grandmother, Barb, a clerk complimented Ruth on her color sense.  “Oh,” Ruth said, “I’m an artist.”

Something else I enjoy are authentic obituaries, where the usual formula of passing on, entering heaven, being received by Jesus or into God’s arms get replaced with something it’s obvious someone said.   A recent favorite from a 50-year old man, “Good-bye and bite me.”  Says a lot.  Good epitaph material.  The classic for me was, “We thank Jesus for this fine Norwegian.”  Another one this week, which I don’t remember all together, went, “He liked his Camels, his whiskey, and ?I think it was, his women.”  Give me honesty or give me death.  Or both.

Mr. Ellis Goes To St. Paul

Imbolc                                                                          Waning Moon of the Cold Month

Got in the Celica this am and took off for the MNDOT building where I parked.  Three hours for $4.50 in quarters, paid at a central pay station.  The only argument I had with it was that the pay station was outside when there was a perfectly warm building within 20 feet of its location.  Anyhow it gave me plenty of time to have lunch in the MNDOT cafeteria, favored of lobbyists, with Justin Fay, the Sierra Club lobbyist.  We talked politics, a favorite activity of mine, somewhat akin to fly fishing or racquetball for others, I imagine.

The cafeteria has a wide expanse of windows, a hundred feet by 30 foot room full on non-descript tables.  Files and briefcases and blackberries sit slumped by chairs or flat on a table, folks hunched over them as if they had the latest news of breaking legislation.  And, who know?  They might.  I suspect one of this places charms is its distance from the capitol since it sits about three blocks away from the capitol itself, connected by the very sensible tunnel system that passes through S.O.B–nope, not that, State Office Building–then to the capitol and at the other end of its run the State Supreme Building.

After lunch Justin and I walked through the tiled and dimly lit tunnel to the S.O.B., an office building that houses Representatives and Senators, especially now the DFL senate, here for the first time since partisan politics began in the state thanks to the Elephant stampede last fall.  In SOB and in the capitol the hallways and benches, elevators waiting rooms filled up two and three gathered together, huddled and discussing this or that fine point of pending legislation or a Superbowl party.  Suits are the garb d’jour, but there are plenty of us non-suited folks wandering the halls, too.  That way it’s easy to tell the players from the audience.

We met with a member of the House of Representatives after a brief stop in the Senate DFL Siberia to check on talking points on legislation due for a floor vote soon.  This member, a liberal from Minneapolis, welcomed us into his office and we chatted for about an hour, sharing talking points, questions to ask about this legislation and that, getting his reading of the legislature this first day of February.  When we were done, we left, headed for the elevators, down to the basement, through the tunnel back to the MNDOT building and back out to our cars.  Time to go home.

Politics, especially legislative politics, is all about relationships and relationships are all about showing up.  It’s so physical, immediate that you can forget the essential matters being dealt with.  It is, as one veteran lobbyist said, high school.  Never ending high school.

Imbolc 2011

Imbolc                                                                              Waning Moon of the Cold Month

This is the holy day of Bridgit, the triple goddess; she of the eternal fire at Kildare, a goddess who tends to the fire of creativity at home, for the poet and in the smithy, the place where things are made by hand.  As with so many things Celtic, the Roman Catholics appropriate her, given her a birth story.  Her father, the story goes, was a druid, her mother a good Catholic.  She became a Catholic woman known for good deeds and miracles.  After her death she became a saint.  Many Catholics know her only as St. Bridgit, but her origins as a religious figure had their beginnings and much larger compass within the ancient Celtic faith.

It was the Celts who first tended the eternal fire at Kildare, devoting men and women to the task.  Later, in the days of the Celtic Christian church there was a double monastery there, men and women in separate units, abbot and abbess respectively.

Imbolc itself means in-the-belly, referring, as I wrote a few days back, to the lamb in the belly of the ewes.  The quickening of the ewes meant fresh milk.  After at least three months + of stored food, little meat, and chill weather a small cup of milk or its use in cooking must have been a reason for great celebration.  The lambs also were a reminder that the rebirth of spring would come again, just as they had come.  Nature’s cycle could be trusted.

We can buy green beans, strawberries, fresh fish, eggs, milk, butter, bread in a brightly lit store.  Aisles and aisles of food, so many versions of cereal, peanut butter, spices and salts, rice and pasta, beef, turkey, chicken, pork and, yes, even lamb.  In some vague way we know this food arrives at the grocery by truck, packed in cardboard boxes.  The workers remove and open the boxes, distributing the food to shelves, meat counters, produce bins, milk coolers.  We pick it up, put it in our carts, pay for it, then take it home and store it in cupboards, refrigerators, pantries. Until very recently there was not much attention given, at least by most of us, to the source of the food.

The buy local movement has focused our attention especially on produce and meat.  Was the beef grass raised?  No antibiotics?  The eggs.  Were the chickens free range?  The leeks and the tomatoes, the lettuce.  Who grew it?  How far did it travel?  Is it organic?  Did the salmon come wild from Alaska or farm-raised from the Atlantic?

As we once again allow the blurred image of our food sources to come into focus, I hope we will also allow the blurred images we have of the natural world to come into focus.  We may see that the sacred is not a notion found in texts, but in the world.  We might feel our way toward the vitality of the dog, the raven, the oak, the tulip, even ourselves, a vitality that emerges, has its day and then absorbs back into the world;  the universe represented here, for us, by our planet and its sun, by the web of life sustained by the inanimate, but also sacred world of rocks and water and air and fire.

The Great Wheel, the cycle of solstices and equinoxes broken up the cross-quarter holydays of the Celts:  Imbolc, Beltane, Lughnasa and Samhain turn us not outward or upward, not away from ourselves and our world, but inward and downward, toward ourselves and our world.  These holydays root us in the changing world, that, paradoxically, changes back into the world of last year, each year.  In this sense time for the Great Wheel cycles and recycles, never moving into tomorrow, always returning to yesterday.  We need this reminder, the Great Wheel’s reminder, because we are so much in the grip of chronos, the swift moving river of time that sweeps us along towards the gulf of our mortality, a great dead zone at the end of this wonder we call life.

The Great Wheel reminds us that while our life will end, life itself does not.  That as we die, a birth occurs.  As tears fall, laughter rings out.  After the winter, the ewes will freshen, there will be milk.  And flowers.

Deeper Into The Text

Winter                                                                 Waning Moon of the Cold Month

We woke up to a new snow, sparkly and still coming down like flour from a flour sifter, gentle but persistent.  These kind of snows freshen up the scenery, cover up the dirty layers with fresh white linens.

Business meeting.  We’re still feeling our way into retirement finances.  Not doing too bad, but we’re both a bit edgy since its new.  We’re fine, but until we have experience under our belts we’ll have some doubts.  Irrational.  Yes.  Ignorable?  No.

Finished my English to Latin today and am now about to embark on a new adventure.  I’m going to work on the Ovid behind the two Titian paintings in the new MIA exhibit that reference the Metamorphosis:  Diana and Acteon in book 3:138-255 and Diana and Callisto Book 2:401-503.  This means I’m jumping over the intro for now and going straight into the text about the changes.  Since these paintings will be here a while, they will add some energy to my work.  Should be fun.

The Color Printer Scam

Winter                                                      Waning Moon of the Cold Month

BF Skinner’s definition of creativity?  Noticing that the chicken is an eggs’ way of making more eggs.   This quip came to mind when I took my Canon pixma printer into the shop for repair.  The guy said, truthfully, too, that it may well cost more to fix it than to buy a new one.  Why?  Because a printer is just an ink maker’s way of making you buy more ink.  Color printers have low prices so folks will snap them up, take them home and print lots of color stuff, or, alternatively, print black and white stuff while the pricey color inks go dry anyhow.  I have an HP Laserjet 4m that handles all of my black and white printing, the toner, while not cheap, lasts 5-6,000 pages and I bought this HP in 1992 or so.  It’s one of the few things I own that is older than the Celica.  Gnashing of teeth on the pixma.

Scurried over to the grocery store for that stuff I forgot yesterday, then back home for lunch.

Now I’m going to pick up the Titian catalog, read some there, and spend time in Wheelock chapter 26, comparatives.  After that, the treadmill.

The Weekend Cometh

Winter                                                           Waning Moon of the Cold Month

Imbolc, in the belly, comes next week, February 1st.  It is the celebration of the quickening of the ewe’s and the freshening of their milk, providing a much needed respite from winter stores among the ancient Celts.  More significant to me it is also the celebration of the triple goddess, Bridgit, goddess of hearth, smithy and poetry.  Look for more information on the 1st day of February.

Today is a doing, outside and out in the world errand day.  Weekends still inhabit the same free, but free to do domestic things that they have for all my life.  Strange that the rhythms have not changed for me, but they have not.  I did get groceries yesterday and today will do some makeup chores and other thises and thates.

The unrest in the Middle East shows the threadbare nature of the Realist school of diplomacy.  In this approach, think Kissinger among others, the best you can hope for in enemy territory is a regime you can influence.  Realism gave us the Shah of Iran.  Saddam Hussein.  A stubbornly prickly Israel.  Mubarak in Egypt.  The Saud’s in Saudi Arabia.  It also prompted us to side the with the corrupt regime of southern Vietnam against the communist north.  This is a bankrupt policy stance and nothing shows it so as the fervor for democracy or at least different tyrants in the Middle East this week.  We end up on the side of the brutal, the crazy and the meglomaniacal.

No tyrants for me today.  JIF peanut butter, ranch dressing and grapefruit.  Forgot’em last night night.  And fixing that damned printer.

Next Week

Winter                                                                      Waning Moon of the Cold Month

With the Latin tutoring session behind me and Chapter 26 coming up, I downloaded a commentary on Caesar’s Gallic Wars with Latin text.  I’m gonna have a shot at it for a while.

Started my Titian research last week by reading the Grove entry on Titian and checking out other websites and the Met’s timelines.  Printed out some stuff.  Next I’m going to read the catalog to get an overview of the show and to get images of each object in a file so I can reference them as I work.

Also trying to decide what to do for the Woolly retreat.  One thought is to share my work on Ovid.  Still, it’s pretty inelegant, representing as those first 60 or so verses do the earliest of my work both in learning the language and then attempting translation.  Another is to talk about Big History but that seems pedantic.  I’ve thought about reading the first pages of Missing, just to see what folks think, but it’s low brow compared to the stuff most Woollies read.  Gotta decide sometime soon since the retreat starts on February 3rd.  I head out right after the Titian lecture.

Another possibility is to share the research process on Titian, let them see what it takes to learn enough to tour a special exhibit.

I just had another idea as I wrote this:  do an exegetical piece on Jacob at the Jabbok Ford.  About dreams, struggling with the angel of our better selves.  Hmmm.

Externally, We Swim In the Same Ocean, but…

Winter                                              Waning Moon of the Cold Month

“Man must cease attributing his problems to his environment and learn again to exercise his will — his personal responsibility.” – Albert Schweitzer

Schweitzer was a favorite of both my mother and my father, his “reverence for life” must have rung loudly in the ear of the WWII generation.  I find his Christianity, though unorthodox, still too orthodox for me these days.  This quote seems to lean against the interrelatedness voiced by MLK and quoted here recently and put that inflection point back on the individual.  In most ways I agree with it from  a personal perspective, a focus on the existential predicament decided by emphasizing personal choice rather than the web of influences from genes and nurture.

As I’ve reflected on the notion of interrelatedness over the last month or so, and commented on it by using the idea of inflection, that is a mental tick by the perspective most important at the moment, this dialectical, tension of opposites approach, seems more and more sound to me.  What I mean is that, yes, we are in this together and that, yes, the fate of even the most vulnerable and neglected bears on our own, while at the same, yes, we live alone and will die alone, never really bridging the gap between our interior and that of the Other.  Externally we swim in the same waters as one larger organism, a sort of super-0rganism, while internally, we paddle alone in our single kayak traversing the vast expanse of the inner world.

On a less abstruse note, well, a bit less abstruse anyhow, I did very well on my Latin session today.  I’ve decided it takes me 4-6 hours to get through a Wheelock chapter and the particular grammatical points presented there, along with exercises.  Greg said that was about right.  So, I might as well lean into it and learn it right the first time.  Then, he says I have to read, read, read.  I’m thinking about picking up some Caesar and maybe some Tacitus since they write in prose and that’s easier than the convoluted word order of poets like Ovid and Virgil.  I’m sticking with Ovid as my Northstar in all this, but reading some stuff where I’m not stumbling over words and phrases lines apart that belong together might be fun.